I’m rather fond of how we seem to kick off Smackdown lately. Usual start up and a video set to epic music recapping all the surprising greatness from Christian. I feel like they’re doing this setup right…which means they’re going to destroy it on Sunday.
Randy Orton makes his way down the ramp, looking a little worse for wear. He confirms the concussion that the announcers informed us of. He says he doesn’t “give a damn†(what’s PG?) and wants to annihilate Christian right then and there. He begins to call for him, when the ever popular Teddy Long makes his way out.
Teddy “Buzz Killington†Long says that Randy isn’t cleared to fight, so he cannot do so. And, hark! What’s that sound? Christian’s music.
Christian is confused as to why Randy is so angry. He “gave him what he wanted…a concussion, an excuse.†He says he is just, plain, better than him, and soaks up the boo’s when he announces his plan to regain his title. He starts to leave, but Sheamus’s music begins.
Sheamus is asking for his own shot at the title on Sunday. The two begin bickering, and Teddy books a match for the two. If Sheamus wins, the match at Capitol Punishment will become a triple threat. If Christian wins, it stays the same. And Randy will wit ringside for it all, banned from interfering. What a heel-tastic main event!
Well, apparently tonight, we will get Big Zeke, Sin Cara, and Daniel Bryan against Tedward DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, and Wade Barrett. That sounds…incredible.
Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan, and Big Zeke out first, respectively. Followed by Barrett, and Cody and Ted are hand in hand (not really).
Zeke and Teddy first, looking identical from the waist down, aside from the hues. Zeke is manhandling, when he tags in Cara. Right off the bat, he’s spinning and turning so quickly I can almost see the little birds fly around Teddy’s head when he hits the ground.
Commercial.
Come back, and Teddy has control of Cara. Cody tags in, and halts everything Cara attempts. He gets too cocky though, allowing Cara to sneak in some offense before hitting his signature twisting arm drag. But it does little good, as Cody brings him back down. Barrett in, Teddy tags in to sneak in a wicked kick, and stays a step ahead of him most of the way. Then, Barrett tags back in, driving Cara’s face into the mat for a submission. Kick, kick, kick from Cara, so Barrett retorts with a deafening one. Both seem to be simply brawling until a DDT finally stops Barrett. Bryan and Teddy in, Bryan’s high velocity smacking Teddy in the face. Boom, a stiff kick and Teddy is pinned for just a millisecond over three…
Grade: C-
Everyone looked incredible, as per usual. But I wasn’t a fan of how quick the finish was. The match seemed to be building, and building, and then finally hit its peak when Bryan tagged in. Only to fizzle with a simple chain of moves. Felt too anticlimactic.
Sheamus is backstage, puffing his chest out and such.
Commercial.
Oh no, Kozlov is in the ring, so he’s going to be completely squashed by Jinder. Oh well. This is my favorite way to watch Khali: mute, in the background, and not wrestling.
Here we go. Kozlov gets him on his back immediately. He lifts Jinder over his shoulder, which he fights out of to counter. Big suplex, even bigger knee to the face. He tosses Kozlov into the ropes, throws a high knee, Russian leg sweep, cover for two. Kozlov builds up, landing kicks in Jinder’s side, startling Jinder, who regains control. Kozlov’s shoulder is sent into the steel post, and when the ref isn’t look, Khali lands a slap/punch/botch, and Jinder hits his finisher.
Grade: D-
I feel like now we actually got to see him perform…well more so than we have before. I think he has great substance behind his moves, and is believable, but it’s boring. He’s resorting to Wrestling 101 with all of the most basic chain of maneuvers. So, as of right now, I want to be a fan, but he’s making it difficult.
Commercial.
Hey look, The Big Show is alive. He’s angry! Go figure. We chit chat about the match on Sunday, and Teddy Long comes out once more to put a ban on any action. Apparently, Show might be charged for his behavior.
OH. GOD.
Mark Henry is out to face Show, who…is…crying? Okay.
Before he can even crawl in the ring, Show kicks his skull in, drags him in the ring, and assaults him. Mark Henry is on the tropical island of La La Land, as he gets taken out on a stretcher.
Christian backstage. Time to put on his Fierce Face, as well. He’s so angry!
Okay, we’re bundling the Divas up now. Alicia Fox, Rosa, and Tamina enter together. Nattie, Kaitlyn, and AJ next. Great.
Alicia and Kaitlyn first, and Kaitlyn takes a boot to the stomach. But it only lasts a moment, before Kaitlyn scares her off into her corner, for Tamina to tag in. Nattie tags in next, landing on her back. She turns the situation into a Sharpshooter. Rosa takes that moment to attack, but Kaitlyn gets rid of her. AJ tags in, but Tamina laughs in her face before dropping her hard.
Grade: CF
For, ClusterFuck. Boring, pointless. I’m offended. And sad. And in need of alcohol.
Commercial.
Come back to Johnny Curtis. This week’s pun: An Ace in the Hole! Next.
Commercial.
I love the anti-bullying commercials and involvement. Bullies are foul, disgusting, loathsome, evil little cockroaches that need to be stepped on. I work with children, so bullying sickens me.
Usos are in the ring, and some unfamiliar music begins. It’s Slater and Gabriel! Sweet.
Slater and…Uso #1…Jimmy!…are in the ring first. Jimmy is moonwalking, for some reason. He’s distracted by Gabriel long enough for a cheap shot, and Gabriel is in. Ref turns his back to deal with Jey, and they attack once more. Slater in, top rope, looks like he was going for a Crossbody but Jimmy turned it into a scoopslam. Gabriel and Jey tag in, Jey making easy work of Gabriel. Both twins attack, both former Corre members counter, but in a flash, it’s over.
Grade: C+
Hm, not bad. The Usos looked like they meant business this time around. Though, poor Slater and Gabriel, dropping this one. It feels weird that they didn’t go over this time, considering it’s their first stand as independent men. But, oh well. It was a fun match to watch.
Commercial.
Alberto del Rio returns to Smackdown! He’s in the ring chatting. I need to start watching Raw again, because I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. Fortunately there’s a handy dandy recap!
Big Show interrupts and Alberto hightails it out of there. He stops at the top of the stairs, to shake his head and chuckle. Oh, how I have missed him. Show starts destroying the announce table and a barricade and stands in the ring menacingly. Bye bye, Alberto. You’re going to die on Sunday.
Commercial.
Christian out, Sheamus out, Randy out.
Randy’s laughing about the disarray of the announce table, wondering which seat can he take (I couldn’t help myself).
Both men pounce on each other, and Christian is thrown out of the ring. When he turns around, Randy is face to face with him, and he falls over himself trying to get away.
Commercial.
Come back, and Sheamus is on top, twisting Christian up in the ropes to assault his torso. So, Christian returns the favor, pressing Sheamus up hard against the ropes. But Sheamus answers with a backbreaker. Sheamus won’t loosen his grip on Christian, so he has to slither away. Which he does so, successfully, using the ropes once more against him. He scales to the top rope, going for a wicked splash but Sheamus rolls away. Sheamus to the top rope, using his shoulder against Christian. Christian rolls up Sheamus to pin, using his feet on the ropes, but the ref sees. Sheamus places Christian on the top rope, but he fights back until he twists into a DDT, pinning for two. He’s getting angry, staring down Randy, yelling at Sheamus “Spear, Spear, Spear!†in a mocking sense, but Sheamus doesn’t allow it. Christian goes for Killswitch, but is broken out of. Sheamus for the Brogue Kick, fails. Another Killswitch attempt, fails. Both men to the top rope, Sheamus in charge. Christian jumps away, pulling on Sheamus’s head and driving it into the top of the steel ring post. He dives back in and pins for the victory!
Grade: B
These two really portrayed their dominance as they tore each other part. They both got great offense in, but neither looked weak when they were taking it. And I enjoyed the finish. My jaw about hit the floor when Christian pulled away last minute, crushing Sheamus’s skull on the post. I am a little surprised that it wasn’t given as much time as other quality main events, like anything involving Mark Henry. But it was splendid.
Sending a message, Randy punts Sheamus in the head, as a horrified Christian watches.
Credits roll.
