It’s that time again! Summer is finished off with a grand event…SummerSlam! A shockingly large amount of your Pulse favorites gather ’round to discuss the shockingly small amount of matches. Who’s choices will turn out to be right?
WWE Championship
CM Punk vs John Cena
Mike Gojira: For the first time in a long time, the status of the WWE Championship is truly up in the air. I’m sure I’m not the only writer on this Roundtable who will say something to that effect, but since when has that stopped me before? I smell shades of the 1997 edition of SummerFest, with Punk taunting The Game and it costing Cena the match. Maybe that will keep John out of the title picture so he can slow down on his championship count. Personally, i think it would be interesting to hear Punk pull a “worked shoot” on a new opponent and expose his flaws (del Rio or Miz) just to see if the new challenger can handle the searing taunts.
Winner and Undisputed WWE Champion: Phil
Blair A. Douglas: This is the match people are coming to see. Is it as big as it was last time? Maybe yes, maybe no. Regardless, these two are the only good main-event feud besides Shawn / Undertaker that WWE has had in years, and even Shawn / Undertaker never had this amount of fan interest and speculation. I legitimately have no idea what way they’re going to go with this, which is exactly how the main-event should be, for once. There’s any number of directions they could go with this, no matter who wins, and many of those directions are all good and interesting. Punk doesn’t even need to win this. He’s a made man, and as long as they don’t push him down the card, which I can’t imagine they’d do at this point anyway, he has breathed life into a dying main-event scene. The last match they had was great, and if this one is even half as good, it’d be twice as good as anything Cena / Miz or Cena / Shaemus did. Not only did Punk carry Cena to a good match, but it was a FUN match. Being that this is one of their “big 4” shows, I imagine this will be as good or better. I hope they keep that chump Del Rio and his dumb briefcase out of there. Winner is tough to call, but…
Winner: CM Punk
M.C. Brown: Okay who is the heel? For Triple H/Punk to flip flop roles, H must start screwing up at some point. As long as there is an opponent lined up for Punk to keep them from getting H to wrestle until Wrestlemania. Of course if Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows were to return with chips on their shoulder for Punk not negotiating for them to return, that could cost him the match, too. Or does WWE dare to have them help Punk and try to keep Punk heel opposite Cena? Either way, if H is going to help someone to end the show, it’s probably going to be Cena or perhaps they do Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart where Punk forces Triple H to count after spitting in his face. Another Cena win here might not be the best move as it would indicate back to status quo, but if he did win and say, Alberto Del Rio cashed in, that might get them into a feud with Cena chasing him up until it’s time for him to win it back vs. The Rock.
Winner(sole champion): John Cena
John Cena(c) vs. Alberto Del Rio(cashes in MITB)
Winner(and new Champion): Alberto Del Rio
Kelly Floyd: I can’t pretend I’ve been following Raw, because I really, really haven’t. I’ve caught up a smidge on these shenanigans, and I like what I have seen. But one thing I’ve noticed is that there is one name shining a little brighter on the marquee now-a-days, and it sure ain’t Cena. I almost feel like there’s a lot more to be done if Punk dons the strap, and that Raw could possibly become watchable again. That could be my biased exhaustion with Cena and everything he shits on, or it could be a genuine feeling. Either way, I want to laugh in a small child’s face at the bar on Sunday, and Cena losing would allow me to do so. But then, where’s del Rio at? There hasn’t been a cash-in yet, and Bryan seems to be the one holding out for a substantial amount of time, so could we see the cash-in tonight? God I hope so. Miz’s cash-in was spoiled for me by a douchebag ex-boyfriend, so I need this!
Winner: Punk
Joe Violet: Unless all parties involved bring their working boots, this isn’t likely to top Money in the Bank. The fact that HHH is the special referee, as well as the fact that this is the very same event that led to Bret Hart’s 5th WWE world title reign, AND the fact that WWE’s been on a nostalgia kick as of late…and it all adds up to overbooked shenanigans. We’re almost certain that there’s going to be an HHH swerve, but the question is, who’s he going to screw over? The way I see it, it’s foolish to end this angle this Sunday, because there’s still so much that can be done with it. Raw’s match against Del Rio looked to be Creative’s experiment to see if Punk would work as a face, and it looked as if it would be possible to book Punk as such. Cena’s character has been really the same for years, and it’s getting very stale. If anything, this has merely shown the fans’ (at least the older ones) distaste for the Super Cena character, and is reminiscent of 1997, where Stone Cold Steve Austin became the anti-hero everyone loved, and the-then loved Bret Hart was turned heel all in one move. I mentioned before that this could lead to Attitude 2.0…the signs are all there. Here’s how I see it happening: HHH screws over Punk, and Cena turns. It’s the best move WWE can make at the moment. Sure, it gives Cena back the title and serves to piss us all off royally…but isn’t that what makes us keep coming back? The Kings of Wrestling and Colt Cabana could also swerve Punk and form a new Corporation-like stable, or WWE could do something different, and have an entire stable go against the one man we all would hate, and the COO who he has in his pocket…a reverse Corporation effect. Either way, Cena will win on Sunday.
Winner: John Cena
Winner: CM Punk over John Cena, then Alberto Del Rio over Punk with tons of help to win his first WWE Championship.
Winner: CM Punk (STILL(?) NEW(?) WWE Champion)
Steven Gepp: The most compelling story of the year now features HHH? The cynic in me says, “But of course it does!†while the fan in me says, “Why does it?†I also expect the Rock to get involved, probably causing the Punk win with a reluctant 3-count from HHH. And then Alberto Del Rio comes out and yet again cannot cash in that brief case! Can they top their MitB goodness? Doubt it. Will this be fun? Hope so. Can they really stuff up this angle? Unfortunately, yes…
Winner: CMPunk
William Shakespeare:
Then you lost
The view of earthly glory…
Made it a fool and beggar. The two kings,
Equal in lustre, were now best, now worst,
As presence did present them…
…and, being present both
‘Twas said they saw but one; and no discerner
Durst wag his tongue in censure.
(King Henry VIII Act 1, Sc 1)
Winner: Cena
World Heavyweight Championship
Christian vs Randy Orton
Mike Gojira: There is NO REASON to take the belt off of Christian and hand it right back to Randy. Orton has no need for the title and should continue working on his anger issues, since the real storyline here is his inability to control himself. Taking the belt off of Captain Charisma nullifies the last few months of his career and only serves to exemplify him as a paper champion, which he is not. As much as I’ve loved this feud, it needs to end. If Orton wins, that just means Christian gets his rematch and we’ll be stuck running in circles again.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Christian
Blair A. Douglas: You have to admire WWE’s commitment to this feud, I suppose. Everyone got all butthurt when Orton beat Christian a while back, but given what they’ve done with Christian since then, I don’t know why anyone would still complain. If it’s a grudge match, this should be okay. Perhaps Bryan will cash in after the match? Who knows.
Winner: Randy Orton
M.C. Brown: No holds barred = shenanigans. Kane gets revenge on Orton? Christian gets a new buddy? Viper gets screwed. One world title doesn’t change hands.
Winner: Christian
Kelly Floyd: I used to be the biggest RK-Ho around, and Christian has always held a very special piece of my heart. But…I’m done with this. We can’t keep throwing these two together while putting a pretty “No Holds Barred” bow on top. Pick one to be the champ, and then let a little game of cat-and-mouse follow! Anyway. Christian chased the thing for so long, it almost seems foolish to remove it now. But then again, he lost the belt in 5 days before, so what the hell do I know. But I still feel like he’s going to keep it. Woman’s intuition.
Winner: Christian
Joe Violet: These two gel very well together in the ring against each other, and it looks like this feud may finally come to an end here. The no-holds-barred stipulation is obviously booked to mean that Orton can unleash his anger on Christian, but here’s what everyone’s forgetting: the door swings both ways. Christian can do whatever he wants to try and keep his title. This is one of those occasions where the license to cheat appears to favor the face more than it does the heel…but it’s the heel who will stoop even lower to get the win. I mentioned in my 10 Thoughts that Christian is starting to get Honky Tonk Man-type heat, and I think there’s a little more mileage left in a title reign of this type. I have a sneaking suspicion that Christian’s got something up his sleeve…which reminds me, where has Mason Ryan been as of late? Hmmmmm…
Winner: Christian
Winner: Christian, with help from Edge
Winner: Christian (STILL World Heavyweight Champion)
Steven Gepp: Enough already! First dozen times, great! Next dozen times, meh. Now… please let it go! Something has to happen to give Christian the win so he can go on and hold the title until WM where he’ll face Daniel Bryan Danielson, and Orton can go on and face anyone else, I don’t actually care. Or is this where Mick Foley comes out, costs Orton his match and we have another feud all ready for WM?
Winner: Christian
William Shakespeare:
…Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
To such a greeting: villain am I none;
Therefore farewell; I see thou know’st me not.
(Romeo And Juliet Act 3, Sc 1)
Winner: Christian
 Mark Henry vs Sheamus
Mike Gojira: I’m loving this “tweener” turn from Sheamus. It looks as though the whole point of having Henry go on this rampage is to establish Sheamus as the new hoss, and the only way to pass said torch is to have Sheamus go over Mark clean. I can’t imagine this going on for another month.
Winner: Sheamus
Blair A. Douglas: This might be the match that clued me in to the fact that I just plain don’t get wrestling fans now. I guess they’re saying that this match has sparked all kinds of fan interest and that if given a chance, it could be good. I don’t know what anyone in the world could possibly base this on. I even downloaded a couple eps of SmackDown just to see those segments. Yeah, I don’t get it. Maybe I’m the crazy one. That’s fine with me. I got standards, and I don’t get it. If you attended the event, this would be where you went and got Glossettes.
Winner: Sheamus? I don’t know.
M.C. Brown: Henry is a stepping stone for a Sheamus face push.
Winner: Sheamus
Kelly Floyd: Who…the hell…cares. And that’s difficult for me to say. I always stand by my Irish brethren, and he’s definitely one of my favorites. But once Sexual Chocolate is thrown into the mix, the shit hits the fan. And not in a good way.
Winner: Sheamus
Joe Violet: I never thought I’d see the day where I would consider Mark Henry watchable in WWE. Am I surprised? Absolutely. Am I complaining? Not yet. Let’s give him some credit, he’s been improving by leaps and bounds. I was interested in watching his match against Big Show last month, and now I’m just as interested to see him against Sheamus this month. At the same time, the face turn looks to be just what Sheamus needed. I’ve still gotta get used to him smiling, but as far as his ring work goes, he’s also improved. This match is going to be as smash-mouth as you get…it’s almost like watching some good old football, seeing two hard-nosed defensive teams both just knocking the crap out of the opposing team’s offense. Either man losing here will hurt their push, so here’s my pick:
Winner: Double DQ
Winner: Sheamus
Winner: Sheamus (via DQ)
Steven Gepp: Wow! A classic for the ages! If this doesn’t main event, then I’m writing a stern letter of protest!
Winner: The audience! Okay, Sheamus
William Shakespeare:
Great lords, from Ireland am I come amain…
Send succors, lords, and stop the rage betime,
Before the wound do grow uncurable;
For, being green, there is great hope of help.
(King Henry VI Pt II Act 3, Sc 1)
Winner: Sheamus
Daniel Bryan vs Wade Barrett
Mike Gojira: This one is tough to call, as I’d love to see either man go over clean here. DB has the Money in the Bank briefcase, so his push would logically continue, but I don’t expect him to win ALL his matches from now until Wrestlemania. I think Barrett will pull out the victory, then demand Bryan put the briefcase on the line in their next encounter.
Winner: Wade Barrett
Blair A. Douglas: Daniel Bryan is awesome and Wade Barrett could generously be described as awful. So, unless they’ve given up on Bryan… again…
Winner: Daniel Bryan
M.C. Brown: Bryan still remains prevalent with the MITB case. Which means they can center it around a rematch after Barrett beats him.
Winner: Wade Barrett
Kelly Floyd: I’m actually digging this. It’s like, “Oh yeah! Daniel Bryan would have a grudge against Barrett…” Even I forgot about their involvement, and I was a huge Nexus (see: original Nexus) mark. Although, I do think that digging up old aggression is lazy, but whatever. Barrett has been fizzling out lately, and Mr. Money in the Bank has been hot, hot, hot.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Joe Violet: I’m not going to lie, I’m a Daniel Bryan fan. I was also a Chris Benoit fan before he went nuts. I like the mat technique kind of wrestling, so I’m rooting for Bryan to win this one. But all favoritism aside, all Barrett has done since he lost the Intercontinental Championship is beat Kane. I get a feeling he’s due…Bryan has Money in the Bank, he doesn’t need the win, not when he can cash in any time he wants with the briefcase, and since he’s said he plans to use it at Wrestlemania…meh, what’s a loss every here and there? Heck, he lost to Del Rio on Smackdown. Then again, he does need a little momentum…I’m torn here, actually. Barrett DOES need a win to look legitimate again…I’m going out on a limb and saying it’s not going to be on this card.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (won’t be surprised if I’m wrong on this one though.)
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Steven Gepp: Could be good, could be good… Or could be a total clash in styles. Here’s what I reckon – this is another test for Bryan. If he can get a watchable match out of Barrett, then they may just trust him to successfully cash in that briefcase. If not… well…
Winner: Bryan.
William Shakespeare:
…To-morrow, sir, I wrestle for my credit; and he that
(As You Like It Act 1, Sc 1)
Winner: Bryan
Divas’ Championship
Kelly Kelly vs Beth Phoenix
Mike Gojira: Sorry, Floyd, but your namesake is a bust (get it?) as a champion. She has never believably been able to prove to me that she can win a fight against any of the other, more capable, females on hand. Phoenix should have won the gold when she came back from injury, but I guess now is as good a time as any.
Winner and NEW Divas’ Champion: Beth Phoenix
Blair A. Douglas: What was that WWE slogan they had for the Divas a while back? SEXY! SMART! POWERFUL! Or something. Anyway, I imagine we’ll see all of those things in what will turn out to be a classic. And it still might be better than Sheamus / Henry.
Winner: Guys Who Can’t Unscramble The Skin-A-Max
M.C. Brown: Should be a rise to prominence for women wrestling if Triple H’s regime reflects a renewed interest in all divisions. If that is true, then Beth is the best of the bunch now along with Nattie.
Winner(and new Champion): Beth Phoenix
Kelly Floyd: I’ve been waiting to get my verbal hands on this match. Beth Phoenix is an obvious choice to rule over the Divas. She’s beautiful, she’s powerful, she’s talented. However, I’ve learned that that means absolutely nothing. I mean, look at the current champion. Joan Cena is best when she’s being slammed onto a mat…it makes her boobs look nicer. But, I need a champion who does a little more than wink and shake her opponent’s hair around.
Winner: If it’s not Beth Phoenix, I quit.
Joe Violet: I’ve mentioned how the Divas division has improved over the past couple of weeks, and so here’s the chance to prove whether or not WWE is serious about making the Divas division worth watching again. For a while now, the Divas champion has been the one who’s been the best eye candy at the time, whoever Creative felt the fans were high on. Even LayCool wasn’t THAT talented, even though Layla is super hot…but I digress. Actually, no I don’t…that’s the POINT. It’s mainly been about who’s been the most over. Is there anything wrong with that? No, but it helps if they can actually go in the ring. Kelly Kelly…cannot. She’s still improving, yes, but I believe she’s about to hit that ceiling where she can’t get any better. The smart thing for WWE to do would be to give Beth the title, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.
Winner: Kelly Kelly (by DQ, Natalya-ference)
Winner: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix (NEW Diva’s Champion)
Steven Gepp: This should be short as Phoenix squashes her like a bug, wipes the remains off on Cole’s face, and leads to a reign of terror until Nattie Neidhart stops her in the best women’s match in WWE since Trish retired at WM. Or… it’ll be crap like all the women’s wrestling on TV has been lately.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
William Shakespeare:
…From her shall read the perfect ways of honour,
And by those claim their greatness, not by blood.
Nor shall this peace sleep with her: but as when
The bird of wonder dies, the maiden phoenix,
Her ashes new create another heir,
As great in admiration as herself;
(King Henry VIII Act 5, Sc 5)
Winner: Beth Phoenix