Welcome to 10 Thoughts on Raw! I’m your substitute host for this week’s three-hour installment; I don’t know how I feel about six hours of WWE programming in two days, but we’ll see how my sanity holds up after it’s all over. I’d like to thank Rhett for giving me the chance to get out of my Caught in the Ropes cell (PLUG!) while he’s in…â€scenicâ€ Nebraska. Is that the right word? I’ve never been to Nebraska, but I have been to Oklahoma, which is practically the same thing to a West Coast elitist such as myself. Oh, boring, that might be it. Well, Nickelback is vomiting out of my TV, so here we go!
1. If it was up to me, every episode of Raw would start with a CM Punk promo. There’s no one in the company right now who is better on the mic than this man. â€œI would not trust any of you with the content of this program,â€ great line. â€œYou chose to live in Baltimore, Maryland,â€ even better! God help me, I love this man. Good Michael Buffer impersonation too. I’m so used to being bored with the opening promos on Raw that I’m shocked at my own entertainment here.
2. This is ridiculous. Eve and Kelly Kelly might be good for some unintentional comedy, but there’s only one real choice here: have Beth Phoenix bury, and I mean BURY, the Bella Twins and take back the Divas Championship. This might be the ‘E’s way of making up for leaving a Divas match off the Capital Punishment card.Â And speaking of unintentional hilarity, check out Steven Gepp’s latest article focused on movies starring wrestlers.Â I have only one thing to say about it: Hell Comes to Frogtown.
3. Oh SON OF A…I almost don’t want to watch this. First I have to deal with the Bella’s horrifying outfits, which Brie seemed to be having some trouble with, but now I have to endure the white-bread stylings of Kelly Kelly. The crowd is pretty much dead; are you paying attention Vince? And you’re NEW Divas Champ, Kelly Kelly! I guess mediocre is better than whatever the Bella Twins are, but she is anathema to quality Divas programming.
4. Okay, this is another slam-dunk choice here guys. Sin Cara and Evan Bourne can put on a thrilling match with the possibility for some nasty botches, which would really get Vince’s goat. Not that I want to see a nasty botch here, but these guys can wrestle the kind of high-risk/high-reward match we don’t get enough of in the ‘E’s programming.
5. DAMN IT! LSD use is apparently far more problematic in our nation than we thought. Man, Mason Ryan needs to get his tan-lines checked, they’re making me…uncomfortable. Boy, is this match slow; wait, how did a simple forearm from Bourne knock Ryan to on his back when a dropkick did nothing to him earlier? Man, that was not good. I have a sinking feeling about this night.
6. The ‘E has read my mind once again! What I really want to see on Cyber-Raw is a Mark Henry/Kane match-up, a battle between two of wrestling’s hottest young stars. I…wait, I’m getting a psychic message from Rhett Davis telling me my previous statement was not correct. Oh, and I’m not going to talk about the match. Or â€œSexual Chocolate’sâ€ promo.
7. I don’t need a video package to remind me of Little Jimmy’s BETRAYAL of R-Truth at Capital Punishment. All these Jimmies need new role models; why does the repeated use of Jimmy seem so filthy to me? I can’t stop laughing throughout this promo; Resurrection-Truth keeps getting better week after week. And now we get Christian? Okay, this is good stuff here. These two are getting good heat; please, please take note of this WWE creative. And we get Miz? Here’s my concept for a very special edition of Raw: get CM Punk, Christian, R-Truth, The Miz, and Wade Barrett and have them host a three-hour Raw.
8. Please make this a â€œVickie Guerrero is banned from ringsideâ€ match; I don’t really want to hear any more of Lawler’s edgy fat jokes. Lawler is the death of humor; he must have found his material in an abandoned Cold War-era fallout shelter. Did Cole just call a back-slide a â€œpowerful maneuverâ€? Does he even know where he is? Wait, one of the falls occurred during a commercial break? That is sloppy guys. I’ve said it before, but these two guys can work. Kofi vs. Ziggler for the WWE Championship? Incredibly unlikely, but I would love to see it. Give these guys twenty minutes, they’ll give you a show.
9. I would like to thank the fan with the â€œRyder > Superstarâ€ sign. If the ‘E won’t at least give the guy a shot on TV, then fans should feel free to embarrass them on their flagship program. WWE has made a big deal about how much they listen to their fan-base, and how closely they monitor social networking to determine what the fans want, but all we see is the same old thing from them. If we didn’t make it, it doesn’t exist.
10. Okay, I’m not usually a big fan of three-way matches, but this has been great. The crowd is into it, and these guys are really finding a way to work together. The problem with most three-ways is that there is little work going on between all three guys at the same time; that isn’t the case here. PUNK WINS! Oh, I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. And another Punk promo? Even better…oh. Well, this was a long time coming, but I’m surprised that the ‘E allowed Punk to announce the end of his contract and his intentions this way. And he gets a title match on top of all that. I hope the guy will take some time off, get things together, and come back sooner rather than later; the company needs him.
Since we have a â€œbonusâ€ hour of Raw, then I’ll give you some bonus thoughts, whether you want them or not!
11. Dance competition? No thank you, I’ve seen enough on this crap.
12. Next week is Raw Roulette? Man, the ‘E must be desperate.
13. I admit, I don’t like the idea of a six-man elimination tag match with only about 15 or-so minutes to spend. This kind of match is just too busy to fit into a time frame that small.
14. Am I the only person who finds it odd that the face analysts are saying that Christian doesn’t deserve another title shot even though he lost his Capital Punishment match despite the fact that his foot was under the rope? Aren’t faces supposed to value fair-play, honesty, and adherence to the rules?
15. â€œCena and Orton are the only members of their team remaining.â€ Cole, what the hell are you talking about? It’s a three-man team! They still have 2/3rds of their team left!
16. Talk about an over-booked finish. The match wasn’t bad, but the ‘E really should have booked the heels to win this one.
Well, despite an agonizing start, this show was actually pretty good. I know, I’m surprised too! The usual suspects shone: Truth, Punk, del Rio, Christian, Mysterio, Ziggler, Kofi, Daniel Bryan, and Cody Rhodes. Good promos, mostly good matches (with the exception of the Divas and Kane/Henry), and one awful but thankfully short dance-off.
Rhett will be back next week to pick up the pieces, folks!
Tags: Alex Riley, Cena, christian, cm punk, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, Kelly Kelly, Kofi Kingston, Orton, R-Truth, Raw, The Miz, WWE