That Being Said: TNA Impact Report for 03.17.2011 – Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle, Jarrett

Welcome to “That Being Said”, this week’s recap for BotchaMania Impact.

Thanks for all the comments. However, guaranteed that each week there will be a few people that remind me that reasoning with them is like boxing a glacier. So I’m going to take a different approach this week. That being said… I present:

Interinactivity

AS: TNA is putting on awesome shows an the only thing thats sad is ur recap of it. I cant believe u get paid for doin these but soon you won’t when they fire you and youll have to offer people candy to read em
Blair: Fuck yeah! You’re right. Please accept this Cherry Blasters along with my sincerest apologies.

The Point: Brian, I disagree with you on bringing mexican and japanese wrestlers to help bolster the TNA roster. mexican and japanese wrestler, no matter how athletic they are, will never get over in america.
Blair: Fuck yeah! That’s not slightly racist.

The Point: Big man. Big Poppa Pump, I don’t care how old he is, Matt Morgan and Hernandez should be the guys that they should push; they are terrible wrestlers but they are larger than life. Little guys are not marketable, with the one exception of Rey Misterio, for the most part.
Blair: Fuck yeah! But Hernandez won’t really fit in because he’s from Mexico and Mexican wrestlers will never get over in America, which is too bad because he’s not a terrible wrestler. But yeah, big guys all the way – no more of those small loser wrestlers like Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, Edge, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Eddie Guererro, Booker T, and Bret Hart. Those guys will never amount to anything.

The Point: I told you that the Matt Hardy / AJ Styles match has potential to be good and turn out at least a couple of good to awesome matches between the two.
Blair: Fuck yeah! That was a great match. I’m just glad Flippy Styles didn’t manage to botch the match up after Matt Hardy did all that work to carry him.

Daniel Gianni: That being said, TNA really CROSSED THE LINE this time. I feel sorry for the 456 people who spent 40 bucks on the PPV. That being said I wonder if Tony The Tiger and the 1.3 million TNA viewers enjoyed that main event.
Blair: FUCK YEAH!!! THAT’S THE NAME OF MY ARTICLE!!!

The Fuj: TNA is getting tons of great publicity for this no matter what happens to Jeff. Let’s cus the knucklehead with their “TNA will go out of business” nonsense that the have been saying for 8 years now. All in all, TNA had a great night, tons of controversy, and thursday’s Imapct rating will be through the roof. In all, TNA in one weekend have taken away all the buzz from wrestlemania,  The Rock, Steve Austin and snookie. TNA owned the weekend and destroyed the “road to wrestlemaina.” Controversey creates cash!
Blair: Fuck yeah! I’d love an omelette right about now!

Elijah: Hey Daniel, will the ratings go through the roof like when every “controversial” or big debut? You know between .5 and 1.0 … like its been ever since the show debuted no matter the time slot.
Blair: Oh Fuck NO! Man, you don’t even know. TNA’s rating is at least going to double this week, and RAW’s rating this week is going to be like cut in half. The week after that, WWE might as well not even bother doing a show. TNA like owns them after last weekend. WWE should just pack it in. It’s over. What we should really be asking is, with the Road To WrestleMania lying in ruins, will WrestleMania even still happen after TNA took all their buzz? All we can do is speculate.

Joseph Hargrove: It’s simple, really. According to most sites, Hardy was drunk for most of the show and after the match ended quickly, he was arrested and escorted out of the Impact Zone.
Blair: Man, I don’t give a fuck about who got arrested for being drunk or how that even happens. I want to talk about the Road To WrestleMania being destroyed some more. Do you think there’s time for TNA to just buy the WWE out so they can run WrestleMania? Or will Vince just decide he can’t compete and ask Russo and Bischoff to book it for him? No one wants to watch The Rock or Steve Austin or John Cena now that they don’t have any buzz anymore, but imagine their reactions if instead, they could see Matt Morgan wrestle Rob Terry in the main event? That would blow those WWE marks’ minds because both those dudes are so big. AND all the WWE fans would remember Matt Morgan from his awesome unforgettable WWE run!

Rhett Davis: Time to fire Jeffrey and hire some guys who can cut a promo, stay clean, and get the job done in the ring. Oh wait they already have AJ and Samoa Joe! It’s a sad day when they can’t use all of the great talent they have
Blair: Man, AJ and Joe are lucky they even GET to job to the likes of Matt Hardy and Jeff Jarrett on a weekly basis. Trust me, when TNA takes over the WWE, those guys will be lucky to get a job setting up the ring. They definitely won’t make it onto TNA WrestleMania.

FDSwayze: Highlight of the show for me was Morgan unaffected by everything except back rakes. His future opponents should try to remember that. Back rakes are paralyzing to this dude.
Blair: Finally someone I disagree with! Swayze, back rakes don’t ACTUALLY hurt Matt Morgan. He just had to make Hernandez THINK that they hurt so Hernandez would believe he had a chance to beat him. Which he didn’t, because Hernandez is from Mexico and Matt Morgan is not only American… he is BIG! BIG MAN! WWE sure fucked up when they fired him - now Vince has to live with him being the DNA of TNA. I don’t know why you can’t accept that, Swayze – it’s written right on his ass!!!

DC: Well that main event seems typical of everything that’s wrong with TNA. BTW, what happened to Samoa Joe vs The Pope? Was the match dropped? Was there even an explanation? That was like, one of 2 matches with any sort of build to it.
Blair: Man, no one wanted to watch Joe and The Pope! We wanted another 10 minutes of the Matt Morgan / Hernandez classic! So what if Joe and Pope actually showed up to the arena only to have nothing to do? Morgan and Hernandez are bigger! (Even if one of them IS Mexican.) Forget wrestling Rob Terry – at WrestleMania, I think Matt Morgan should end Undertaker’s streak. Rob Terry can get Kane and Big Show to job to him or something. Hernandez will probably be deported to wherever they sent Homicide by then.

Greg Manuel: That submission move you saw Matt Hardy do is something he made up, I think: he calls it “the Scar.” Basically it’s a King Crab Hold, but the victim remains standing.
Blair: Well it’s fucking AWESOME!!! I just hope he’s big enough to get a chance to pull it off at TNA WrestleMania!!! Now we all know Matt and Jeff have been what’s pushed the Impact rating as far up as it is now, because Matt told us so himself. But Matt will still need a big opponent for WrestleMania though – I think they should bring back that Giant Gonzalez guy. He’s fucking HUGE!!!

There we go. Happy now? I sure hope that this is nobody’s FIRST time reading my article. They’d probably carpet bomb my house. For any first time readers, don’t worry, I don’t ACTUALLY got the blicky. My pipes are clean.

Intro

I would like to start my intro with a quote from Andy Wheeler’s RAW Judicial Review. This really says it all to me:
“Suffice to say that if anyone actually pays money for a TNA PPV again after their 1 minute Hardy/Sting main event, they shouldn’t be allowed to control their own money anymore. There are people all over the world who could use that 35 bucks, be it Japan or New Zealand or right here in the US. Don’t give it to TNA. Please. They’re clearly trying to kill their PPV market to get out of their contracts so they can run as a broadcast-only program, but they’re doing it at the expense of fans.”
– Andy Wheeler

So a few of my favorite regular readers and commenters (Swayze, WaterDrip and Crystal) and others have opened up their own wrestling outfit over at www.ThePOWERBOMB.com. Definitely recommend checking that out. After you’re done here at Inside Pulse, of course. We rule. But www.THEPOWERBOMB.com is cool too. Am I allowed to plug stuff on here? Here’s hoping.

Oh yeah. And I’m on Twitter. www.twitter.com/BlairADouglas.

As always, due to both time constraints and an intense lack of interest, I have remained spoiler-free heading into tonight. Except of course for finding out what WON’T make it onto the show, by which I mean Hulk Hogan making a Tsunami joke. Some people are saying this is in bad taste, but what they don’t understand is how big the rating will POP because Hogan made such a CONTROVERSIAL remark. See, it doesn’t matter how utterly fucking idiotic such a statement is because it’s CONTROVERSIAL. And controvery creates cash, see. I already know tonight’s Impact rating is going to be through the roof because of it. Like it needed any help after Sunday! So, well done Hulkster. Bra. Fucking. Vo.

So who really knows what the hell to expect tonight. I have no words for TNA after Sunday. That last match, the second-last match, and completely forgetting and not mentioning a cancelled match turned what was turning into a good PPV into a complete and total joke. Now the word out there is that the finish MAY have been a work. I don’t believe that for a second. They make want to make it look like that because it’s better than looking like the giant botchers they are, but it wasn’t. Also, let’s be honest – the only thing WORSE than this happening by accident WOULD be if they’d done it on purpose.

” No Episode Title”

Sometimes they do them. Sometimes they don’t. At least TNA is consistent with their inconsistency.

This Is The Song That Doesn’t End…

Sting comes out, with what looks like a new TNA World Heavyweight Title belt, along with Jeff Hardy’s Illuminati belt. Sting says that before “Hogan’s show” gets started, that he wants to talk to Hogan and Bischoff. Tsunami Hogan comes out with Bischoff. Sting says that the purple belt is all that remains of Jeff Hardy. Hogan tosses it out of the ring, without hesitating. Sting asks how it feels to destroy someone’s career. Sting asks Hogan how he can take a shining light like Jeff Hardy and turned him dark. He says that when he met Hardy a few years ago, Hardy was excited about his future with TNA. Sting says that Hardy is responsible for his choices, and the choices he made led him to a dead end. But that it was Hogan and Bischoff’s influence that made him go after power and money, and that they painted a picture for Hardy that’s not even real. Sting says there’s nothing he can do for Hardy, but that there’s something he can do for the 50 or so guys that are backstage and ready to go. Hogan looks amused. “TNA” chants break out.

Hogan asks who Sting thinks he is, blaming Bischoff and himself for the emberassment that Hardy caused them. He says that Hardy let them down, not the other way around. Hogan says that on Hardy’s best day, he couldn’t live in Hogan’s shadow. He says that Hardy’s responsible for his own demise. Wow, they’re burying this dude. Hogan says Immortal is on top of TNA, and that they’re all main eventers. He says Matt Hardy is at the top of his game. (Oh, dear.) Hogan then says that ihs phone has been going nuts with main-eventers, all trying to get on his back. Now Sting looks like amused.

Sting says that if Hogan’s phone is ringing off the hook, then where is everyone? Sting says all he sees are Hogan, Bischoff, and a couple of punks. And on that note… Bully Ray’s music goes off, and he comes out. Ray says that HE has been calling Hogan, and that he’s been waiting 20 years for this opportunity. He says that Hogan is the man who made pro wrestling, and is the reason they’re all there. He calls Sting a sidekick. Ray says that the first day he met Sting, he knew Sting was jealous and that he has all the fans fooled. Wow, this is really eating up a lot of time. Ray says that Sting has never been able to get over on Hogan. People start chanting for Sting, and Hogan tells them to shut up.

Bully Ray says he’d be honored to be in Immortal, and that the first thing he wants to do is beat Sting for the World Title. Interesting, I would not have seen this coming. Hogan tells Ray he doesn’t need to waste his time, and that if he wants a title shot… and then Fortune’s new music hits, and they come out. Commercial. Zuh?

We’re back. AJ is in the ring, and introduces himself and Fortune. AJ says that they have Sting’s back, and says that when Bully Ray came into wrestling, he wanted to be a singles wrestler but didn’t because D-Von carried him all the way through his career. He says that Ray can’t make it on his own. Bully Ray’s reaction to this is pretty good, basically saying he wants to smack AJ and that if Dixie hadn’t saved AJ, that he’d be out on the street and he’s surprised that Dixie isn’t still breast-feeding AJ. Ray’s heel character is actually coming off quite well. Ray then asks Hogan about his title shot, and AJ slaps him in the face. And then Anderson’s music hits.

People are chanting for Anderson. He screams for a rematch. He overacts, really badly, and screams some more. Anderson really is terrible. Hogan says that Anderson couldn’t beat RVD, so he’s out of the mix. He and Hogan say ASSHOLE a bunch. Because it’s 1997 to TNA, and ASSHOLE is an edgy word. Anderson calls Hogan “Terrance”. Also edgy. Now Bischoff is talking about the network and ratings, and says that they should have a 4-way main event. Bischoff says Anderson and RVD are in the match, since they went to a no-contest at the PPV. He says Bully Ray can be in the match as well, and so can AJ. Whoever wins gets to be the Number 1 Contender. Anderson screams at Bischoff and says that it’s his rematch and no one else’s. Hogan says that they just did it, and to hit his music.

Angle is walking through a door, carrying a giant present. Kurt says it’s for the newlyweds, and what’s in the box is a surprise. Commercial.

AJ is walking in the back, and runs into Van Dam. AJ says that RVD knows all about Anderson, and that they need to watch out for Ray. AJ says he needs someone to watch his back, and he’ll watch Van Dam’s back in return. Van Dam says that they do not have a good history, and that he is just going to go out there and win the match on his own and that he never lost the World Title to begin with. He says AJ should just do what he does, then walks off and says “good talk”. AJ says that’s fine with him.

TNA Knockouts Championship
Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) .vs. Alyssa Flash

Madison jumps whoever Alyssa Flash is before the bell. The announcers are once again making me feel like I should know who this is. She stays on her, kicking her and punching her until she hits that terrible falling knee finish to pin her. Okay.

Winner: Madison Rayne

Mickie runs out before her cue, and her music follows her a few seconds later. Mickie says she’s sick of Madison, and that if Madison is such a fighting champion, that she should fight Mickie. Madison says Mickie can only demand so many title shots and that she’s already beaten Mickie and that Mickie is out of chances. Mickie asks what she wants. Madison says that she wants Mickie’s hair and that they can do it at Lockdown. If Mickie loses, she gets her head shaved. Mickie agrees.

Pope is in the back in a white suit, with a blind guy, a morbidly obese girl, and a guy in a wheelchair. Pope says that the blind guy needs to just be blind, that the fat girl needs to just be fat, and that when he touches the guy in the wheelchair, that he should jump out of his wheelchair. The guy them jumps out of his wheelchair and starts dancing around. Pope says that’s perfect. Oh for f…

Now Anderson is screaming at Hogan in his office. Hogan is just staring in disbelief at this idiot. Anderson says that it’s his title shot, Hogan says it isn’t. This goes absolutely nowhere. Hogan says that Anderson needs to start doing this his way. Anderson chases the camera out of the room and they continue to yell at each other.

15 Minutes For The Guy’s Who Couldn’t Even Make It Onto The PPV

Now Pope is in the ring with his 3 friends. He DOES know that they already showed him in the back, right? Pope says he is going to perform miracles. He takes about 5 minutes to say that, but that’s what he says. I think I’m going to need more Cherry Blasters.

He says he is going to help the wheelchair guy walk, help the fat girl lose weight, and help the blind guy see. He asks the blind guy his name, then doesn’t let him answer, then asks if the guy believes that Pope can make him see. The guy says he does. The guy asks him to kiss Pope’s ring. The guy can’t do it because he’s blind. Pope gets him to hold the mic and takes the guy’s glasses off. Pope spits in his hand, and rubs his spit on the guy’s face. Pope asks if teh guy can see. The guy can see. Oh wow. Pope asks the guy to say hallejulia. The guy says something unintelligable. The Pope just moves on.

Then he goes to the guy in the wheelchair and says that he’s been that way since the swimming accident. He then feels the guys legs, and asks if he can feel that. The guy says he can’t. He then SLAPS AND KICKS the guy’s legs a couple times and asks if he can feel that. I feel REALLY bad for half-laughing at that part. Then he slaps the guy on the forehead, and the guy gets out of the wheelchair and starts dancing around. Taz says this is like The Oddities. Holy shit.

Yeah. I’m definitely gonna need more Cherry Blasters.

Pope goes to the fat girl, and he says that this is the hard part. Pope says that now everyone knows he can perform miracles. He then grabs the girl’s fat and squeezes and shakes. Taz says she must have had a floating accident. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! Then Pope says that even Jesus couldn’t help her lose weight. WOW. The girl starts crying. Joe’s music hits. Anyone going to call attention to the fact that these two were supposed to fight at the PPV? Guess not.

Joe comes out with Kato. Pope hides behind the fat girl. Pope says that Joe is always ruining his plans. Then he hides behind the guy in the wheelchair, who we’ve already established is cured, actually we’ve already established that he could already walk. So… yeah. This is so fucked. Then Pope slides out of the ring and grabs Kato and PUTS A KNIFE TO HIS THROAT.

I will repeat that. POPE SLIDES OUT OF THE RING AND HOLDS KATO AT KNIFEPOINT. Joe is screaming at him. Pope has taken Kato hostage. I have no words. Joe asks if this is really how Pope wants to do it and tells Kato not to step on his feet anymore. He is literally walking this guy up the ramp with a knife to his throat. He then kicks the guy in the throat and tosses him to the ground. Joe is still in the ring, as Pope presses the knife to his own neck, revealing that it’s a trick knife. Joe still doesn’t go after him, because Joe was neutered in 2007. There are no words to describe this segment. Commercial.

Okay, so we’re back, and we’re STILL with Pope, who has Kato tied up in the back. We know the security policy on black guys, but I guess that doesn’t cover Asians being involved. And how does Pope have Kato hostage? It was a TRICK FUCKING KNIFE!!! Anyway, Pope slaps Kato around and beats him with a stick. He takes his mask off. He doesn’t like how Kato looks. Holy sweet fuck. I don’t believe this. Pope says not to take it personally, but that this is personal, and beats him with his stick some more and kicks him in the junk. This goes on for like 5 minutes.

Someone comes in the back yelling. It’s Joe. Pope runs off. Joe is yelling for Pope and he tells Kato that he’s going to be allright. He’s trying to untie Kato. It’s not working. He’s making it worse. Kato is acting like he’s dead. Joe is screaming for Pope now.

Backstage, RVD finds Anderson. RVD says that joining Immortal must be an obvious choice for someone with no morals and that he must want that title shot bad. Anderson talks about him being an asshole some more. Becuase that’s totally not getting old or anything. Anderson says maybe RVD’s with Hogan since RVD blew AJ off.

We are officially an hour into this show. We’ve had one match so far that lasted about as long as the main event of Victory Road did. This is getting way harder to do as time goes on.

But that’s okay, because girls are going crazy in the back now. The Beautiful People and the lesbian ghost are arguing about who is going to wrestle a street fight (?!?!?!) against Sarita and Rosita. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, GIRLS!!!!!! They’re just racing, they’re not even trying to talk slowly. Winter and Velvet both want to tag with Angelina. I guess Winter says she’s the one tagging with Angelina or something. Velvet just repeats the name of her team with Angelina. Angelina does nothing but roll her eyes. I just… I can’t… like where does it end with this fucking show?!?!

More Jeff Jarrett, Kurt Angle, And Kurt Angle’s Ex-Wife / Ex-Stripper

Jeff Jarrett and Karen come out. Things are looking up. Jarrett calls himself the “Ultra Male”. Jarrett says he has nothing left to prove because he’s beaten and emberassed and humiliated Kurt Angle. He says that for the good of the kids, he can no longer do this to their second father so he is offering Kurt Angle a truce. He wants to stop the misery. He says they have to co-exist for their kids. He calls Angle to the ring so Angle can beg for forgiveness. Angle’s music hits, and he comes out with his giant present.

Jarrett asks if the present is for him. Kurt says that Jarrett is the better man, and the husband and father that Kurt could never be, so Kurt brought him a gift so that they could co-exist and move on with their lives. Jarrett asks if he’s being sincere, because TNA has a thing for making it’s heels the dumbest fucking people you could ever imagine. Kurt asks if he looks sincere. Jarrett opens the present, and takes out a red, whtie & blue guitar. He hugs Kurt, and Kurt raises the hands of both Jarrett and Karen. The he breaks the guitar over Jarrett. Karen tries to punch him in the junk, but he’s wearing a cup. He throws the cup at Karen, and she’s disgusted. In the meantime, Jarrett has bladed like a mofo.

I NEED MORE FUCKING CHERRY BLASTERS!!! FUCKING STAT!!! Angle is yelling at Jarrett now, and he says he’s sick of this SHIT! He says he wants Jarrett in a steel cage at Lockdown. Jarrett says no. Angle says that if Jeff doesn’t do it, that he’s going to find Jarrett and Karen and make their lives miserable. Karen screams at Jeff not to do it. Jeff agrees. Kurt tells him to not even try to go to Hogan or Bischoff to overturn it, or he will FIND THEM. Then Jarrett passes out and Kurt leers at Karen. Chris Benoit anyone? That was painful. 

On the plus side, at least they’re lining up one match for their next PPV a few weeks ahead of time.

Bischoff is with Rob Terry and those two security jobbers. Bischoff says Immortal needs all the titles in TNA, and then they will have total control. Which is not true. They had that, and “the network” was still making matches on them. So that means this is meaningless. Then Bischoff says that Abyss sacrificed his body to get the World Television Title. I completely forgot that existed. Now Abyss is unable to defend the title, so one of these three losers is going to win the belt tonight. They’re all going to face each other, and whoever wins will be the World Television Champion. Holy wow. Fucking seriously? He then tells them to “leave it in the ring.” Commercial.

They run a bumper ad for Gunner / Murphy / Terry?!?! WHAT?!?!?!

TNA Teleivision Championship Match
Rob Terry .vs. Gunner .vs. Murphy

Gunner & Murphy both jump Terry. Hulk Hogan’s daughter and Hulk Hogan’s daughter that he fucks are at ringside. Now there are cops walking in the back, and apparently we don’t care about the match anymore (not that we did. I’m just saying.) because Kurt Angle assaulted Karen Angle. We’re back, and these losers are punching each other. Murphy takes a run at Terry, and Terry jumps so Murphy runs into Terry’s hip. Then Murphy charges Terry, taking him out at the legs. Gunner then hits his finish on his partner. Pin.

Ten stars.

Winner And New TNA World Television Champion: Gunner

AJ is in the back, talking about RVD. He says that he was just looking out for RVD, but that if RVD doesn’t want that, that’s fine. He says he can take care of himself. He says that he’s been taking a backseat for too long. Flair walks up, and says that AJ should not look past him. AJ gives Flair a chop. Flair hits the ground. He’s dead. What the fuck? IT WAS A CHOP!!! Commercial.

We’re back. Karen is screaming at police. She is explaining to the cops who her husband is and who her ex-husband is. The cops are confused. Jarrett gets up and freaks out. He yells at cops and tells Karen to shut up. Then she tells Karen to… yeah, there’s more to the segment. I’m not doing anymore. Nothing happens. That’s all you need to know. Fuck yourself if you REALLY want more detail than that.

Mixed Six-Person Tag-Team Street Fight Match
Matt Morgan, Angelina Love & Winter .vs. Hernandez, Sarita & Rosita

First of all, “Mixed Six-Person Tag-Team Street Fight Match” is exactly what they called this match. Second of all, how does this make any sense at all? You don’t tag in a fucking street fight. Time has lost all meaning. I pray this is almost over. Hernandez gets a mic. He doesn’t like white people. He whistles. Then lullaby music hits, and Angelina and Winter comes out. Winter is blindfolded. Then the DNA OF TNA comes out. Then they rush the ring, but the Mexicans all start to beat them down. This is going to be a complete clusterfuck.

Matt Morgan is knocking Hernandez around. Matt Morgan hits a spinning clotheslines. BIG!!! BIG MAN!!! Then Rosita and Sarita climb onto Matt Morgan. Matt Morgan tosses them off, and Angelina and Winter come in and hit tandem running hugs. Winter hits a particularly nice looking spinning backbreaker on one of the Mexican girls. Pin? That was like 2 minutes long.

Winners: Matt Morgan, Angelina Love & Winter

Okay, so now some guy is in the ring beating up Matt Morgan. Taz and Tenay are saying it’s the fan from the PPV. Now this dude is threatening the ref. Matt Morgan gets up immediately because he’s immune to everything but back rakes, and he starts shaking the ropes and beating his chest. HE’S THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!! Anyways, Hernandez and his Mexican friends toss Angelina and Winter at him and bail. Negative 30 stars. Commercial.

#1 Contenders Match For TNA World Heavyweight Title
Stone Cold Ken Anderson .vs. Rob Van Dam .vs. AJ Styles .vs. Bully Ray

They all beat on each other with punches, and Taz says this is Tornado style. AJ goes after Ray, Ray knocks him down, but AJ bounces up and hits a hurricanrana and a splash onto Ray in the corner. Nice. AJ tries a monkey flip but eats it hard from Ray. Anderson sends Ray off the ropes, but gets kicked and clotheslined over the ropes for his trouble. Ray and RVD face to face. People are chanting for RVD. Ray shoves RVD, so RVD busts out some kicks and dodges a Ray elbow before hitting a spinkick. Rolling Thunder from RVD, and a pin, but Anderson pulls him outside. Anderson charges AJ, but AJ hits a sunset that gets 2. Punches from Anderson, irish whip reversed but AJ, they go over each other a few times before AJ hits a hard dropkick before eating a hard clothesline from Ray. 2 count.

Ray working on Anderson in the corner before powerslamming AJ for 2. Ray is dominating all 3 guys. People are chanting “asshole”. Idiots. Ray working on AJ in the corner, now punching down RVD. Ray is just killing everyone. AJ does start battling back, but gets his eyes raked. Mad boos for Ray, he poses for the crowd but eats a dropkick from RVD. RVD clears the ring before missing a 5-star on Anderson. Anderson gets up to eat a Rock Bottom-ish move from Ray. 2 count. Springboard cross-body from AJ on Ray gets 2. RVD elbows AJ and hits a sidekick from the top rope. 2 count.

Shit is going crazy in the ring. This is a decent main event. The only thing even half-watchable on this show so far. AJ dives onto Bubba on the outside but misses. Ray grabs a chair, and stalks AJ, but the ref grabs the chair. Ray just kind of doesn’t care, and punches on AJ some more. The chair is in the ring. Uh-oh. Anderson suplexes RVD on the chair, but RVD doesn’t hit the chair – Anderson does. So both guys are down. The ref counts them both down, despite neither one being on top of the other.

Winner: WTF?

Ray punches the ref. Then Jeremy Borash. HA! Now AJ and Ray are brawling on the outside after AJ hits a dropkick. AJ takes one of the lights off the staging area and hits Ray with it. Several misguided people chant “holy shit” but I’d still watch a match with these 2. Not like they got anything else going on anyway.

AJ grabs a chair and stalks Ray up the side of the stage. Ray begging off AJ on the stage, just begging to get jumped by Flair. Which is exactly what happens. Flair hits a low blow. Several, actually. AJ totally has 3 guys in the back that could help him, but they don’t. Ray grabs the chair, but kicks AJ instead after Flair tells him to toss AJ off the stage. Ray gives AJ a fucking Bubba-Bomb off the stage through a table. Wholly shit. Flair is pleased. Everyone is chanting TNA. Both dudes are down and out. Refs comes out. Commercial.

We’re back. Paramedics are trying to help AJ and Ray. Ray does eventually get up and shove some paramedics.

Okay, so now, they’re trying to put a collar on AJ. Anderson looks concerned. Ray is yelling at him and telling him to kiss his ass, then calls him a FAG?!?! For the love of… you’ve gotta be… That’s a fucking thing for them now?!?! TNA fucking disgusts me. Anderson yells at him and calls him fat. Eliminate The Hate! Yeah, that’s the name of TNA’s anti-bullying movement. Very nice.

Fortune is here now, better late than never, and they’re concerned for AJ. The rest of the show is people looking concerned, including Brooke Hogan or the Brooke Hogan that Hulk Hogan has sex with. They stretcher AJ out of the arena.

Now we’re in the back, watching AJ get loaded into the ambulance. Beer Money is talking with Kaz. They’re concerned. Kaz goes off to call AJ’s wife. Roode gets into the ambulance. Kaz is telling the camera to go away and that his best friend is in an ambulance. The ambulance goes off. The end.

Well the last 20 minutes was kind of a clusterfuck, and a lot of it still didn’t make sense, but it was still a whole lot better than the rest of the show. The first 100 minutes of this show was unbearably bad. Not too sure what to think of the super-serious ending. It’s better than a lot of the stuff they have been doing. Now if they could just fix the other 80% of the show, that would be great. In the meantime, I need to go gorge on some fucking pixie sticks or something.

This has been “That Being Said”.

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