The O’Really Report: The Mystery of the Raw General Manager (featuring Michael Cole, Vince McMahon, Steve Austin)

There is a mystery afoot…  The RAW General Manager!

Welcome to your Weekly Wednesday Wrestling channel on WWE and TNA!  And this week there is a mystery afoot.  It’s been afoot since the summer.   June 21, 2010 to be precise.  Ever since the boss man came out to announce the new General Manager, Raw has been plagued by the omnipotent Mystery GM.

Let’s take a look back at the decision.  The week prior to the Mystery GM being instated, Bret Hart was the Raw General Manager.  However, with the rise of The Nexus, Bret Hart was abducted, placed forcefully in a limo, and demolished in a horrific drunk driving incident in the parking lot.  Fatal-4-Way PPV was that Sunday and Bret Hart no-showed.  Vincent Kennedy McMahon came out the next night and fired Bret Hart for his decision to not be there at the show.  In his place, VKM installs, literally, a new GM whom wants to remain anonymous.  Instead of verbally telling us what he/she decries (minus the short term speaker computer), Michael Cole will read the GM’s commands off of a sheet… erm E-mail.  Through the GM’s tenor, he/she has enraged Chris Jericho until he was punted in the head by Randy Orton, shipped Edge over to SmackDown (thankfully), used catchphrases such as “And that’s the Bottom Line,” “if you smell what…,” and etc, and various other small General Managerial duties (such as announcing matches, ramifications, etc).  Oh and the General Manager called Michael Cole handsome.  Sigh.

Eight months later, we are no closer to knowing who the man/woman behind the GMail is than we were in June.  The storyline has run its course, but the revelation could still be grand if the right person is selected.  Now here are my five picks as to who the Raw GMail SHOULD be.

1.  Michael Cole – With the Nexus running rampant on Raw, it would make sense for anyone to want to hide behind the anonymous ruse especially someone as physically non-threatening as Michael Cole.  It also would be believable that Cole would remain behind the keyboard months are the impeding danger.  Michael Cole, being the yellow-bellied coward he is, hiding behind the computer instead of being a man and announcing that he is indeed the GM sounds exactly like something Cole would do.  Also after Cole cost Jerry Lawler the WWE Title, the next week the GMail proclaimed that Jerry could not lay a finger on Cole or he would be fired.  With Cole protecting himself from King, there truly would be only one main detractor from the whole scenario and that would be how is Cole sending the E-Mails to himself?  That could easily be bypassed by Cole announcing that he never actually received any E-Mails and that he just had a button he hit for the sound effects.

2.  Triple H – With his extended absence from the WWE scene since Extreme Rules, Vince being so eager to get rid of Bret Hart for his son-in-law Triple H makes perfect sense.  Triple H has always had a small amount of beef with Chris Jericho and Edge.  The Game’s hate for Bret Hart could be explained by how he no-showed at Fatal-4-Way.  The catchphrases could be HHH’s way of having fun as he was a comedy skit with Michaels before HBK fought the Undertaker for the final time.  The Cole being handsome could also have been a joke as it is Triple H.  The Game was injured and making a movie, which gives Triple H an alibi as to why he was hiding behind a computer.

3.  Jim Ross – Good Ole’ JR hasn’t been seen in these parts for quite awhile.  After his most recent surgery, Jim Ross was never brought back to the show.  With JR still under contract with WWE, staying at home to recuperate while directing the show could be a great angle for him.  With JR always being the face commentator on Raw, seeing Jericho and Edge cheat day-in and day-out could make him want to punish them for their dastardly deeds.  Giving King his chance to fight Miz by including him in the WWE #1 Contenders Title Battle Royal could also be JR giving his long-term announcing partner a shot at his first WrestleMania match.

4.  Vince McMahon – The Chairman of the Board is another candidate for the position despite being the man who announced the Mystery General Manager.  After witnessing what happened to Hart, Vinny Mac wouldn’t want that kind of treatment so disguising the GM as someone else would be the perfect way to avoid suspicions.

5.  Steve Austin – After WrestleMania, Steve Austin, Booker T, and Trish Stratus are trainers on the show Tough Enough so Austin will already be around.  Stone Cold would be a great GM if given the TV-14 label he needs as The Rock used a couple of weeks ago.  As for reason, The Rattlesnake would simply want to shake up Raw, and, because he’s too busy being a movie star, he like Trips would have a reason that he couldn’t be there every week.

Honorable Mentions could include The Rock, Stephanie McMahon, Booker T, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, or Vickie Guerrero, but any of these options would be a hard case to explain.

And for kicks, a person who would never receive the title as General Manager of Raw (but who would fit) is none other than Mrs. Cole.  I mean c’mon, she’s the only sane person that’d call Michael Cole handsome isn’t she?  And Cole could text her everything she needed to E-mail him.  That would make valid why the General Manager would protect Michael Cole from Jerry Lawler besides needing him to relay their messages to the show.

Anyways thanks for reading and don’t forget to leave comments, criticisms, rants, etc. in the comment section below.  Who do you think will be the Mystery Raw General Manager?

And don’t forget to tune in every Monday to see Paul Marshall’s Raw Report and my 10 Thoughts on Raw.

For your iMPACT needs, don’t forget to check out the TNR Blair A. Douglas’s iMPACT Report which is always great and the 10 Thoughts from the infamous M.C. Brown who also does Friday Nights now.

Don’t forget to check out Kelly Floyd’s Friday Reports as well as they are always great.

And quite frankly my dear, that’s a wrap.

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