We open up the show with footage from September 11, 2001. Fast forward to tonight and Lillian Garcia is here to sing the National Anthem.
RAW Intro.
We are live from the Rock’s backyard and the site of WrestleMania 28, Miami.
The Rock kicks us off proper, soaking in the atmosphere. I just love how we’re eating time here tonight. Oh, wait. If I am expecting wrestling, I’m watching the wrong show. Anyhow, the Rock is back home. The crowd eats this up as if it was an endless dinner buffet. He has one thing to say – “We Got Him”. Him, referring to Osama Bin Laden in case you lived under a rock the past 24 hours. The Rock praises the U.S. Military and he says the Pledge. We get a history lesson from the Rock and that includes a high school picture.
The RAW GMail interrupts the Rock and Michael Cole is giddy about this. The Rock interrupts Michael Cole saying that if he has the balls to leave the Cole Mine and enter the ring to say it to the Rock’s face. So the Rock calls him out for being a tough guy. Michael Cole goes on to cut a promo on the Rock saying that he is now a man. The jacket comes off and the shirt gets unbuttoned. He’s wearing a Boston Celtics shirt, thus graduating to offending the hometown team. He does indeed leave the ring and he says that the Rock has to apologize to the GMail or he will cut the cord on the birthday celebration. On top of that, Michael Cole wants an apology for all the abuse the Rock gave him over the years. The Rock does apologize and he offers a handshake. Michael Cole shakes his hand, but we all know where this is going. Rock Bottom to Cole, followed by the People’s Elbow. It seemed the censors thought he said “Go Eat S***”, but he meant Go Heat. He brings out Mr. 305. Not Montel Vontanious Porter, but Pitbull. Out comes the Miami Heat cheerleaders.
That was an epic waste of thirty minutes.
Commercials.
Last week, R-Truth complained and got his ass handed to him.
Jim Ross is at ringside taking over for Michael Cole. John Morrison makes his entrance, but R-Truth blindsides him, beating him down before hitting the Lie Detector. Morrison gets helped up by the referees and they head up the ramp. R-Truth comes back out and he hits that move again on the metal ramp. No match.
Commercials.
Maryse v. Kelly Kelly
Kelly Kelly takes Maryse down and just as quickly as the match starts, Kharma makes her appearance. She goes after Maryse and she hits the Implant Buster. She takes a look at Kelly Kelly and she leaves her in peace.
Result: No Contest
The Miz is in his lovker room and Alex Riley complains about the Rock’s party taking him forever to get to the Miz. He reminds him that he got drafted to SmackDown, but the Miz tells him that his personal services contract supercedes the WWE contract. I’m no lawyer, but I’m sure that can’t be right.
Commercials.
The Rock flirts with the face divas. Even T-Lo is here tonight. Daniel Bryan sits at the table and Vladimir Koslov has a movie script. Santino dress up as Lou Cobbs from Fast Five. Bring in Hornswoggle dressed as the Scorpion King. The party couldn’t get more ridiculous than the Great Khali wearing a pink tutu. The Rock has one person that will come up with a title to all this nonsense. Ron Simmons gets the call-up and we get the “DAMN”. I was actually thinking FTS.
The Miz v. John Cena for the WWE Championship is next.
Commercials.
WWE Championship: The Miz (w/Alex Riley) v. John Cena
The bell rings and we get a delayed lock up. The Miz goes to the ropes and Cena leaps over him. Hip toss connects as does a dropkick for two. Bulldog hits and Miz kicks out. Back to the ropes again and the Miz gets a minor comeback. Alex Riley gets on the apron and Cena decks him one. The Miz takes control and he tosses Cena out of the ring. Riley clotheslines Cena and the Miz sends him to the steel steps. Miz covers back in the ring and he gets two. We take a break with the Miz in control.
Commercials.
We’re back and the Miz retains control. The Miz tees off on Cena in the corner. The Miz measures Cena, but HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects and Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. A.A. attempt, but the Miz floats off and he connects with a boot to the face. The Miz misses another kick and Cena has the STF locked in. The Miz reaches the ropes. Another kick from the Miz and a DDT connects. Cover…two count. The Miz exposes the turnbuckle. Cena evades the turnbuckle, but ultimately can’t evade the Reality Check. Miz covers and that was a close two count. The Miz looks for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena sends the Miz into the referee. The Miz taps out, but there is no referee. Alex Riley comes in with the briefcase and Cena scoops him up. Miz uses the briefcase and he connects with the Skull Crushing Finale. Cena is covered for about twenty seconds, but Cena kicks out of a slow count. Cena gets up and SUPER CENA scoops the Miz up and hits the A.A. for a close two count. Riley slides the title belt in the ring. He uses it on Cena and he covers for the pin.
Winner: The Miz
Alex Riley and the Miz celebrates with the title and the referee wonders how they got the title so quick. He senses the Miz cheated, so he reverses the decision and DQ’s the Miz.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Grade: B
We go back to Extreme Rules where John Cena told the universe that the U.S. killed Osama Bin Laden.
Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston v. Jack Swagger & Drew McIntyre
Swagger and Mysterio start things off. Mysterio goes pillar to post and we get a quick tag to Kofi. Poetry in Motion by the duo. Kofi takes control until Drew McIntyre interferes.
Commercials.
We are back and Swagger keeps Kofi from tagging in Rey. McIntyre tags in and he continues the beatdown. Schoolboy by Kofi gets two. Crucfix by McIntyre gets two. Kofi fights out of the corner, but Swagger goes low and he keeps Kofi grounded. Swagger keeps Rey from getting involved before tagging in McIntyre. Kofi botches the landing on the suplex counter. Tag to Rey and he goes to town on Drew. Cover and Swagger saves the match. Rey sends McIntyre to the ropes. Trouble in Paradise connects as does the 619. Cover and pin.
Winners: Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston
Grade: C+
A split second after the pin, Rey baseball slides into Alberto del Rio. Seems we got a new storyline.
Commercials.
Christian is at the Rock’s party and the Rock congratulates him. Vickie Guerrero interrupts the party and her and Dolph Ziggler have Mae Young in a birthday cake. The Rock tells Vickie that she’ll never be as good looking as Mae Young. He kisses Mae Young. He tells Dolph that he gets more pie in one night than he does in a lifetime. John Cena has a gift for the Rock – the WWE Championship. Cena vows to keep the title until their epic match at WrestleMania 28.
Mason Ryan (w/CM Punk) v. Kane
Bell rings and Mason overpowers Kane. Kane gets shoved out of the ring. Back inside and Kane goes for a reach-around. Mason won’t have any of it and he takes Kane down. He picks Kane up in a powerslam. Kane gets caught in the corner and we go pillar to post hard. Back and forth and Kane gets a big boot to the face. Kane turns the table and CM Punk interjects.
Winner via DQ: Kane
Grade: FTS
The Nexus comes out and they overpower Kane. Big Show comes out and he handles the Nexus well until Mason Ryan spears Big Show to next week.
Commercials.
We hit the rewind button and the Rock comes out once again, this time with a bit of speed. He asks if we had fun tonight. He thanks the fans for coming out and support him. He gives the fans his word saying that WrestleMania 28 will be the greatest of all time.
ENTER VINCE MCMAHON!
Vince thanks the Rock for having the big birthday bash and he also thanks him for taking the initative and stepping up. On behalf of the WWE, they have a big present for him. The present is a video tribute to the Rock’s life and career.
Balloons, confetti, streamers, and pyro closes the show.
Show over.
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