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We are live from Las Vegas and Booker T is your “Pat Sajak” of the evening, handling the wheel duties. In the arena, Shawn Michaels opens our show proper. Shawn says that he tried to stay away, but he just couldn’t do it. He tried quitting cold turkey, but it didn’t work. Hell, if Ric Flair can do it, then Shawn can as well. Oh, he is just a person showing up. He isn’t here to plug something, but he does so DX style.
CM Punk and the New Nexus make their way to the ring to interrupt Shawn’s shameless promotion. CM Punk calls Shawn’s leaving a bluff more or less. CM Punk pimps his WWE Championship match to which that Shawn says that if he leaves, then the people won’t see him, so it is a win-win. Punk says that Shawn left the WWE as a loser, to which he will leave the WWE as the WWE Champion. Punk then talks down to the WWE Universe for wanting Shawn back. Shawn says they cheer him because they know he’s better than him. CM Punk says that he “was” better than him. Punk mistakes this as a challenge and he says that they are alike. Shawn says they are nothing alike and this ends with David Otunga being kicked into next week.
The RAW GMail chimes in and he says that CM Punk has three weeks left and he will make them count. He’s got the first match and the wheel stops on the ? and Booker T says that CM Punk has earned an all-expenses paid trip to Hell in the form of Kane. Shawn sends Michael McGillicutty into next week as well and we have our first match NEXT!
Remember last week when we were screwed out of this match? Well, we get it tonight!
Sin Cara v. Evan Bourne
RAW Roulette Stipulation: No Countout
They trade off cruiserweight style moves to start. Sin Cara takes Bourne off the ropes and he does his flashy moves that send Bourne out of the ring. The fight goes outside, but they want to keep it in the ring. Bourne gets a pinfall attempt for two. Sin Cara sends Bourne outside again and this time he hits a heat seeking missile. Bourne gets a La Magistral Cradle for two and Sin Cara gets his own cover for two. Bourne gets a knee to the jaw for two and this match is awesome. OH MY GOD! Springboard twisting corkscrew crossbody gets two. Bourne gets the standing moonsaunt for two. Bourne takes to the top and he goes AirBourne, but Sin Cara moves. Sin Cara hits his version of a hurracurana into a faceplant to finish this.
Winner: Sin Cara
Booker T has Kofi spin the wheel to determine Dolph Ziggler’s match stipulation. Vickie Guerrero interrupts and she spins it for Kofi. It lands on Player’s Choice so Kofi gets to decide and it’s him v. Dolph Ziggler with Vickie banned from ringside. HA!
We have Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Alberto del Rio, R-Truth, Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, Alex Riley, & the Miz vying for the RAW Money in the Bank briefcase.
Kofi makes his way to the ring and Vickie tries to introduce her business associate, but the referees escort her to the back.
Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler
The bell rings and Dolph Ziggler decides to take a countout loss too, but Kofi does not want that to happen. Kofi owns Dolph on the outside, but Dolph sends Kofi HARD into the ring post and he has to be concussed.
We are back and Dolph hits his leg drop to the back of the head. TWO COUNT ONLY! Dolph keeps the pressure on Kofi, but Kofi gets into a frenzy, only to be stopped with a neckbreaker. Zig Zag is countered into a small package for two. Kofi bounces off the ropes and he connects with Trouble in Paradise for the win.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Booker T is with Maryse and Alberto del Rio asks Maryse to spin the wheel for him as he checks her out. They talk about expensive things and Alberto del Rio notices that Maryse spun the steel cage match. That romance ended quickly.
Alberto del Rio v. Big Show
RAW Roulette Stipulation: Steel Cage Match
Big Show keeps Alberto from leaving and it’s all a massacre from here on out. He drags del Rio’s head against the cage. Del Rio finally tries to get some offense in, but it’s for naught. Mark Henry makes his way ringside. He’ll do whatever he wants he says. Big Show drops his other leg on Alberto and he makes his comeback. Goozle, but Del Rio kicks him out. DDT by Del Rio gets two. Del Rio gets caught leaving again and Big Show tries to do a superplex attempt and he is successful. Mark Henry RIPS THE CAGE DOOR OFF ITS HINGES! He takes it inside with him and he lets Del Rio easily leave the cage.
Winner: Alberto del Rio
Meanwhile, Mark Henry uses the cage door and he sandwiches Big Show between the steel meshes and the cage wall breaks off! Purely gimmicked.
We recap Mark Henry’s wrath. Oh, here is Kelly Kelly!
Kelly Kelly v. Nikki Bella
RAW Roulette Stipulation: Submission Match
Neither ladies have a submission finisher, so this will be interesting. Nikki works the arm a bit before making Kelly wince in pain as the arm is contorted in a modified armbar. Kelly tries to fight hack and Kelly gets a Boston Crab for the submission.
Winner: Kelly Kelly
The Bellas attack Kelly and Eve Torres makes the save.
Rey is with Booker as the wheel lands on the Tornado Tag Match. It’s Rey and Alex Riley v. The Miz & Jack Swagger. Diamond Dallas Page is here for a cameo and Drew McIntyre is complaining of his TV time being taken away from him. A mysterious kick sends McIntyre into la la land and Shawn Michaels asks them to take out the trash.
Yes…Drew McIntyre just got buried, too bad for the man that was supposedly the Chosen One.
The Miz & Jack Swagger v. Alex Riley & Rey Mysterio
This will be interesting. The Miz takes Alex Riley and Swagger takes on Rey. The Miz turns away to take on Rey and he pays for it, but Swagger saves the Miz from Riley. We pair off again with Miz/Riley outside the ring and Swagger/Mysterio inside the ring. Swagger does his splash and gets two for it. Miz kicks Riley in the face and he looks to get Rey, but Rey sends Swagger into Miz, dropping him south. Mysterio gets Swagger out of the ring and Riley does a top rope hip toss for two. Break time.
We’re back and Alex Riley is being double teamed. Rey tries to save Riley and he ends up being double teamed himself. They pair off again and the Miz DDT’s Mysterio for two again. Riley eliminates Swagger and Miz takes care of Riley. Miz comes at Rey and he’s thinking superplex. Rey counters and he drops the dime. Swagger taes himself out and Rey hits a buzzsaw kick for two. Mysterio counters the Skull Crushing Finale and Swagger disconnects the 619. Riley gets the spinebuster on Swagger and Miz breaks the count. Impaler by Miz gets two and Riley eliminates himself and the Miz. Mysterio rushes in and gets superkicked! TWO COUNT ONLY! Gutwrench Powerbomb is countered into the 619, but Swagger catches the ankle. Anklelock applied and Miz locks on a headlock for a dual submission attempt at the ropes. Riley drops Miz south and he flapjacks him into the barricade. Riley sends Swagger into the ropes. 619 attempt connects as does the Implant DDT. Rey drops the Dime and Riley picks the pinfall.
Winners: Alex Riley & Rey Mysterio
R-Truth is with Booker T and Truth spins a Tables Match. He freaks Booker out.
Tables Match: R-Truth v. John Cena
Truth goes on the attack from the beginning. Cena makes comeback #1 with a fisherman suplex and he goes for a table. However, Truth stops Cena cold and he works Cena’s back and arms. Cena is too strong and he attempts comeback #2 with a dropkick. Cena goes for the A.A., but Truth counters with the OSAKA STREET CUTTER! FTW! Truth wants a table and he gets one. Cena counters going through the table into a body slam. Cena sends Truth outside the ring and Truth goes through the steel steps. Cena grabs a table and he readies Truth for the A.A., but CM Punk comes out in a Stone Cold shirt and they fight it out. Punk escapes from the A.A. attempt and Truth spears Cena through the table!
CM Punk grabs a microphone and he sits down at the top of the stage. He wants Cena to listen to him. He has a lot of things to get off his chest. He likes John Cena more than he likes people in the back. He hates the idea that he is the best, but CM Punk is the best in the world. He says that Cena is best at kissing Vince McMahon’s ass just like Hulk Hogan. He then says that Dwayne might be the biggest asskisser. Punk has been the best since day one. He said that Paul Heyman saw something in Punk. He also namedrops Brock Lesnar and says that even he split. CM Punk says that he is the best wrestler, on the mic, and on commentary. CM Punk says that he isn’t on cups, the opening credits, on Conan O’Brien, and so on. He’s sick of the fact that Dwayne is in the main event at WrestleMania next year. He even tries to go heel on the fans, but they aren’t buying. He says that he’ll leave the WWE the champion and maybe he’ll defend it in New Japan or Ring of Honor. He says that Vince listens to John Laurinatis and that once he dies, his daughter and son-in-law will take over. He wants to continue, but the microphone gets shut off and…we cut out.
Ladies and Gentlemen, CM Punk is God.
A Word From Paul Marshall
Normally I would end the report right here, but this is one of these things where I need to talk about something I rarely talk about. That’s about myself. I’ve been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007 doing the WWE RAW Report and filling in here, there, and everywhere. I enjoy doing this and it saddens me to say that tonight is my last WWE RAW Report. As everyone has witnessed, I’ve been taking time off more often over the past few months and I have been flirting with the decision for a few weeks. I put in notice in the Super Secret Writer’s Forum and originally stated that I would stay on as long as it was needed for the bosses to find me a replacement. We have the replacement and he’s wanting to start next week, so it allows me to work on something else.
I’m not leaving Inside Pulse. Not by a long shot. I’m just stepping down as your RAW Recapper because of the time constraints with my life. I’m getting married in September and I’m wanting to to get away from the real-time format and focus on doing something I can work on a little bit one day and a little bit the next day. I hope you show my replacement the same amount of love you shown me the past four years. This is just an end of a chapter, not the end of the story. Thank you for allowing me to bring you live RAW action the past four years and here’s to the next chapter.
See you next week in my new role.
Tags: cm punk, john cena, monday night raw, money in the bank, Raw, wrestling, WWE, WWE RAW