That Being Said: TNA Impact Report for 04.14.2011 – Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle, Jarrett

Welcome to “That Being Said”, your weekly recap of the unintentional comedic juggernaut known as Total Nonstop Action Wrestling’s “Impact”.

I’m running out of ways to preface this, so just follow me on Twitter already. www.twitter.com/BlairADouglas. I’m actually having some fun with it.

Let’s start this week with something different. I give you…

What The Critics Are Saying About “That Being Said”…

“It’s TNA-riffic! It changes the face of the TNA recapping business every week!”
– Cameron A.

“To Inside Pulse Wrestling, don’t use me in your recaps. Get more creative. Hmmm, Blair. Did I say that? Why would he put me in his recaps? Is it because I won’t work for Inside Pulse? They have some nerve. Hey, who put that barricade in the middle of the roa”
– Kurt Angle (via Twitter For BlackBerry)

“As long as TNA keeps turning out shows like they have been over the past year and a half, people’s standards will remain irrepairably low. During such time, Blair is a perfectly satisfactory choice to recap TNA Impact for the money we’re paying him.”
– Matthew Michaels

“All the fly honeys FIST PUMP to Blair’s TNA recaps!”
– Swayze

“FIST PUMP!!!”
– Fly Honeys

“Maybe it’s the beer talking, but Blair’s got a butt that won’t quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr five dollars??!!!? Get outta here…”
– Scott Hall

“If “That Being Said” was Madison Rayne and I were Taz, I’d definitely want to be the second rope!”
– Crystal

“Just strike me down now, fo’ the love of… hey everyone, Blair’s recaps are OFF THE CHAIN!!! An’ we got a BARNBURNAH’ on our hands tonight, Van Dam an’ Anderson are BOTH in the BUILDIN’!!! Hey Tenay, where we keep the straight raza’s?”
– Taz

“I really hope that’s not his new profile picture. That’s seriously going to hurt his traffic.”
– WaterDrip

“Okay, I’m going to say it like this. Okay, first, Blair like gets on a computer. A computer? Really? REALLY?!? Okay, then he types words. I guess he’s judging the matches? Really? Really. REALLY?!??! Okay so then he posts these reviews and people read them. And thats where we are right now. REALLY. And really, that’s just fine. That’s my opinion anyway.”
– Matt Morgan

“Blair’s recaps are okay, I guess. If he really wants to get me on board, he should make Rob Terry available to me, sexually.”
– Darryl The Hitman

“Blair & Inside Pulse brought me into these TNA recaps & the traffic keeps growin’ – coincidence? I think not! FACT! Blair, u can thank ME & Jeff for your traffic jump – just saying. Fuck WWE, and fuck CM Punk - Lita still calls me, I swear! Time to order some food. Yeah, I’m gonna have the uh… Loaded Steak Burger with the baked potato topping, 2 Super Sized Fries, and a chocolate shake. Aaaand, let’s see… yeah. An entire ham.”
– “Cold Blood” Matt Hardy (via Twitter for iPhone)

“Fuck Matt Hardy.”
– Swayze

“I fuck Matt Hardy!”
– Shannon Moore

“Me am thinking Blair is dumb. He not understand complex and intellgent TNA stories. Will motorcycle kill girl? Me not know but me can’t wait to find out!”
– Bizarro

“What’s this? Huh. It’s Blair’s recap… let’s see what Blair has to say… huh… can’t say I like that… So I guess… I guess I have to tell the recap what I think… HEY, BLAIR’S RECAP!!! GUESS WHAT?!?! I DON’T LIKE RECAPS!!! SO YOU CAN *BOOP* RIGHT OFF, RECAP!!! WHAT’S THAT, RECAP?!?! YOU CALLING ME AN ASSHOLE?!?! OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW WHAT A SHOCKING AND HURTFUL COMMENT?!?! I’M AN ASSHOLE?!?!?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK!, BLAIR’S RECAP??! YOU THINK I’M AN ASSHOLE, BLAIR’S RECAP?!?! OHHHHHHHHHH WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHAT A SURPRISE!!! WELL GUESS WHAT, RECAP!!! I AM AN ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE!!! Oh… what’s the matter, recap? You don’t like my LANGUAGE, recap? IS MY LANGUAGE TOO ROUGH AND EDGY FOR YOU?!?! YOU TRYING TO HOLD ME BACK, RECAP?!?! YOU TRYING TO HOLD ME BACK LIKE VINCE DID BECAUSE I’M AN ASSHOLE, BLAIR’S RECAP?!?! BECAUSE YOU CAN’T CONTROL ME?!?! YOU TRYING TO HOLD ME BACK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T CONTROL ME?!?! WELL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, RECAP!!! ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE!!!”
– Mr. Anderson

Interinactivity

Some good feedback and comments last week. Keep them coming!

CB: Blair, I love that you watch TNA so I don’t have to. GREAT read. One point on Winter: Who would have thought the rumored “sibling love” storyline Vince had in mind for Katie Lea and Paul Burchill pre-PG programming would actually seem less offensive than what Winter is doing to Angelina? Just sayin’.
Blair: Thanks dude. And holy SHIT, is that sibling thing actually true? Goodness. That was before Linda was deluded enough to think she could become a sentor, right? And also, when I was thinking of names to call this article, I actually considered naming the article “Blair Watches TNA, so you don’t have to.”

Steven Gepp: Just by reading recaps it seems they are doing a nice sort of build to LockDown, one of the premium PPV events. I mean, the show seems a mess, but at least it seems to be building somehow. Or am I reading this wrong and it really is a mess and LockDown is going to be a mess and some TNA troll is going to threaten to mess me up?
Blair: Well, you’re correct that they’re doing an actual build to the PPV this time. And it’s LESS of a mess than usual, but that’s not saying much. But it’s still an improvement. I’m still not optimistic about them managing to not screw it up, though. This is their big show of the year. We’ll see.

AS: Are you getting behind RVD now? Or Sting?
Blair: I’ve always been behind Rob Van Dam. I like RVD. Dude is not what he used to be in the ring, but he’s getting on in years. Guys are suppoesd to slow down at this point in their career. And what a lot of people take for granted is, even slowed down, he’s still better in the ring than 90% of the TNA roster. I’ve always been a Sting fan, too. Guy is a class act. He also, is a better wrestler than 90% of the TNA roster. But really, in terms of this 3-way feud for the World Title going on right now, I’d be behind anyone who’s NOT Ken Anderson.

WaterDrip: Blair is like the Internet wrestling equivalent of the dude in middle school who would get beat up and have to do someone’s homework.
Blair: Great, now Matthew Michaels will kidnap me, Pope style. Must… remember… trick… knife.

The Fuj: What’s up Blair!!! A few points: 1 – I like the new Immortal group. Ric Flair, Abyss, Matt Hardy and Bully Ray are really starting to click together and look good as a faction. I am glad they added veteran presence to the group insterad of relying on young guy like Murphey and Gunner that nobody knows. 2 – Great to see Chris Sabin back. It’s looking like the X-Divsion will get some more tv time. 3-Mr. Andersone is awesome. Is he stealing from Stone Cold Steve Austin? Yes. But so what? Why not steal from the best? 4 – For the upcoming TNA Lockdown pay per view, if these 3 matches are good to really good: Jeff Jarrett vs Kurt Angle, The Lethal Lockdown match, The X-division escape match. If those 3 matches deliver, they will easily be a better pay per view than WrestleMania and that would be a major turning point for TNA. 4 – Great to see Christopher Daniels back. Peace!
Blair: DAMMIT FUJ, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU… oh. Half your points actually made good sense this week. Go ahead, try to guess which ones. Sorry about that dude, that was a knee-jerk. As for your two points that don’t make sense, this is like their 3rd or 4th attempt to define who is actually in Immortal, and even though it’s a bit of a step up from 3 complete nobodies, it’s not going to be taken seriously if they treat the group like Destiny’s Child. I will admit that I’m surprised at how much I’m actually buying Bully Ray’s push, but MATT HARDY? No spank you. As for you Kennedy Anderson point… I’m pretty sure you guys know my policy by now.

Wally Kovacs: As for the weird Hogan/Flair contradiction, and Hogan contradicting himself … I’m guessing that it’s basically Flair saying his true feelings. Hogan is lying to the crowd, but telling the truth backstage. As stupid as it is, TNA seems to treat certain backstage stuff like people don’t know they are being filmed. No logic, but if they want to show it, there isn’t really any way around it.
Limodriver: Your Hogan theory doesn’t fly, because just about every Hogan backstage segment ends with him getting mad about being filmed and pushing the cameraman out of the room and closing the door.
Incognito: Yeah, and that’s why Hogan gets pissed, because they filmed him saying something he didn’t want to be on TV. Still pretty stupid, but not the complete nonsense Blair makes it out to be.
Blair: What? Yes it is.

The problem with how they film that backstage stuff is twofold. The first problem is, unless the point of the segment is to illustrate that Hulk Hogan is SO stupid that he can’t even be bothered to make sure there aren’t cameras in the room BEFORE he starts telling people that everything he just told the crowd and the TV cameras was a blatant lie, then yes, it is complete nonsense. No one EVER calls Hogan or anyone else on whatever is said “backstage”, unless of course, no one on Impact and no one that knows anyone on Impact has ever watched the show.

It’s pretty tough for me to swallow the idea that they’re doing this type of thing on purpose when they do stuff along these same lines ALL THE TIME, like having the girls or Hogan or Bischoff wait until someone is THREE FEET AWAY off-camera before laughing loudly and hysterically about how they just lied to whoever  it was they were talking to. Karen did that a couple weeks ago with the Angle-being-arrested bit. And even assuming that whoever they were talking to DIDN’T hear that, a week later no one has told that person about what happaned after they left the camera shot? 

A perfect example: Winter. That’s pretty much the exact same category. Back when she was invisible for some reason that was never explained or made any sense at all, the cameramen are filming Winter in the room, talking to Angelina. They move the camera away from Winter, then move it RIGHT back after she’s had time to move. And it’s like “WOW, SHE VANISHED!” And Velvet didn’t see her. Could Angelina not just SHOW VELVET THE FUCKING SHOW?!?! DO THEY NOT KNOW THEY’RE ON FUCKING TV?!?! That’s one fucking impressive magic trick. Or are the camera-men like those cloud-turtle things in Mario 64 that just floated around filming the action without anyone knowing?!?! Then Mike Tenay watches Winter DRUG ANGELINA, COMMENTS ON WINTER DRUGGING ANGELINA, then he sees them in a match together and is like “I’m looking forward to learning more about their relationship.” Did he forget what he just saw? Maybe Angelina just has the flu? Tenay will need to watch more to be totally sure. Even though they’re FILMING THE DRUGGING OF A GROWN WOMAN. She can’t fight back because she’s basically unconscious on her feet. But no one will help Angelina except Velvet. And Velvet will only help during the two hours that Impact is on. The rest of the week, she’s got her own problems and a Sunglass Hut job to concentrate on. There’s no one else to help Angelina. No one inside TNA and no one outside TNA.

It’s like they’re trying to tell us that as soon as someone steps out of a camera shot, that they can no longer hear or see anything that goes on in that camera shot. Nor can anyone tell them what happened.

And you know what? If that were the case with ALL the backstage stuff, it would at LEAST be consistent. And that’s brings up the second, way more glaring part of the problem. I understand what you were trying to get at with explaining how TNA writes that Hogan backstage stuff. To me, that would be bad enough, but they can’t even be CONSISTENT about what does and doesn’t happen that other people on the show can or can’t see and hear. 

Example: for some reason, everyone will know that ALSO BACKSTAGE, Madison Rayne said to Tara, “Hey, let’s go kill that one bitch I have a match with.” Then Tara was like “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” And Madison was like “HEY YOU DUMB SLUT, I GOT YOU THIS JOB!!! YOU WANNA BE UNEMPLOYED IN THIS BRITTLE ECONOMY?!?! I DIDN’T FUCKING THINK SO!!! SO LET’S GO KILL THAT ONE BITCH RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” And then they killed that one bitch. 

But THAT was filmed backstage too… so WHICH THE FUCK IS IT? They can’t have it both ways. If everyone in the company saw Madison Rayne try to fucking kill Mickie James (I really can’t believe I’m talking about that), then everyone in the company can see that Hulk Hogan is lying to basically everyone every single week, and they can go ahead and arrest Winter for rape in the first degree.

So there. It’s lazy, it’s contradictory, it makes no sense, and it’s emberassing to watch. Period.

JaBer: Are you getting LockDown?
Blair: Yes.

Jamal: The only thing that TNA has over WWE is the fact that they’re atleast trying to have the camera men “hiding” in the shadows where the wrestlers can’t see them.
Blair: When does this happen? I haven’t seen a lot of WWE doing stuff on camera that other people NEVER acnowledge is done on camera. It used to happen sometimes, but not often. That could just be me not having seen a lot of it lately though. Am I wrong on that?

All right, I guess that’s about it. My man Swayze has a great article up on how crazy TNA is: http://bit.ly/hsl67r – so you’ll want to fist pump your way on over to that.

“Hogan’s Law”

Glad to see they’re back to choosing the most awesome titles possible.

The entire nWo Immortal stable hits the Impact Zone. Gunner is carrying his title in his mouth. I think he is trying to look scary. Hogan says there is nothing but top choice talent in the ring. He calls Anderson to the ring. Taz and Tenay talk about how he doesn’t do well in groups, which is why he won’t join Immortal. Hogan says that he’s been trying to get Anderson to do the right thing for weeks, and repeats the “easy way, hard way” speech. Anderson says that he used to look up to Hogan, and starts doing that thing he does where he tries to cut an edgy and energetic promo without realizing that he doesn’t have any promo skills. He calls himself an asshole. Becuase that’s not getting old.

Anyway, Hogan kicks his ass. Then he gets Immortal to kick his ass. Then Hogan yells at him for while and says that he is the baddest mama-jama (?) in this company. Brother. Then everyone kicks his ass some more.

Backstage, Velvet is banging on a door and screaming for Angelina. Winter comes out of the door, and says that Angelina is resting. Velvet demands to know what Winter has done to Angelina, because I guess Velvet doesn’t watch Impact either. Winter says that Angelina wants nothing more to do with Velvet. Velvet says she is going to help Angelina. But not by calling the police or any kind of authorities about the drugging, kidnapping, or raping that Velvet has been doing to her. She is going to do this by kicking Angelina’s ass tonight. That’s what Angelina gets for being a date rape victim! BEYOTCH!

Commercial. My head hurts.

Backstage, Immortal are busying themselves by talking about how awesome they are. Bischoff is on the phone – when he’s done, he says The Network wants to do a best-of-3 tonight between Fortune and Immortal. Whichever side wins gets the 1-man advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match. Hogan says that someone is working with The Network on the inside. He freaks out at Bischoff for not fixing this whole “our show is on Spike TV” situation, and sends him off to deal with it.

Crimson (w/ Scott Steiner) .vs. Jesse Neal (w/ Shannon Moore) .vs. Orlando Jordan (w/ Eric Young) .vs. Doug Williams (w/ Brutus Magnus)

So I guess the first pin or submission wins this match. Jesse powers Neal down. Shannon Moore taunts Scott Steiner. Jesse Neal reverses an irish whip and hits a hip toss on Williams. Williams tags in Orlando, Orlando hits a few moves but Jesse hits a shoulderblock. Crimson doesn’t tag in, but runs in. Taz is saying you don’t have to tag, you can just run in. Why the fuck are dudes waiting on the apron then??? Jesse Neal hits a spear. Shannon Moore is being gay at Steiner again. Steiner ignores him for a while, then kicks his ass all around the arena.

Then this becomes a huge mess. Jesse Neal goes after them. There’s still a match going on. Now Crimson is walking around, trying to make sure Steiner isn’t in trouble I guess, and for some reason Abyss is here and Abyss kicks Crimson’s ass. Abyss puts a guardrail on the floor, and chokeslams Crimson on it. This makes no sense, but that looked rough. I guess there is still a match going on, but at this point it’s just Orlando trying to have sex with Doug Williams. Now Eric Young is holding up the referee. Now all these guys are brawling with each other. I have no idea what is going on. Orlando hits an impressive finisher, and hits the pin.

Winner: Orlando Jordan

Tenay says that Orlando’s finish is called the Gender Bender.

Backstage, Bully Ray finds Rob Van Dam playing video games. Ray says he doesn’t think Van Dam should be playing games, but says he doesn’t want to fight him. Ray says that Hogan is going to make Van Dam an offer, and that Van Dam shouldn’t refuse. They talk about how Anderson is an asshole.

Lethal LockDown Advantage Best-Of-3 Match #1
Kaz (w/ Fortune) .vs. Cold Blood Matt Hardy (w/ Immortal)

Earl Hebner sends Fortune to the back. Then he sends Immortal to the best. The hell did they let them come out there for then? Kaz hits a dropkick and a cricifix that almost wins the match at the opening bell. Hardy tosses Kaz who lands on the apron, and Hardy hits a low blow. Hardy hits a neckbreaker while Kaz hangs from the ropes. Tenay calls this the COLD BLOOD attitude of Matt Hardy. Everyone fucking does neckbreakers. Are they all cold-blooded too? Hardy gets 2, now he is working Kaz over. Now Hardy is using that really dumb standing sleeper where the dude could get out of it like 6 different ways. So that’s exactly what Kaz does.

Kaz is wounded. Hardy goes for a Twist Of Hate, but Kaz gets 2 when he reverses with a backslide. Hardy tries a Side Effect, but Kaz hits a rollup for 2. Hardy hits a Side Effect for 2. Then Hardy hits another Side Effect. Hardy hits the top rope and misses a moonsault. Kaz hits a few dropkicks and clotheslines. Kaz with a second-rope springboard legdrop. Crowd very behind Kaz. Kaz tries for his finish, but Hardy rolls through and tries to charge Kaz. He misses, and Kaz hits a springboard missile dropkick. 2 count.

This is a half-decent match, even though Matt still sucks. Kaz hits a boot that smokes Hardy. Hardy is telling the ref something about his eye, then tosses the ref into the ropes, which causes Kaz to crash off the turnbuckle. Then Matt Hardy hits a submission that Tenay is calling the Ice Pick. This submission looks a lot less dumb than the other one. Kaz is out.

Winner: Cold Blood Matt Hardy

Tara and Mickie are walking in the back. They are talking about how they are going to apologize for trying to kill Mickie James. Well, that’ll settle everything.

Swayze: Yeah that clears that up, unless Mickie doesnt accept the apology because she’s some kind of bitch or something.

Commercials. Oprah Winfrey tells us that her new network is going to be awesome. Which is funny because her network is already struggling.

Madison Rayne and Tara are in the ring. Madison hasn’t been able to sleep. She keeps replaying running over Mickie James. She says that if she could go back and do things differently, she would definitely re-consider the attempted homicide of Mickie James – by running her over twice. Then she would slap Tara for Tara’s desire to avoid prison. Madison says that Tara is her bitch. Madison says she is the reason that Tara has a job, and that if Tara questions her, that she will send her back to The Bay to test out lipstick on whores.

Tara says… HARDCORE COUNTRY!!! Mickie comes out with her arm in a brace. She’s totally fine. She was run down by a motorcycle last week and she’s totally fine. I don’t even know what to say to that. Mickie’s country music video is playing in the background. Mickie says that all she has is a separated shoulder. Mickie screams at Madison. Madison is screaming back at her. Madison says that last week, Madison took the coward’s way out, but that it’s cool because she’s not selling the injury anyway. Mickie says that she is going to show Madison exactly what HARDCORE COUNTRY is! I bet that album is doing wicked.

Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett, The Pope & Hernandez (w/ The Mexicools & Karen Angle) .vs. Matt Morgan, Samoa Joe & Kurt Angle

Uh… kay. So people are crazy for Kurt Angle. Matt Morgan talks to Kurt and Joe before the bell rings, and explains the storylines that all 3 are involved in.

The match starts.

Commercial.

… sigh.

We’re back, and Pope is kicking Matt Morgan’s ass, so Morgan just grabs him for a chokeslam and gives him standing elbows. Morgan gives Pope a charge, but Hernandez trips him up and Pope clips the knee, then goes to work on it. Hernandez comes in, and continues working the knee. Morgan hits a boot. Both men down. Morgan tags Angle, who runs into a kick from Hernandez. Hernandez climbs the rope, but Angle jumps to the second ropes and gives him a belly-to-belly. Both men down and going for tags. Angle tags Joe, Hernandez tags Jarrett. Joe demolishes Hernandez and Jarrett, and hits a snap-slap on Jarrett for 2.

Joe puts an armbreaker on Jarrett. Pope breaks it up. So Joe kicks his ass and goes for a Muscle Buster, but Jarrett takes him down from behind and tosses Joe out of the ring. Angle waiting behind Jarrett, Jarrett notices and bails. Angle chases Jarrett backstage. People aren’t bothering to tagn anyone anymore, so now it’s Hernandez and Joe in the ring. Hernandez goes for a Border Toss on Joe, but Joe reverses into a chokehold. Pope off the top rope with a big elbow. Morgan back in, with punches to Pope before tossing him to the outside.

LAX tosses brass kucks to Hernandez, but Morgan sees it and takes Hernandez out of the ring. Pope picks up the brass knucks, and hits Joe with them. Pin.

Winners: Jeff Jarrett, The Pope & Hernandez

LAX starts kicking the shit out of Morgan, and Pope is laughing at Joe. Backstage, Jarrett and Karen are getting ready to leave in the car. But Karen forgot her purse, so she decides to go back after it? Holy shit. Then she runs into Kurt. So Jarrett freaks off and drives off without Karen. Ha. Kurt laughs at how she could have married such a loser.

Hogan and Bischoff come out. Hogan is in a backbrace. Hogan calls out RVD. RVD comes out while his music reminds of all the moves he performs. Hogan talks nice to RVD, and says that because he is so laid back, that people have been taking advantage of him, but that he’s been on fire lately. Hogan tries some more to recruit Van Dam. Hogan talks some nonsense about Van Dam’s match last week.

Sting’s music hits, and he comes out. Sting calls Hogan on trying to bring RVD over to the dark side. Sting talks about how proud he is to be the champion, and that he’s going to get rid of Hogan and Bischoff. Sting tells Van Dam that he’s going to have to make his own decisions. Van Dam hasn’t said anything yet. He’s tired of these dudes, he just leaves the ring. The crowd chants for RVD. Bischoff starts jabbering, and starts talking about how Hogan plays better chess than Sting. Sting Death Drops Bischoff. Hogan does nothing, and hides behind the backbrace. Sting says that he’s going to steal a page from Hogan’s book, and says that Hogan will get his on Sting’s time, not Hogan’s.

Lethal LockDown Advantage Best-Of-3 Match #2
Abyss .vs. James Storm

Storm spits beer at Abyss and clotheslines him out of the ring. Then my power went out. Then Abyss had won and Immortal and Fortune were yelling at each other.

Winner: Abyss

I’m sure it was a 5-star.

Commercial. When we come back, Bischoff is yelling at a Network guy. Basically he wants the Network guy to tell him who they’re working with. I don’t know why they would give him that information. But apparently The Network guy will tell him “in time”. I hope it’s “They”.

Velvet Sky .vs. Angelina Love
(… maybe.)

I don’t know if this is a match or not. They weren’t very clear on that. But Velvet says that Angelina  “needs to defend her actions as of lately.” Angelina comes out… with black eyes.

I will repeat that. Angelina comes out… with black eyes.

Angelina walks up to Velvet. Velvet shoves her. Angelina walks back into her. Velvet punches her. Angelina walks back into her again. Velvet punches her again. Angelina tackles Velvet and beats the shit out of her. Angelina then skanks her way to the floor for a chair. Then she gives Velvet a death drop. Then she sets up the chair. The crowd is dead silent. Then she gives her a DDT on the chair. Velvet is dead. Winter comes out, and beckons for Angelina to come to her. So she does.

Ten thousand stars, as of lately.

Commercials. Baconalia looks unhealthy.

Gauntlet Match
Mr. Anderson .vs. Immortal (Bully Ray, Rob Terry, Gunner & Murphy)

It appears that they sent the nWo Hollywood job dudes out for this one. Gunner is still eating whatever Title it is that he has. I really could not be dreading this match anymore than I am.

Murphy is out first. He slams Anderson against the ropes, then works on his legs. So Anderon gives him a Mic Check. Pin. Murphy eliminated. Rob Terry comes down. Rob Terry shoves him down. To punish him, Terry then holds his leg… not in a hold or anything. He just holds his leg. Taz calls it a “leg bar”. Anderson just sits there like “what the fuck is that bullshit suppoesd to be?” before punching out of it. Terry continues his diverse offense of shoving and punching Anderson until Anderson hits a Mic Check. Pin. Terry eliminated. Gunner is in. The exact same thing happens to him as it does the other two. Gunner eliminated. Ray comes in. Man, that Ken Anderson is a really crappy wrestler. People are chanting “you can’t wrestle”, but I assume they’re chanting that for the wrong guy.

Anyway, Ray kicks Anderson’s ass for a while. Trust me when I say you don’t need to know the specifics. Then he beats up the referee. Then he tosses Anderson to the outside and drags him up the ramp. Then he takes out the chain.

Then Hogan comes out. Hogan takes off his backbrace, and goes to powerbomb Anderson off the stage. Then Sting comes out with his bat, and catches Abyss sneaking up on him from behind, so he beats his ass. Then he beats Bully Ray’s ass. Hogan runs off. He points his bat at Anderson.

Winner: WTF

WTF needs to be added to this title match on Sunday.

Commercial.

When we come back, Fortune cuts a promo talking about how they’re the heart and soul of TNA, and how they’re going to destroy Immortal. Good promo. Van Dam says he’s not sure where his head is at. Bad promo. Sting says he’s fired up to get rid of Hogan and Bischoff out of TNA. Good promo. Ken Anderson yells about mountains and titles and repeating himself. Bad promo. Hogan is walking in the back, talking about how Sting is gonna get a war. Bad Promo.

This has been “That Being Said”. This week’s recap is dedicated to my Dad, who passed away this week – he is the one who not only got me into wrestling at a very young age, but who also certainly aged more gracefully than professional wrestling ever has. He also appreciated seeing the humor in what it’s become, rather than just outright hating it. Thanks Dad.

See you Sunday!

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