Pulse Wrestling Report: WWE Smackdown! 05.13.2011 — Christian, Randy Orton, Kharma

With all the opinions flying around in the past week and a half about the new champion, I have to wonder what today will bring. And we kick it off with a recap of how Christian won it, and the inevitable loss of the title. It was a hard-fought battle last week, but the victor is still an uncertain topic. What will transpire tonight?

Speaking of Christian, here he comes. Still looking perky, but decidedly less so. First off, he discusses the choice of letting the fans decide his number one contender last week. He puts the decision over, saying he was just doing his job. Next, he wants to congratulate Randy Orton on his new title. He thinks that it will end differently, because then he’d be at 100% and prepared. But, before he can finish, Sheamus makes his way out.

Sheamus laughs as he explains why Christian should be upset. And then suddenly, calls for a match between the two. Uh oh, Mark Henry’s entering now. I’m a little perplexed that Christian keeps being grouped together with Henry.

He tells Sheamus to cool his jets for a moment, and says that everyone enjoyed Christian’s loss to Randy. He also seems to think that the people in the crowd came to see him. Switching gears after the fans give him zero response, he calls out Sheamus. Sheamus says they should team up in a handicap match against Christian.

Class, what happens next? A brawl.

And heeeeere’s Randy! Champ and rightful-champ take everyone out and are left in the ring by themselves. Both nod and congratulate each other vigorously, Randy’s expression casual, Christian’s a bit timid.


Christian and Randy backstage, talking to Teddy. Of course, what we just saw would turn into a tag team match for the main event. Christian thanks Randy for his assist, but Randy stares him down, claiming his own reasons for doing so. Since Christian said he could beat Randy at 100%, Randy wanted to ensure that that was true.

Chimel about to announce the next match, but Chavo takes the mic out of his hand to announce Sin Cara. And next out, Daniel Bryan! High hopes for this one.

Both men cautiously step towards each other, Cara flipping all around the place. Daniel effortlessly pushes him into the ground, before powering out with a few kicks, and another beautiful top rope twisting arm drag that I love so much. Daniel Bryan is tosses out of the ring, but Cara quickly follows, flattening the small star.


We’re back, and so are the men. They’re tossing each other around, before both scale to the top rope. Cara goes flying, but once he stands back up, a huge dropkick from Bryan surprises him. Bryan goes for the surfboard submission, quickly flicks his toes, launching Cara into a pin, which he kicks out of. Cara trapped, but powers out for a quick rally which is halted. Suddenly he explodes, with some fluid counters, hard kicks, and a huge crossbody. Bryan goes for the LaBell Lock, but can’t lock it in and ejects Bryan. Huge kick from Bryan outside the ring, tosses Cara into the ring and begins to climb to the top rope, in the corner. Once he’s there, Chavo charges, trying to help but is disposed of quickly. This allows Cara to strike, both men standing on the top rope, big finish and it’s over.

Grade: A-
Only my second A ever, but I think these two earned it. Daniel Bryan looked the best he has in months, in my opinion, and Cara was given a good chance to show what he can do. The beginning of Cara’s matches are all kind of the same, but he flourishes from there and really makes it interesting to see. His moonsault finisher is ridiculous, and I can’t wait to see him live in June.

Chavo enters the ring as Cara sees the replay, and discovers Chavo’s interference. Chavo tries to lift his arm up in victory, but Cara pulls away, waggling his finger. Vigorously shaking his head at what Chavo is saying, Cara shoves him to the ground. Grunting like a bull, he slowly walks out, staring him down.

Moving on, a recap of the Corre friction and all the events that transpired last week.


Trace Adkins is there. Hm. I should care about that huh?

Layla! She’s in the ring talking about her best friend. Apparently, she injured her knee, but claims it was worth it, just to get rid of Michelle.

“Enough, enough, enough.” Michael Cole, interrupting Layla to bury the Divas division once more, to talk about Lawler. Really? She tells him to shut up, but he continues to bury them. But, as I’m sure we all predicted, here comes Kharma! Layla looks frightened as she makes her way down the ramp. Layla runs but Cole trips her. And boom, Layla dies. Cole gloats over her, but Kharma shifts her gaze to Cole, who scurries off and locks himself in his box.

Sidebar: No one disagrees that the Divas division is…sub-par, to say the least. And I’ve done a pretty good job of just letting it run its course without saying anything, because the disaster can speak for itself. But with Michael Cole interrupting them at every chance he gets, it’s a slap in the god damn face to every woman that watches wrestling. Do they think we sit back and giggle with our friends, french braiding our hair, and trying to figure out who fills out the crotch of their itty bitty trunks the best? They parade Randy Orton and John Cena around, hoping we’ll swoon and fall weak in the knees? Sorry, boys. You’re not my type. Here’s the inside scoop: women love wrestling, too. I sit back on my couch with my sister to watch a show, and we discuss how good a match was, how impressive a spot was, or who we think should be pushed. And while the men’s division is decent enough, watching girls like Beth Phoenix and Natalya do their thing have been the highlights of my nights. It’s ridiculous, and I’m fucking sick of it. I know the big, strong men don’t want us ladies to waltz onto their territory, but it’s already happened. So make room for us.


The three remaining members of Corre enter, and Wade begins speaking to Kane, where ever he may be. What does that mean? Kane’s entrance, of course.

Match time!

Both are angry, charging at each other, Kane using his strength to get the upper hand on Barrett momentarily. Every time Wade builds up a little bit of momentum, Kane stops it with a force. Wade rolls out to collect himself, and…


Looks like Wade is back on top…just kidding. Seems every time I say that, momentum changes. And now he’s back. Wade works on the left arm of Kane, both men on the ground. Barrett manages to not only lift Kane off the ground, but manipulate the movement into a hard slam. And Kane returns the favor as he reverses out. Kane drops Barrett a few more times, Slater distracts, Wasteland position, but Kane fights out and Barrett eats a big boot. Kane takes out Slater and Gabriel, then Wade. To the top rope, big punch, Chokeslam position but Slater and Gabriel attack, forcing the match to end.

Grade: D+
Decent enough, I suppose. I like both men a lot. But Wade looked so lazy tonight, so sloppy. There was no real power behind any of his moves, and it was tiring to watch. Kane was about the same, like this was a free exhibition match. Not their best work.

The brawl continues before Barrett hits Kane with the Wasteland. But it’s not over. Big Zeke charges out, getting rid of the two Corre-ettes, and it’s one on one for a moment before the pack reunites and tears him apart. Each hit their signature maneuvers, ending with J-Gabe’s 450.

All three men raise their arms in victory.

Sheamus and Henry are bickering backstage, obviously discussing their match later against Christian and Randy. I have high hopes that this match will end in some brilliant twist. Which in WWE-speak means that Randy will win via RKO, and Christian bends over for it.


Oh. God. Khali enters with a cowboy hat on. And it gets worse. The Kiss Cam. It lands on some rotund lady who looks like she was the one that played Fat Lita. They kiss, and I can’t get the last two minutes of my life back.

And here comes Jinder, looking dapper. A slow, stupid “punch” to the side of Khali’s head, and another. Khali looks mad, but does nothing as Jinder leaves. Okay. I want the last THREE minutes of my life back.

Christian backstage with Randy.


Tedward is in the ring upon return, and how delightful that Cody Rhodes enters next! This will be grand.

Once again, he insults the crowd on their appearances, dispensing the paper bags. He hands one over personally to Ted DiBiase, and we’re ready!

Both men charge, Teddy forcing Cody into the corner. Cody stops him, backs up for momentum, but is stopped by a dropkick. Super swift rollup from Tedward to Cody, but they break apart. Ted charges Cody in the corner, but Cody moves, sending Ted’s shoulder into the steel post. He reminds the crowd to put the bags on before clutching Teddy. Both in the corner, Cody on the middle rope, but is shoved off. Huge clothesline from Teddy. Beautiful Disaster from Cody, into the CrossRhodes, and it’s over!

Grade: C-
I was a huge Legacy mark for a long time. Tedward was always my favorite. Cody has become a recent favorite of mine, as I simply love his presence/gimmick. Maybe those expectations are why I found this match so…blah. Not great, boys.


Striker backstage talking to Corre, bragging about taking everyone out. Wade sets a challenge against Jackson, for a match. And, it’ll be a title match. Yawn.

Christian enters now. Then Randy.


In case anyone forgot, or didn’t watch the first fifteen minutes of the show, we get another recap of Randy winning the title. WE REMEMBER.

Mark Henry enters. Next, Sheamus.

Sheamus and Christian off first, Sheamus using his power to keep Christian down. Christian hits a big elbow on Sheamus, getting fired up, only to be stopped cold. Henry in, manhandling Christian who hastily tags in Randy. Randy hits one of the highest dropkicks he’s even done, landing Henry on his back. While Henry regains control, Cole jabbers on about his cheer squad. Anyway. Randy is out of the ring, and Henry is distracting the ref so that Henry can attack. But Christian is there to make sure nothing happens.


Henry and Randy back in the ring, Randy dodging a big slam. Christian tagged in, doing his best to stagger the World’s Strongest Man. Few punches, big dropkick, attempted DDT but he is flung away. Sheamus in for the pin, for two. Speed slows, but picks up after a moment when Christian is dropped hard. Christian tangled in the middle rope while Henry tags in. Ref yells at Henry as Sheamus attacks quickly, Randy outraged. Sheamus back in, Christian once more tangled in the ropes, as the ref screams at him to break the hold. Christian goes for a crossbody, is caught, but still manages to get Sheamus. Randy in, getting rid of Henry in the corner. Scoop slam, attempted DDT, but fails. Backbreaker from Sheamus. Crazy look on Sheamus’s face, goes for Brogue kick but misses and falls out of the ring. Second attempt at the DDT, successful. Punches the mat, goes for RKO but fails. Christian tagged, but Sheamus didn’t see. Randy RKO’s Henry at the same time Christian hits the Killswitch and it’s over.

Grade: B
A surprisingly good balance of the two faces. They complemented each other pretty well, both getting a chance to shine. And I was happy to see Christian as the legal man to win, instead of Randy. Overall, all four looked pretty good, and I liked the intricacies at the end with how the match played out. But of course, beyond the physical spectacle, nothing was done storyline-wise.

Credits roll.

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