That Being Said: TNA Impact Wrestling Report for 05.19.2011 – Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle, Jarrett

Welcome to “That Being Said”. We’ve got a lot to cover this week. No time for fancy intros! Let’s get right into it.

Interinactivity

The comments last week were insane, in both volume and substance. There were some really good ones too. For simplicity, I’m going to do this in sections.

TNA IMPACT NAME CHANGE

CB: Name change is fine, anything is better than TNA.
Blair: Agree. I like the idea of a name change for TNA, especially if they are going to go through with an actual re-branding. Except that they’re still using the TNA name, it’s just Impact that has the name change. And, I don’t totally get why they would not want the name of the company in the name of the wrestling program. Except that the show is still listed as “TNA Impact Wrestling”, at least it is on all the listings I looked on. So they added “Wrestling” to the name. Which is fine, too. But I still say they should have just changed the name of the company to “Impact Wrestling”. They could have followed suit with the PPV name change like “Impact Wrestling Presents: Sacrifice 2011” and the like. It’s not like “TNA” has positive name recognition among most people. So I think they’re missing out on an opportunity to re-brand by not getting rid of “TNA” entirely.

Jader: I’m slightly intrigued by the changes in TNA, but as you say, not hopeful yet… Just given past history. CERTAINLY not to the point of paying for a PPV.
Blair: Good call. TNA has done the whole “the company is changing… FOREVER!!!” thing about 6 or 7 times in the past couple years, and there has been almost no improvement in the company throughout any of that time. It’s okay to be optimistic, because that means you actually want the TNA product to be a good one, same as me, but in the case of TNA, you’re best to at least make it cautious optimism.

Steven Gepp: Come on! When Bruiser Mastino changed his name to fake Diesel and Isaac Yankem, he… you’re right… hang on, then he became KANE! And when Terra Rizin’ became Hunter Hearst Helmsley… no, but then HHH! That Ringmaster fellow, I believe he may have done something with himself after the name change to STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! And that fine young guy, ‘The Blue Chipper’ Dwayne Johnson… whatever happened to him? That’s right – the ROCK! So I can see impact heading the way of these great name changes, just like when Jim Neidhart became Who, Booker T became GI Bro, Hugh Morrus became Hugh G. Rection… There… was that markish enough for everyone?
Blair: No. I need more.

Rhett Davis: Man Jamal changing to Umaga didnt help anything either… Oh Johnny Ace to Johnny Nitro to John Morrison didn’t help much either…
Blair: They called John Morrison Johnny Ace?!?! That seems… wrong.

Jonah Kue: You know, when Prince changed his name, it did won…..hmmm. Well, how about Ol’ Dirty Bastard, I mean, when he changed his name, he….jeez, that’s a bad one too. Shit. I’ve completely lost my argument here. I feel like a Jeff Jarrett fan.
WaterDrip: Maybe he has a point with the symbol. To find any fault in changing ones name to “Big Baby Jesus” is crazy. ODB gets a pass because, 1, the name was just flat out awesome. And, 2, dude had to get johnny-law off his back…changing alias is just a part of all that.

CHYNA

I gotta say, I’m surprised I didn’t see more comments about Chyna. I guess you guys have probably been talking about it for weeks, while I was trying to stay spoiler-free. Anyway, there were no comments on this, but here’s my take on the whole thing.

Bringing Chyna in is not THAT bad of an idea. I do UNDERSTAND the idea and the opinion that getting Chyna for this role was a good move because of her history with Jarrett, and moreso, because Chyna was a somewhat relevant character in WWE during their most popular period. And, bringing Chyna in is actually going to generate some attention for TNA, which is a good thing. At one point, Chyna meant something to some people. It certainly makes more sense  to bring her in than to bring in Matt Morgan or Ken Anderson, who never meant anything to anybody. I UNDERSTAND why people will have that opinion. I just don’t SHARE that opinion, because I don’t think it will do for TMA what they think it will. I just wanted to point out the difference, because a lot of opinions I see on TNA, I don’t understand AT ALL.

On the other hand, if I can get sarcastic for a second, why would TNA want to retain talent like Jay Lethal and Homicide, who had been delivering for the company for years, when they could pay twice as much combined for someone who’s most memorable and recent relevant exposure was 5 years ago when she fucked X-Pac on film? Or got paid to act like a complete fucking disaster on Celebrity Rehab, which I didn’t even know about until Crystal told me.

Strong women on the TNA roster is a good thing. I mean, it’s not like they can rely on Awesome Kong to fill that role, TNA had to fire her too, to protect Bubba The Love Spounge, who was an invalueable, long-term asset to the company, who they then fired weeks later anyway. But forget Lethal, Homicide and Kong. They got Chyna now, and she can run through the TNA Knockout roster that they’ve been busting their asses to build before she takes off and leaves the division in ruins. That’s totally fair to all the other girls in the division making half as much as what they’re probably paying Chyna, even though they can already barely afford to attend PPV events and need to have second jobs. Problem is solved.

Plus, we all know that if there’s one thing TNA needed, it’s yet another person that the WWE will never hire again. Tell you what, here’s my bottom line. If they use her sparingly, for this storyline only, for the short-term, don’t let her anywhere near the Knockout division, and let her wrestle only once or twice… fine. Anything else will not be good. 

THE FUJ

The Fuj: To borrow a phrase from my main man, Bill O’Reilly, And now a couple of talking points: 1 – Did you see my main man Crimson kick some butt out there in TNA? The kid is becoming a star before my eyes. 2 – Christy Hemme…..DAMN! 3 – Sangriento FTW! Who is this Sangriento luchdore? What lucha libre promotion did he wrestle in? According to Mike Tenay he was a big star is Mexico? Does he belong to a Mexican wrestling family? I doubt that it is Amazing Red? Where did that information come from? 4 – More Suicide vs Sangriento PLEASE! Give me a best 9 out 17 series of matched between these two fanatastic high flyers. I know see why people like Chikara! 5 – Madison Rayne is hands down the best womens wrestler on the planet. On the Planet! Hands down, can’t be touched. 6 – Miss Tessmacher…DAMN!!! BIONG!

Steven Gepp: That’s it. Fuj is officially a parody. Nothing else could explain those comments…

The Fuj: What did I say that was so wrong? I like Sangriento. I do not read wrestling rumors or gossip but how do I know it is Amazing Red? Just because the wrestling sites are reporting that does not mean it’s true. I have people tell me that Chris Daniels was Suicide, then my friends told that is was Kaz in the Suicide costume. Now people are telling me that the ‘net is reporting that Jay Lethal is Suicide? HUH??? So, I for one don’t bother with wrestling gossip and ruomrs or news. If it is Amazing Red…than fine. I am just impressed by this Sangriento. Mike Tenay said this guy competed in Mexico? Why would Tenay, a historian of Lucha Libre, lie to the television audience? Oh no! My gig is up! I will not be here next week!;) See you guys next week! Big Daddy Jeff Jarrett ROCKS!

Jader: Sorry, you’ve been exposed as someone having a laugh. It’s okay, you had a good run.

Blair: Jay Lethal, Christopher Daniels, and Kaz have all been Suicide. And Amazing Red is Sang-whatever the fuck it is they call him. And Mike Tenay is lying to the television audience because Mike Tenay works in an industry whose foundation is based on one of the longest-running lies in the history of the planet. So yeah, sorry Fuj, but I think this is the last time that I devote any real time to your nonsense. Jader is right, you had a good run. You wasted some time, but I appreciate you just having a laugh, so no worries. Dry those eyes. That’s my brave little guy.

DOUBLE J CAN’T WAIT TO BE ALONE WITH HIS SUPPORTERS TONIIIIIIIIIGHT…

Boy, did I get some comments about my Double J remarks. Here are all the Jeff Jarrett comments from last week. I’ll just put my responses at the end.

Cory Yuen: Blair A. Douglas, for you to call Jeff Jarrett the biggest joke in the wrestling business in asinine. I mean, Jarrett has accomplised more than you will ever accomplish in wrestling. The guy has been in the business for 2 decades. He had tons of good matches with guys like Shawn Micheals and Razor Ramon in the early 90′s at a time when the WWE was mediocre. He made good to great money working for both WCW and WWE. So, According to Blair A. Douglas, Jarrett is such a joke that he had to start his own wrestling company because the WWE did not want him? So, Jeff Jarrett became an entreprenuer, funded his own promotion, developed TNA from being a weekly pay per view show to airing on Fox Sports Net to now airing on Spike TV and about to celebrate their 9th anniversary of existence. But yet you, a guy who writes about wrestling on the internet for free, calls him a joke? Excuse me? Are you actually serious? That’s like me calling Derek Jeter a joke? And to finish, Jeff Jarret is not a joke. The biggest joke in the wrestling business and the saddest will always be: Chris Benoit. Nobody will ever top that. Just needed to get that off my chest!

Cory Yuen: Oh so NOW, we take Eric Bischoff’s word as legitimate opinion and fact because he said something bad about Jarrett. Now Bischoff’s opinion is valid. Pretty selective on your part. So it was Jarret’s fault that WCW went under. Soley his fault. It had nothing to do with overpaid contracts to over paid older wrestlers, bad writers and a hot WWE product led by Vince McMahon and Steve Austin. No, just blame that on Jarrett. By the time Jarrett got to WCW, they were already dead in the water. You are wrong there, AGAIN. Jarrett wanted money from Vince McMahon. So what. The Ultimate Warrior try to hold up Vince McMahon back in the day and he was hired and fired THREE TIMES. McMahon holds no grudge agianst anybody that can help him make money. So you are saying that Jeff Jarret has great networking skills and knows how to charm people at Panda and get them to buy TNA, that makes him a joke? In the business world, Jarret would be a CEO of a top company, the face of a company. Not a joke.

Fuck. Where to begin. Let’s hear what my man WaterDrip has to say on the matter first.
Jeff Jarrett is awesome for his starting a company that lasted 10 years. Ian Rotten also pulled that off, minus the national TV exposure, but with the same crazy hemorraging of money, so he deserves the same credit.
Super. All right S.T.D., you got anything to add before I do my thing?
S.T.D.: Big Daddy Jeff Jarrett ROCKS!!! He is the ICON of TNA and…
Swayze: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING BLOB!!! ADULTS ARE TALKING!!!
Thanks Swayze.
But… but, you asked me to…

All right, Cory Yuen. Buddy. Here we go. Deep breath here… of course Jeff Jarrett has accomplished more than I will ever accoplish in wrestling, because I am not a wrestler. Just like I have accomplished more than Jeff Jarrett ever will in corporate finance. I’d rather be me than be him. Don’t really know what you were going for there. Let’s see what else we got… many shitty wrestlers have been in the business for 2 decades, and many of them are guys who have never had a second of TV exposure. So do they deserve that same credit? Seniority means someone must be good? Are you in a union or something? Anyone can have good matches with Shawn Michaels and Scott Hall. They busted decent matches out of Goldberg and Sid. Nothing against Goldberg or Sid, but great in-ring workers they were not. And let me get on top of this since I can see your response already – I’m not saying Jarrett is as bad a ring-worker as Sid or Golberg, I’m just saying that having a good match against Shawn Michaels and Scott Hall means basically nothing in that respect. For crying out loud. And in the same way, making good to great money in WWE and WCW also does not mean anything. WWE and WCW in particular both paid tons of money to guys who were complete wastes. In WCW, you just had to not be the worst guy on the card, or have worked for WWE at one point, or have just been willing to not quit. You don’t have to be good to succeed, kind of like the wrestlers in TNA, or how I sometimes eat at Taco Bell. Why are you typing out my full name so much?

Wow, there’s more? Okay, here we go. Jeff Jarrett did not fund his own promotion, he used investors, and his Dad’s money. Impact got kicked off Fox SportsNet. Busting out the Benoit-bomb makes zero sense. I don’t know why you’re asking me to excuse you, yes I am actually serious, and… WOW. Okay, so I’m not allowed to criticize wrestlers or a wrestling show because I’m not a wrestler and have never run a wrestling show? Well, I guess I better pack it in. This column is done now… forever. In fact, we should probably just shut down the whole site, and not just the wrestling division of IP, either. We need to shut down ALL of Inside Pulse, because we got people talking about TV and movies, and they probably haven’t produced any of their own TV or movies. Anyway, I’ll  be sure to let Glazer know right away. Seriously, what the fuck?!?! Do you think every actor out there is awesome? I guess you must, because you’re not an actor so you can’t judge. My head hurts. Let me put it to you like this. Have you ever had a shitty taxi driver, Cory? Well fuck you, you can’t say that, you’re not a taxi driver. So no, despite what you might think, all your taxi drivers have been awesome. I really hope you’re not a taxi driver. If you are, let me know, and I’ll find another comparison for you. Until then, that’s all you get.

MORE?!?! Ugh. No one is being selective when they’re saying that Eric Bischoff criticized Jeff Jarrett. It’s just that a lot of people who defend Jarrett also defend Bischoff. I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing. But you do realize it’s not just Bischoff, right? In books, DVD’s, or interviews, the following people have stated, not as a storyline, that Jeff Jarrett is either a joke, an asshole, not a draw, completely self-deluded, or just a bad wrestler in general:
– Hulk Hogan
– Eric Bischoff (His comments about Jarrett are actually really funny.)
– Ric Flair
– Vince McMahon
– Steve Austin
– Arn Anderson
– Triple H
– Chyna
– Vince Russo (Yeah. One of his best friends. Read Russo’s second book.)

I’m sure there are more, but those are the ones I actually remember. You got more? Bring it on. No one said it was solely Jarrett’s fault that WCW went under, so that’s that taken care of. If Jarrett is such a successful wrestler, why didn’t his arrival help WCW in the least? Jarrett just didn’t WANT money from McMahon, he held him up for money to lose the IC belt to Chyna. Yes, McMahon hired the Warrior 3 times after Warrior screwed him over twice, once for that same exact thing actually (holding Vince up for money) – but, Warrior actually drew money. Which is why Vince brought Warrior back, and did not bring Jarrett back. Actually, McMahon wouldn’t have even needed to go to the trouble of hiring Jarrett back, because Jarrett defacto became an employee of his again when Vince bought WCW. But instead of just keeping him around, which Vince would have if he had been of any real-life value, he real-life fired Jarrett live on RAW as soon as WCW was his. No, no one is saying that Jeff Jarrett has great networking skills or knows how to charm people at Panda. Not many people who blackmail their bosses for money, almost sink their company a few times over, or fuck their employees / co-workers wives, last long as CEO’s.

Jader had some good responses about Jarrett to Cory as well. I’m not gonna put them here, just because this Jarrett thing is already getting pretty long. In response to Jader though, I do believe Jarrett actually deserves SOME credit for playing a decent heel against Angle when the storyline first started. If I’m gonna criticize Jarrett, I’m also gonna give him his credit where I feel it’s due. But most of his heat in this storyline stems from the fact that Jarrett ACTUALLY DID fuck a co-workers wife. As in, not a storyline, it’s just that they turned it into one because they still think in 2011 that this is a good idea. But also to his credit, Jarrett had a couple good and a couple passable matches against Angle, but that falls into the same category as having a good match against Shawn Michaels or Scott Hall. Anyway, Jader also compared Jarrett to Honky Tonk Man, which brought on these comments…

Hector: The same Honky Tonk Man who lied about signing a contract with TNA that never happened. And talk about a wrestler not being welcomed by the WWE, Honky Tonk Man turned down a hall of fame invitation. But Jarrett is the bad guy?
Blair: Uh-huh. How many Hall Of Fame invitations has Jeff Jarrett had?

Stu Bly: Yeah, Honky Tonk Man is so much better than Jarrett. Jeff Jarrett lives in a big nice house while Honky Tonk man STILL has to wear his get up and appear on indy shows just to make a buck…Yeah, Honky Tonk Man rules alright???
Blair: I have so many questions for you. Questions like, doesn’t Jeff Jarrett still have to wear his get-up? Did you know that many independant promotions have bigger audiences than what the Impact Zone can even hold? Did you know that many wrestlers make more working the independant circut than many TNA employees make actually working in TNA?  How does the size of the house he lives in determine how good a wrestler Jeff Jarrett is? How do you know how big Honky Tonk’s house is? Sandman owns his own construction company and is independantly wealthy, and lives in a big house, so if it’s bigger than Jarrett’s does that make Sandman a better wrestler? Why are you so concerned with houses?

Limodriver: Who are you to disparage Honky Tonk Man?!?!?! He was the greatest Intercontintal champion of all time!!!!
Blair: See? Limodriver gets it. Jader gets it. Jeff Jarrett is not in Honky’s league. And Honky Tonk has become a parody of himself, so that’s saying something.

GENERAL COMMENTS

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What’s the URL? It’s… for my friend.

Hoax: This was the worst column for the worst wrestling show. I tried to read it but as a result of the poor grammar/punctuation, foul language, and general boorish nature of the column, I stopped about 4 lines in. Pretty lame Milhouse!!
Blair: I really don’t understand why anyone would stop reading 4 lines in (there are no spelling, grammar or punctuation errors in the first 4 lines, by the way) and then go to the trouble to comment, JUST to say they’re not reading anymore and that they don’t like the column. What possible point could there be to that? What am I supposed to do with that information? How am I supposed to know how seriously to take this comment, when guys like Hoax don’t even tell me what size house they live in?

Mike Gojira: Jeez Louise! I’m sitting here wondering, “where are all the comments for my column?” and then I look over at Blair and BAM! Here they are! lol
Blair: I bet my house is bigger than yours too. This makes me a better writer than you. I kid, I kid. If you like though, you can have some of my commenters. I get to pick which ones though.

Jeremy Spoke In…: You have to give Blair credit – his interaction with all the comments has made his recaps very very popular – good job Blair!
Blair: Thanks dude. If or when TNA exhausts me completely and I don’t want to do the actual show anymore, I think I can still keep going with Interinactivity. I have a lot of fun with it. More fun than I have with the actual recap, really.

THE WILDFAT CHRIS HARRIS

… HAHAHAHAHAHA. I kid, I kid. Wildfat made his return after several years and no one even cared. I don’t think there was a single comment about it. And Taz called him fat at the PPV. As if he’s getting his own section. PSYCH!

COMMENT OF THE WEEK

Big Lou From The Bronx: The reason I am starting to like guys like Gunner and Crimson is because they look like legitimate badass guys that you do not want to mess with. I think the Goldberg comparison is a fair one for both of them. The guys you mentioned like MCMG, AJ Styles and Beer Money. They are good wrestlers and all; But they all look the same and are pretty bland. I don’t get the “Oh crap, this guy is going to kick my ass” vibe when I am looking at Robert Roode. He like the rest of them, looks generic. Samoe Joe looks god awful fat and out of shape with man boobs for crying out loud! I will compare your question to this: Back in WCW if you offered me a choice of watching WCW crusierweight wrestling match between Dean Malenk and Rey Misterio or a choice of watching Goldberg enter the ring, kick ass music, pyro, beating his opponents ass for 5 minutes and bringing up the intsenity level. I will take a Goldberg match anytime, any day, anywhere over a great crusierweight match. Looks and appearance do play a role in success.

Yeah, WCW cruiserweight matches did suck. It’s like TNA matches now. They don’t mean anything. It’s just filler until Hogan or Sting or whoever they cared about at the time showed up. They even made them sound like just filler. That said though, Samoa Joe, MCMG, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Chris Daniels, Petey Williams, Low Ki, Kid Kash, Jerry Lynn, Elix Skipper, Chris Harris, those guys are the reason TNA exists at all. That’s what people want to see now. But TNA has guys like Crimson and Gunner that nobody wants to see. And they will waste time building them up, and they wont get any payoff from them. They leave, go to WWE, quit, etc. It happened with a bunch of guys in TNA’s past. Those that don’t learn their history are doomed to repeat. So in conclusion, all WCW cruiserweights are bad, all TNA matches now are bad, but Gunner and Crimson will not make it in TNA. If TNA made it LOOK and APPEAR as if guys like AJ and the bunch mattered, they would matter. Instead they make it look like guys like Bubba Ray and Matt Hardy matter, and nobody can buy that. The last good match I remember in TNA was Foley and Flair bleeding all over the place. Watching AJ try to make a lazy fuck like Matt Hardy get through a match doesnt equal “Good match” to me. It equals ‘waste of AJ’s time and talents’.

Big Lou, I don’t see it that way. I don’t see BIGGER guys as being any more tough as some of these “little” guys like AJ, Daniels or Kaz. Like for example, I don’t have a problem in my head seeing someone like AJ Styles or Samoa Joe kicking the shit out of a guy like Goldberg or Crimson and making it look believable. I also don’t think that Joe being fat has anything to do with how tough he looks, especially when he has proven he can run through huge guys or great wrestlers and make it look believable, and he’s another guy who I can absolutely see running through a guy like Matt Morgan or Crimson without a problem. That’s me though. I understand where you are coming from, and I know that there is a large (probably larger) segment of the wrestling audience that feels the same way you do. It would be one thing if AJ, Daniels or Joe were small pidly guys, but they’re not. To me, guys like Goldberg and Crimson, THEY’RE the ones that look generic, especially since TNA brings guys like this in on an almost quarterly basis, and then they never last, and then they’re gone. (See: Judas Mesias, X, Tritan, etc, etc, etc.) Also remember that guys like AJ, Daniels and Joe are getting FAR better crowd reactions than Crimson, Morgan or Anderson are getting right now in TNA.

I also half-disagree with Swayze. I think that the WCW Cruiserweight matches were what GOT the crowd fired up to see what they perceived to be bigger matches. And, the WCW Cruiserweight stuff would occasionally branch into entertaining stuff, like Mysterio / Guererro, Malenko / Jericho, etc etc. However, I don’t see the X-Division HAVING to be like the Cruiserweight Division. The X-Division can be good, depending on what they do with it, but how exactly to showcase it is something that TNA has always struggled with. I think Kaz / Buck and AJ / Dreamer from last week’s PPV is a perfect example of this. Both of those were great matches, but in the overall weight of the show, they mean nothing. But that’s a problem from a booking perspective, NOT a problem with Kaz or AJ, and you can tell that from the fact that those matches got the best crowd reactions all show.

HOWEVER… and I want to make sure I mention this, Big Lou, I understand exactly where you’re coming from even if I don’t share your opinion. And you are absolutely right that looks and style do play a part in success. The reason I am mentioning how much I appreciate Big Lou’s comment is because it actually had SUBSTANCE to it. He had justification, reasoning, and explained why he likes the wrestlers he likes, and actually made it make sense. This is often missing from comments supporting guys like Jeff Jarrett. THOSE comments are fun to respond to from a humorous perspective. Comments like Big Lou’s are fun to respond to because you can actually see the other person’s perspective while offering your own.

TNA SACRIFICE 2011 / IMPACT WRESTLING

It seems as though the feedback for Sacrifice this past weekend was pretty good. I have to admit, I enjoyed the show, although there were a couple of very low points. Even Jarrett / Karen / Kurt / Chyna wasn’t as bad as I THOUGHT it would be. Overall, I would give the PPV a Thumbs In The Middle. We here at Pulse did a poll about it, and 22% said it sucked, 16% said it was good, and 11% said it was so-so. I voted for so-so. I definitely don’t think it sucked, especially when you compare it to other TNA shows in the past couple years, or the shows WWE is doing right now. Although, 51% said they didn’t watch, and I’m not sure anyone can blame anyone for not watching TNA after the last couple years that they’ve had.

Anyway, here we are, yet again, on the verge of TNA taking another stab at being a company that most people either laugh at or don’t know exists. I really, really hope it works well for them, but again, HOW many times have they made claims like this, just to let us down? That being said, I am somewhat interested to see what they pull out tonight. If they actually follow through on “Wrestling Matters”, then who knows?

I know this has been a long intro. I apologize. But one more thing before we start – I found a quote the other day from Chris Jericho, from back when Jericho first joined WWE in 1999, and I found it to be extremely relevant. He said “WCW’s talent roster destroys the WWE’s talent roster. It’s just that WCW has no idea how to manage their talent effectively.” I think that’s a perfect quote for how I see the difference between TNA and WWE right now. I believe TNA has a much more talented roster than WWE does, but that TNA has no idea how the manage the talent they have. And, as cautious as my optimism is with TNA after all these years, remember that ANYTHING can happen. Remember this as well: how long did WCW lag pathetically far behind WWE before they started kicking Vince’s tail? It could happen again.

I think this was the longest intro I’ve ever done. I really do apologize. I felt like there was a lot to cover, and I think I got it all. Anyway, let’s watch some damn wrestling.

“Back From The Dead”

They do a recap of the Sacrifice PPV. I guess Chyna killed Karen and Karen is gone now? They also did a decent recap of the title match, and some good speeches from Sting and Anderson. Anderson can talk okay when he’s not trying to be edgy or funny.

New Impact opening. Not too bad. Don’t know why Matt Morgan is on blue fire.

Decent looking new set.

Immortal comes out. No Hulk Hogan. Bischoff takes credit for all the changes in the show. He says Hulk Hogan is in New York meeting with The Network about this whole Mick Foley thing. Bischoff says that since Foley and Hogan are in New York, that Immortal is in charge. So far this is pretty much like every other week.

Brian Kendrick and the JOB Squad hit the ring. Kendrick says that Bischoff can’t accuse wrestlers of getting in his way. Bischoff said nothing of the sort. Kendrick runs down Bischoff. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, KID! Kendrick should not ever talk. He wants to wrestle and is offended by Bischoff, I guess. Bischoff says that tonight, he is going to wipe out the X-Division. This gets crazy boo’s. So he says that tonight, the X-Division Champion is facing Abyss. He is putting Amazing Red in the ring against Samoa Joe. And Generation ME is facing Matt Hardy and… Eric Bischoff. Wow. Kendrick asks what about him, and Bischoff slaps him and has Immortal kick the shit out of the Job Squad.

Immortal beats up the Job Squad again, and Fortune hits the ring sans AJ Styles. Fortune clears the ring, and then they continue brawling with Immortal on the outside. Flair grabs the mic and starts screaming. He throws his jacket at Storm, and he and Storm start brawling along with the rest of them. Generation ME and Amazing Red do dives onto Immortal. Flair starts yelling at Roode. He says he needs to talk to him tonight, Flair is apprently gonna call him to the ring tonight.

Sting has apparently gotten out of a limo. But we only see his feet. So it’s proabably Anderson dressed up as Sting. And that is going to be horrible. Commercial. Chrysler wants you to buy a Sebring that’s now called a 200 to show that you’ve grown up without forgetting where you’re from. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Mickie James, Tara & Miss Tessmacher .vs. Madison Rayne, Sarita & Rosita

Anarchia and Hernandez come out after all the Knockouts hit the ring. They start talking during the match. Mickie and Rosita start shoving each other. Mickie shoves Rosita. Rosita mad. So she walks right back into Mickie and does nothing. Mickie headlocks her, and all the Knockouts hit the ring for some reason.

Sarita and Rosita are in there now, but they keep panning to guys talking, instead of showing the wrestling, which apparently this show is all about now. I can’t figure out what is going on. Tara is in there and has Sarita by the hair. Tara tags Tessmacher. Tessmacher dishes out some clotheslines before Rosita grabs her hair, then they start teaming her in the corner.

Tess tags Tara, who hits a sideslam on Sarita. More Knockouts hit the ring, Tara is staring down Madison, who pushes Rosita into her. Tara hits a sitdown powerbomb and pins.

Winner: Mickie James, Tara & Miss Tessmacher

Commercial.

TNA X-Division Title Match
Kaz .vs. Abyss

Before the match, we see Not Sting walking around in the back. Also, Bischoff psyches up Abyss by saying something dumb.

I am looking forward to this match. Tenay says that if Abyss wins, then Bischoff will reitre the X-Division Title. Abyss tries a charge, but Abyss ducks, gives him a splash, ducks a big boot, hits a dropkick, but then eats an elbow. Abyss picks him up, punches him a couple times, then hits a big splash in the corner. Abyss puts a resthold on Kaz.

Kaz starts battling up, while Tenay and Taz argue about the X-Division. Kaz runs right into a chokeslam, which Kaz reverses but gets irish whipped, but he ducks a charge with his Matrix slither-through-the-ropes thing and hits a huge missile dropkick on Abyss. They both slowly get up, Abyss charges but eats a big boot and Kaz hit a Hurricanrana followed by springboard elbows and legdrops. 2 count. Kaz with a kick to the back.

Abyss tries to toss Kaz, but Kaz hits the apron. He goes up top, and jumps… into a chokeslam… but Abyss reverses and hits a rollup for 2. Kaz charges but Abyss moves, catches Kaz, and hits the Shock Treatment. I LOVE that move. Decent match so far. Abyss goes up for a Vader Bomb, but he misses like usual. Kaz tries to start punching the leg, which Abyss is favoring, but Kaz charges and Abyss hits a boot. Abyss hits the Blackhole Slam and pins, turns out he was faking the knee injury.

Winner & New X-Division Champion: Abyss

Taz says the internet is going nuts. I honestly hope that isn’t true. No one should go nuts here. It was a decent match, crowd was into it, and I’m sure the X-Division isn’t actually going anywhere. I don’t even care if they get rid of it, as long as they keep doing some fucking matches. Kaz / Abyss was good. That’s all I know. That’s more than we get a lot of the time. Just take it and be happy.

Commercial.

Gunner is walking in the back. He is looking for Eric Young who “stole his property”. No idea.

Samoa Joe .vs. Amazing Red

Red charges Joe. Joe puts an arm up, and Red goes flying. Joe punches down Red in the corner. Red does try to do a spin-kick, but Joe ducks and hits a MASSIVE kick of his own.

Joe picks up Red and does a SICK Muscle Buster. Red sold it like death. Pin. That took less than a minute.

Winner: Samoa Joe

See, THAT’S how you showcase Samoa Fucking Joe. That’s the perfect example of how you do a squash match, and that’s why I don’t get why someone would buy Crimson and not Joe. Joe starts beating down Red until this Crimson loser, who is now coming out to almost no reaction, hits the ring. They start brawling in the ring, and Crimson hits a T-Bone suplex. Joe leaves the ringside area. 

Commercial.

AJ Styles is in the ring in a neckbrace. He calls Tommy Dreamer to the ring, who coems out in a suit. AJ tells him that he will be in the neckbrace for a couple weeks because of what Tommy did at the PPV. AJ says he doesn’t mind, because he’s a pro wrestler, and this is what he does. He says they killed themselves at Sacrifice, for Bully Ray, Immortal, and Hulk Hogan. AJ says he knows that Tommy had to do what he did, or his contract will cease to exist, so he doesn’t hold Tommy responsible.

AJ says he knows that wrestling matters to Tommy, and realizes that Tommy knows that wrestling matters to AJ. Tommy says that he could have beat AJ with or without a hurt neck. Tommy says AJ isn’t better than him. He says he’s wrestled hurt, and quite often didn’t get paid to do it. He says he hurt AJ because he was forced to do it, but now he’s doing it because he wants to do it.

He punches AJ, kicks him, and yells at him about the fans being ungreatful. Crazy boos as he screams at AJ and kicks him. Crowd chants that he sold out. AJ tackles Dreamer but Dreamer works his neck. AJ lost his brace somewhere.

Crowd is chanting like crazy for AJ. Daniels hits the ring, and pushes Tommy off AJ. Daniels screams at Dreamer about AJ’s neck. Daniels chant. Daniels tends to AJ, Dreamer tries to cheapshot Daniels, but Daniels sees it coming and dominates Dreamer, until Ray hits the ring, smokes AJ in the back of the head with his chain. Dreamer turns around and gets punched in the balls by Dreamer.

Decent segment, good heat on the heels, good crowd for the babyfaces. Could lead to a hardcore tag match that COULD be decent.

Commercial.

They’re talking to fans about wrestling. Then Sting talks about a speech he’s going to give about Hogan and Bischoff. Then Not Sting is also shown walking in the back. Tenay JUST starts to get it now. Tenay is such an idiot. He’s like a pre-heel Michael Cole.

Kurt Angle hits the ring. He’s all smiles. He tells us that Karen is dead and gives credit to Chyna. Crowd chants that Kurt’s match at Sacrifice was awesome. Kurt tells us that Chyna broke Karen’s ankle? Kurt says Chyna isn’t there – which is good – and thanks her. Now Kurt says that he gets Jarrett one-on-one. He says that thanks to Foley, that whoever wins that match will be the new #1 Contender for the TNA World Title.

Jeff Jarrett and his awful music hit the ring. He says that Kurt doesn’t deserve another match with him. Jarrett says he’s beaten Kurt in every singles match they’ve had. He swears at Angle a lot. Jarrett says he’s better than Kurt. Jarrett says that if Kurt wants to go one final time at Slammiversary, that he’s up for it. Jarrett wants Angle to put the Olympic Gold Medals on the line. Angle laughs and shakes his hand. It’s on. Please, PLEASE let this finally be the last match.

Karen Angle comes up through the ramp in a wheelchair. They had a ramp put in for that? Karen says that Jeff will not be alone at Slammiversary. Velvet Sky is behind her. Velvet calls her a Gremlin and asks if Karen wants to go for a ride. She pushes Karen’s wheelchair down the ramp into Jarrett, and Karen falls out of the wheelchair. Karen is dead now I guess? Kurt gives Velvet a hug.

Backstage, Generation ME is talking about how they had problems and how they need to band together for the X-Division. Also backstage, Bischoff is in the back getting ready. Hulk Hogan calls him. He laughs. They censor him saying “midget” for some reason. He’s happy with whatever Hulk Hogan was able to pull off apparently. Bischoff gets his gear ready. Bischoff anywhere near the ring will be a major drawback for this show. There’s no way around it. Like I’m glad Chyna’s not here, but there’s no reason for this.

Commercial. We’ve had a straight half an hour of segments in this show that is apparently all about wrestling now. I guess we should have a match now maybe?

Backstage, Karen and Jarrett are yelling at each other. Karen is screaming at Jeff as he gets off the phone. Jeff says that Velvet won’t mess with her again, because tonight Velvet has to fight Angelina Love and Winter. That’s still going?

Generation ME .vs. Matt Hardy & Eric Bischoff

Hardy starts off, and he slaps around Jeremy before Jeremy hits a headlock. Matt Hardy runs into Jeremy twice over, then eats a flip dropkick. Jeremy tags Max, who hits an axe-handle to Hardy’s arm, then they tag again, and do the same thing except with a stomp to the arm. Looked good. Matt hits a Side Effect out of nowhere. Then another one. Eric tells him to do another one. Matt hits that riduculous head submission thing that my vacuum could escape from. So Jeremy punches out, before Gen ME tandem kicks Hardy in the head like 3 or 4 times. Gen ME tags back in Jeremy, and they do the Hardy boys spot before Jeremy hits a spear.

Matt and Max trade punches. I wonder if Bischoff was a better choice than Harris? Legit question. Max gets the upper hand, but Hardy reverses with a Randy Orton backbreaker. Max tags Jeremy, who hits a big splash on Hardy for 2. Bischoff looking stressed. Jeremy tries to hit the 450, but Matt gets the legs up. Max tags in, but Hardy hits that silly Ice Pick move. He then tags Bischoff.

Bischoff kicks him in the face. Pin.

Winners: Matt Hardy & Eric Bischoff

Yeah. Matt Hardy beating both these kids on his own, or Bischoff getting the pin, both things are basically undefendable.

Winter is talking to Angelina about how they met each other in the past. Or something. I don’t know. Winter kisses her. Angelina does nothing. There’s candles.

Commercial.

Some fan pretends he can cut a promo. Wow. It’s emberassing.

Velvet Sky .vs. Angelina Love & Winter

People are chanting for Velvet. Winter tries to pull Velvet into the corner. It doesn’t work. She tags Angelina. As Angelina stares her down, Winter hits her from behind. Tag back to Winter. People are still chanting for Velvet as she elbows Winter. She hits a dropkick to Winter’s boobs for 2. Then she hits a clothesline on both girls for 2. She puts a sleeper on Angelina, while she screams at her. I thought Angelina didn’t feel pain?

Angelina powers up and pushes her into the corner, where she and Winter double-team her. Winter gives Velvet a kickass backbreaker. Winter tags Angelina back in, but Velvet rolls her up for the pin.

Winner: Velvet Sky

Velvet leaves the ring. ODB jumps her from behind. Can this poor bitch get a break please? ODB screams.

Commercial.

Backstage, Eric Young is trying to tell Tessmacher that she has a photo shoot. He has a megaphone. Then he strips down. He has a megaphone. Gunner comes in. I’m not doing this. It’s dumb. No one in their right mind could enjoy that segment. Gunner kicks his ass.

Flair hits the ring. He calls out Roode. Flair says he’s mad at himself for tapping out to Roode in the cage match. Roode says that Flair taught him to take advantages, so Roode took advantage. Flair says that he would have taken Roode out of wrestlnig forever. Flair says that he got Roode drunk and laid. Flair takes off his jacket. Roode doesn’t want to fight Flair.

Flair slaps Roode when Roode tries to leave. Then he puts his hand on Flair’s throat. Roode puts him in the armbar again. Flair is screaming. This is uncomfortable. Immortal hits the ring. They beat Roode down. The rest of Fortune is injured, there’s no one to help Roode. (What happened to Storm?!?!)

Ray tells Abyss to get 2 chairs. Ray whips Roode with the chain. Matt gives Roode the dual-chair thing on his arm.

Not bad, I guess. Roode and Flair… you know what, Roode would not be a guy that I would push in a main segment. But they got way worse guys they could use as well. I’ve seen them push WAY worse guys.

Sting and Anderson dressed up as Sting are walking in the back. Oy.

Commercial.

We’re back. It’s 8:58. No idea how they’re gonna do this one. I sure hope they’re not going overtime. Sting comes out, and he puts over Impact Wrestling and Rob Van Dam. Then he talks about how Anderson got in his face. Then Sting’s music hits again, and Anderson comes out dressed as Sting, jumps Sting from behind. He hits Sting with the bat, and the Death Drop.

… okay, so that last segment totally sucked. BUT, I gotta say, Anderson looks a LOT like Sting used to look. That didn’t save the segment or anything. Just thought I would mention it.
All right. I guess this was a BIT of an improvement. Nothing substantial though, and NO ONE should go creaming their pants over this show. Let’s break it down. We had 5 matches. That’s good. One of them was a throwaway Knockout tag match. That’s bad. One of them showcased Joe showing what he can do. That’s good. one of those matches had Matt Hardy beating a tag-team on his own, and Eric Bischoff getting a pin. That’s bad. We had Fortune and some guys who can wrestle looking strong. That’s good. We also had the time-travel-date-rape-a-thon match. That’s bad. We had Kaz and Abyss having a pretty good match. That’s good. We also had Ken Anderson dressed up as Sting, still in a main event. That’s bad.

So yeah. This show was nowhere near different enough to either praise it or bash it that much more or less than you usually would. We’ll see what next week brings, I guess. Remember to comment and www.Twitter.com/BlairADouglas. Have a good weekend and thanks for reading.