The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 10.17.11

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 10.17.11

Taped from Mexico City, Mexico.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

We start with Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim RAW General Manager Johnny Ace.  Oh goodie.  He plugs his Twitter account and admits that he made a mistake in firing Jim Ross, then brings him out again.  Kind of weird that they’d do this in Mexico, where the Spanish announce team overdubs the commentary anyway.  However, JR isn’t here for commentary, he’s here for a tag match with John Cena against Michael Cole and Alberto Del Rio.  Well good thing they moved heaven and earth to get the title on ADR for this show.

Randy Orton, Sheamus & John Morrison v. Mark Henry, Cody Rhodes & Christian

Frankly, I’m shocked that Randy Orton is back already after the vicious paper-bagging he took last week.  They announce Rhodes v. Orton for the PPV, but say nothing about the title being on the line, so that’s probably how they’re gonna squash Rhodes without taking the belt off him.  Orton starts with Christian and pounds him down with forearms.  Sheamus works on Rhodes next, and Cody tags out to Mark Henry quickly.  He and Orton brawl to the back and disappear, leaving this a normal tag match as we take a break.  Back with JoMo hitting Christian with a leg lariat for two, and a C4 gets two.  That is without a doubt the most ridiculous move in wrestling, given how many laws of physics that are defied.  Henry stomps Morrison down in the corner and Christian goes to a neck vice, but John mule kicks out of it.  Henry cuts off the tag as Morrison continues taking the Ricky Morton beating, this time with a bearhug from Henry.  See, there’s a perfectly good role for Morrison if they don’t want to push him  — stick him in a tag team and let him get beat up every night before making the hot tag.  Morrison fights out of the bearhug and crawls for the tag, but Christian cuts it off and brawls to the back with Sheamus.  So we’re left with Morrison v. Henry, and I’m sure you all know how that one goes.  Good night at 7:45.  Decent enough despite the goofy exits of the PPV pairings.  **1/2

Meanwhile, The Bella Twins put the moves on Super Dave.  ADR interrupts, and Johnny announces that the winner of the tag match tonight will pick the stipulations for the PPV title match.  HIGH STAKES~!

Eve Torres v. Natalya

This feud just keeps dragging on and on.  Natalya gets a clothesline and neck vice, and stomps her on the mat, but Eve gets an inverted DDT and finishes with a moonsault at 2:05.  Not terrible or anything.   *

CM Punk v. The Miz

Punk quickly crossfaces Miz on the mat, but they’re too close to the ropes.  Punk takes him down for two and Miz goes to a headlock, but Punk escapes and slingshots in with a senton for two.  Punk misses the knee in the corner and lands on the floor, but luckily Punk’s lifelong buddy and tag team partner HHH is there to prevent any attack from Truth.  Back in, Punk with a springboard clothesline for two.  Kick to the back gets two, but Miz stomps him down.  Punk fires back with the kicks, but Truth gets involved for the double-team behind the ref’s back and Miz gets two.  We hit the chinlock, but Punk rolls out of it, only to fall victim to a corner clothesline.  Miz goes up with a double axehandle and goes back to a chinlock, but Punk suplexes out of it.  Miz to the top, but Punk hits him with a spinkick on the way down.  Truth gets involved again, hitting Punk with a water bottle this time, and Johnny Ace stops the match due to an immigration issue.  Yes, apparently HHH is being deported.  And we take a break while HHH works out his legal problems.  Back with Miz holding another chinlock, but Punk makes the comeback and kicks him down and adds the knee in the corner.  Macho Elbow (which isn’t actually the Randy Savage elbow, it’s a Shawn Michaels/Jerry Sags elbow) sets up the GTS, but Truth gets involved again, so Punk runs them together for the pin at 12:32.  Good, lengthy match, although they still don’t have that main event chemistry together for whatever reason.  The PPV match, with Punk getting beat up and HHH making the dramatic hot tag, should be fine.  Nothing I’d pay money to see, but it’ll be fine.  ***

Jack Swagger v. Zack Ryder

Vickie announces that Zig-Swag will again be challenging for the tag titles at the PPV.  Good of them to put all these matches together the week before the show.  I see big business for this Vengeance show!  Swagger powerslams him and pounds away in the corner, but Ryder hits the Ruff Ryder for the pin at 0:33.  A heel beatdown appears imminent, but Mason Ryan pre-emptively makes the save.

Dolph Ziggler v. Mason Ryan

Ryan tosses Ziggler around as Dolph does the Mr. Perfect bumping to Ryan’s Hulk Hogan.  I would not be wasting valuable bumps on this goof, given his career will probably be shortened enough by them as it is.  Ryan gets a slam and boot, and he’s barely able to get his leg up because he’s so ridiculously overmuscled.  They fight outside and Vickie slaps Ryan, which makes him even madder, and he beats on Ziggler until the ref DQs him at 2:33.  Yes, he was disqualified for kicking too much ass.  That’s probably the worst finish in wrestling.  Total squash for Ryan with a dumb finish.  ½*

Meanwhile, John Cena gives JR a pep talk, sounding more like a real person than usual.

Did You Know that RAW and Smackdown both have more episodes than The Simpsons and Law & Order and 6 other shows that have nothing to do with pro wrestling?  See,we’re not allowed to count World Championship Wrestling on TBS, which ran for more than 30 years, or talk shows like Oprah that produced well over 1000 episodes, because then they couldn’t make their made-up point.  Also, it’s kind of disingenuous to make these sort of claims without pointing out that RAW has changed networks twice now and Smackdown was actually cancelled by The CW.  Plus they’re comparing themselves to network TV shows rather than cable.  And yeah, I’m probably too bothered by this, but they hammer on it EVERY WEEK as if anyone is sitting at home buying PPVs because RAW has aired more episodes than the Simpsons.   The Simpsons brings in a shitload more money with every episode, that I can guarantee you.

Michael Cole & Alberto Del Rio v John Cena & Jim Ross

Cole wants to start with JR, and gets smacked down for his troubles.  The actual match starts with Cena getting a headlock, but ADR gets a hiptoss for two and hits the chinlock.  Cena suplexes out of that and gets his own.  ADR suplexes out of THAT for two and he gets a chinlock.  This is epic, epic stuff.  Cena gets another suplex for two, but misses a charge and Del Rio chokes him out in the corner.  That gets two.  Double axehandle gets two.  Suplex gets two.  And it’s another chinlock.  The crowd gets a pretty good “Alberto” chant going, which they mix down in production.  German suplex gets two for ADR.  Cena tries for the STF, but ADR reverses to a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and enzuigiri for two.  Del Rio goes up and misses the senton, and Cena makes the comeback.  Del Rio tags out to Cole, and after some begging he eats the FU, and JR gets to finish him with an anklelock at 11:29.  **1/2  Cena’s choice for the PPV match:  Last Man Standing.  Yeah, they’ve pretty much given up on this PPV.  And why was it so important to get the WWE title back on Del Rio?  So they could go into Mexico and beat him in his hometown?

Decent but dull episode of RAW, which beats the hell out of whatever last week was.



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