Just wanted to let you guys know, you better tune in to Smackdown next week, as well as my report. It will feel like déjà vu for me, since I will be present for the Smackdown taping in Phoenix, AZ on Tuesday. Before you ask, no, you will not be able to see me. I’m broke, fools! My seats are next to the entrance, a few rows back. But, I will be there, thus making it the best Smackdown of the year. I just hope my curse of a Superstar leaving/retiring at every live event I attend is broken…
Teddy Long out to start us off tonight. He wants to discuss the controversial decision on Sunday at Capitol Punishment, and calls for Christian to come out. They recap the incident with Christian’s leg being underneath the rope, but the ref never noticed. “The referee’s decision…is final.†This infuriates Christian, as he goes off, talking about all the ways that he has been screwed while trying to regain the title. Apparently, Christian has to earn another title shot. And who will he have to beat? Kane. The two bicker as we fade out.
Commercial.
Why did I not know that Shawn Michaels was appearing on Raw on Monday? I was planning to tune in simply for the Bourne/Cara match. Finally, a reason to enjoy a Monday Night Raw.
Sin Cara’s elaborate entrance begins. Tedward DiBiase is out next. Should be interesting.
While they’re locking up, I would like to comment how much I love the lighting for Cara’s matches. And his twists on moves. “I see your arm drag, and raise you…†Cara is flipping absolutely everywhere, including from the top rope outside the ring to make Tedward see stars. Both back in so that Cara can get the cover, for two. Cara launches off the ropes, but is met with a high drop kick. DiBiase’s brute strength is rearranging Cara’s organs as he bounces hard off the mat, trying to keep it going but Cara builds up. A few signature maneuvers before jumping once more from the top rope, only to be caught and dropped hard. And just like that, Cara turns it around and wins it.
Grade: B-
I cannot wait to see this man perform live on Tuesday. Tedward did well to keep up with Cara, despite the dramatic differences in styles, instead of getting lost in them. More and more, I’m impressed by Cara, and am glad that Tedward is finally getting back on track.
Recap of Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan from Raw, and they will indeed face each other tonight.
Commercial.
Cody Rhodes makes his way out now, talking about…chocolate? Oh, they’re in Hershey. Got it. The audience is fat, the audience is ugly. Put the bags on your head. Yeah.
And here’s Daniel Bryan. Oh, he gets to chat, too! An unusually gruff voice for such a small man. “A cup doesn’t belong on your face, a cup belongs in your pants.†He assures Cody that looks aren’t everything. Cody says that sounds like something an ugly person would say, so Daniel Bryan brings up a picture of the always sexy Dusty Rhodes. Bryan goes on to say that Dusty was charismatic, genuine, and inspiring…unlike Cody. He also thinks that Cody is a bitter, arrogant jerk whose only problem is that he’ll never live up to his father’s legacy. Well, that was spicy!
Bell rings. Quick, quick action, right off the bat. All you can hear is the rattling of the mat as the two use their bodies, arms, and legs to assault the other. Cody rolls out, due to frustration, and Tedward waltzes out. The two chat as we go to…
Commercial.
When we come back, Cody is back in the ring, but not for long, as all three are outside. Cody continues the abuse, with Tedward watching, and they’re both back in. Bryan tries to work in some offense but it doesn’t last/work. Cody’s gloating as he goes to slam a knee down…but Bryan moves. He gets to his feet, but Cody remedies that and stomps his face. Slow it down with a sub, and Bryan once more works up, up, before flying around the ring to smack Cody with a clothesline. He lands a kick that…we can pretend connected before launching Cody across the ring. Bryan goes for LeBell Lock, but can’t lock it in. Both men go for a crossbody, and collide painfully. Bryan runs against the ropes, but his foot is caught by Teddy. So, Bryan dives after DiBiase, putting him down. Once back in, Cody takes advantage. He hits the Beautiful Disaster, and Bryan is hung up tight on the ropes. Cody stomps the abdomen while he’s incapacitated. Bryan is assisted out of the ropes, hobbles up, and takes another Beautiful Disaster. Straight from there, he hits CrossRhodes and it’s over.
Grade: B
Cody looked magnificent. This really might have been one of his better matches on Smackdown. Bryan looked winded or lazy towards the end, but still put up a good fight. I liked the action between the two, the interaction of Teddy, how it ended…and so on.
Commercial.
Johnny Curtis…and this week I’m not sure what the hell he’s doing. Something with…nah, I’m just going to move on from it.
Striker backstage with Show. He asks him to give an update on his condition. “I’m fine.†Well, now we’re asking him for a quote about Mark Henry. He’s cryptically speaking…and by that, I mean he’s incredibly vague. I’ve already lost interest in this. The whole thing ends with a Spear from Henry.
Commercial.
Big Zeke is out when we come back. Barrett attacks from behind. Hm. Guess they don’t have a new song for him.
He drives Zeke’s spine into the steel post, and then into the barricade. Back in, a hard kick and he struggles to get to his feet. Once he does, the bell rings and Barrett charges. Backed into one corner, backed into another. Big boot, big clothesline. Locks in a submission, but Zeke moves up, up, fights his way out. It doesn’t last long, as Barrett slams him hard. A sudden counter from Zeke has Barrett on his back. Both rise to their feet slowly, and Zeke is building momentum. Barrett tries to escape as he rolls out of the ring, but Zeke follows, as he takes a big boot from Barrett. Both back in, Barrett goes for Wasteland, and Zeke fights out to put him in the Torture Rack, where he taps.
Grade: C-
Wasn’t really a bad matchup, but it’s being done to death. On that note, I love Barrett. He’s one of my favorites. But I’m sick of him in big groups; it, too, has been done to death. He’s a big, tall, strong, scary dude and I’d like to see him used as a threat instead of a pansy with body guards.
Randy backstage, saying what’s already been said.
Commercial.
Barrett walking backstage, with Slater and Gabriel doing the slow clap. Both mock him for his rough week. Oh, Gabriel. Please just stand there and look pretty from now on. Your voice, makes me want to kill kittens.
WOW! I am speechless after the entrance for the Usos. Very, very impressive. I daresay it gave me chills!
Slater and Gabriel out next. What a buzzkill.
Slater and Jimmy start things off, and Gabriel is already being manhandled. Jey in now for some tag team-y goodness. Jey stands outside the ropes, and is launched. Slater tags in and sails outside of the ring to put some more offense on. Both back in, Gabriel tags in, Slater in, Gabriel in. Quick tags, galore! Gabriel flies from the top rope to be taken down by Jey! Jimmy tags in, on fire, making a woman out of Slater. Jimmy goes for the tag, Gabriel breaks it up, Jey eliminates Gabriel, Slater takes a Superkick, Jimmy to the top rope to finish it off, but Slater’s knees come up, to win it.
Grade: C+
This felt like a real tag team match, and not like they’re making a mockery of it. It was nice, and I liked all four of these guys, and their chemistry. Some fine-tuning would perhaps be beneficial, and definitely a lot more time needs to be given. But I liked it.
Commercial.
Yoshi already in the ring, to face…Jinder.
Boom, right off the bat they’re going at it. Don’t think the bell rang, but that’s because my sister is busy talking over what’s happening. Yoshi is sent into Khali for a big hand, and is ultimately tossed out of the ring. He’s gasping into the mic now, so I guess it wasn’t a real match. Something, something, we’re so strong something, something.
Well, that was pointless.
Commercial.
Kane is on his way out, and Christian follows. Still 28 minutes left on the program…either I’m in for quite a few commercials, or something big is going to happen.
Christian tries to get it done quickly, throwing punches instantly, but Kane’s having none of it. He’s backed into the corner, and flattened. Christian, quick on his feet, shuffles around to try again, but is flattened once more. Back and forth on the ropes, Christian trying to evade Kane, which he does by rolling away from his big elbow. Kane lifts him over his big shoulder, but over the ropes Christian goes, taking Kane’s head with him. Christian to the corner, flies for a big drop kick. Kane slung over the middle rope, as Christian jumps on his back. Kane rolls over to the corner, and Christian now jumps on his chest. Both men outside of the ring, Christian driving him into the barricade and scrambling back in so that the ref may begin counting. He gets to eight before Kane is back in, but still on his back. Christian to the top rope, big head butt that seems to have effected both men…
Commercial.
Both men on their feet when we come back, but this time Kane seems to have the control. Christian flies once more, but is caught and dropped hard. Christian goes for the Killswitch which fails, as Kane flips him over hard. Springboard sunset flip from Christian, but doesn’t have the muscle to flip him. Back again to the corner, climbing, but Kane halts him momentarily. Big DDT from Christian, covers for two. Calls for the Spear, mimicking Edge once more, charges and gets to see Kane’s shoe size up close. Kane’s turn to go to the top rope, but is yanked down by Christian who again covers unsuccessfully. He’s arguing with the ref about counting, getting visibly frustrated. To the top again, flies, but is met with Kane’s hand. Kane to the top rope again, shoulder into Christian’s chest. Signals for Chokeslam, but out comes Mark Henry, so the bell rings for a DQ, and Kane wins.
Grade: B
Okay, so take a sip of beer every time I had to say the words “top rope†in this match. Jeez. But, it was still pretty good. I’ve always marveled at how the big man moves, and Christian did well to portray he wanted to win it, that he needed to win it.
Christian and Mark Henry attack Kane, so Teddy comes out. Christian will have yet another chance for a title shot, in a tag team match. Himself, and Mark Henry, against Kane and Randy Orton.
Commercial.
And, we’re back. Christian and Randy start it off, Randy already on top. Stomps the face a bit, and Henry is in. He’s returning that favor, smashing Orton’s face in. Christian back in, towering over Randy who suddenly rolls him up for a pin that is easy to fight out of. Henry in, Randy on his back as Henry hovers over him. Jumps, but Randy moves. Kane tags in, finally getting his hands on Henry. Christian tries to sneak in some offense on him while he’s outside the ring, but Kane effortlessly gets rid of him. Henry is pinned, for two, and the control is abruptly back in Henry’s hands. Christian in, ref has to pull Christian back where Henry sneaks a punch in. Henry in, slowly stalking the big man, but takes a Chokeslam! Randy tags in, taking out Christian in the corner before throwing himself down and punching the mat. Christian still charges in, where Randy makes quick work of him. Finishing it up with a DDT, but walks right into Henry’s arms. He wiggles out, RKO’s Christian but is quickly Slammed by Henry to end it.
Grade: C-
I have to say, with the leg under the rope, the three count that turned into an eight count, and Henry interfering earlier, I’m kind of sick of these unfortunate inconveniences for Christian. I know it makes him look strong, never having truly lost these matches while still insuring it stays on Randy’s waist, but it’s more frustrating and irritating than anything else. And for god’s sake, why is Mark Henry in nearly every main event lately? He better not be on Tuesday.
Credits roll.
