Inside Pulse Wrestling WWE RAW Report – 03.14.2011: The Road to WrestleMania Continues With Snooki

Welcome to Inside Pulse Wrestling’s Live Coverage of WWE Monday Night RAW!

Thanks to Jake Ziegler for covering RAW last week. I do also feel for him since he covered the debacle that was TNA Victory Road. I originally wasn’t going to be here tonight since I wanted to see RAW live in person as a birthday present to myself, but decent tickets sold out. That’s the breaks, I guess.

Live from my backyard…or St. Louis, whichever you prefer. The Rock is on the phone from some undisclosed location mocking John Cena. Then some kid dressed as Cena comes over and he raps to the Rock. The Rock then makes the kid cry. He feels sorry, so he gives him some Fruity Pebbles. He sends the kid away and the Rock turns his attention to the Miz, with background music. The Rock promises that he will be on RAW Live before WrestleMania and that he will layeth the SmackDown on both their candy asses.

Snooki is talking to one of the Divas and we go to the announce team. Michael Cole is in a bomb shelter, also known as the Cole Mine. The Miz makes his appearance and we re-live last week where he took John Cena out again. “REALLY?” He says. He disses the Rock before he goes back to dissing his family once again. He says he’s better than his family, so he can do whatever he wants. He invites the Rock to step in the ring so he can make him cry. The Miz owns John Cena and the fans’ insults don’t faze him. He wants the Rock to bring it because he’s the Miz and he’s…AWESOME!

The RAW GMail chimes out, so Michael Cole gets out of his bomb shelter, but Jerry Lawler cuts him off from the past and he reads the email. The RAW GMail is arranging two “first time ever” matches. John Cena will face Alberto del Rio and the Miz mocks that he’s beat everyone in the company. Everyone except…the Great Khali.

The match…is NEXT!

Commercials.

The Great Khali v. The Miz

Khali manhandles Miz from the get go and Khali applies the Vice Grip. Miz makes the ropes, but Khali doesn’t let go. Instead of getting DQ’ed, Alex Riley comes in and gets the Miz DQ’ed. Alex Riley gets choke-bombed and that allows the Miz to beat Khali with a chair, breaking the chair in the process. The Miz finishes things with a DDT to the steel chair.

Winner via DQ: The Great Khali
Grade: FTS

OH GOD! The Great Khali is bleeding BADLY from his back!

Commercials.

John Cena has over 5 Million friends on Facebook.

We get a promo for Triple H v. Undertaker.

John Morrison flirts with Snooki, but is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler. Vickie was seemingly offered a spot in Playboy and I just threw up a little in my mouth. Snooki jokes about how they couldn’t fit that on one page and Vickie wants to slap a bitch, but Snooki bitch slaps Vickie instead and it left a mark.

Commercials.

United States Championship: Sheamus v. Daniel Bryan

The bell rings and Sheamus takes it to Bryan. Cover for one. Bryan gets tied up in the corner. Pillar to post we go and Bryan looks for the LaBell Lock, but Sheamus goes to the outside. Bryan THROUGH THE ROPES COLLIDING WITH SHEAMUS! Back in the ring and Bryan hits a top rope missile dropkick for two. Sheamus rolls outside and he takes a breather, so will we.

Commercials.

We’re back and Daniel Bryan is in trouble. Bryan tries to get out of Sheamus’ grasp, but Sheamus takes him back down. Bryan teeters on the ring apron, so Sheamus beats the holy hell out of his chest. Sheamus connects with a knee and covers for two. Bryan gets a roll through and a two count. Sheamus gets taken out of the ring and he tweaks his ankle again. Back in the ring and the referee restrains Bryan enough for Sheamus to go for the Brogue Kick. He misses and Bryan locks on the LaBell Lock. Sheamus gets to the ropes. High Cross is countered by a rollup for two. Slugfest and Bryan gets the upperhand. Knockout kick connects, but Sheamus kicks out. Bryan goes up top…BROGUE KICK CONNECTS! That is all!

Winner and NEW UNITED STATES CHAMPION: Sheamus
Grade: A-

Michael Cole takes the microphone and he is about to bring back someone from Jerry Lawler’s past…NEXT!

Commercials.

Last week, JBL was announced as Michael Cole’s special guest referee…but he forgot to sign the documents, so Steve Austin came down and he signed them himself.

Michael Cole is in the ring and he invites to the ring… “Grand Master Sexay” Brian Christopher Lawler. Michael Cole asks him why he doesn’t go by Brian Lawler? The answer…he felt that he never really had a father. Seems that Jerry Lawler never wanted a child…nor anyone or anything to get in his spotlight. Jerry Lawler gets on a microphone and he says that Brian Christopher is a bigger screw-up than Charlie Sheen. Brian asked how it felt that HE competed at WrestleMania and not Jerry. He mocks Jerry a bit. “How did it make you feel, DADDY?” He goes on to slap Jerry around a bit. He didn’t use the Lawler name because he is ashamed of him. Michael Cole rubs it in and he vows to put him in his place…BUT WAIT!

JIM ROSS! Michael Cole was wondering when Jim Ross was going to show up. Jim Ross tells Michael Cole that this has gone on far enough. Michael Cole tells him that it’s his show now and that he is the Voice of the WWE. Of course, the Voices of the WWE are those in the arena and around the world. Jim Ross tells Michael Cole that Jerry Lawler has been carrying him. He calls him a rat bastard. Jim Ross goes to leave the ring, but Michael Cole wouldn’t leave it alone, so he entices Jim Ross to take off the hat and sport coat. The tie follows and it seems that the two are going to duke it out. Jack Swagger comes out to knock Lawler out via the announce table and it seems that Jim Ross is in trouble. Swagger goes low and he applies the anklelock. Lawler comes in to save him, but Michael Cole jumps on Lawler and Swagger decks him a bit before applying the anklelock. Michael Cole locks on the anklelock on Jim Ross.

Commercials.

The doctor has been in the house the past couple weeks. Dr. Randall K. Orton, C.E. prescribes a couple concussion kicks for Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga. Tonight, he has to face Mason Ryan.

Randy Orton v. Mason Ryan (w/CM Punk)

Bell rings and they lock up. Orton turns it around in the corner and he has a series of jabs and uppercuts for Mason Ryan. Orton takes it to Ryan as we go corner to corner. Off the ropes, Ryan takes a clothesline and he kicks Orton, stopping the offense. Backbreaker connects and Orton kicks out. Double backbreaker connects and that gets two. Bearhug applied and Orton wiggles free enough to get sent to the corner. Rock Bottom connects for Mason Ryan, but he is not the Rock, so Randy Orton kicks out. He looks at the WrestleMania sign and he looks for it again…RKO OUT OF NOWHERE! Randy Orton gets the pinfall.

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: C-

Randy Orton stares at CM Punk and he leaves the ring to meet Punk up the ramp. He turns around…forgetting one thing. He goes back in the ring…CONCUSSION KICK TO MASON RYAN! Punk slides in the ring and the Viper quickly coils.

Earlier tonight, Vickie Guerrero gets bitch slapped by Snooki.

Commercials.

Your next member of the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2011: DREW CAREY

Michael Cole interrupts things once again to brag about mastering the Anklelock.

Trish Stratus and Snooki walk out towards the ring. Zack Ryder asks Snooki about his “Situation” and she looks mildly impressed.

Commercials.

Justin Roberts introduces Snooki. She’s excited for being the guest star of RAW and she can’t wait until Trish Stratus shuts Vickie Guerrero up for good. Vickie Guerrero comes out and she says EXCUSE ME! She says that she is going to beat Trish Stratus and she complains about Snooki bitch slapping her and taking her spotlight.

Trish Stratus v. Vickie Guerrero

Bell rings and Vickie uses this time to work on her cardio. Trish rolls Vickie up for one. Kick blocked and Trish knocks her on her ass. She loses her shoe and she realizes it’s No DQ. The shoes don’t work a bit and Vickie assumes the position for Trish to beat her on the ass. Dolph Ziggler gets involved and John Morrison takes him out. LayCool comes out to beat Trish up and allowing Vickie Guerrero to win. Anyone hoping for Snooki to stop this? Afterwards, LayCool mock Snooki’s size disadvantage, Snooki stands face-to-chest to Michelle McCool. Michelle shoves Snooki back in the chair. Snooki drops McCool on her head and she goes after Layla. Trish Stratus recovers and the diva duo sends LayCool packing. Vickie Guerrero challenges Snooki, Trish Stratus, & John Morrison to face LayCool and Dolph Ziggler at WrestleMania. Snooki promises to see them there, BABY!

Winner: Vickie Guerrero
Grade: FTS for the match

Commercials.

Sin Cara video airs.

We go to Shawn Michaels to talk about the Undertaker/Triple H match.

John Cena v. Alberto del Rio (w/Brodus Clay)

It’s after 11PM on the east coast and we’re going through the main event introductions. The bell rings and we get a lock up. Del Rio with a side headlock, taking John Cena down. Cena muscles his way up and Michael Cole makes a mention that the Rock is here on RAW tonight…on his own authority. Cena takes del Rio out of the ring and we take a break…at 11:06PM.

Commercials.

We are back and Cena eats a dropkick for two. Cena fights his way out and into a side slam. Both men get back up and they clothesline each other down. Slugfest by both men. Cena gets the better of it AND HERE COMES CENA! Shouldertackles…Protobomb…Five Knuckle Shuffle…Attitude Adjustment attempt and here comes the DQ.

Winner via DQ: John Cena
Grade: FTS (mainly because I smelled it coming a mile away)

Post match, Brodus Clay attacks Cena and del Rio wants some as well. The Rock’s music plays…AND…IT’S THE MIZ WEARING A SKIN MASK! The Miz plants Cena with a Rock Bottom and del Rio hits a shining wizard on Cena. Brodus Clay hits a fallaway slam that sends Cena out of the ring. The Miz ripsm off the mask and he rams Cena’s back against the ring post. He follows with a mic shot before continuing to talk trash. The Miz suplexes Cena on the ramp, but Cena gets a fighting wind and he decks Miz at the top of the key and gets him up for an Attitude Adjustment. Miz fights off and he hits a DDT on the steel. The Miz throws Cena into the W sign on the stage. Cena fights up again, but the Miz hits a Skull Crushing Finale on the pedastal holding the W sign.

Show Over.

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