Inside Pulse Recap: TNA Victory Road 2011 – Sting vs. Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

Before you read my report, check out this HILARIOUS Music Video. Then share it on Facebook and Twitter, #friday #rebeccablack

Welcome! The opening video package focuses on the main event of Jeff Hardy versus Sting, as well as the legal battles of Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan.

MATCH #1: Challenge Match – Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

Ray cuts a promo before the match, dissing Dreamer and announcing that this is now a No-DQ, Falls Count Anywhere match. It doesn’t take long for the fight to make its way to the floor. They brawl around the ring and back inside it. Lots of weapons find their way into the ring, including a blow up doll that Ray has to land on in a suggestive position. Dreamer is the first one to bring in a table. Ray fights it off and dents a trash can on Dreamer’s head. He continues abusing Dreamer with a kendo stick, and then gets on the mic to taunt Dreamer and Brother Devon. That brings out Terrence and Terrell, Devon’s two sons and thus Ray’s nephews. That distraction allows Devon to sneak in the ring and deliver the 3D through a table to give Dreamer the win.

WINNER – Tommy Dreamer, *1/2

Tenay and Taz hype the Hardy vs. Sting main event. Then we go to the back where Christy Hemme recaps the tension lately between Velvet Sky and Winter. She then gets a word with those two and their in between friend Angelina Love.

MATCH #2: Knockouts Tag Team Championship – Sarita & Rosita vs. Angelina Love & Winter

Sarita cuts a promo en espanol before champions make their entrance. Love and Rosita start for their respective teams. I get a phone call so I’m distracted for most of this match. I tune back in when Velvet Sky comes in to stop Rosita from hitting Winter with the belt. Winter gets a rollup but Rosita reverses it and Winter lays there for about 10 seconds before the referee comes in and makes the count. Velvet did nothing wrong and Winter lost the match because she sucks, is what I took away from the finish of the match, but that’s not what TNA is trying to push.

WINNERS – Sarita & Rosita (NEW KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS), *

Next up is footage of the Jarrett family on some kind of “honeymoon” at an amusement park with the kids. Karen is not happy, of course.

Christy gets a word with Matt Morgan, who is still incensed at Hernandez for ruining his shot at the TNA World Title.

MATCH #3: First Blood Match – Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

It’s a big brawl from the start, both in and out of the ring. Hernandez takes Morgan down in the ring and chokes him with a stick. Okay now I’m just distracted by the Rebecca Black phenomenon happening on Twitter right now that I had some part in starting. Hernandez squirts some fake blood on Morgan, and the referee sees the fake blood and calls for the bell. Well that’s the stupidest way to book the end of a First Blood match.

WINNER – Hernandez, 1/2*

Christy gets a word with Max and Jeremy, Generation Me. Then Borash gets a word with the X-Division Champion Kazarian. Earlier today Robbie E and Cookie were arguing at the garage.

MATCH #4: Ultimate X Match for the TNA X-Division Championship – Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

This is hte usual collection of spots, punctuated by Cookie yelling from the floor. Kazarian and Robbie E end up exchanging right hands in the middle of the ring. Robbie looks like he’s in control but Kaz dumps him to the floor. Gen Me recovers and Jeremy willingly takes Kaz and Robbie out on the floor. Max then asks for Jeremy to get back in the ring but Kaz recovers and stops that. Well why did Max just waste all that time? Jeremy tries to keep Kaz at bay while Max climbs but he can’t get to the belt. Kaz pulls Max off the cables and catches him with an Ace Crusher. They make sure to work in a Tower of Doom spot. Jeremy and Max have an argument over who should get the belt. They both go for it and Robbie E brings in a ladder. Kaz goes to the top of the cables while Gen Me falls and Robbie sets up the ladder for a shortcut. Robbie and Kaz fight over the belt and Kaz wins the tug of war to gain possession of the belt and retain the title. Ultimate X needs to take like, two years off before coming back again.

WINNER – Kazarian, **

We go back to see more of the Jarrett family honeymoon. This is getting painful.

Christy gets a word with Beer Money, who will be defending their Tag Team Titles against Ink Inc. tonight. They make sure to ogle Christy and then make her do the “Beer Money” thing, which is just a ploy to get her into a prone position. Jerks.

MATCH #5: TNA World Tag Team Title Match – Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money

Ink Inc. is able to keep up with the champions early on with chain wrestling, earning the respect of the crowd. They actually isolate Storm for a quite a while and work him over. Roode gets a hot tag and he’s a house afire. The referee loses control of the action and Moore clears the ring. That doesn’t last too long before the champs regain control and do their little Beer Money cheer. Ink Inc. comes back and double-teams Roode but can’t put him away. Moore looks upset so he grabs the book of Dilligaff, which has a chain on it. Neal tries to talk him out of it, and while they argue Storm gets back in the ring and blasts Neal with a superkick. That leaves Moore prone to take the DWI and Beer Money retains.

WINNERS – Beer Money, **3/4

Neal shakes hands with the champs but Moore spits beer in their faces.

Backstage Christy is with Ric Flair and “Cold Blood” Matt Hardy. Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?

MATCH #6: AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Ric Flair)

AJ starts off hot but Hardy quickly cuts him off and goes to work. Flair of course is a distraction at ringside. AJ comes back and knocks Hardy to the floor, and then wipes him out with a dive. Hardy comes back and throws AJ’s shoulder into the ring post. Referee Earl Hebner keeps a close eye on Flair. Hardy tries an Irish whip into the guardrail but AJ slides underneath and it and hits a forearm off the guardrail. Back in the ring Hardy resumes control by pulling AJ back first into the turnbuckle. Hardy distracts the referee, allowing Flair to deliver chops on the floor. He dominates for quite a while until AJ makes the fiery comeback. AJ hits the vertical suplex into the neckbreaker for a two-count. Hardy comes back and hits the side effect for two. They continue going back and forth and Flair distracts the referee some more. Flair pokes Styles in the eye and gets Pele Kicked for his troubles. Hardy comes back and hits a nice moonsault for two. Styles comes back and hits the Spiral Tap to get the win, despite Flair’s interference.

WINNER – AJ Styles, ***

Now more of the Jarrett Honeymoon. Karen gets upset and Jeff says he misses Kurt. Jeff says that on iMPACT! this Thursday he will call for a truce. Then they wonder where the kids are, and they all get splashed. Thrilling.

Christy gets a word with Mr. Anderson, Anderson. He makes some bad sexual puns and says the word Asshole a lot. You know, the usual.

MATCH #7: Number One Contender Match – Mr. Kennedy vs. Rob Van Dam

They start off slowly, testing each other out to see what they can do. Anderson takes the first advantage and stomps RVD down in the corner. RVD comes back with a spin kick to the jaw and then a springboard kick. He follows up with Rolling Thunder, the From Hell variety according to Taz. Anderson takes a powder and RVD baseball slides him into the guardrail and hits a springboard cross body block. RVD goes for the spinning kick off the apron but Anderson moves and RVD’s leg crashes into the guardrail. Back in the ring Anderson wisely targets the leg and wears it down. RVD comes back and tries antoher Rolling Thunder but Anderson catches him. They blow a spot and settle into a headlock. Anderson yells “god dammit” before hitting a back suplex. He then hits a neckbreaker for two. RVD fights back again and they clunk heads and both go down. Back on their feet RVD charges at Anderson to take them both to the arena floor. Anderson fights back and hits a Mic Check in the aisle. Both men get counted out, but I’m not ready to call the match over yet. And I guess I should have known better, as Taz hypes that we might learn something about this on iMPACT! That was going along pretty solid until the stupid finish.

WINNER – No Contest (Double Countout), **1/4

Jeff Hardy gets a few words in before the main event promo video. My favorite part of the promo is Sting saying he had no desire to get into wrestling at all, but then when he saw that it was going to get big he decided to do it. What a dick.

MATCH #8: TNA World Title Match – Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

Before the match can begin, Eric Bischoff makes his way out. He wants to level the playing field. He announces that this is now a no-disqualification match. They stall for a minute and then Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop out of nowhere to get the pin in about a minute.

WINNER – Sting (Retains TNA World Title), DUD

Taz is saying that Sting has re-invented himself, but he looks like Sting and wrestles like Sting still. Then he and Tenay introduce a highlight package for tonight’s show.

No really, that was the main event. Show over.

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