CB’s World: Slamming Slammiversary and Explaining The Freebird Rule to TNA Management

Last night, TNA had another PPV — Slammiversary — that barely made a drop in the bucket of wrestling coherence and relevance.

Sure, there were some a couple of standout moments:

1) AJ Styles and Bully Ray brawling like they really HATED each other in a way that made me actually suspend disbelief (credit: Rey Mundo <-- we miss you man!) as I bought in; and 2) Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett FINALLY ending their program on the right note, even though I absolutely hated 90% 100% of the entire storyline after Karen Angle Jarrett was inserted into the mix.

I’m sure some people will also point to the heavyweight title match as creating a standout moment by crowning a new champion in Ken Anderson. Anderson. But honestly, I was underwhelmed by the whole affair — like all of Sting’s matches since WCW folded in 2001 — and thought that the way everything shook out simply makes Anderson already look like nothing more than a Paper Tiger Champ (credit: Mr. T <-- we miss you man!) As for the rest of the Slammiversary event -- which is supposed to be TNA's version of WrestleMania, well, there just wasn't much to the proceedings that was innovative, intelligent, or very fun. Here are some rapid-fire thoughts on the matter: --I HATE the name Gun Money and thinks it's stupid to invoke the Freebird Rule when Shelly was NEVER a part of the group to begin with. Example of an Acceptable invocation of the Freebird Rule: If Edge and Christian are tag team champions and Edge gets hurt, then Gangrel is an acceptable replacement. Example of an Unacceptable invocation of the Freebird Rule: Edge and Christian are tag team champions and Edge gets hurt, then Funaki is an unacceptable replacement, indeed (credit: well, Funaki <-- we miss you man! sorry, just can’t do it on this one)

So here we are in TNA, on the BIGGEST PPV event of the year, and they let Alex Shelley replace Roode so that Gun Money can debut as defending tag team champions against the British Invasion? Was Christopher Daniels — you know, A MEMBER OF STORM AND ROODE’S CURRENT ACTUAL FACTION — forgotten about as always too busy or something?

–No matter what, and whether intentional or not, Scott Steiner is always COMEDY GOLD on the microphone, and always will be. Seriously, that guy could have been the next Morton Downey, Jr. (look it up, friends). But that’s where the compliments stop. The match was disjointed, to say the least.

–X Division, what X Division? Seriously, these guys are more mismanaged than Arnold Schwarzenegger’s housekeeper’s birth control pills Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed.

–Samoa Joe can’t beat Crimson, really? REALLY?! He should have stayed abducted.

–At least Mickie James beat Angelina. HARDCORE COUNTRY > Softcore Zombie, at least in this case. Seriously, the whole Winter-Angelina storyline is like something that would have been on USA Up All Night at 3 in the morning on a holiday weekend after 15 consecutive repeats of Silk Stalkings (Mitzi Kapture, I miss you!)

Well, that’s all I have in my bag of tricks this week, so let’s move onto some other business…

Around the Pulse

My favorite thing in the world this week is Jonah Kue’s AMAZING audio/visual presentation known as Kue’s ReKall. And I’m not going to lie and say I don’t hope that increases my chances of an insidepulse shoutout in a future episode!

Patrick Spohr has invaded Pulse Wrestling with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR extremely well-crafted pieces that look at women in wrestling beyond what folks normally look at.

Since my column had a TNA focus, I must show some love to Blair A. Douglas and M.C. Brown for covering IMPACT in very different yet similarly engaging ways. Recapper Jake Ziegler also has you covered this week, too!

A sincere congratulations to Kelly Floyd for hitting her one-year anniversary at the Pulse! Kelly’s so prolific that I simply linked to her author’s page, because everything she writes, recaps, and cobbles together (including those Rasslin’ Roundtables) is worth reading if you are looking for insightful analysis from one of the most passionate female wrestling fans on the planet. Seriously, I’ve been at the Pulse for nine and half years now and it’s writers like Kelly who keep me motivated to write about wrestling after all this time.

Last week, Rhett Davis made me laugh hysterically with his Wrestler of the Week callout. But hey, when you produce 100 Thoughts on WWE/Impact, you’re bound to swing and miss with thought # 101 ๐Ÿ™‚

Matt Harrak’s Creatively Endeavored is another strong read from another new Pulse Wrestling writer, and last but not least, Mike Gojira has held the fort down for quite awhile now. Gojira is kind of like Desmond from LOST in that way, and The Stomping Ground is his hatch.

Well, that’s all from me this week — CB.

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