What’s going on, peeps? Welcome back to another edition of The Stomping Ground with your loyal and not-at-all-a-liar-like-Rhett-Davis, Mike Gojira.
I have to apologize, folks. You see, for the last few weeks I’ve been inundated with bothersome e-mails from my fans asking me when Glazer and I will finally open a can of whoop ass on those jabronies Rhett Davis and Jonah Kue and I haven’t had a chance to really reflect on the results of the WWE Draft and Extreme Rules. I guess the point is moot anyway, since I always strive to present something DIFFERENT than the dozens of columns you see here on Pulse.
That’s not to say my fellow columnists are bad writers; quite the opposite actually. They all give excellent and different takes on the week’s happenings and there are a few scholars here that could make a college seminar on Wrestling and Literature look legitimate.
My point is that I’m an end-of-the-week columnist (hopefully that will change soon, wink wink cough Matt cough take notice burp) and by the time you get to me, you’re stuffed with different ideas and opinions on the same shtick. I’m asking the readers to post ideas for future columns in the comments and I will take them into consideration for future use.
With that being said, this week’s column developed from two things: Tough Enough and Awesome Kong. During the first week of Tough Enough, Ariane tried to salvage her chances on the competition when Austin asked what her favorite match was. When she replied, “Melina vs Alicia Fox,” you knew she was done. Of all the matches in the history of the business, why did she settle on two average Divas in what must have been a dismal five-minute snoozefest? Her lack of experience with the product showed and she appeared to be all about the limelight (whether that’s true or not is unknown, but that’s how she came off). As the weeks progressed, it seemed to me that very few of the ladies had what it takes to make it in the business of sports entertainment. Rima suffered from a frail body but clearly has the heart and desire. Christina seems to be piggybacking off of her sister as she has yet to impress anyone. Ivelisse seems to have the best chance out of all the ladies, but with her injured hamstring she might be on her way out. Michelle put her family first which in my opinion was the right move as her heart was not in the competition.
The debut of Awesome Kong aka Kharma also nudged me in my current direction, as I’m excited to see what she can do for the division.
After seeing all of this, I decided to do a bit of a retrospective on the current crop of WWE Divas and how they measure up. Now this may come across as sexist at times, but it’s difficult not to be perceived as such given the topic. My intentions are good and if anyone is offended, know now that I apologize in advance and mean no disrespect to the females in the audience. I am a gentleman and a lover of the ladies (my girl can attest to that).
The mantra of the Divas is that they are smart, sexy, and powerful. Unfortunately, most of the Divas are signed as eye candy and very few have ever displayed all three qualities. I’m not saying that they don’t try, but it can be quite obvious as to who has the “It” factor and who doesn’t.
As I recall, Melina began her WWE career as a valet (much like Trish Stratus back in the day). When MNM parted ways, she stayed with Johnny Nitro on Raw until she became a Diva in her own right and worked with Beth Phoenix as a heel tandem. Her skills were improving little by little and by the time she won her first Women’s Championship, she was ready to take off. She switched shows, won both female singles titles, turned from heel to face and back to heel, and generally was poised to take Mickie James’s spot. However, an injury sidelined her and when she returned she wasn’t the same Melina as before. Her workrate suffered and she is rarely ever on Raw anymore.
Maryse was a hot little number on Smackdown and gained a lot of steam when she moved to Raw. As champion, she steamrolled the competition and became something of a Diva ring general. Once she lost the gold, however, she was relegated to a valet (a regression of sorts) for Ted DiBiase. She has yet to recover from this misstep and was most recently used as cannon fodder for Kharma.
One diva who has yet to ever impress me is Alicia Fox. I have yet to see a clean-cut match with Alicia that doesn’t suffer from some sort of botch. If the results of this Friday’s Smackdown encounter are any indication, the problems are still ongoing.
Rosa Mendes has some potential but her televised matches are few and far between so I can’t accurately assess her situation. I am partial to Latinas, though, but I can’t find a logical reason to back her up just yet. Sorry, mamacita.
If recent reports are to be believed, Vince McMahon is pretty high on Kelly Kelly right now. Out of all the girls who have the look but not the talent, Kelly clearly has determination. You can see it in the way she handles herself in the ring. She might be a little sloppy, but I have never seen more improvement recently than in her.
One of the best and most underutilized Divas is Gail Kim. Ever since she returned, it seems like the ‘E gave her a shot simply to say “Fuck you, TNA.” If I were her, however, I’d be more than a little upset that I’m not even used in the ring very often (Superstars doesn’t count). Hopefully the WWE remembers her history with Kharma and uses that as a major feud for the former Awesome Kong.
Eve has truly handled herself well in the transition from interviewer to Diva. She is intelligent, beautiful, and has shown remarkable skill in the ring. I’m not sure if she’s turning heel but I’ll reserve judgment for that once we know more about her tirade after losing the Diva’s Championship to the Bellas.
Speaking of the current champion(s?), the Bella Twins are simply there because they are a living gimmick. Identical twins plus bait and switch equals hilarious shenanigans? I think not. Go back to being guest host arm candy, ladies.
Layla has shown a lot of improvement throughout her time in LayCool. I always preferred her over Michelle McUndertaker because she never comes off as a heel who just reads off a script. Yes, I’m saying McCool was terrible at emoting. Good riddance. Back to Layla…she has a lot of potential, so let’s see how she fares as a face.
Natalya is clearly the best technical Diva of the bunch. Why the ‘E took the belt off of her in a four-way match and put it on Eve boggles my mind. She should still be Diva’s Champion and Kharma’s first feud. At least get the girl back in the ring!
Kaitlyn seems to be hanging around, waiting for her contract to run out.
Same goes for Tamina.
Finally, we come to the Glamazon, Beth Phoenix. WTF? Why is she not being pushed to the moon right now? Are they keeping her in the wings a la Sting, waiting to strike against Kharma? Is she still healing from her injury? Why is every statement a question?
Apologies if I’ve forgotten anyone. Vickie Guerrero doesn’t count since she’s truly just a heat magnet, but if you want to get technical I guess you can call her a Diva, too. At this point I feel she’s just a hindrance for Ziggler more than anything else.
With the advent of Kharma, things are looking up for the Divas division. Now is the time for the ladies to step up their game and prove their worth.
I love The Rock as much as anybody, but come on! The whole show was dedicated to him like he had died or just entered the Hall of Fame. For the last few weeks since Mania ended, the show just doesn’t have a long-term focus. If this is part of Vince’s new direction, I’m scared.
Kharma’s theme song is legit scary. I wonder who her first real opponent will be.
Mason Ryan, you have earned the name “BatisTwo.” Kudos for giving him a nice little push.
I don’t usually read Smackdown spoilers, but I was told of some happenings that didn’t sit well with me. Lo and behold, the rumors are true. By the time you read this, you’ll know what I’m talking about. What a stupid, stupid move! I don’t want to hear, “Wait until you see the bigger picture.” There were a million other scenarios they could have gone with. Totally inexcusable.
In more spoiler news, apparently TNA has attempted to counter the signing of Kharma with another big, bad former Diva; this one is way past her prime, too. Good luck with that one. Just the thought of her being Kurt’s “mistress” makes me throw up in my mouth.
Sigh. You can check out Davis’s latest where he talks about Extreme Rules. He talks trash about me as well as a five-year-old can, so it’s worth getting a good chuckle out of.
Kue’s back with another take on the state of the business. He’s a great writer, if only a little corny with his comebacks. Shouldn’t be long before we have a “misKue,” eh, compadre?
Jake Ziegler is back with his take on what he considers to be draft mistakes in this week’s Backlash.
Chris Biscuiti, resident commenter extraordinaire, has TWO columns up this week that you can find here and here. A word of caution: choose the wrong link and you could find yourself in an alternate dimension where Kue and Davis are actually humorous.
Sanders and Leonard round things out this week. Otherwise you’ve got the usual stuff from Blair, Floyd, and the aptly named Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Column.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Tags: alicia fox, Bella Twins, Beth Phoenix, Eve, Gail Kim, Kaitlyn, Kelly Kelly, kharma, Layla, Maryse, Melina, Mike Gojira, Natalya, Rosa Mendes, tamina, The Rock, Vickie Guerrero, WWE, WWE Divas Championship