JUNK NEWSFLASH! Vince McMahon True To Shareholder’s Meeting Promise


Vince McMahon has fulfilled one of his promises only a week after WWE’s annual stockholder’s meeting took place in Stamford, CT. During the meeting McMahon promised to aggressively attack piracy, develop Sin Cara, Alberto Del Rio and the Miz into the new “Rocks and John Cenas”, schedule WWE PPVs on different weekends than UFC PPVs and crush Christian’s spirit.

“While we are barely seven days out from our meeting, already we have accomplished our chief goal,” Vince McMahon said via conference call from his helicopter. “By building Christian up so strongly since his return from injury we’re confident that he felt he was in a pretty safe place. We did around ten events where Edge hugged him and told all of his fans to cheer for Christian. Christian was probably already spending the money he’d make from the t-shirt sales. HA!”

Vince McMahon chuckled and continued. “You should have seen the meeting where we told him Randy was winning the title. ‘Duh, what? Can’t we do it at the PPV? Look at me, I weigh 14 pounds!’ He actually thought I’d let him be champion! Oh my God, he joked around and made it look like it was okay, but you could see him dying inside!”

When asked if he had any further plans to humiliate Christian or if he’d just let him slide into mid-card obscurity, McMahon was quick to respond. “You mean a Matt Hardy special? Nah, unlike Matt, Christian could actually make money if he were to go somewhere else. We’re going to turn him heel and have him lose to Randy in quicker and quicker matches. Then he’ll feud with the Great Khali for a bit. Then… stop listening if you don’t want spoilers… get ready for this… SISTER CHRISTIAN!”

The line seemed to go dead for a few seconds, but that turned out to be McMahon letting the reporters take the news in. “It’s a song, right? We’re going to say he stole from the mob and now to avoid them he has to wear a nun costume. Like that movie, um, the one with the black… Christian Act… Sister Act! Only instead of singing, he’s be, um, what’s a word for wrestling without saying wrestling… pretend fighting in a male oriented soap opera!”

When asked for comment after a recent Smackdown house show, Christian gave a big smile and said, “Working with Khali sounds great. This Sister Christian thing sounds really cool. I was so happy to drop the title to Randy Orton, he’s great!”

He paused and looked at the ground. “In TNA you wrestle for 40 people and then they get to come into the ring and take their picture with you. I’ll do whatever Vince wants. Anything.”

Christian began to softly weep.