For the second time this week, all of you have the opportunity to bask in the glory that is my presence. Aren’t you excited? Hello again; it’s me, Mike Gojira, back for another dose of The Stomping Ground. This week I thought I’d give a rundown on this Sunday’s Capitol Punishment PPV card like I did last month with Over The Limit.
WWE Championship: John Cena vs R-Truth
Are you serious? Really? Does anyone think Truth stands a chance in hell of winning this thing? The man hasn’t actually wrestled a match since Morrison beat him for his Number One Contender spot last month. I’m not counting a tag team match where he barely did anything, or that debacle from two weeks ago where he avoided Cena like the plague and then won by count out. Truth is merely an experiment, albeit one that proves he can entertain on the mic as a heel. Unfortunately, if the ‘E refuses to showcase his in-ring skill I don’t see how he can be made to look like a serious threat. Would I be excited if Truth actually did win? Yes, if only to see where the company is willing to take this angle. Unfortunately, I can’t see why they’d put the gold around his waist.
Winner: Little Jim….er, John Cena
World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs Christian
I honestly like the Christian heel turn. He has the same qualities as CM Punk in that he is easily justified for his actions. Like many of you, I still have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to his short title reign, but let’s be honest for a moment…his title win will forever be tainted by Edge’s assist. He needs to win the belt on his own, and while I would have preferred it to be as a face without a screwjob finish, I’m content with a lengthy reign as a heel. This match can go either way. If Christian wins, he can prove to the fans that he doesn’t need them after all and gloat. If he loses, then what? Does he go back down the line? There’s no babyface for him to…face (other than Orton). I’m going for Captain Charisma here.
United States Championship: Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler
Ah, the first of many throw-away matches to fill up the card. I can’t get into this feud simply because WE’VE SEEN IT ALREADY ON SMACKDOWN. It’s rather obvious that Creative has nothing for Raw’s midcard because these guys have been put through the same paces week after week. Dolph is (technically) a former World Heavyweight Champion…I still can’t wrap my head around the legitimacy of THAT one. Why is he going for a lesser championship? I once again stress that there are way too many heels and somebody has to be turned. Maybe Dolph can drop Vickie after this one is over.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Intercontinental Championship: Wade Barrett vs Ezekiel Jackson
Way to go, Creative. You’ve effectively turned cold, calculating, strategic Wade Barrett into an idiot who drops The Corre before his match with a man who clearly has his number (867-5309…damn you, Tommy Tutone!). I like Big Zeke and what he brings to the table. He’s starting to show some charisma which is rare for a man his size these days. Plus, he brought back the Torture Rack! Can’t go wrong with that one. I predict Jackson’s big win this Sunday. Last time I called the DQ finish, but this time I’m calling a clean finish via submission.
Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk
Before I get into the redundancy of this match, let me just say that Punk’s little chat with Austin backstage on Raw was gold. “What? What? What? See, that’s annoying, isn’t it?” And Punk is right; it’s a nostalgia act that has gotten old. Anywho, this match is as pointless as their feud. The only thing holding this together is that they are one and one and this is the rubber match. There’s no story behind this feud other than Michael Cole’s insistence that they had a previous history over a year ago. Whoopdeedoo. This match reeks of “We have nothing for you, but let’s get you a paycheck.” If this match were for a Number One Contendership, I might be interested in the outcome. As it stands, I expect a good match, but ultimately a pointless one.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Big Show vs Alberto del Rio
Sigh. Del Rio went from a promising new main eventer to a guy who has the Big Show run over. Del Rio has done as much talking as R-Truth, and he’s had just as many matches in the past month. Why? Once again, there are not enough faces on the damn roster, so del Rio has to improvise by taunting and talking to the crowd every week. I really don’t want this feud to continue, so please have Big Show get his revenge and move on to absolutely nothing. Let del Rio get his hands on Cena already!
Winner: Big Show
Alex Riley vs The Miz
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: a shifty heel uses and abuses his protege until the young man can’t take it any more and rebels against his boss, getting the crowd into a frenzy. Week after week the young upstart gets the better of his former employer until a match is set for the upcoming PPV. And then…the protege loses and fades into obscurity soon after. I truly hope this isn’t the outcome for this angle, as Riley is a new face and the crowd loves to watch him destroy The Miz. However, Miz needs to regain some credibility and I see a cheap win in his future.
Winner: The Miz
I’m also expecting a tag match to be added involving Daniel Bryan and Sin Cara vs Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, but since I don’t read Smackdown spoilers I won’t know until Friday night. Perhaps there will be some Diva action as well, but the card is already stacked with 7 matches. Any more (such as the aforementioned tag team match) and it may force the bookers to shorten some of the matches already announced.
AJ Lee looked like a deer trapped in headlights on Smackdown last week. She’s adorable and a geek goddess, but I was not impressed with her outing. Perhaps it was her lack of chemistry with Tamina.
Speaking of Tamina, I love how Creative simply turns the Divas heel or face whenever it suits a match without actually showing the turn on TV or explaining it through the announcers. Last I checked, Tamina and Rosa Mendes were faces. Did they switch sides on Superstars?
Sheamus knows a submission now, eh? Perhaps it is foreshadowing a feud with a certain submission expert over on Smackdown. I love how he kicked out of the Cobra, showing everyone how ridiculous it is to lose to such a maneuver. By the way, the “love” I refer to in this random thought is NOT sarcasm, like the “love” in the previous one. Just clarifying.
As I mentioned in my war of words with Rhett Davis this week (which I will link you to in a moment), it seems as though R-Truth must have laced that water bottle with kryptonite. How else can you explain Cena’s inability to fight back?
Anybody else catch when the GM constantly went off at the end of Raw to show that he/she was responding to Austin when in fact the screen remained the same on the laptop and Cole nearly jumped the gun on his scripted lines? Gotta love live TV.
First of all, a special shout out goes to Cynical Bastard for locating the missing Sebastian Howard in Andrew Wheeler‘s latest For Your Consideration. If you look reeeeeeeeeal close at the comments thread, you’ll see Sebastian left us a quick message. I still haven’t found his hat, glasses, or walking stick (Where’s Waldo, anyone?).
Rhett Davis may be kind of a douche, but he’s a somewhat entertaining one. Our recent collaboration is a testament to that. Mayhaps we will do more in the future? It clearly was the highest rated column this week due to my guest appearance.
Matt Harrak has found God…I mean, Independent Wrestling, as he praises ROH in his latest piece.
Joel Leonard recaps the three hour Raw, Chris Sanders hits us up with his weekly rant, and how could I forget the latest Kue’s ReKall where yours truly gets a plug on Youtube!
You’ve got the usual slab of goodness from Blair Douglas, Kelly Floyd, Patrick Spohr, and anybody else I lazily chose not to mention. It’s late, I was at work until 7 pm for a Poetry Slam wherein NONE of my students showed up….it’s been a rough day. Search the site and look up their columns yourself, ya lazy bastards.
So long, and thanks for all the fish….again, for the second time this week.
Tags: aj lee, alberto del rio, Alex Riley, big show, Capitol Punishment, christian, cm punk, Dolph Ziggler, Ezekiel Jackson, Intercontinental Championship, john cena, Kofi Kingston, Mike Gojira, R-Truth, randy orton, rey mysterio, sheamus, The Miz, United States Championship, Wade Barrett, World Heavyweight Championship, WWE, wwe championship