Rasslin’ Roundtable – Impact Wrestling Slammiversary IX

Sting (c) vs Mr. Anderson
World Heavyweight Championship

Steven Gepp: They’ve dragged out so many things from the past it’s almost laughable… or would be if it wasn’t so poorly done. What next? Blood from the ceiling? Being dragged under the ring? Being lit on fire and tossed into a pile of safety mats? Betcha Steve’s loving not taking the WWE’s offers now, right? Oh, but he’s the TNA “World’ champion… Christ. TNA is destroying… it’s… Noooo! Sorry. Where was I? Yes. I like Sting and still think he has something to offer, and think very little of Anderson’s ability anywhere, so, by TNA logic:
Winner: Anderson

Patrick Spohr: I might have to start watching Impact with a gun next to the couch if Mr. Anderson wins this thing. Even though Sting has had the belt for nearly four months, I see him hanging on to the title here and then feuding with Angle.
Winner: Sting

Rhett Davis: After frequent trips to the past with Anderson dressing like Sting and a lot of Eric Young involvement, we get the match Sting vs. Anderson. Will we ever get a match-up between Sting and some other challenger? But please no Jarrett… anything but JJ. Maybe now this can be resolved and someone else can step in here… who? Who knows? Maybe Samoa Joe! Ah who am I kidding… It’ll probably be Matt Morgan just to irritate me. Although I’d take him over Mr. A$$Hole who knows no other word.
Winner: The Stinger

M.C. Brown: I still can’t picture Sting losing. However, if Hogan is portrayed as a face, what is he fighting for? I think maybe Sting’s agenda changes to turning Hulk while Anderson goes on to fight Kurt Angle, this time, defending for the World Title. One title has to change hands, in my opinion, and it’s between this and Mickie’s. I’m not sure Mickie is going to lose this soon now that she is healthy.
Winner(and new Champion): Mr. Anderson

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle

Steven Gepp: Wasn’t that the subtitle of the second “V” miniseries back in the day? So which one is the lizard alien intent on sucking the life out of the other? Oh hang on, the lizard thing’s not in this match – she’s just been married to both of them. Look, this feud has dragged on. It’s just not interesting! Jarrett is not an interesting wrestler! To have the same match against the same guy, what?, 2423 times in a row is not interesting. Now, common sense would say the guy who’s been dudded and made to feel like crap and have his kids paraded around calling some one else dad would win, so, of course, by TNA logic:
Winner: Jarrett

Patrick Spohr: I don’t see Kurt disgracing his gold medal for a storyline, unless he’s loopier now than I realized. Angle should win this thing despite a SWERVE Karen Jarrett run-in; Russo is still writing for TNA, and they wouldn’t spend so much time talking about how Karen won’t be there unless she will.
Winner: Kurt Angle

Rhett Davis: Yeah they’ll just find a way to make this a tag team match next month so I don’t buy the ‘Final Battle’ vibe from this. At this point… LAST month I was dieing for this to end, now I just don’t care. It’s bad when one of your BIG feuds is just as annoying as the Ole King Cole feud. *Yawn*
Winner: Ermm.. Kurt Angle?

M.C. Brown: Dear Kurt, Please end this and become #1 Contender. Don’t care where they go with Jarrett or him wearing Kurt’s medal.
Winner: Kurt Angle

James Storm and Alex Shelley (c) vs British Invasion
Tag Team Championship

Steven Gepp: Weren’t Beer Money and MCMG killing each other earlier this year? How did the BI get a title shot? Why is Roode happy to see this happen? Why are the titles on the line – doesn’t TNA strip people of titles when they’re injured? If they win, what will it prove? Will Marcia ever play the piano again? What does Hogan have to do with any of this? What about the children? God! This is… it’s just…
Winner: Mexican America (I know what I wrote…)

Patrick Spohr: with Roode out, and probably headed for a singles push when he gets back, I think the British Invasion will win the titles, thus striking another blow to TNA’s tag-team division.
Winner: British Invasion

Rhett Davis: I like the combination of Storm and Shelley. I have to argue that they actually are the weaker of both teams, but the combination could be interesting. Or it could suck. I like British Invasion and I like the new team for now so this match is the most bearable of the card. Hopefully British Invasion wins because a team with more experience together should always win. More chemistry. But Impact likes the other two so they may retain… Dilemma… I’m going with…
Winnner (and NEW Impact Tag Team Champions): British Invasion

M.C. Brown: Really no story here unless Shelley and Storm start to gel and become uber successful. So…
Winners: Gun Money

Abyss (c) vs Kendrick vs. Kazarian
X Division Championship

Steven Gepp: One of these things is not like the others, one of these things is not the same. I feel Abyss is one of the most overrated wrestlers today. I think Kendrick is underrated. I think Kazarian is rated juuust right. Get rid of the masked slug and this would be a good match. Throw him in and I see insane and meaningless hardcore occurring because they’re not PG and wrestling matters and… and… Nope. I got nothing.
Winner: Kendrick

Patrick Spohr: Sadly, I don’t think TNA is done burying the X-Division yet. Neither Kaz nor Kendrick have looked good in the lead-up to this match. I know, it’s an oxymoron; no one looks good in TNA right now.
Winner: Abyss

Rhett Davis: After the suspicious behavior of Abyss inviting both men into the match, one has to think that Abyss might have something up his lack of sleeves. Maybe a new tool to dish out torment with. Or it could be nothing and one of the other two wins.
Winner (and NEW X Division Champion)
: THE Brian Kendrick

M.C. Brown: I just have a feeling that they are leading to a title change for Destination X and this story continues. For that to happen, Abyss must retain.
Winner: Abyss

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

Steven Gepp: Ray has stepped into the prick bully role nicely. 8 years too late but nicely. I don’t know where the love is, though, for his in ring skills because, well, he’s 8 years past it. And poor AJ. At least he’s on the PPV. After everything that’s happened, you just know AJ has to get the win and finally set himself once more for a run at the top. But, logic and TNA says:
Winner: Bully Ray

Patrick Spohr: Probably the only semi-interesting feud in TNA right now, I think AJ will come away with a win here. He’s been looking strong lately.
Winner: AJ

Rhett Davis: I like both of these guys, but I don’t know how well their styles (pardon) will clash (pardon). Bully is a brawler and Styles is a high-flyer. Maybe the clash will be good, but I can’t see it working too well. Like Hardcore matches? Then here’s your healthy dosage. I like Bully’s chances with a Hardcore stip and with this feud most likely escalating from here.
Winner: Bully Ray

M.C. Brown: There has to be a twist here. Really, if Dreamer can beat AJ last PPV and is gone and if Bully can’t in what should be a match specialty of his and not even having to pin AJ, then you might as well bury his character. Still, I’ll call shenanigans. Maybe a masked man shows up and attacks AJ(Daniels) knocking him silly.
Winner: Bully Ray

Mickie James vs Angelina Love
Knockouts Championship

Steven Gepp: Sigh! I was reading some of my old wrestling columns on Pulse the other day and found my review of when Raw came to my little city here in South Australia. Mickie James was on the card. In her match, she and her opponent (Maryse) screwed up an Irish whip. It was the worst match I’ve paid money to see. Now, since she’s been in TNA, I’ve been impressed with her improvement since that stupid show in 2009, and thought that she was going to be a good fit. But no. Now the Knockouts are wrestling like WWE Divas and it all sucks.
Winner: who cares? Angelina? That’ll do.

Patrick Spohr: I think my TV developed post-traumatic stress disorder from watching this Angelina Love/Winter storyline. I also don’t think there’s any end in sight. Thinking about this feud makes me want to report TNA for a sex crime.
Winner: Angelina Love

Rhett Davis: Zombie Diva vs HARDCORE COUNTRY! Man.. I’m so not excited for this match. Seriously why isn’t ODB vs Velvet Sky on the card? There was far more storyline development for that match. James will win and move on to ODB… hopefully.
Winner: Mickie James

M.C. Brown: There is no tease for Angelina turning face and while they could make a program of Mickie chasing Angelina, I think perhaps Angelina’s attention is going to switch to Winter and Mickie will get the receipt from her pinfall loss last Thursday.
Winner: Mickie James

Crimson vs. Samoa Joe

Steven Gepp: I like Joe. So, Joe, this is for you. Joe – get out! While you still have a shred of dignity left! Go! Get to ROH and earn some okay money but be a wrestler again! Joe! Come back, Joe! But as for Crimson… meh, from what I’ve seen, he’s green. He does nothing to excite me. But he’s got tattoos, so I suppose TNA think he’s the next Randy Orton. Joe should go over and stop the ‘streak’. TNA, logic…
Winner: Crimson

Patrick Spohr: Samoa Joe has looked like a jobber in this feud. I can’t talk about this because it’s making me too angry.
Winner: Crimson

Rhett Davis: Ahhh how I love STD’s response to Crimson on That Being Said this week. I wonder if anyone is really that crazy about Crimson. He’s just so bland and has no personality. Just like Goldberg! Except Goldberg looked physically able to rip you in half. I don’t get the vibe from Crimson. Crimson will win because Joe will never do right by Impact nor will he end the streak. I said streak… does that mean it’s Mania time? No? Aww..
Winner: Crimson

M.C. Brown: Joe cleaned his clock in the bar fight, tho Crimson still has looked strong. Not sure the streak has enough build and this feud is just gaining steam. I want Joe to win, but I doubt he will this time, but still think he’ll end the streak eventually.
Winner(this time): Crimson

Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner

Steven Gepp: Sigh! There is not one match on the card that I am interested in. NOT ONE!!! Please just let these 2 go out there and stiff the crap out of each other until the ring runs red with the blood of innocents.
Winner: Steiner

Patrick Spohr: Who cares? Seriously, I would rather just flip a coin than talk about it.
Winner: Uh…Matt Morgan

Rhett Davis: Who decided to get bored and throw Steiner back into the heel persona with the bad guy group? I seem to recall him fighting them but yeah I give up… thank God I’m done with this…
Winner: The Buff guy with tats… Or… umm… jeez… Matt Morgan

M.C. Brown: Wow. Not much fanfare for this match, especially this week. Steiner got the last shot so…
Winner: Matt Morgan

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