Welcome, young and old, to another edition of The Rager. I’m your heavily bearded Gondolier, Chris, and I’m here to take this somewhat dry stream of wrestling-ness and suck out any sort of moist Rage and deliver it to all of you…right here…right now.
Oh What a Silly Mix Up
Last week, I didn’t really comment on the whole Nash/Punk situation because it was all shrouded in mystery and sort of a mess. This week really isn’t much different although its shaping up to be a huge mix up. Lets take a look:
Kevin Nash attacks CM Punk because he got a text from HHH that told him to “stick” the winner. Now that could have meant a wide variety of things. The text could’ve meant to tape the winner’s legs together at the ring post a la Batista, or just cover him in duct tape completely (for some weird fetish reason, of course). Or it could’ve meant to follow the winner wherever he may go, you know, his buddy bodyguard role that Nash is so use to. Or, it could’ve meant to literally throw sticks at the winner, who knows. The point is that the text was too vague and end it left Kevin Nash to his own primal assumptions to powerbomb CM Punk, had the text been more descriptive, we could have a much different situation on our hands (I’m envisioning Nash duct taping himself to CM Punk right now).
Then there is CM Punk who is taking personal offense to Nash’s attack just because HHH counted Punk’s pin even though Cena’s foot was on the ropes and thus showing maybe HHH knew of the impending Nash attack to follow. However, if Punk would have trusted HHH when he said he didn’t see Cena’s foot then maybe Punk would be able to be more understanding when Nash was just being an ape and following mistaken orders and pity his simplicity.
Then there’s the piece that brings it all together and that is the mistaken identity of the texter. Its someone who understands Nash’s loyalty to HHH and has access to HHH’s personal belongings, which makes Stephanie an easy choice as the perp. However, after this past Raw, all signs are pointing to John Laryngitis (yes, I know how to spell that but yet I forget how his name really is spelled) after telling HHH that Nash was at the hospital only for Nash to show up later all uninjured and junk. However, I think VP of talent relations (still less inconvenient than his real last name) is merely a loyal puppet. Now, I’m so not one to speculate but…aw shucks, I guess I’ll give it a try just this one time. That’s right, my official pick for the mysterious texter is Pop, himself, Vince McMahon…
This makes complete sense to me because Punk caused hell for Vince and was ultimately the reason for Vince being cleansed (get it? because his duties are relieved. Anyone? Anyone?) So now, Vince is out to get Punk and at the same time, trying to indirectly get his job back after HHH is caught up in this debacle but not looking like a bad guy in the eyes of his son-in-law. Its quite a brilliant plan, if Vince can get away with it. I’ve actually been dumped a couple times with plans not too different from this…maybe thats why I spotted it from so far away…
Teaming up
This past Raw, we saw the tag team championship change hands (I’m assuming its because WWE loves getting their Rage on and read last week’s edition…totally) and they now belong to a team that was created on a whim consisted of a spot blower and a jobber, whats the over/under of how long this will last? I’m standing firm that The Uso’s need the belts very soon. Although, which Miz and R-Hooch seemingly teamed up in their dueling spider stompin’, one can assume at Night of Champions, these two will claim the belts from the mid-card faces.
What Would Make Sense…
Seeing as how we have two guys with rematch clauses for the WWE Championship, what would make sense would be for a 3-Way match with Del Rio, Punk and Cena for the Championship, assuming WWE wants to wait on getting Nash in the ring til Survivor Series. However, how this could play out is Cena gets the belt back at NoC and then Punk and Del Rio uses their rematch at Hell in a Cell and do the 3-Way thing there and then do something else at Vengeance to set up for Survivor Series. But all that would be speculation and I never do that sorta thing…totally.
Something We All Can Agree On
Can we all agree that Matt Hardy is a scumbag waste of talent? Yes? Yes.
Now I would like to announce something that is going down during your regularly scheduled Rager next week. Rhett Davis, I am calling you out right here and now. That’s right, I’m issuing you a challenge for you to come here on The Rager next week and do battle, a battle of whits and, more importantly, a battle of RAGE where there can only be 1 survivor, 1 winner to be judged by a totally biased jury of your peer (wanna guess who?). I eagerly await by my computer for your reply, that is if you’re man enough to even respond.
With that out of the way, I wanna tell you about a little something I do on a weekly basis (no, not that…that’s pretty much daily) called Live Rager. That’s where I go on Twitter and talk about Raw live as it happens. That’s right, its a show about a show that’s aware of itself and all other aspects (suck it, Charlie Kaufman). So if you wanna join in on the fun, just follow Cwsanders39 and we will have a grand ole time.
Well that just about covers it for this edition, be on the look out for next week’s edition to see if Rhett accepts my challenge or will I have a “Rhett is a chicken-faced baboon” flavored edition of The Rager. All your answers will be questioned next week but in the meantime, be sure to check out all the awesomeness Pulse Wrestling has to offer coming up this week.
Hope everyone has a great week!
Chris
The Answer is: Randy Orton needs to tone-down the rape face (Summerslam when he pops out from behind the steps).