Pulse Wrestling Report: WWE Smackdown! 04.29.2011 — Randy Orton, Alberto del Rio, Christian

Welcome, ladies and gentleman to a monumental edition of Smackdown! Just days after the Draft, and days before Extreme Rules, we’re strapped in and ready. Speaking of the Draft, here are the newly acquired members of the Blue Crew:

  1. Randy Orton
  2. Mark Henry
  3. Sin Cara
  4. Daniel Bryan
  5. The Great Khali
  6. Jimmy Uso
  7. Alicia Fox
  8. William Regal
  9. Yoshi Tatsu
  10. Natalya
  11. Jey Uso
  12. Ted Dibiase
  13. Tyson Kidd
  14. Tamina
  15. Alex Riley
  16. Sheamus

Most of these men were featured on the next intro, still paired with that atrocious song, and we’re set to begin!

This is the last time we’ll see the Heavyweight Belt without a waist to cling to on Smackdown. Also, we’ll apparently watch the smallest wrestler face the largest, as Mysterio will take on Mark Henry, for some reason. That should be…disastrous.

Randy Orton enters in his brand spankin’ new Smackdown shirt, looking furry with his man-beard. Perhaps he’s a hockey fan? I digress. He is welcomed with open arms by the Smackdown fans, as he discusses the big move. But wait, serious face is on as he addresses his match with CM Punk, who remains on the Raw brand. Hold the phone…Drew McIntyre enters in his new brand’s shirt. Face to face, Drew chirps on to brag about it, before pouncing on the Viper. Not surprisingly, the attack doesn’t last long, before he takes an RKO.

“Now, as I was saying…” he begins, but wait, again! Music I’ve never heard before…Alex Riley. Aw. That’s cute. What will happen, what will happen…

Boom. Immediate RKO. To quote Monty Python…GET ON WITH IT!

This time, he doesn’t even try to talk. He waits, leering at the entrance, waiting for the next person to appear. And he doesn’t wait long. Alberto del Rio enters. In case anyone forgot, he is now on Raw. Which breaks my heart, but that’s beside the point. The three of them corner the Viper, but poof. Christian appears. Which can only mean…

Teddy Long enters. I’m going to guess a tag team match is about to be set. Alberto del Rio and Brodus against Christian and Randy. Except for Clay, that sounds pretty delightful. Alberto winks at Randy who charges, but he escapes, which allows Christian to eject Clay from the ring. Well, that was exciting!

Commercial.

Kofi is entering upon return, but not for long as Sheamus jumps. He destroys Kofi quickly, tossing him around and introducing his skull to the barricade. And the steel steps. Into the ring, he stalks his prey, Brogue kick, and Kofi is dead. Welcome to Smackdown, Sheamus. You are a very welcome addition.

Commercial.

A recap of the nonsense that is the whole Cole/Lawler/Swagger/Ross mess. Wow. I actually don’t remember Cole’s mouth bleeding. Perhaps I dozed off…surprised they didn’t edit it out!

Cole’s battered face takes up the whole screen as we come back to Smackdown. I think I’m really done with Cole. Not in the, “hey, this is professional wrestling and I’m really supposed to hate this fool!” kind of way. But in the “sigh and fast forward” way.

Anyway. He introduces Swagger, and then to my delight, Sin Cara is next! I really adore his song. And his entrance. And him. It’s just a giant love-sandwich over here.

Bell rings, and we’re off, mood lighting still going strong. Swagger backs Cara into a corner, throwing punches. Over his shoulder, but Cara fights out. Top rope twisting arm drag (which, might I add, still looks best on EXW’s Prophet) but eats a massive clothes line. On his stomach, Jack uses Cara’s back for push-ups, and heads back to the corner. Cara gets fired up, but is neutralized when Swagger can finally lift his boot. He fiddles around with something…brass knuckles? But Cara rolls him up before he can use it for the victory.

Grade: B-
Cara found a way to be impressive without overshadowing Swagger, which is very hard to do. Swagger has a very traditional style, and is always paired up against the super high flyers who make him seem obsolete. This match was simply great. Not amazing, but pretty great.

Sin Cara hits a high crossbody after the match, and Cole shouts at Swagger to get his head in the game before Sunday.

Show and Kane are backstage, strolling.

Annnd, now a video package for the Heavyweight belt. I can hardly wait for this ladder match. I’m calling Match of the Night, right now!

Commercial.

We return to a Kharma vignette…more excitement building!

Exactly how many times have the Tag Team belts been put up for grabs? Jeez, they sure do get around. Anyway. The Corre-ettes enter first, followed by The Big Red Show.

Slater and Show first. Show manhandles him for a bit, but Slater sneaks in a kick before tagging in Gabriel. To the top rope, drop kick, and a series of kicks follow. Too many kicks! He goes for the pin, but Show kicks out so hard that Gabriel goes flying out of the ring.

Commercial.

We’re back, with Show and Slater again, but Gabriel is in, and again to the top rope. This time he was caught, Chokeslam position, thrown but Gabriel catches himself for a DDT. Show is down, so Gabriel jumps on his back for a Sleeper. He slowly stands up and drops Gabriel hard. Separation between the two, Slater and Kane tag in. Immense back and forth…until Slater eats a comically large boot. Kane to the top rope, nails Slater. Chokeslam position. A wild Gabriel appears! Caught. Both men fight out, but then Show and Kane both get their hands on the Corre members, dueling Chokeslams, and it’s over!

Grade: C-
If you need to make it a title match every time you wrestle to be interesting, you’re not doing it right. Which is odd, because with how sick I was of Big Show, I really have been liking him lately. This was a decent matchup, with a dismally small dose of Kane, but it’s cool. I’ll take it.

Khali and Singh backstage, getting used to their new surroundings. Mysterio waltzes up to say a quick hello. He’s wished well by Khali…and then they chat with…someone? Call me ignorant, but I have no idea who that is. Oh well, who cares.

Commercial.

Reyburt is on his way out to the ring. A quick recap of his match against Cody last week, and now it’s time to chat. He’s apparently going to miss us. I don’t fully understand these goodbyes. Edge saying goodbye? Sure. HBK saying goodbye? Of course. But they were saying goodbye to the WWE Universe. Not to the random compilation of fans in an arena. Just saying, as he reiterates his affection for the fans.

Mark Henry’s music cues up, and we’re reminded of his heel turn. Yeah. It wasn’t that interesting when it happened, and it’s definitely not now.

Oh, he’s chatting now, too. He chuckles as he says that it’s “funny that your farewell, is my debut.” Well, man of few words as we begin.

Rey already flying around the ring, before using his strength to halt Rey, who rolls out to collect himself. One kick to the face upon re-entry, two kicks to the face. But boom. Knocked the hell down. Now Henry is standing on Rey’s torso. Rey’s fists are flying, trying to stop the World’s Strongest Man. Rey is thrown hard out of the ring but lands like Spiderman. He starts to target Henry’s knees, but is thrown into the steel steps. Henry takes a moment to collect himself, charges at Rey who dodges and sends Henry barreling over the steel steps in what could be the most painful-looking way possible.

Commercial.

And we’re back. Henry is down, in the corner, and Rey seems to finally have the upper hand. Just kidding. Rey dangles over the top turnbuckle, and Henry slams his whole body weight into the petite star. Rey lifeless, before a surprise burst of energy. Huge senton to the laid out Henry, cover, with a big kick out. 619 position, connects! Oh hey look there’s Cody to force a DQ.

Grade: D
Rey did the best he could with what he had. But I just don’t understand Mark Henry’s relevance. I might actually loathe him. He can barely even move, and it is obvious. Ugh.

Over the barricade he goes, and the two go into the crowd. Cody is about to tear Rey apart, but tosses him back into the ring for Henry to hit the World’s Strongest Slam. Cody enters the ring to put the paper bag on Rey’s face.

Commercial.

Oh no, a recap of LayCool’s fight on Monday! I don’t want them to break up. Michelle makes her way out. Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen her enter by herself. The music doesn’t cut as a very angry Layla enters next.

Both women pounce on each other as soon as the bell rings. This ain’t no chick fight. Michelle nearly breaks Layla in half when she’s sent into the barricade. The two are counted out, as the brawl continues.

Grade: N/A

The two have to be pulled off of each other, Layla looking more feisty than she has in months. Layla grabs a mic, and is sick of Michelle. She calls for a real match to “finally shut you up”. No disqualification. Michelle accepts, but under one condition. “Loser Leaves WWE” match is set (love the audio dubbing over the word “Smackdown” which she initially said). Michelle seems to be choking back tears…

Commercial.

We’re back with a compilation of footage from their European tour, along with the Superstars and Divas talking about the experience. Beth Phoenix appears to be alive, talking about her time out there. And Edge talks about how great it was to go on one last European trip.

Backstage with Christian and Striker. He’s talking about his destiny. Then, he begins to wonder if he can do it. God, I hope he wins on Sunday.

A quick rundown of the card for Extreme Rules, and then we cut back to Ricardo Rodriguez announcing Alberto’s entrance.

Commercial.

I love Josh Mathews! Cole started to talk about himself again, and I could feel the eye roll as Josh immediately changed the subject back to the match. Atta boy!

Christian is out now, followed by Randy. This will undoubtedly be a complete clusterfuck. So, let’s go!

Alberto will start things off, against his opponent for Sunday, Christian. Just kidding, Brodus in now. He uses Christian for a stepping stool, and all his attempts at offense are stopped. Even his springboard sunset flip fails. Alberto in, a solid kick echoes, and another. Randy in, couple of hard knees into the dome of Alberto. Brodus storms in after an abrupt tag to take out Randy before…

Commercial.

When we come back, Clay is still dominating Randy. Alberto tags in, using his sharp offense to keep Orton down. Randy reaches out for Christian while in a chin lock. When he can’t reach, he summons all his strength the lift Alberto up and drop him, breaking his hold on him. Both men tag, Christian getting fired up. Slowly chips away at Clay, wearing him down before he is finally off his feet. Christian climbs to the top rope, but is caught by Clay for a big slam. Resorting back to standing on Christian’s chest, the ref pulls him aside, and Alberto sneaks in some offense. Alberto back in, targeting the left arm. Christian in the corner, Alberto charges but is cartwheeled over the top rope, out of the ring. Christian crawls toward Randy, Alberto slithers back in to tag Brodus, who stops Christian from tagging. Brodus is in charge once more, body slam after body slam. Alberto is tagged, trying to stomp his face off, getting visibly frustrated. Alberto to the top rope, with Christian on his back. Christian jumps up and attacks, dropping Alberto quickly, and Randy finally tags in. Hit after hit, The Viper builds up. Snaked through the ropes is Alberto, and 1, 2, 3…DDT. Brodus taken out. Punching the mat, RKO…fails, as he’s shoved against the ropes, and tripped by Clay. Clay is in, takes the RKO, pin, and it’s over!

Grade: B-
Not bad, boys! Brodus was an obvious buzzkill. But setting that aside, I really dug this. It wasn’t as epic as it could have been, but worked just fine for me. Alberto and Christian’s tension was finger-licking good, and it was nice to see most of the focus on Captain Charisma.

Credits roll.

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