Welcome to a special bonus edition of “That Being Said”! Today, I bring you coverage of the feud that is the highlight of SmackDown and the crown jewel of WWE. The unstoppable force meets the immoveable object. The biggest feud of the summer. The match where it is ALL on the line. Careers will be made and broken. Shaemus .vs. Mark Henry.
Recently, Mark Henry has experienced a career rebirth of sorts. He has diversified his persona into being a bully. I know that’s probably hard for anyone to envision, other than the 2 or 3 identical runs to this one that he already had last decade doing the exact same thing, but this time, it’s completely different.
Also recently, Shaemus was promoted onto the A show of the WWE, the flagship broadcast program we all know as SmackDown. Some will tell you this is an extreme demotion after an extraordinarily unsuccessful title run followed by a year of doing absolutely nothing to the point of not even being able to make it onto the WrestleMania card. As we all know though, those people are SMARKS. There is NO better place for Shaemus to start an amazing face turn than on SmackDown, by taking on the unstable BEAST that has been terrorizing the WWE Universe, who once impregnated Mae Young with a hand.
Or something.
Let me tell you, when the graphic of these two came up, the crowd immediately became UNGLUED. As the video package said, never before has Mark Henry been as dangerous before as he is now. He is on a path of destruction. NO ONE is safe from him Vader-bombing chairs onto peoples legs. He may be the most unstoppable force in the history of WWE. The video package really highlighted just how into the Shaemus the entire SmackDown audience is.
That match is now here, presented for your enjoyment.
Future Match Of The Year Candidate
Shaemus .vs. Mark Henry
Mark Henry came out to an AMAZING heel reaction. The entire crowd was on their feet. One guy in the front row even gave him a thumbs down, the rest of the front row was so intimidated and in awe of Mark Henry that they didn’t even budge or make an expression. Now it’s time to bring out the challenger… IT’S A SHAME TO CLAIM THE FAME… he comes out to an amazing baby face reaction. It reminded me of the reactions that Ultimate Warrior used to get, and really, as we all know, Shaemus is the MOST ultimate warrior.
The bell rings. Here we go. Shaemus runs into Henry and falls down. Henry then punches him a couple of times. Michael Cole is talking about what a bully Mark Henry is and how impressed he is that Shaemus is standing up to him. I’m sure they would have mentioned how Shaemus was bullying people up until about a month ago if their attention wasn’t so focused on this awesome match.
Shaemus is now fighting back with… clubs… he hits about 3 of them and you can hear the reaction from the crowd. Henry slaps Shaemus on the back and Shaemus reacts to this by jumping over the rope and out of the ring. Henry then saunters outside and tosses Shaemus back into the ring. Then he runs into Shaemus again. Just as the diversity of this offensive onslaught was about to become too much, Mark Henry hits a splash and gets 2. A duelling chant starts that clearly the entire crowd is in on.
Mark Henry then jumps on Shaemus while he hangs on the ropes, and slides through to the outside. (Okay, that’s admittedly kind of a cool move.) Shaemus tries to fight back, then eats a backbreaker. Mark Henry raises his arms to a chorus of boos. The crowd has not sat down this entire time, this is like watching Gladiator. Mark Henry picks Shaemus up, and gives him an over-the-shoulder backbreaker. Shaemus is clearly in agony and powers out to a thunderous ovation, only to get tossed into the rope by Henry. I have no idea how Punk / Cena is going to follow this.
Henry goes for a Vader Bomb, but misses. Michael Cole sells that Shaemus HAS to take advantage. Mark Henry and Shaemus are both down, equally hurt, despite this being the only move Mark has taken. Shaemus is up. He axe-handles Henry, proving he is very much capable of matching Henry’s move diversity, then hits a running DOUBLE axe-handle to take Henry down.
Shaemus drapes Henry over the ropes, and hits him on the chest 4 times.
Booker T: Whoa.
Then they run into each other again. THIS is sports entertainment story-telling. Take that, Flippy Kingston! They both make their way back up, and then Shaemus hits a flying SHOULDERBLOCK that would have made Diesel at SummerSlam 1994 proud. Intensity is flowing through Shaemus as he tries to hit the kick that is every bit as devastating as Matt Morgan’s, but Henry ducks and gives him ANOTHER clothesline! Shaemus ducks ANOTHER clothesline, and good luck trying to keep track of the different moves used in this one! Shaemus hits the CARBON FOOTPRINT to send Henry to the outside. FEEL THE INTRIGUE.
Henry picks up and runs him into the ring post. Then he runs him through the barricade. The crowd gives a reaction exactly equal to when Brock Lesnar and Big Show broke the ring on SmackDown. That’s exactly how devastating it was. Henry goes back into the ring, the referee is counting him out.
Shaemus is crawling back towards the ring… slowly… clearly the entire crowd is behind their Irish hero Shaemus, but clearly the onslaught from the World’s Strongest Man was too much for Shaemus, and he is understandably counted out.
Winner: Mark Henry
What a fucking awesome match. It rocked me like a hurricane. And lucky for us, it doesn’t look like this feud will be ending! This is an ingenious move on the part of WWE. This feud is too red-hot to end it on a single match. They need to make sure to capitalize on the cash cow that is this amazing rivalry. SmackDown’s rating is sure to go through the roof now. Whatever else it is that shows on Friday nights may as well pack it in now.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go rock out to whoever this fool is with the annoying squeaky voice and watch the girls with him dance around like strippers who aren’t stripping.
