Who wants a Hell in a Cell Match? Sheamus gets one! Beth gets one! Christian gets one!…

Hey boys and girls. After a week off the No Chance is back and with a brand new episode of Raw to take a gander at. And with another PPV just a week away (didn’t we just have one of those?) Lets see what clever grand ideas WWE is going to bring out to ensure I drop another large sum of money on their product.

So the opening segment only mentions Hell in a Cell because we learn that Sheamus will be fighting Christian on Sunday. It was already pretty much a given that these two would be fighting, but now at least it’s “official.” I can’t think of a feud in the recent past that I’ve been less invested in. Both of these guy’s seem to be mad at each other because there’s no other Smackdown wrestlers on their level to be mad at. Christian doesn’t even seem to be invested in the feud because he keeps trying to get one more match for the belt while Sheamus kicks him once a week as if trying to say, “Notice me Christian! I’m relevant!” See this is when you would use some of your main event talent to help usher in one of the mid-card players who is on the cusp of making the jump to the main event. But no, as the only two main event wresters without a feud these guys have to fight each other.

As for the other Smackdown match on Sunday, the World Heavyweight title is being much better booked. I keep waiting for this Mark Henry storyline to fall apart but so far it has been one of the better things to happen in the WWE since Punk ran out of MiTB with the belt. Take Henry’s match on Monday for instance. What should have been an awkward and terrible matchup (Mark Henry vs. the Great Khali) instead turned out to be another intimidating display on Henry’s part. Plus it got around having Khali in a match.

I know it’s lunacy to expect some sort of coherent storyline in the Diva’s division, and I still think that Beth Phoenix just about the only worthwhile part of the Diva’s segments, but if she lost the title match to Kelly squared two PPVs in a row, then how is she still getting another chance at Hell in a Cell? Shouldn’t she have to re-earn her number one contender status? Isn’t it about time that someone else gets a shot at the champion? How about Natalya?  Isn’t she still part of the whole Diva’s of Doom thing? I mean she’s portrayed as Beth’s partner, not sidekick, but so far her role has mostly consisted of clapping smugly whenever Kelly squared beats somebody.

As a side note about the PPV in general, Hell in a Cell gets promoted as the most dangerous environment that superstars are ever forced to face. It gets fancy nicknames such as the devil’s playground but to be perfectly honest I can’t really get worked up about the supposed danger. We are constantly reminded how tall the structure but unless someone is planning to take a Foley style dive off the top on Sunday, I’m not really impressed by the statistic. In a world that also includes the Elimination Chamber on a yearly basis is the cell really that threatening? And a good TLC match usually ends up looking like it hurts the contestants more than anything in the cell. Don’t get me wrong, some of my favorite matches took place in Hell in a Cell is still an impressive match. And Undertaker vs. Mankind still ranks among my all time favorites. I just don’t automatically fear for careers every time the Cell is mentioned.

Raw bits unrelated to Hell in a Cell

You know what story I’m most invested in right now? Not the WWE title, not the double Sin Cara, not Johnny Ace and his obsession with texting all the time. No, the thing that I’m looking forward to the most on next week’s Raw is some more time with Mason Ryan.

I’ll explain, the saddest part of watching the slow dissolving of Nexus last year was watching a whole lot of great future potential go away into nothing. Skip Sheffield looked promising but disappeared almost a year ago now and hasn’t been back on WWE since. Husky Harris moved impressively well for a big guy. Given enough time he surly could have been something but when’s the last time anybody has seen him around? Slowly bit by bit as Nexus turned into tag team “Hey wasn’t fashion in the 90s cool?” there were a lot of could-have-been bookings that were lost. Maybe there weren’t enough slots in the WWE roster for so many new faces at one time. Or maybe it wasn’t fair to expect rookies to be able to jump straight into the main event but whatever it was, the Nexus saga has a sad ending to it, so It’s nice to see Ryan get something of a second chance. I had assumed that when he came out with Vicky he was going to be the newest member of “Vicky’s legion of heels that can’t get heat on their own” but now it looks like he’s turning face. Why? I don’t know, but maybe he’ll get some screen time next week to explain. Is it because Punk is a face now? Because those guys were super good buddies last time Ryan was on TV.

Speaking of tag team “We love backwards hats and sunglasses” I don’t know if this new look and gimmick are going to stick for Otunga but I say go for it. At least its something, and it’s not like anybody was invested in anything he was doing before this. So I say keep with the lawyer bit. He should start wearing that bow tie to the ring as well, and cram as much legal jargon in whenever he gets a mic. Harkin back to the days when every wrestler seemed to have a side job. I’m not saying that I think  “Dave the Wrestling Lawyer” has any real chance of success but at least its something different than the stand and scowl we’ve gotten from him for the past year.

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