That Being Said: TNA Impact Wrestling Report for 06.30.2011 – Hogan, Sting, Van Dam, Styles, Anderson

Welcome to “That Being Said”.

I open with a scene from around 6 months ago.

Ring Of Honor iPPV – Final Battle 2010 – Christopher Daniels .vs. Homicide

Daniels comes to the ring, amidst a standing ovation. It is his first PPV since leaving TNA. Homicide comes to the ring, amidst another standing ovation. It is his first PPV since being released from TNA. The two men enter the ring and stare each other down, preparing to wrestle. While doing so, the fans start a “FUCK TNA” chant. As they stare down, the chant gets louder. About a minute later, the entire arena, which has more people in it than the TNA Impact Zone can hold, is chanting “FUCK TNA”. The two men can’t help but smile, and both don’t move, but smile out at the crowd. The “FUCK TNA” chant is all that can be heard in the arena now. Daniels holds up a hand to silence the crowd, then points down at the “ROH” logo in the centre of the ring. Daniels and Homicide break apart and lead the crowd together, and eventually the chants change from “FUCK TNA” to “ROH”. This goes on for a couple minutes. Afterwards, both men shake hands, and have a nice little match.

Last Weekend – Ring Of Honor iPPV – Best In The World 2011 – Jay Lethal .vs. The Prodigy Mike Bennett

Jay Lethal comes to the ring to a massive ovation. This time, the crowd doesn’t wait to chant. “FUCK TNA” can be heard throughout his entrance. Once his music goes off, this chant changes to “FUCK HULK HOGAN”. Within a few seconds, the entire arena is chanting it. Lethal milks this for a minute, smiling, then puts his hand up in Randy Savage fashion, changing the “FUCK HULK HOGAN” chant to a “RANDY SAVAGE” chant.

I didn’t write this, as most people probably think, to pimp out Ring Of Honor. The show on the weekend was good, better than anything I’ve seen out of TNA in over 3 years, and, it got them the biggest in-house and iPPV audience they’ve had to date. I’m all for those things, but ROH is making some odd moves with exclusivity contracts that are impossible to get behind, and this new deal they’ve signed with that broadcasting company is getting people all excited over nothing. This isn’t an ROH column though, so I’m not going to get into that.

My point in writing those flashbacks is this.

Fuck TNA.

I mean that. I mean that from the core of my soul. Fuck TNA. This fucking show. I’ve been recapping this shite for almost a year now, between Pulse and the site I used to work for. I dig Pulse a lot. I dig being interactive with you guys. And all that stuff is great. But the hour before the actual show comes on, I feel like hiring out a hitman on myself.

I was all set to quit covering this show after the last PPV. I was just gonna do the “Interinactivity” bit as a stand-alone article. That way, it wouldn’t have to be TNA-specific. And I wouldn’t have to watch Impact anymore. But then, they announced this Destination-X PPV. They brought back Austin Aries. They are putting AJ and Daniels and Joe in prominent positions for the next PPV. So even though I have to watch Stone Rock Ken Flair against URGH, ROAR, HURT PEOPLE, INTENSITY, there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

Except, oh that’s right, there isn’t. There isn’t. TNA will never move towards the future. They will never be competition for WWE. They never have been. I wish they were. I think everyone wishes they were. But they only ever keep these glimmers of hope alive long enough to keep me watching, just to pull their pants down and shit on the audience.

Let’s take a look at what is going on in TNA in a nutshell. Hulk Hogan babyface didn’t work. Hulk Hogan heel didn’t work. So let’s try Hulk Hogan babyface again. Sting is raping people with facepaint, and people are acting like this is some kind of career resurgence, even though he’s done this exact thing before. Ric Flair has been off because there was a fucking warrant out for his arrest, because despite having a 35-year career where he made more money than most of us will see in a lifetime, he just got married too many times and now is a pathetic husk who is just waiting to take one more backdrop so he can explode into dust. Matt Hardy came to TNA to RE-IGNIRE HIS PASSION FOR WRESTLING, AND FUCK YOU, WWE! HE WILL NOT DIE!!! Except that showing up on time for the events that were going to RE-IGNITE HIS PASSION FOR WRESTLING got in the way of his other passion, which, in case you’re wondering, is the MATT HARDY MOVEMENT, which, in case you’re wondering, consists of tazing Jeff Hardy on camera. Jeff Hardy is busy helping with the Matt Hardy Movement (see above.) They also recently had a woman who looks like a man choose a porn career over being a Knockout. This probably happened when she saw that one Knockout had travelled through time to drug rape another Knockout, and no one was helping or doing anything about it. Not even a workplace violence investigation. Fortunately, no harm was done, because the drugged girl now realizes that the other girl only drug raped her to help her realize their past life together ruling over a kingdom somewhere, and now they are under the mistaken impression that taking over the TNA Knockout Division means anything to anyone. Several wrestlers in TNA have a “mentally damaged” gimmick, possibly from watching their own product. Mike Tenay forgot that many people have access to the internet, and has been telling people about fictitious stars from Mexico that TNA has brought in, which are really just stars that TNA already had, but under masks. Mick Foley was also brought back recently for an angle that was supposed to revolutionize the product. He then left TNA 3 weeks later.

So, I’m giving everyone a heads up. I will recap this show a couple weeks past Destination X, and see if things ACTUALLY get better. If it does, fantastic, that’s exactly what I’m looking for, and since I can already hear a few of my commenters, I’m NOT NOT NOT saying I have to see guys like Daniels and AJ main-eventing everything right off the bat. But at some point, they gotta start moving forward and come to a realization that ANYONE who pays for a PPV with Ken Anderson and Gunner as the main event, in this brittle fucking economy, should just not be allowed to control their own money anymore.

Sorry guys, but if shit doesn’t turn around, I gotta draw a line somewhere. If things don’t improve, what I would like to do is just do “Interinactivity” as a stand-alone article with some Q & A from all over the site. I haven’t run that past Pulse yet, but if things do go that direction, then I am hoping they sign off on that idea. Then I could start doing something less painful on Thursday nights. Like sticking my wet dick in an electrical socket.

Fuck, that was depressing. I need to cheer myself up with some shameless pandering.

Interinactivity

Tony Hunt: Just wanted to tell you I myself have been unable to watch Impact due to it’s superb sucking, but I’ve not missed a single recap you’ve put up. As always your work is some of the best I’ve read, and thanks for doing what you do.

Danny Cox: Did not enjoy the show, but enjoyed this article as always. Oh, and Darsow is Smash’s (Repo Man) kid.

B Brown: The column is great stuff. One of the many reasons I look forward to Fridays.

Steven Gepp: Oh, and as always, great column, (B.Brian) Blair.

Cynical Bastard: I’d like to thank Blair for putting more work into his column than any other I’ve read on this site. Not saying his is the best, I just think he takes the least amount of material and turns it into the greatest amount of column. Not saying the other columns aren’t good, just to be clear, just saying that Blair milks miles out of inches. The sheer volume of comments would seem to agree with me. “That Being Said”… I don’t even bother to watch TNA anymore, so I hope Blair and the commenters are delivering an accurate account, because I loved the early years of TNA and I’m quite saddened by what they have become.

Blair: Phew. That’s better. Thank you guys, seriously. Moving on.

Howard MacEachern: Overall, the show had it’s moments. Beer Money was good, Sting/Abyss was good, and AJ/Daniels/Joe was good. Other than that, nothing to write home about. But hey, there have been many, many, many worse shows. Sting seems to be channeling the Joker with this modified look, complete with a bit more off the wall energy. I don’t mind it, actually, more entertaining than a lot of things.
Blair: More entertaining than what, exactly? Sting has done this before. Many times. And yes, Beer Money was good, but their opponents were terrible, so it sucked. Yes, AJ / Daniels / Joe was good. But Sting / Abyss was TERRIBLE. Except the part where Abyss took time out to read his book. That was funny.

DC: TNA is dumb. And I hope the Joe/Styles/Daniels thing was an obvious bait and switch, and they’ll actually give us another triple threat.
Blair: I’m just hoping they don’t job all 3 out to Bischoff before the PPV.

CB: I know that we are getting Joe vs. Daniels vs. Styles at Destination X, and while I am always happy to see them all go at it, it brings me back to an earlier point I made about TNA last year. Instead of wasting all of their money and all of our time by bringing in Hogan and Bischoff, instead of hot-shooting everything so that 1 month of Impact contains 1 year of storylines, instead of fast-changing / nauseating camera angles that resemble Britney Spears’ videos, all TNA had to do in 2006 and 2007 was simply take what they had and developed it in a slower, better, more methodical (and moneymaking) fashion. Think about it: Instead of Joe vs. Daniels vs. Styles being slapped together in a “HEY!!! REMEMBER THIS!!!” way, they could have had five extra years of backstory, five extra years of TNA-related history to work off of, and five extra years of actual in-ring matches to make this one seem like a really meaningful contest. Forget the indies, Gunner is TNA’s equivalent of Jinder Mahal, based on what we’ve seen on Impact alone.
Blair: Well, I don’t know who the fuck Jinder Mahal is, but yes, this is why watching TNA do the same screw-up over and over and over with Daniels, Joe, AJ and others, is the most painful part of the show for me, second only to who they elevate INSTEAD of those guys. Daniels lost clean to Val Venis. In 2010. It’s just amazing.

Joseph Hargrove: I may not like Gunner but I am impressed with him although i’m still not pleased with his association with Bischoff. I guess when you beat a legend like Sting, it takes away some of the criticism.
Blair: I would argue that ANYONE who did not care about Gunner before his match with Sting does not care about him one iota more now. Which should be basically everyone, if they are mentally fit at least.

BlueLion: And I don’t care about Sting/Hogan seeing as it was done over a decade ago, get Sting to WWE pronto.
Blair: See, Sting has a place in TNA. In my opinion, anyway. I don’t know what Sting would do with WWE. I think Sting should go to WWE to do their Hall Of Fame, and maybe lose to The Undertaker. That’s about it.

Patrick Spohr: I wouldn’t be opposed to Gunner having a manager or valet who can do the heavy lifting on the mic for him, though. You know what, TNA has already made up their mind about pushing this guy. If I have to sit through Gunner storylines week after week already, I’d prefer it if they got someone with some actual charisma to cut his promos.
Blair: That idea assumes that Gunner JUST needs a mouthpiece. A mouthpiece certainly wouldn’t HURT the guy, but Gunner needs a LOT more than a mouthpiece to be entertaining, because at some point, the dude has to be entertaining in the ring as well. I wouldn’t pay for any kind of Gunner match right now, I don’t care if the dude has a fucking flame thrower, I don’t even like watching him for free.

Patrick Spohr: Bischoff needs to shut his damn trap, get off our TV screens, and focus on improving the company behind-the-scenes. It’s like the guy learned nothing from the failure of WCW, that spending too much time trying to become a “personality” meant taking his eyes off the direction of the company.
Blair: I don’t think Bischoff killed WCW, I just don’t think he had enough control over the product after the AOL / Time Warner merger to really do anything he wanted to. I know Bischoff is part of the team running TNA right now, but I don’t know how much individual credit and / or scrutiny (depending on your mental fitness) he deserves overall for what is going on.

Mike Gojira: Jarrett sucks.
Blair: Church.

Steven Gepp: Now, Mr Jarrett. I first saw Jeff at Superclash III when he was defeated by Eric Embry (sp?) in a decent little match where he sold the arm injury surprisingly well. Then I next saw him when he turned up as a wannabe country and western singer at the (then) WWF. I watched him ‘fight’ all the way through until Chyna beat him up and he suddenly appeared in WCW. I watched him against the Rgodes family, against Booker T, against Benoit, against everyone there. I started watching TNA when they went away from the weekly PPV concept (remember that?). I haven’t missed a TNA PPV in more than 3 years. And you know what? His best match in all that time that I have seen is still that first one at Superclash III. Yes, he’s had some good ones – Benoit with the ladder, Angle at least once (actually, probably only once), Booker T at least once… not a huge amount, but some – but the fact that he has not surpassed that effort from more than 20 years ago tells me an awful lot. And for those who may read this and quibble, I’ve been watching this “sport” for nigh on 30 years. I have stepped inside that squared circle and lost teeth, had knees blow out, a shoulder dislocated, bruises, welts, blood. I think I may possibly know a little of which I speak. (Ego-stroking over…)
Blair: Church.

Steven Gepp: Look, I understand why people are invested in TNA – WWE is boring for the most part, and if it weren’t for CM Punk would be nothing more than a cartoon with real people. However, you can see where they are going a lot of the time, storylines have made some sense, and I have to say the turns recently (and that’s my next View from Down Here, by the way) have actually been rather well done. It’s just that the product is dull. TNA is not dull, I will give them that. It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s not dull.
Blair: You got me there. TNA is more entertaining in the way that a telethon is less entertaining than watching live coverage on CNN of a guy shooting a bunch of people from a clocktower.

Jimmy: I really hope roode wins the bfg tournament He definitely has all the tools to be the face of TNA/Impact. He just needs that uber push. I think we’ll see him turn heel, preferably on AJ instead of Storm directly. It’d make the most sense to get heat from the crowd. Then simply give Roode the best damn run with the title we’ve ever seen with grade A feuds. Gunner isn’t bad. I’m not fond of his version of the F-5. Somethign about it doesn’t look natural or fluid for him. But he has a great look, good build, and he’s intense as hell. He needs a nice slow build though. I think they’ve done good so far with him. This upcoming minifeud with Anderson should be good enough to elevate him a bit, just don’t push him too hard. A good showing and losing is good enough. Crimson…I’m not big on the guy at all. I don’t like his look. His moves are lackluster. His in ring work isn’t that great. I’m just not impressed. I can’t see his push/storyline/streak amounting to anything outstanding other than burying whoever he’s in a storyline/feud with. It’s great to push younger guys but at the same time you have to look at what’s already there. A lot has been invested in Anderson so we know he’ll be staying at the top. Angle and Sting can’t be ruled out, however, Sting’s a limited commodity and Angle’s going to be out for Olympics. AJ can easily segment up to the top. RVD is limited and seems a bit stale for main event. Bully Ray’s up there, but for how long is a big question.
Blair: I used to think Roode was REALLY over-rated. I don’t necessarily think that way anymore, as he and Storm have been GREAT, especially over the last year or so, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to see the guy in the main event. If you’re talking instead of Crimson or Gunner, then yeah, Roode makes a lot more sense than either of those guys. I don’t know. I wouldn’t hate a Roode run, but you’re right, if they do it, they should make him a heel. As for liking Gunner and not liking Crimson, to me they are basically the EXACT same character, except one is a babyface, one is a heel, and neither of them get any kind of crowd reaction.

Corey Yuen: (Insert usual noise here.)
EVERYONE Else: (Insert usual total demolishment of Corey’s comment here.)

Lastly… I posted this, a final word on Mr. Corey Yuen, last week in the comment section. I’m re-posting it for anyone at all who didn’t see it. (IE: Corey Yuen)

Blair: I just wanted to say that while I sincerely do appreciate the defence that some of you are providing for me, I’m concerned that people might be taking this Corey Yuen thing a little too seriously.

Corey just likes Jeff Jarrett and TNA. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s his opinion. Corey believes that Jeff Jarrett is a good wrestler, and that making profit alone (for the short term) means the company is successful. There’s nothing wrong with that either. That’s his opinion.

Corey’s issue with me is that I think Jeff Jarrett is a joke. I have no issue with Corey, I just don’t see what he sees. That’s all. He believes TNA is successful because they’ve made some profit. I believe that by his logic, banks and firms like Goldman Sachs and Enron were highly lucrative, successful business models until the very day someone found out that it was all a huge lie. He believes that wrestlers who make more money MUST be better wrestlers. Much like profit, I just don’t see how that can be the case of all. He believes Jeff Jarrett is a good wrestler. I don’t see his justification for such a belief. It’s just a case of differences of opinion.

The thing is, Corey attributes opinions to me that I don’t have. Like, how I don’t think older guys have a place in TNA. He is wrong. I don’t know where stuff like that comes from. And I think he believes that by questioning what he thinks, that I am trying to devalue his opinions somehow. Again, he is wrong. I am trying to understand a viewpoint I don’t share. That’s all. That’s the entire point of the Q & A – to spark debate. With guys like CB, and MacEachern, and other regulars, I don’t always see what they see either – but they’re good at detailing specifics and articulating what it is they like or don’t like. They certainly aren’t obligated to do so, but they do, and I appreciate it, because I think it makes the articles a lot more fun, whether I identify with the issue or not.

But with Corey, it’s almost completely one-dimensional. I respond to him, and the points that he makes, which I am HAPPY to do if it’s two ways, but aside from that Slammiversary thing, he completely ignores the points I make, or just dismisses them with comments like how Jarrett is such a great wrestler, but will never say WHY he believes such a thing, even when directly asked by myself or someone else. Or he’ll do his whole “unintentional great move” thing, or something like “so Jarrett blackmailed McMahon for money. So what?” So, it’s blackmail. That’s what. There’s not a lot I can do with responses that are one-dimensional or just plain don’t exist.

Corey, don’t misunderstand – it’s not like you owe anyone here any explanation as to why you enjoy TNA or Jeff Jarrett. Far from it. And I wasn’t saying that your opinions have no merit. All I was trying to do was understand why you hold that opinion. That’s all. More people than myself clearly want to know. If you want to keep it to yourself, that’s fine – but if you want to do the Q and A thing sometime, I’m happy to do some more “Interinactivity” with you. If the responses stop, or just stay the same as they are now, then no worries, and I hope you don’t take it personally if I don’t include your comments if that ends up being the case.

Either way dude, I hope you keep checking out the column, and thanks for reading.

So yeah, that was my final word on the Corey thing. I think I’ve been patient. Dude said I caused the financial collapse, and I still was willing to listen to everything he had to say after what was obviously one of the dumbest things to ever come out of a human being’s mouth. So I would argue that I put in my time trying to work with him. Moving on.

Wow, Interinactivity was fun this week! Wouldn’t it be awesome if this was all there was to the column? Huh? Wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it?!?! Huh?!?! You know what one of the worst parts of doing this show is now? It’s that no one will watch it with me anymore. The fucking entire team quit. So there’s no one to even joke about it with while it’s on now. It’s just me and TNA, slowly infecting my brain.

All right, let’s just get through this already. TNA gave up on naming their episodes. I guess I have to do it for them. Let’s see, what should I…

“Fuck TNA”

… there we go.

Hulk Hogan hobbles to the ring. He babbles about beating up Sting after his next knee surgery but before his nap. He then calls out Mr. Anderson. He wants Anderson to join Immortal before Anderson fights Sting in a couple weeks. Then Anderson jabbers. The crowd is booing both guys. They basically go over why Anderson is World Champion, still trying to make it make some sense. The crowd is dead for this.

Darth Ledger is in the back beating on Immortal guys. Steiner is with them. Nice way to unleash that surprise. I’ll go into why that makes no sense either. Lights go out on the arena. Then the lights go on, and Heath Vader is in the ring. He hits Hogan in the back, and Anderson bails. He says the Impact where he gets his World Title shot will be called “Midsummer Night’s Nightmare”. That’s pretty dumb. He then tells Hogan that he’s still trying to get through to them. Sting screams “Red Hogan Yellow Hogan” a bunch of time. Hogan screams that Sting broke his ribs.

Sting then cuddles up to Hogan in the corner. Hogan keeps saying he can’t breathe. This is really awkward. He gives Hogan a pill. Then he asks for water and someone gives it to him. Then he just starts shoving pills down Hogan’s throat. Does the drug-rape ever stop on this fucking show? The crowd isn’t sure what to think. Then Sting puts Hogan in 1/8th of the Scorpion Death Lock, and says if he sat down that he would kill Hogan.

Bully Ray leads Immortal down the ramp. Steiner is in tow. No one is calling attention to that. Ray starts yelling at Sting about how he’s a nobody, which conflicts with a promo he cut on Sting a few weeks ago saying Sting is a legend. Ray says he and Sting have never fought. Ray says that Sting is fighting Steiner tonight… Hogan gets up, walks over to Ray, and says that tonight, he’s going to wipe the smile off Sting’s face. I thought Hogan’s ribs were broken or something?

Tenay says that tonight has limited commercial interruptions.

So last week, during the BFG tournament, Crimson beat Pope, because everyone beats Pope, and James Storm picked up a win, don’t know against who, and AJ beat Gunner and avenges the loss to him from last week. Gunner beat D-Von. Tonight, Gunner fights AJ in a tiebreaker, and Joe fights D-Von.

Commercial 20 minutes in.

BFG Series
Samoa Joe .vs. D-Von

These losers both have no points. Joe hits a headlock and goes straight for the Kokina Clutch, but D-Von hits the ropes. Mad chants for D-Von! Huh, that’s kinda cool, I didn’t know that D-Von had a lot of crowd support still. Now there’s chants for Joe. D-Von eats a kick, a snapmare, a chop, and another kick. Then a kneedrop. Joe starts facewashing D-Von, and this match is moving awfully slow. D-Von hits a spear out of nowhere, and the crowd really goes nuts and gets behind him. Flying uppercut takes Joe down. D-Von hits a Rock Bottom and a diving headbutt. Running clothesline to the corner by D-Von, then he hits the ropes and does another one for a 2-count.

D-Von charges Joe in the corner but eats an elbow. Joe then jumps up to the second rope and hits a lariat. Joe then goes for a side leg-lock, because apparently you get more points for a submission victory. Atomic drop by Joe, followed by a big boot. Joe goes for a hammerlock submission. D-Von makes it to the ropes. Joe is frustrated. D-Von starts slapping Joe, but runs into a snap-slam, but goes for an armbar instead of a pin. Nice psychology to this match, but I don’t think it’s gonna work out all that well. D-Von makes it to the ropes again.

Joe puts D-Von on the ropes, but D-Von dives off only to eat a kick to the face. Mad chants for D-Von, as D-Von hits some kind of a slam for a surprise pin. Joe is surprised.

Winner: D-Von

Backstage, Pope is celebrating with what I assume are D-Von’s kids. This goes on a bit too long and is awkward. Also backstage, Steiner is yelling at Ray because Ray didn’t tell him that he was gonna fight him. Ray then starts yelling at Steiner, and Steiner yells back, but now Steiner agrees to fight Sting, in a promo that only Steiner could have pulled off. Kaz teases Joe about losing his match, and he says he wants to bring the best out of Joe. Joe swears at Kaz. They jaw at each other, and Kaz says he isn’t afraid of Joe.

Fucking Low Ki is here!!! Holy shit. That’s awesome. So is Matt Bentley. Holy shit. That sucks. So is Jimmy Yang. Holy shit. No one cares.

X-Division Series
Low Ki .vs. Matt Bentley .vs. Jimmy Yang

Low-Ki is fucking tremendous. I believe this is his THIRD TNA run. Matt Bentley is a shit wrestler who only ever got a job because he’s Shawn Michaels’ nephew. I haven’t seen enough of Jimmy Yang to really judge, but he’s dressed like Elvis.

Yang takes it to both guys, until Ki swings off the ropes and nearly decapitates him. Holy fuck man. Crowd is nuts for Low-Ki. Then Ki hits a Tajiri small package on Bentley for 2. Yang onto Ki, with a moonsault cross-body for 2. Bentley back in with the extent of his offense… kicking people when they’re down. Expect TNA marks to say he’s the next Crimson any day now. Yang gets tossed out of the ring and tries to skin the cat, so Bentley tosses Ki into him and Yang goes flying. 2-count on Ki by Bentley. Crowd is chanting for Ki to get up.

Snapmare and an elbow for 2 by Bentley. Sleeper by Bentley. He sucks. Ki powers out and hits a chop, but Bentley clotheslines him out of the ring. Ki kicks Bentley, but Yang hits the ring and does an insane flying Elvis right over Bentley and onto Ki. Yang tosses him into the ring for 2. Armlock onto Ki. Ki hits a crucifix for 2. Spin-kick by Yang for 2. This is the best of this X-series so far, as it’s not a total spot-fest, but it’s making good use of the spots they are doing. Ki hits some stiff kicks on Yang, and hits a sunset flip, holding him down until he can murder him with a double stomp. Insane. Crowd is loving Ki right now. Bentley tries to be a part of the match so Low Ki ruins his shit with a kick to the head. Yang hits a crazy flying kick on the back of Ki’s head for 2.

Bentley works on Yang, then htis a DDT / Diamond Cutter combo. It sounds impressive, but it wasn’t. Superkick on Ki by Bentley gets 2. I thought that was it. Thank God it wasn’t. Bentley tries a cross-body but Yang turns it into a kneelift that hits Bentley hard. Yang tries a moonsault but misses. Ki is back in the ring, and hits the top rope, and DESTROYS Yang with a double-stomp. Pin. Bentley tries and fails to make the save. Because he sucks.

Winner: Low-Ki

I am legitimately impressed that they brought Ki back. Thank God they’re not calling him Senshi. Back in the original ROH days, I always preferred Ki to Danielson, but I think I was in the minority there. (For the record, I preferred CM Punk the most.)

Guys talk about the Destination-X match. Tenay actually says that the X-Division has been overshadowed. No shit. Nice to see Shelley get some TV time. Shelley is also tremendous. They really do a good job hyping this PPV, and this will be the one TNA PPV this year I will be excited to see.

Madison Rayne is talking to a mirror. This is the first Knockout segment in 2 years to not include Velvet Sky. Madison Rayne thinks that Winter & Angelina stole their lip gloss. Oh, and Angelina is not a zombie anymore I guess. She now says that she just wanted Winter to appreciate her. THIS FUCKING SHOW!!! I don’t even have time to get into how poorly fucking conceived this entire fucking thing has been. There’s more holes in this than a fucking cheese grater. Watching it has felt like a 6-month dickpunch. Oh, and Angelina calls Mickie James “Mikey” but I guess they just didn’t feel like doing another take because this one obviously went so well.

By the way, they’re still doing a lot of commercials. If it’s a lot less than normal, it’s not visible.

Joe finds Kaz in a bar. Bad things happen for TNA guys in bars. I don’t get why they even let Joe in this bar. Joe beats up Kaz. He screams that this is his world.

Hogan is walking in the back, threatening Sting. Again, I thought his ribs were broken.

6-Woman Elimination Match
Angelina Love, Winter, & Madison Rayne .vs. Mickie James, Tara, & Miss Tessmacher

I don’t recap Knockout matches.

Winners: Guys Who Can’t Unscramble The Skin-a-Max

Gunner starts talking. SO INTENSE!!! HE’S LIKE GOLDBERG TIMES AT LEAST 20!!! LOOK OUT FLIPPY STYLES!!! LOOK HOW HE SITS THERE SHAKING HIS HEAD!!!

I lost my feed for a few minutes. When I came back, Van Dam, AJ, Daniels, and Lynn were all in the ring talking about the X-Division. Van Dam was saying he pioneered the X-Division style to begin with. Lynn argued with him and said that he stood toe-to-toe with him for a year. Daniels tried to talk Lynn down. Daniels puts over all 4 guys, then says they have a week until Destination-X, and suggests a 4-Corners match for next week. They all agree. Crowd is pumped.

Gunner comes out and jumps AJ after the promo. The ref hits the ring. I guess this is a match now.

BFG Series
AJ Styles .vs. Gunner

AJ tries to turn this into a match. It is difficult because Gunner has apparently refused to perform any moves besides the F5 that he does or does not know. AJ kicks his ass and knocks him around the ring for a few minutes. Suplex by AJ. KNEE by Gunner gets a TWO-COUNT. Oy. Gunner tries to do a move, but he doesn’t know how, so he eats a Pele by AJ. AJ then dropkicks him over the ring and then does an insane flip-dive out of the ring. Crowd is loving this. AJ pummels Gunner for a bit, they end up back in the ring…

Then Gunner fights back with… !!! … punches. He tries to pick up AJ for an F5, but AJ kicks him again. AJ goes for the top rope, but Gunner kicks the rope as he’s going back in. F5 by Gunner. Pin.

Winner: Gunner

Fuck this show. I’m never watching this stupid shit again.

How the fuck does AJ lose to ONE MOVE, after kicking Gunner’s ass the entire time? How the fuck are they supposed to build these guys for a PPV of their own when they’re having them lose to one move by a guy who’s been on the show for 4 months who gets NO REACTION, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, from ANY crowd? Why would anyone want to care about the X-Division guys with this kind of buildup? Why do we care who gets a TNA contract if all they’re going to do is flip around all match just to lose to one shitty F5? Could it be more obvious that they’re building this show as inferior, and they’re still going to promote ALL these X-Division guys as inferior to wastes of skin like Gunner, Crimson, Morgan and Anderson, who NEVER get ANY kind of reaction?

I guess there is more show. I’m not doing any more. Not that watching bitches roll around calling each other whores and the main event of WCW Sin 2001 doesn’t appeal to me, but yeah. I saw Low-Ki. I’m good. This has been “That Being Said”.

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