It’s funny that Glee hasn’t mentioned drinking on the show before, since they haven’t shied away from other topics that might ruffle some feathers with my arch-nemesis, the Parents Television Council. This episode, “Blame It On The Alcohol” looked at both teenage and adult looking from a couple of points of view. Much like their episode on religion, it succeeded in hitting just the right balance of message and non-preachiness.
Party in the L-I-M-A
Rachel’s dads were away on a Rosie O’Donnell cruise (Isn’t that supposed to be for families? How did Rachel end up stuck in Ohio while they got to sail to Barbados…or even better, my hometown of Halifax!) so Puck convinced her to throw a ragin’ party for the glee club. Rachel resisted at first, but since her songwriting attempts were so dismal she thought living a little might be good for her art.
Let’s talk about Rachel’s ode to headbands. Writers? I will readily accept more of these little ditties. Watching Rachel belt out a ballad about hair accessories with the same emotional intensity she does classic Broadway showtunes is brilliant. Make her next one be about knee socks.
While we’re on the topic of Rachel and what she wears, let’s point out two things. One? The scotty dog dress she wore during her debut performance of “My Hairband” was all kinds of adorable. Two? The dress she wore to host a party was all kinds of atrocious. Was that some kind of old school movie reference that was lost on me? Did Elizabeth Taylor wear nightgowns to host parties? Why did Rachel wear that???
Rachel’s party was hilarious. I loved seeing Finn breakdown all the different types of drunk girls for Rachel. Santana is weepy (that was unexpected), Quinn and Lauren are angry (a tad more predictable), Santana and Tina are happy/giggly, Brittany is a stripper and Rachel is needy.
The best part of the party was definitely Artie and Brittany’s pimp/stripper dynamic, but second best was the performance Rachel and Blaine put on after sharing a smooch during spin the bottle.
Drunk Teenagers, Let’s Start a Fight
Since drinking can’t be all fun and games on TV, we had to get a look at the nasty aftermath as well.
Kurt was jealous that not only had Blaine kissed Rachel, but he was also wondering if he might be bi. And Kurt’s dad was uncomfortable because Blaine spent the night in Kurt’s bed – clothed.
The conversation between Kurt and his dad got kind of lost in the drunkenness of the episode, but I thought it was really well done. I like when Glee deals with gray area issues (like religion, drinking, and this) and doesn’t pretend there are obvious right and wrong sides. Kurt’s dad had a right to be uncomfortable – I truly doubt he would have reacted any differently had he walked into Finn’s room and found Rachel, Quinn or Santana there. But Kurt had some legitimate concerns too, about his life moving forward. People are often OK with being gay, until they actually have to acknowledge that gay people have sex. I’ve seen it in real life and it was nice to see it acknowledged to some degree on the show. But in the end, Kurt’s a teenager and Burt is his dad, and I thought Burt’s reaction was natural and justified.
All this drinking was extra poignant since it was Alcohol Awareness Week at McKinley High. Figgins had noticed a lot of drinking going on in the student body and asked Will to have New Directions perform a song that would warn students about the dangers of alcoholism. Because that would make them super popular!
Six Bourbon, Six Scotch, Twelve Beers
Luckily, Glee didn’t decide to pretend like adults don’t drink. Will hitting a honky-tonk bar with Bieste so he could unwind was probably the most likable we’ve seen him in weeks. After all, the guy has a lot on his plate. Emma’s married. Sue’s coaching the enemy. He’s single, sad and doesn’t appear to have any friends. Which is why I love the friendship that’s blossoming with him and Bieste.
The only thing is, if he and Bieste are going to be besties, he’s going to have to realize that she’s twice his size and he can’t match her shot for shot, beer for beer. After a wild night of bull riding, hay chewing and country music singing, I was a teensy bit terrified that Glee would go down a VERY ridiculous road and have Will and Bieste sleep together, but instead they played the whole scene perfectly. They shared a friendly peck goodnight, Bieste took a cab home, and Will drunk dialed Emma. Because really, if there’s ever a lesson in the dangers of alcohol, it’s drunk dialing your married crush, right?
Only Glee did it one better – Will thought he drunk dialed Emma, but he actually dialed Sue. And left a message for Emma. Ouch.
Brush My Teeth With A Bottle Of Jack
Who better to cover for an alcohol awareness assembly than the poster child of the dangers of drunkenness herself, Kedollarsignha? All the kids performed “Tik Tok” for the assembly, but to calm their nerves Rachel offered them all up a homemade concoction of something like five different kinds of booze, crushed up Oreos and cough syrup. Tasty!
Brittany did “Tok Tok” more justice than Ke$ha ever could (though I wish they hadn’t auto-tuned it, she doesn’t need that) which again leaves me wondering why Heather Morris isn’t an ultra-famous pop icon? She’s hot. She can sing. She’s a phenomenal dancer. Seriously, she’s more talented than Britney Spears, Ke$ha and Fergie combined. Of course, a slight damper was put on the performance when she puked all over Rachel. Oh, and then Santana threw up too. And then Sue played Will’s sappy booty call voicemail to Emma for everyone to hear. The result? The most effective alcohol awareness presentation ever!
- “And not wasted on learning, Will. Wasted on alcohol.” – Figgins
- “You’re coaching a glee club that can only beat choirs of old people. You’re re-hashing the details of your failed marriage with the very lemur who rejected the bestial horror of your craven sexual advances. And when my glee club crushes yours at Regionals, you will have lost all meaning in life and turn to drinking.” – Sue, telling Will he should preemptively join AA
- Sue gets to coach a rival glee club because the “chipper homosexual who coaches Aural Intensity had a terrifying fall down the stairs.” (Twice, actually…the first push didn’t quite do the job.)
- “There’s no one lining up to coach glee clubs because it’s a sucky job for losers.” – Sue
- “I’m still trying to impress Blaine, can’t get too sloppy. Clearly, he doesn’t have the same concerns.” – Kurt
- “I need to close my locker, and it’s going to sound like a gun shot.” – Tina
- “I’ve been dry heaving all weekend. When my mom asked what the sound was, I told her I was practicing bird calls.” – Santana
- “I told my mom I had the flu, and she made me a traditional tea made out of panda hair.” – Mike
- “My nose is still filled with the acrid stench of teen vomit.” – Sue
- “Count Boozy von Drunk-a-Ton” – Santana
- “That is so racist.” – Brittany to Mercedes when Santana says Will is the pot calling the kettle black