Kue’s Korner: Quandaries and TNApoly; What You Already Know, but Funnier

Good day, ladies and gents. Shortcuts are welcome, but don’t dare cut this Korner. Kue’s Korner, that is. And I’m your dastardly, yet delicate columnist, Jonah Kue. This past week was, to say the least, newsworthy. And I join the dead-horse-beating club by wishing Edge a happy retirement and being grateful for all he’s given to the business and to us fans. It seems as if the new “season” of ‘E is coming into its own, and Superstars are slowly defining their roles for the next few weeks. However, with the draft only a week away, the dictionaries are thrown out the window. But before we get to that, let’s fancy ourselves a bit of self-promoting, shall we?

Twitter: @jonahkue

Blogger: Kue’s Korner Lite

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Jonah’s Jumpstart

I want to pose a question to you as fans and as “smarks”. We’re in the beginning of a new season, if you will, of ‘E. Many in-ring combatants have their destinies already outlined, at least to some extent, of the future. However, many don’t. Whether feuds or “endeavors”, what do you see in these Superstars’ crystal balls?

  1. Kofi Kingston
  2. Drew McIntyre
  3. Zack Ryder
  4. Sheamus
  5. Daniel Bryan

Just a way to stimulate discussion amongst us as watchers of our lovely sports-entertainment.

Total Nonstop Articulations

Guess what this section is about?

Here’s the thing. History repeats itself. Well-known fact, kids. But we also, as a supposedly intelligent species, try to learn from our mistakes, whether collective or individual, so that the time gap between the same mistake made twice is ever the larger. Apparently, this doesn’t apply to the now infamous TNA wrestling and their head of booking, which consists of the ever-selfless Hogan, the keeper of good company known as Eric Bishoff, and the well-tempered, well-structured mind of Vince Russo.

Seriously, it’s barely been a decade and we’re repeating the fall of the second-tier organization? I don’t know why I stay shocked by the booking decisions of Dixie’s playground. It’s been the norm for the past year or so now. Maybe it’s the fact that I see genuine talent in the organization being laid to waste. To see the potential of people such as Daniels, Joe, and Styles thrown to the wayside simply sparks an angry little fuse in this gentleman’s head. This basically mirrors a no-way-to-win game of Monopoly.

Samoa Joe:

Community Chest: You harbor the most potential and talent in the entire roster. You basically have the ability to carry the promotion into actual “competition status” for Vince.

Chance: Hogan/Bischoff/Russo gives you a chance to jerk the curtain. Yay.

AJ Styles:

Community Chest: You are the prototype for homegrown TNA talent, are amazing in the ring, and have a natural face charisma about you

Chance: You are given a Flair heel role, which is more unnatural for you than Jake Gylennhall playing the pitcher, lose the title to someone who had no real long-term contract with the company (because that’s how we reward loyalty), and knock you out of the main event scene for the foreseeable future.

Christopher Daniels:

Community Chest: You’re incredibly over with the crowd as the “Fallen Angel”, are stellar in the ring, and people have been clamoring for your push for awhile.

Chance: Val Venus squashes you.

Jeff Hardy:

Community Chest: You leave the competing organization as the most over guy in the business, despite your drug issues and legal troubles. We give you the title, even with the given that your legal issues will get the best of you. But we’re optimistic. Let’s see where this goes.

Chance: GO TO JAIL. GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200.

Choir, you’ve been preached to.

That being ranted, last night’s “Lockdown” was a decent outing. Pope/Joe was good and hopefully brings finality to this feud. Both are great in the ring, but need to be pushed up the card in a quick way. Angle/Jarrett was suspenseful as hell, but (pardon the French, Chris) what the fudge kind of ending was that? At this point, Angle is following the path that Joe followed half a year ago. I guess if he’s jobbing, who better to get the rub than Jeff Jarrett? Oh, wait, ANYONE. And hooray for Fortune besting Immortal. Daniels needs that boost. Hopefully, they won’t can the guy. AchooooMORLEYooooo. Excuse me. And can we change the clustertruck matches that the X-Division and tag divisions have become? Every PPV doesn’t need to include a match with every bucking person in the respected divisions! Ridiculous.

As for the title…….I’m sorry, I can’t even speak of this atrocity of a title picture without wanting to throw broken glass at the three idiots involved in it. Anderson is worthless. RVD is a placeholder champion at best. AND WHY IN THE BLUE HELL DOES STING STILL HAVE THE TITLE? He does nothing, NOTHING, as the champion. At this point, I feel like going out of my way to go to Adam & Eve, pick up a bag of edible gummy dicks, and mail them to Universal for Hogan and Russo to munch on.

Okay, Jonah is done. Moving on.

Blue Streak

What’s that saying? Every end sprouts a new beginning? Well, paraphrased, I believe it equates to that. And Smackdown is following that motto to the “t”. And what a beginning it is. We’re all sad to see Edge go. He is an exceptional talent, had an amazing career, and gave his all night-in and night-out. His leaving is surely a loss, but there is a light in all that darkness. The blue brand is picking up the pieces and then some. They used the retirement to further boost Del Rio (if that were even possible) in his position as top heel. And finally, FINALLY, we may see what so many of us thought was just a farfetched dream: Captain Charisma as World Champ.

Mr. Not-So-Dashing-Anymore is becoming more and more of a highlight for Friday nights. His promo this week was uncanny and actually coated the continuation of his feud with Mysterio with validation. With the Extreme gimmick at the next PPV, I’m curious to see what kind of match we’re going to get between these two. Whatever the case, I’m sure we’ll get a MOTN contender.

What troubles me about Ol’ Blue is the basic non-use of talent like McIntyre and Kingston. There really is no one for these guys to go head to head with except each other, and though that would lead to decent matches, I think repetition has its limits.

Also, it’s mind boggling to think of the de-evolution of the Corre. The potential of this group to be the dominant force on Smackdown really filled this brownie with ample anticipation. But after the job to Santino and co. (say what you want about “APPLE” and their defeat, a ‘Mania loss to the unibrow is almost irrecoverable) really signified a squash (excuse the pun) to that potential. So now, a break up is being devised. Not sure if anything else can be done, really. But who really comes out of this break on top? Big Zeke? I can’t see him getting a huge face run. Slater and Gabriel will probably linger in the limbo that is E’s tag division. And IC champ Wade Barrett? I’ve been saying this for months. All he needs is a good feud. Kofi and Mysterio are prime counterparts for Barrett. Let’s see if Creative can grasp a rivalry for him before he fades into Superstars obscurity.

For all the problems brought up by yours truly, there may be one saving grace: the Draft. Let’s hope we get something promising from the upcoming roster shuffle.

Seeing Red

We’re going through the pages ’til we hit that last chapter entitled “Extreme Rules”.

Anyone who knows me knows I am an avid fan of John Morrison. That being said, the opening promo between him and R-Truth was rancid. Morrison himself was fine, but the “truth” of it is this had worst chemistry than Bret Michaels and a pound of sugar. So, they pushed a Truth heel turn in one night on the basis of…..water and cigarettes? Really? I’m not sure how they’re going to have a Straight Edge heel and a Nicotine heel co-exist in this world of fake fighting. Maybe the change in character will add more depth to Truth. One can hope, anyway. The match itself was fine, but the result basically made last week’s gauntlet match irrelevant. Ah well. At the very least, Johnny M is finally in a PPV main event, where he should, ideally, be a mainstay for the foreseeable future.

I’m torn when it comes to Ziggler’s new look. On the one hand, it gives him a more serious look, which may lead him closer to the main event angle On the other hand, Ziggler’s lost that unique look of his that was so nostalgic of Henning. It’s also a generic look which, coupled with Vickie’s overwhelming personality, has a danger of drowning him out.

Anyone else surprised at the meteoric push Sin Cara has been receiving? Sheamus, Swagger, and now teaming with Cena? I’m all for it. Thing is, it’s clear that Sin Cara isn’t used to wrestling an ‘E style match. With that said, is the push he’s receiving a bit of an overzealous move on the part of Creative? I hope the answer to that is no, friends.

Jim Ross is beaten and embarrassed. Ah, nostalgia.

I stay amazed at the battles between Orton and Punk. These two keep building their chemistry, and their matches keep getting better and better. I’ve yet to get tired of this feud and am rather curious what stipulation they’ll add to their eventual match at Extreme. And talk about the dichotomy of fan interaction. The London crowd came alive for both these seasoned grapplers, with “RKO!/GTS!” chants echoing back and forth, it’s no wonder they want to hold on to this rivalry as long as possible.

All in all, this show is in the process of setting up the feuds leading to Extreme Rules. With the main event already changed via JoMo, it’ll be interesting to see what other changes occur via next week’s draft. I will say, if Michael Cole gets drafted either way, it would feel like Vince throwing a giant middle finger at us. Hopefully, we can avoid that, so he can avoid those trademark gummy dicks from yours truly.

‘Round the Bend

I’ve got to say, the community of Pulse Wrestling has done a sensational job of promoting each other. The writers on here are really talented and I’m honored to be among such a driven and gifted group.

Brian McLoone’s Stew takes a nice trip around the grappling world, including the passing of great Larry Sweeny.

Our esteemed Mr. Biscuiti takes a look at the main aspect of the aftermath of Edge’s retirement: Christian

I’ve yet to go through one of Blair Douglas’s “That Being Said” TNA Recaps without falling out of my couch, laughing. Check out the Lockdown review.

The lovely Kelly Floyd graces us with her weekly Smackdown Recap with a bit more sentiment on Rated R’s retirement. Honestly, why she doesn’t have a weekly column is beyond me.

And, of course, Gojira. My rival has put together a perfect nostalgia piece, taking us back to the moments of WCW that really meant something. And, by the way, it was I who ran over that bald guy. I did it for you, Gojira. I did it for you. ‘Cause I’m a bad man.

The Kolumn Kloses.

Adieu.

 

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