Welcome to the first edition of Kyle’s Lunch Menu. I’ve been trying to find a niche on this site and I believe this column is something I’m going to keep doing. This column will have three parts to it: the first be appetizer, then the entree, and then desert. To explain better where I’m going with this, I’ll show you the menu in case you don’t completely understand:
Today’s Menu:
Appetizer: Michael Cole and Booker T’s announcing
Entree: Summerslam Review
Dessert: No desert today. I am still trying to find old shows to review.
Michael Cole and Booker T’s announcing
In December, Michael Cole turned on his friend and announcer partner, Jerry Lawler, in order to help his man crush, Miz, retain the title in a ladder match. This led to a lengthy feud between the two where the pay-off appeared to be at Wrestlemania. Instead of doing the logical thing, which would’ve been allowing Lawler to kick the shit out of Michael Cole up and down the arena, they did a backdoor booking move that allowed Cole to win via DQ. Afterwards, the feud went on and on and on until Jerry Lawler finally beat Michael Cole. One would’ve thought it would’ve shut Michael Cole up for good and he’d do his regular job, but that still hasn’t happened. Instead, Michael Cole is heeling it up more than ever.
Around the time Michael Cole turned heel, Booker T debuted on Smackdown. When he first started, he was okay. A little green around the edges, but okay. My judgment upon Booker as an announcer changed rapidly after Elimination Chamber. He was so annoying, loud and over-the-top that I actually had to turn my volume down towards the end because I couldn’t stomach listening to his nonsense.
If anyone thought a play-by-play announcer could be heel, Michael Cole proves them all wrong and then some. A play-by-play man is someone that hard-sells angles, doesn’t try to put himself over the wrestlers, and calls it as they see it with an unbiased opinion. Ultimately, it’s someone who is the voice of the company that a fan agrees with.
Cole has none of these traits whatsoever. He never promotes anything well because of his inconsistencies and biased opinions, he constantly buries talent saying  things like they’re no good and they’re a terrible or a nerd (which is showing their blemishes; hence Daniel Bryan), he always goes on these long rants about irrelevant things like twitter, and he always tries to get himself over so people will hate him more, even thought it’s irrelevant. Putting up with Cole these days is bad enough, but when you add in Booker T, it’s too much to handle. Nothing against Booker T as a person,  but from his long-winded, incoherent speeches that have no punch lines to them, to bizarre scenarios where he’ll create sympathy for a babyface and then later on agree with the actions of the heel, to his obnoxious “what the hells†and “Ooooooossâ€, and all the way to his over-kill cliché sayings, makes him unbearable.
The fact is they’re becoming really counterproductive and detrimental to the product. They’re not getting any wrestlers over, they’re not elevating matches by telling the story or talking relevant facts (instead, they’re usually bickering about something so irrelevant), they’re burying talent left and right –for instance Michael Cole with Daniel Bryan and the Divas diva or Booker T’ saying something stupid like “With limited skills and ability, John Cena still remains the WWE championâ€. It’s becoming complete nonsense and it’s subtracting from the product a lot.
Summerslam Review
6-man: Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston and John Morrison defeated Miz, Alberto Del Rio and R-Truth
My problem with this match was it wasn’t announced. If they announced it, they could have built it up more, making people perhaps want to see it. Instead, they gave the fans a match that they had no intentions of seeing. Kudos to the wrestlers though, for putting on an action-packed match with a lot of high spots that got the crowd into it. All and all, it served its purpose and got the crowd into the show already, which is what an opener should do.
Mark Henry defeated Sheamus via count out
Finally, Mark Henry is getting a rightful push that he deserves. He has fit into his monster role perfectly. Meanwhile, Sheamus is coming along as a babyface. With some seasoning, I believe Sheamus could be come a top face down the road. He already has accomplished the most important element in being a babyface—getting the crowd behind you. The match itself was fine as it told a solid story that showed how powerful Henry is and how tough and relentless Sheamus is.
Wade Barrett defeated Daniel Bryan
This match was very, very good as expected. Both wrestlers put a lot of effort into this match and used their time shrewdly. The match was very stiff and hard-hitting and had a lot of intensity shown, especially by Daniel Bryan. To be honest, I’ve never been huge on Barrett before, but he showed a lot of potential and looked like a star in this match. I did not even mind Barrett going over because Daniel Bryan looked strong in the loss and, like I said earlier, it really made Barrett look like a  future top star.
Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phenoix
It was a divas match, but a little better than the average one.
Randy Orton defeated Christian to win the World Heavyweight Championship
Before the match, Edge made an appearance, where he went on a rant on his best friend. This was a terrible way to use Edge. In my view, he should’ve been more of a surprise and intertwined into the match, even if he hit a spear on Orton that gets a near-fall. The match itself was brutal and had good spots; however, there wasn’t enough stuff in between the spots to keep the match moving. If they were telling a story, it would’ve helped at enhancing the match. The lack of blood in the match didn’t allow it to reach that next level as well. And while the ending was a sick bump, it made Christian look more like a generic heel because he fell for the same move that lost him the title in their first match. Game plans and stragedies need to be utilized more in WWE so the matches come off more realistic, making the outcomes and wins and losses matter, rather than just making matches come off and feel like an athletic and/or stunt-fest exhibition.
CM Punk defeated John Cena to win the WWE Championship
Back-and-forth match, but a lot of cut and paste from their MITB match with less drama and heat. I don’t know what it was about this match, but I wasn’t emotional invested into it. It seemed like they never were able to reach 3rd gear. The botched GTS made the finish anti-climatic because it didn’t look devastating and seemed like a sure near-fall. The work was solid, though.
Del Rio defeated CM Punk to win the WWE Championship
Kevin Nash came out of the crowd and jackknifed Punk, which followed up by Del Rio coming out and pinning Punk. . I get the purpose of Del Rio being champion – so Cena and Punk can remain babyfaces and stop feuding with each other, but the problem is he’s not over and feels like filler. When the dust settles, this will not help Del Rio.
The wrestling was good. In fact, there wasn’t one bad match on the card, except maybe the Divas match but that’s expected. However, there was a  lot of filler like Cee Lo Green playing live and the random commercials. Plus, the ending of the main event was overbooked and should’ve waited for a better time. After all, CM Punk just became the first undisputed champion ever. Couldn’t they have allowed him some time to bathe in his glory and then screw him? Like I said, the wrestling was good, but the booking and formatting of the show were par at best. Overall, I’ll still give this show a slight thumbs up, but I was expecting more.
That’s going to do it for today. Sorry that I didn’t have anything to review. Next time, I swear I will. I thought about instead writing about something else, but there isn’t much to talk about. I’m intrigued to see where this Kevin Nash and CM Punk angle goes, but it is too early to write about it. That said, I’ll see everyone later and hope you enjoyed the column.
