10 Thoughts on What Needs to Go Away in Wrestling (WWE, TNA)

Columns, Top Story

People over here, what’s up? Your favorite homie caught usually at the flipside, Jonah Kue, is here with a trend-following Ten Thoughts piece. This little piece, though, is void of that cynicism so characteristic of us IWC writers. Because this man is an optimist. Sunshine. Glass full. Dandelions. So, without further delay, here are Jonah Kue’s 10 Thoughts on What Needs to Go Away in Wrestling.

  1. Michael Cole’s intolerable repetition and screeching. I know we can blame the dwindling of his heat to the Reed Richards-esque stretching of his feud with Lawler, but honestly, the recent habit of using one phrase over and over and over and dammit, I want to stab his plucking tongue with a rusty screwdriver! (no innuendo intended). It’s just transitioned his character from heat magnet to annoying weasel….which means he’s come full-circle.
  2. Matt Morgan.
  3. This habit of TNA putting the entire X-Division and tag division, respectively, in one clusterduck of a match at every PPV. If the Knockouts division can be given three separate storylines, than a litle more effort can be given to the other two divisions as well. Of course, the three Knockouts storylines do include attempted vehicular homicide, drugging, rape, and reverse Manifest Destiny, so, I may be asking for shit to be thrown on my head….oh, they did that too? Moving along.
  4. Ken Anderson.
  5. Any legitimate stars being paired with Santino. None. It’s fine that he’s the comedy for the night, but to drag someone like Daniel Bryan into an abomination such as APPLE can do no good for said legitimate star.
  6. Sting as the TNA Champion. His time as placeholder champ is done. And so is RVD’s, for that matter. These seven minute PPV main events are not a good representation of the company. Well, it shouldn’t be a good representation of the company. PLEASE RETIRE. For the love of God, PLEASE RETIRE.
  7. Booker T’s catch phrase of “right there”. It’s getting contagious. I know I’ve heard Josh Matthews use it a few times. “Right there” is not the equivalent of a period. It does not belong at the end of every sentence. See what I did, right there?
  8. Not pushing Zack Ryder. You want to prove social networking is a prime part of WWE marketing, Vince? Push the star of “Z”. Quickly.
  9. Structuring Morrison’s promos. I know face Morrison has yet to deliver a captivating promo. Understatement, yes, but the kid does have promo chops. He’s demonstrated it through his run in the infamous Dirt Sheet, and even through rare face moments, as such:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkDCzNmdoh4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0PGO_gxdrk

10.  And, of course, the obvious. Hulk Hogan. I’ve never wished for anyone to die from a stroke before. But every time I have to suffer through a second of Hogan’s screen time, that ceiling is broken. I could care less who. Him or I. Please get him off the air before there is either a brown guy or a fake brown guy in the ICU.

See you next week on “Kue’s Korner”, ladies and gents.

Adieu.

    I like my wrestling almost as much as I do my coffee. And I do love my coffee, as you can tell how much it's affected my skin tone.