Kue’s Korner: Commentary Class 101; CM = Careful Maintenance (WWE, TNA)

JUST. Bring it. Right into this lovely little haven we call Kue’s Korner, brought to you by the ever enticing boy you know and love, Jonah Kue (applause). It’s been a busy, busy week for yours truly, but also a busy one in the world of ‘rasslin’. From Draft to Extreme Rules to Punk’s contract dilemma to the People’s Champ, ‘E has definitely been the headline of this particular week. But let’s not bore you with intros any longer. Let’s get into the meat of this delicious dinner.

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Jonah’s Jumpstart

Commentary Class 101

Sometimes, comparisons are drawn over very thin lines. This is not the case when discussing the commentary in WWE. With the return of good ol’ JR, it’s been blatantly obvious the fallacies of the announce teams that don’t include him. I paid special attention to Smackdown’s commentary this week and realized that the ducking commentators don’t even call the match! They’re giving history lessons through the entirety of the matches! I regard the fact that sometimes these matches are short on time, but none are short enough to not call the freaking moves. Besides the finishers, no move is ever called by its correct name, or even called at all. For Christ’s sake, Cole kept calling Orton’s trademark powerslam a “scoop slam”!

This is why the announcers need to take heed of JR’s announcing skills. He tempers history (and his background talk is selectively interesting) with the happenings of the here and now, not to mention the level of emotion he puts into his voice. Sad thing is, announcers like Grisham and Matthews are picking up from the Cole School of Announcing. Please, gentlemen, I implore you, TRANSFER.

CM = Careful Maintenance

I’ve said this several times over, but there really is no way to overemphasize this: CM Punk is the most put together, overall best worker/wrestler/superstar out there. And with recent talks of our savior not resigning with ‘E, it leaves one to wonder the consequences, should he decide to to return with Vince and company.

Look, I’m as big a Punk mark as the next guy, and there’s no denying that losing him would be huge for ‘E. But with all the major heels populating Raw, there doesn’t seem to be room for him to escalate. And if that’s the case, maybe leaving the company for a bit while these new heels settle is the right thing to do. Above that, Punk has been growing weary of the travel and work schedule. If that’s the case, it might be a good idea for him personally to take some time off a la Jericho. This way, when the company is in real need of his attributes, he’ll be able to negotiate on his terms. Of course, that’s even if he decides to make that choice.

Total Nonstop Articulation

You know, I’m not sure how Dixie Carter’s budget is looking right now, but she could save a good amount of money (and the fans a good amount of grief) if she just fired Karen Angle. I mean this. Dixie, if by any stroke of luck you are reading Kue’s Korner today, do yourself and me a favor and FIRE KAREN ANGLE. She does nothing for the show. Correction, she makes the segments she is a part of unbearable. And putting her on the first 20 minutes of the show almost guaranteed a loss of viewers for Impact, which is a damn shame, because this week’s Impact was a rather good show. So, again, Dixie, as someone who’d like to see a wrestling company with good talent thrive, FIRE KAREN ANGLE. Thank you.

Mexican America is basically TNA’s Corre, in which they had great potential that gets squandered through repetitive squashes. Now, they can’t be taken seriously as a threat. Let’s hope this can be corrected before all of their heat fizzles out.

I can tolerate Sting. I can tolerate Anderson. But when their ramblings actually form into interactions with each other, it almost makes me want to get a vasectomy for the sake of not breeding children who’d have to be subjected to a Sting/Anderson feud. Get the belt off of Sting and put it on RVD. I’m not an RVD fan in the least bit, but at this point, I’ll take anything over Sting holding it and Anderson wanting it (wow, that last sentence by itself…..I need to watch my diction. Damnit, I did it again!).

Speaking of people who need to hold the title, AJ has not missed a step. If he’s not holding the title within the next few months, it would qualify as almost as bad a decision by the booking team as pushing “Cold Heat Matt Hardy”.

I’m surprised by Bully Ray and how over he’s getting. If he’s being used to push new talent, then, let’s go with it.

Other than the routine wish of Morgan choosing a career in the fast food industry, that closes out the “articulations” section.

Blue Streak

This show was all about Draft repercussions, as showcased by the biggest draftee to Friday nights in the opening segment. I’m glad they’re cementing Orton as a top face on the show, as this is a long time coming. My issue is how it was done. McIntyre was fine. He had some decent mic exposure, got in a shot on Orton, and it was simply reversed. I would say he gained some momentum from that interaction. However, Riley, who I fear will dwindle into obscurity without the Awesome one, looked like he received a jump start towards that goal with the burying via RKO.

I also fear this outcome for Kofi Kingston, who, at the expense of Sheamus gaining monster heat, was buried to hell. I’m glad for Sheamus, though. I suppose new Smackdown talent should go over the Raw talent on the Blue show. That also explains the outcome of Sin Cara/Swagger, which was a decent (and thankfully, botchless) match.

By and by, I am probably one of the few that enjoyed the Khali segment. I think it was less my understanding of the Hindi and more the amazing charisma and knee movement of Khali. No, I’m not Indian.

Out of all the Raw draft picks, Mysterio seems to be the least significant, simply because I feel like he’s on the verge of another hiatus. And if that’s the case, look for his match with Rhodes at Extreme Rulez to steal the damn show. Again. With that being said, his match with Mark Henry was passable. Although, I cringe at the thought of a heel push for the Silverback. On the other hand, I believe Rhodes Paper Bags is the most lucrative merchandise WWE can sell.

After the build towards the LayCool breakdown, they gave away the match on Smackdown? Really? I’m not saying this is the highest quality Diva match, but it completely nullifies any build if you give away the climax. Moral? Don’t climax too early.

Ah, I spoke too soon. Layla/McTaker. No DQ. Loser leaves WWE. Hmm. I vote for the hot one.

The main event tag match was fun, but it failed as a go-home show for the PPV. In fact, the entire week was far from perfect promotion. I know the roster shake up is a top story, but to totally dismiss the PPV the way ‘E has is very late 90’s WCW of them. It’s not that I think the shows have been bad, or the PPV will be bad. It’s just a bit disheartening that they’re relying on ‘Mania residue to carry buyrates for Extreme Rulez.

Extremities

It’s interesting to note that the curtain jerk matches nowadays are legitimate main event level quality. We follow this trend with Orton/Punk II. Last Man Standing matches are generally slow, grueling to watch matches, as it follows the not-so-tried-and-true formula of “big move, count to nine, stand, repeat”. Leave it to Punk and Randy to make this formula seem fresh and have fans seem really invested in it. Last Man Standing really requires one main thing to bring any level of excitement to it: psychology. And this feud has it in spades. If this really is Punk’s swan song in the company, it’s definitely not a bad note to go on.

The thrown-together match involving Kofi and Sheamus for the US Title was a decent one. Kofi needs the title. Sheamus doesn’t. There’s not much else to say about this one.

I’d like to talk about the Cole/Swagger vs. Lawler/Ross match without popping a blood vessel, but it’s damn near an impossibility. So, I will leave this one alone for the most part and pray that this is the lid has been put on this feud. Please.

Match of the night? Tough call. But I’ve got to give it to Cody and Rey. The chemistry between these two, as undeniable as it is, was pushed to another level in this PPV. Couldn’t have asked for more (well, a Rhodes victory may have been nice). Hopefully, Rhodes can move on to a higher profile feud. He’s certainly earned it.

Say what you’d like about the Diva’s division (and trust me, I have said plenty myself), but the LayCool fallout match was a rather good one. There was plenty of psychology, the moves were well executed, and the ending was definitely a good one. The crowd killed the momentum, though, but we can blame that on the inadequate build (or the years of bullpit Divas matches and booking). Either way, Layla has improved in the ring. And she’s fine, so, that’s always a plus.

Speaking of the exact opposite of that description, Awesome Kharma. What an impact (no pun intended). I cannot wait for the series of squash matches leading to the inevitable feud with Beth Phoenix. If ever there would be a way to rejuvenate the Women’s division in ‘E, this would be the trigger to pull. So Freaking Pull!

The long-awaited reign of Captain Charisma as Champ is upon us. And no better way to get there than a great ladder match. Not only did Christian get rewarded with what was rightfully deserving of him, del Rio came out looking like even more of a main eventer than he did coming out of ‘Mania. I have yet to see an Enziguri executed so flawlessly and look so painful. An ENZIGURI. If he’s not World Champ within the end of the summer, talent misuse in ‘E will have hit a Code Red level.

I recall the pride that WWE and the Rock felt when the word “Smackdown” was officially entered in Webster’s. Apparently, this isn’t the last entry they’ll be making. See, “Corre” was never misspelled. On the contrary, it’s a word with a meaning of its own. That meaning? A group of people who are fed to the wolves. And by fed, I mean job. And by wolves, I mean Kane and Show. You’re welcome.

I’ll put it bluntly: I hated the ending of the main event. That being said, I enjoyed the match thoroughly. Morrison showcased the hell out of himself (again), and the match was suspenseful enough, carrying the high spots a cage match is usually privy to. But, simply put, we got a good match out of it. The Miz isn’t out of the title picture, not by a long shot. Maybe this time, we can finally get the Cena/Miz feud done right. One can hope.

All in all, I must say, it was a (as the kids call it) a pretty bangin’ PPV. There were solid matches, several of which were main event caliber. The promos were short and effective. What needed to end ended, and some matches also set tones and feuds for the future. I guess you could say I was….EXTREMELY satisfied. Wakka wakka.

Seeing Red

Not gonna lie. This brownie marked the truck out for the Great One when he came out. It’s interesting to see that he didn’t mention his match with Mr. Pebbles at ‘Mania 28. ‘E has been known to have bad memory about their own history, so, skepticism crept in. However, keeping the Rock out of the current angles in the company is actually a good way to keep the wrestling away from the entertainment (and forget the semantics, it’s still a wrestling company). Oh, and Pitbull was there.

Who would have thought the most intriguing character development of the year so far would go to Kwik-Killings-Truth? Well, after Rhodes, anyway. I was worried they might give away the Morrison/Truth match on Raw, but thankfully, they’re using the beatdown/match delay angle. This feud is critical to both men. The feud with Sheamus put Morrison in the title picture, but this feud with Truth may be the last little nudge necessary to cement him as main event ready. And as for Truth, this is the feud that is making his character three dimensional.

Kharma. Finally. FINALLY. ‘Nuff said.

I find it funny how they’re booking the Miz. They want to make him seem credible without sacrificing any of Cena’s credibility, and it’s difficult to do so, since each of them have a different type of credibility. Cena has marketing cred, while Miz has IWC cred. So, in essence, the strategy Creative is using is null in void, and results in odd overbooking.

The Cena/Miz title clash was a good match, and made the Miz look more established than any match these two have had before. The fact that he had kicked out of an FU was shocking enough, but he kept his “brilliant heel” attribute alive when he used the belt so swiftly. Of course, the DQ win for Cena gives the Miz a legitimate gripe to have another rematch, which should be included in the next PPV. Hopefully, but not probably, we’ll see Miz actually get a win over Cena. That is, if ‘E can stomach jobbing their golden boy.

I thoroughly enjoyed the Mysterio/Kingston vs/ McIntyre/Swagger match. I found the chemistry of McIntyre and Swagger very intriguing, from their combo entrance to the way they tagged each other. Considering the promise they showed, it was disappointing to see them job.

It also looks like they’re reigniting the Mysterio/del Rio feud. Despite the redundancy, it should provide some entertaining matches. Still, it would have been nice to see a del Rio/Morrison feud in the works. I suppose patience would be the virtue to use here. For now.

And it seems that New Nexus are the next to job to Luc Longley One and Two….I mean Kane and Show. Or are they? Mason Ryan is in line for a hell of a push. The decimation of both Kane and Big Show is exemplary of that. I wonder how close a cut he can be to the cookie cutter Batista left behind. I mean Lashley. I mean Lesnar.

Again, not gonna lie. This brownie marked the luck out when Vince graced us with his presence. I’m going to lose the characteristic jaded persona of the supposed “smark” and simply say that the celebration of the Rock, no matter how much it fits in the “nostalgic” label, if only for one night, has every right to be celebrated. The list of people who have been deemed as the total package of wrestling is short, and that’s an understatement. And you can bet your monkey ass the Rock is on it.

‘Round the Bend

Apparently, Gojira is gauging the gargantuan growth of our grudge (still got it!). My P.I.C., Rhett Davis, and I have made our dominance rather cut and crystal clear. But it seems Monsieur Goji and his associate, Pulse Glazer, wants to, how the Miami natives say, bring it. And so, it will be brought. Kue/Davis vs. Goji/Glazer…..STEEL CAGE. It’s Koming. Right on Kue.

In a rare break from wrestling analysis, CB goes on something more personal and moving. Check it here, folks.

My AZ homegirl, K. Floyd, is bringing some EXW to Pulse. Check out here take on EXW Adrenaline Rush.

The other half of the Kue/Davis (guess which half) gives a breakdown of Extreme Rules with his special guest, Mr. Steven Gepp. Check out The View from Down in The O’Really Report.

We’ve got some Draft reports and critiques coming from Chris Sanders’ The Rager, Joel Leonard’s No Chance, and Jake Ziegler himself.

Mr. Blair A. Douglas takes on his haters, TNA Impact, and the rest of the world, all while keeping a pearly white smile on. Check out That Being Said.

And, of course, Mike “Almost as Kolossal as Kue” Gojira gives a great analysis on the current Top Heels in ‘E. Visit The Stomping Ground today.

Klosing Thoughts

A friend of mine, who will go by the name of Painkilla, brought up an interesting thought to me the other day. With such a cult following behind me, the fact that ‘E hasn’t been pushing Ryder yet is a bit unsettling. I believe it’s simply the timing. ‘Mania’s residue has just finished its wearing off. Now is the time when stars and feuds begin anew. So, let’s hope those who deserve the push, such as Long Island Iced Z, will get what we’d all like for them to receive.

Adieu.

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