Interinactivity: 10.28.2011 – Me Of Little Faith

So the Interinactivity Returns tour has come to a close, and now I am back to the blissfully sane world of not watching any modern mainstream wrestling. Although, my timing is impeccable, because now TNA’s World Title scene actually sounds watchable.

And, despite what many of you probably think, I was actually hoping that I would see more in the products than what I expected to, like a reason to continue tuning back in. But I can’t even get motivated to watch CM Punk now, and that’s saying something.

I am interested to see what they’re going to do with Impact, as in whether it turns out to be anything different or whether it’ll just turn out like usual where they revert the show back to it’s normal awfulness after a couple weeks. Not interested enough to watch it, mind you. Interested enough to read about it (we really need to hire someone to recap Impact) and if it sounds good on a consistent basis, I’ll tune back in. I don’t see that happening though. I also think everyone is being a bit tough on this WWE tag-team of Air Boom. The name is absolutely ridiculous beyond belief, and yeah, they took two guys that were getting over on their own and threw them in the division for no reason at all, but, it’s produced some matches of pretty reasonable quality and the live crowds seem into it.

 

SmackDown Comments

Joseph Hargrove: You know Smackdown sucks when you have a fluke champion like Del Rio and the Big Slow as your main event. I’m just glad I didn’t get to see that train wreck.

Blair: Del Rio has talent – it’s just that you haven’t had the chance to see it a lot yet in WWE. I think his promos have been terrible, and I don’t know what kind of work can be done there, but I’m just talking credibility-wise here. I’m not saying they should book him to beat everyone or anything like that, but they’ve booked him to be SUCH a chump that he comes off as, like you say, a fluke champion. WWE booked The Miz and Shaemus the exact same way when they were World Champions too. Is there really an appeal to watching the match KNOWING that Shaemus or Miz (when they were champions) CAN’T beat John Cena without shenannigans? I don’t understand why they have to do that all the time now. Del Rio doesn’t look like he can beat anyone but John Morrison right now. And my guinea pig can beat John Morrison. And that guinea pig’s been dead for 6 years.

 

Joseph Hargrove: Same goes for the divas division IMO.

Blair: When Hargrove knocks the chicks, you knows its gots to be bad.

 

Crystal: I’m still waiting for the donkey strippers. …..Dick.

Blair: You knew what this was.

 

LBD Nytetrayn: You didn’t exactly pick the best time to come back to Smackdown. Raw is circling the drain at the moment, and it’s bringing Smackdown with it.

Blair: What’s normally better about SmackDown? I thought the only difference was that SmackDown guys are showing up for RAW now.

 

CB: Yeah, SmackDown! is normally much better than this episode. This may have been their laziest episode all year.

Blair: You too? WHAT NORMALLY MAKES IT BETTER?!?!

Know one thing that was awesome about it? Because it was canned, the stream I watched showed it with no commercials. So I was done in an hour and 20 minutes.

 

Asian Stereotype: I’d actually be interested in working with you to review Smackdown, however I don’t know what time it comes on in Kuwait, my apologies. I do get the PPVs for free on the Tuesdays after they premiere though!

Blair: Dude!!! I’d love to review a show with you sometime. But… SmackDown? I think I’d rather recap Impact than SmackDown. Impact has a lot of wackiness that hurts to watch, but SmackDown is just boring.

 

Wally Kovacs: The crowd reaction (and piped cheers) are likely a result of where they were. Not just that only the really big names were recognizable (lots of people that attend live events, especially at places that don’t get live events often, don’t watch regularly), but also because it’s possible the arena didn’t have good acoustics, which would explain the piped in cheers over actual cheers you spotted. I’m not sure if Smackdown regularly pumps in cheers or boos, but it is mostly a background thing I watch while I’m doing stuff on the computer (then again, that’s how I watch most stuff).

Blair: Ehhh… okay. But, I YouTube’d some other SmackDown stuff, and it’s got piped cheers too. Maybe someone can tell me whether they do that through the arena speakers, or do they do it with editing on the show before it hits the air? Either way, fake cheers or boos are exceedingly lame. It was amazing when they did that with Henry, because you could see the crowd doing literally nothing. It was hilarious when they did it with Christian, as they supressed cheers and tried to pipe in boos. But cheers are louder than boos, so it didn’t even work. Both of those things just seem lazy. But even just from a common sense standpoint, even with the Henry pipes, whoever is piping that should be like “dude, we can’t put cheers here unless we show a crowd from a different arena.” Then show a different crowd if that’s the impression you want to give. Honestly, I’m not even sure if I would be able to tell. And at least with the canned US shows, the show normally at least pipes the cheers more where you would expect it. But in Mexico, they piped those lame screachy cheers for Orton, and Orton did not need any piped stuff, so it just came off sounding worse than if they hadn’t piped it at all.

 

Wally Kovacs: The reason people are getting behind Cody are some of the things you noted (the bagmen is such a ridiculous thing it that it’s kind of awesome; also, the live audience is not a good way to judge how well someone is getting over on the mike, as it’s often hard to make out what people are saying while you are in the arena; in this case you may be dealing with a language barrier and bad acoustics, not to mention an audience that may be expecting more wrestling and less talking. It’s not a great representation of an average Smackdown, but they do tend to have more wrestling than Raw most of the time.

Blair: Oh yeah, I’ll totally admit that Cody’s brigade of carry-out clerks was pretty awesome. But, I’m not ready to be like “Cody’s promo was great, it was probably just the accoustics.” when I’ve never seen the crowd do anything for a Cody promo, nor have I ever seen one that I remembered. And are the matches that they show on SmackDown normally any good? Actually, now that I know what the cast of SmackDown is, forget I asked.

Swayze: CODY NEEDS FUCKING KNEEPADS!!!

 

Wally Kovacs: Beth and Nattie are supposed to be filling the roll the Kharma was going to before it turned out she was pregnant, although the execution has been a bit off. The opposite of the Beautiful People is the best way to frame it, since in TNA, the Beautiful People (at first) were the only ones that were more about looks than wrestling ability, while Beth and Nattie are like the only two in the ‘E with wrestling ability.

Blair: Wait.

… explain what you mean by “at first”.

 

Wally Kovacs: The Sin Cara thing (called Sin Cara Azure and Sin Cara Negro) is just as confusing if you watch every week. The worked backstory is that Negro was the original Sin Cara in Mexico, he got fired, and Azure was brought in to keep the character going, so when Azure showed up in the ‘E, Negro wanted to take the identity back as revenge, or something like that.

Blair: You’re a good man for explaining all this to me.

… now, explain the mood lighting.

 

Not a lot of SmackDown comments. Apparently no one cares about SmackDown.

 

Interinactivity Comments

CB: Blair, were you trying to make some sort of statement by having the Comments Closed this morning? 😉

Blair: It’s the Pulse equivalent of having your mic cut…

 

CB: You know what I didn’t like about TNA this week? The fact that there was 6 minutes and 30 seconds TOTAL wrestling time in a 2 HOUR and 2 minute show. That is just unbelievable how they trotted out person after person to cut promo after promo, and then they have a 2 minute main event title match.

Blair: I didn’t see the show in question, but this seems to be a pretty general complaint regarding the show. Now, for a major title change, 7 minutes is pretty inexcusable. That’s kind of all there is to it. And I know how stoked you all were to see Matt Morgan fight Anarquia, BUT… in defense of TNA… (dammit)… it sounds like they made some fairly major changes that could positively impact (heh) the show. So, the night after a major PPV, sometimes you just need to look the other way on this. If they made major changes to the show, and if they stick to those changes (which is always they key with TNA) then maybe it will have been worth it to have sacrificed this one episode of Impact.

 

CB: Now, I do like that James Storm won the title, and I think he deserves it. And I am interested in seeing where the Roode-Storm storyline goes. But man, it all still seems very anticlimactic after the last month of actual solid buildup that SHOULD have led to a Roode victory at BFG.

Blair: I wouldn’t have taken either of the Beer Money guys for World Champion… but, would I take them over Ken Anderson, Matt Morgan, Jeff Hardy, Crimson or Gunner? Every single day. So, at least it’s a step in the right direction. But, I think that what you don’t like about the storyline is exactly the thing I kinda DO like about it. All the hype went into Roode winning the belt, and he lost legit to a credible heel World Champion (something WWE doesn’t even have). Then his partner won it, who people also like. Now, this opens the door for a feud between them. Start it out amicable, do the whole “mutual respect” thing, then have Roode lose again, cleanly. Then let them have one more match after someone like Bischoff come out and be like “this is the last time for this”. Then have Roode lose cleanly, AGAIN, just by the skin of his teeth. Then have him snap and attack James Storm and turn heel. That took me 15 seconds to come up with, and I just gave them 2 to 3 months of TV. It writes itself, it’s so simple that it would be hard for even TNA to screw up, and it’s better than any storyline they’ve done in the past 2 years.

Editors Note: I wrote the previous paragraph before the spoilers for the next two weeks of TNA came out. I didn’t call it perfectly, but I was pretty damn close. Who’d have thought? The direction they’re going sounds good to me, hopefully they don’t panic when ratings go down a bit after last week. 1 month of decent shows isn’t enough to make me tune back in personally, but it’s nice to see a step in the right direction after SO long. I’ll probably watch the PPV, and see where they are in another month or so.

 

CB: As for Velvet, I am thrilled that she won the belt because like I said, she actually seems like she cares, and that should count for something. Gail Kim coming in as a heel surprises me a little bit, but I like Gail enough to see where it goes, though I feel like she is already being mismanaged being aligned with Karen Jarrett.

Blair: Don’t they all “care”? Gail Kim is an actual wrestler. I don’t care if she’s aligned with Karen Jarrett or whoever. She should Awesome Kong that entire division as long as it’s based on actual wrestling talent.

Oh, right. It’s TNA. So, you’re probably right.

 

CB: One last thing: I also hope Merle comes back Blair, perhaps he was the one who shot Carl?!?!?!?!? I’m sure we’ll find out soon.

Blair: If he does, he’s gonna be pissed that Daryl gave away his “Tha Clap” meds.

That’s very clever, CB. But what if there’s a fire? I think endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture of your career, sir.

 

Joseph Hargrove: I have a serious question to ask you, Blair. Do you think Velvet Sky will last long as Knockouts champion given what’s happened to the title scene recently?

Blair: Yes.

Seriously though, I know you posted that before what happened this week – or last week, if you read the spoilers. I might have figured that they’d have tried to give Velvet the Mickie James treatment for a while, just given that she seems to have a lot of public support behind her. And, as much as I rag on her for not being able to really wrestle (despite her best efforts) or string a sentance together (despite her… you get the idea), it’s the Knockouts, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s why Kelly Kelly is beating up Beth and Natalie or whatever her name is.

Which one is Velvet Sky? The one with the big tits? Given whats happened recently, she can be champion for like twenty years, or whenever she stops having big tits, I guess.

 

James Alsop: I have a serious question to ask you Blair. Your picture notwithstanding, is there EVER any suitable occasion for a guy to wear white jeans?

Blair: Only if you can pull it off with some mad style.

It’s 1985, you also have a white denim jacket, and a black tshirt, and you are in a Journey video.

 

James Alsop: Also, I was under the understanding that the “full metal mayhem” stipulation used be advertised by announcers as featuring “tables, ladders, chairs AND CHAINS!” Perhaps the “chains” bit has just been forgotten over time. You know, like the X-Division.

Blair: Well, at least chains would differentiate it. Does it mean they can bring anything metal into the ring? Because I’d probably bring a flame thrower.

I remember when Raven would just make up some shit, and they’d set up one cage wall, and tie trash can lids and singapore canes and steel chairs to whatever they could. Then they’d call it a ‘Raven’s Clockwork Orange House Of Horrors Tunnel Of Pain Ride Of Insanity’ match. Then I’d just make up crazy names for all his matches just for fun. Good times.

What’s this about chains, now?

 

James Alsop: Incidentally, no, I didn’t wipe my feet. I hope that won’t come between us.

Blair: You SON OF A BITCH. I will CUT YOU.

 

Jeremy Spoke In: Dude – I need to quit my job just to have time to read this article!

Blair: Yeah, there were a lot of comments due to me doing recaps and this column all last month. It might slow down a bit more, but if people ask the questions, I will give them my answers.

You’re a good man. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made.

 

Let’s get into my new segment…

KOREY’S CUESTION QORNER

Corey Yuen (sp?): Blair, you have been accusing TNA of bouncing check when in reality they only bounced one check for Jimmy Wang. Other than that guy, who else has TNA bounced checks for?

Blair: That I’m aware of? No one.

This one’s a bit odd, Korey, even for you. There was no “accusation”. It was a statement of fact. Yeah, I said TNA bounced a cheque. Which they did. You said it yourself. So, now YOU have accused TNA of “bouncing check” too. I made the font orange in case you have trouble finding the sentence.

TNA bouncing cheques is nothing to take too seriously. It’s just funny. That’s all.

Oh Korey. Normally I wouldn’t trust a komplete stranger with the korrekt spelling of my own name, but in your kase, I think that would be the proper korse of aktion. Therefore, I think you should really trust me when I say the proper way to spell your name is with a K. Hekk, nobody even uses the letter C any more. That’s so five sekonds ago. So from now on…it’s Korey. Got it? Good. Let’s kontinue. Who cares about TNA bouncing kheks? Only you. Shut up.

 

Jack Newbury: @corey, referencing other TNA bounced check incidents, I believe there was the time in which Jeff Jarrett purchased some items at a bodega with a TNA clown balloon check. The check was then displayed for everyone to see. Eventually, the only way that Jarrett could get the TNA check taken down was if he traded the bodega owner his prize rooster, which also happened to be a champion cock fighter.

Blair: You mean Karen Angle? You’re not making any sense. I’m sending you 50 dollars.

What, is the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal, with cheques? And these people who write checks that bounce…whoooooo are these people?!?! Insert funk baseline here.

 

Foxxxy: Blair, I know WWE and TNA gets a lot of crap for not doing more to make new stars. In addition Hogan has always had a rep for refusing to help get over new talent. I believe both TNA and Hogan addressed these issues with their opening segment on Thursday’s Impact. Personally it brought tears to my eyes to see Hogan pass the tourch to the young up and comer Sting. I was just hoping you could share your thoughts on the excitement and overall freshness this brings not only to TNA but wrestling as a whole. Also I’m curious if you believe the passing of the torch to the young inexpierenced Steve Borden was a good idea. Can such a youthful man with so little time in the business have the maturity needed to handle the pressure?

Blair: Foxxxy always has awesome questions. We can only hope that young Steve Borden can carry the ball. It would help if he were put over by another veteran like Ric Flair. TNA should bring back Clash Of The Champions and make that happen.

Truthfully though, what TNA is doing right now with the World Title actually IS fresh. It’s a shame it’s not still the climax of the show the week after the World Title change took place. But hey, I guess Bischoff’s kid is just as important. Right?

Editors Note: Again, this was written before the spoilers for the next 2 weeks of Impact came out. Blah blah, woof woof. I guess that’s what I get for turning in my homework early.

Yeah, Hogan sucks. No disagreement there. Before bringing in Bischoff’s kid, they thought about Nick Hogan, but decided to try & break away from car crash television.

 

Finn McInnes: To answer the question of why, if wrestling shows were bad then, did wrestling have two boom periods…zeitgeist. Lightning in a bottle. For whatever reason WWF Rock-n-Wrestling and nWo/Stone Cold Steve Austin was able to capture the attention and interest in the casual viewer. The answer probably lies more with sociology than it does booking. But I can say that many things have become inexplicably popular. The aforementioned American Idol, NASCAR, professional Tennis, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Pokémon, The Jersey Shore, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Heavyweight Boxing and The Blue Collar Comedy Tour are other examples of something for whatever reason the masses turned their collective attention to for a brief or extended period of time. But eventually something shiny and new comes along and that becomes the next BIG new thing and the followers follow it. Despite its rise in popularity, I’m betting we’ve just about hit the ceiling on UFC and that will start a slow trend downwards and at some point it will level off at its true level of popularity.

Blair: So you see people turning away from UFC in the future. That’s interesting – I don’t think I’ve heard that opinion before. I suppose that, certainly, there’s a great chance that it won’t always be as popular as it is right now. But, do you see any of that audience going back to wrestling? I’m not being sarcastic or dismissing the idea. It’s a legit question.

Yeah, Hogan sucks. No disagreement there either.

 

Finn McInnes: The natural follow up question is then, could WWE (or TNA or wrestling of some sort) ever achieve the same heights. In its current form, my answer would definitely be no. Vince McMahon changed everything about wrasslin’ when he went national and then global with the WWF during the first big boom. Ditto for the combination of Nitro with the nWo and the rise of “attitude” in the WWE, those were game changers. It will need to evolve to a point where the casual viewer goes, “Hey, Jethro. Turn off the bass fishin’ chapeenships. This here WWE show is what we’s need to be watchin.”

Blair: I’d agree with this. There’s an interview somewhere where Paul Heyman explains that in the early 90’s, wrestling had become the equivelant of hair bands, or something like that. It was tired and played. Then he said that ECW and WCW came along, did some things different, and changed the business. He equated that change to bands like Nirvana coming along and changing everything from hair bands. I’d say it’s a pretty safe argument that wrestling has become the equivalent of hair bands again (or whatever the modern equivalent to that would be.)

South Park was and somewhat still is a cultural phenomenon. Much like The Simpsons were when they started. And they never pulled 16.0’s either.

 

Finn McInnes: As far as sifting through the sludge – I actually meant, I don’t watch Raw or Smackdown live just waiting and hoping for something cool to happen. If I read about something that catches my interest, I’ll TiVo the replay on Universal HD and fast forward to what it is I want to see. I am 100 percent with you on not torturing myself with 4.25 hours of WWE for 15 minutes of watching something worthwile.

Blair: Absolutely agree with this. WWE in particular is agonizingly over-saturated right now.

Yeah, I barely watch anymore either. It’s pretty horrible.

 

Incognito: I don’t think the legs/frames of the tables in question are made of wood, though.

Blair: So now they can bring anything that has just SOME metal in it?!?! Then I take back what I said about a flame thrower. I’m going to just roll in a tank.

TNA rules don’t follow any kind of logic, so the rules could be anything. Flamethrowers may be legal for all we know.

 

Incognito: Oh, and the “No DQ” stip was in the graphic for the Hogan vs. Sting match.

Blair: As I said, that’s what I thought originally. Then I saw Hogan distracting the ref for the Flair interference. So again I ask, why the big deal about Hogan distracting the ref for all that Flair interference? It’s a minor complaint, and I don’t think it affected the match quality. But my confusion seems understandable.

Yeah, that doesn’t really make any sense. If they do that, then maybe they should have told Hogan it was No-DQ or reminded him a bunch of times or something since he’s senile now. Still it’s a much better match than I thought it was going to be. Three bumps!

 

Incognito: More importantly, really fun article this week. You and I are surprisingly enough on the same page when it comes to Nitro in its prime. I really liked that show. Of course, on the west coast we got to watch both Raw and Nitro until late ’99, when TNT started bumping their west coast feed three hours later. Alas, that was the end of truly “live” wrestling over here, outside of pay per view. Everything is always on a three hour tape delay at best. Well, except Raw in HD now, which is an east coast feed, but I rarely watch it.

Blair: I VCR’d Nitro and would watch it after RAW was off the air. This made for about a 1:00 AM bedtime when I was in high school. Tuesdays were always a grotesque battle to not fall asleep in school, and they hadn’t invented energy drinks yet. I made do with Jolt Cola. Right up until my third heart attack.

I like Batman’s cartoon.

 

Incognito: Oh, and nice, fair-minded defense of BFG against Wango. Personally, I think even the Punk vs. Cena match is overrated other than the awesome result of Punk winning. Punk did about four cross body blocks off the top, which is overkill of such a generic move, and the finish was a tad bit screwy as well. Still, the right guy unexpectedly one, so it was a definite memorable moment.

Blair: Hey, Punk pulled a decent match out of Cena. Not too many people can say that on a consistent basis besides Shawn Michaels and Umaga. The finish was screwy, yes, but at least it was different. And yeah, four cross-body blocks is excessive, no argument there.

I like when Punk dismantled Cena’s leg for a good portion of the match, and Cena sold it by doing a fucking leg drop off the top rope. Cena is horrible. But he’s a real nice guy I hear. Such a shame.

 

Crystal: Yeah!! Rockin! My dude Blair’s still interactivity-ing! Kelly Kelly for Divas Knockout Champion of the world!!!

Blair: I’m setting you up with Hargrove.

CRYSTAL!!!

 

Kyle Fitta: Blair, can you in-depth on how Bound For Glory was better than Money in the Bank? I understand that it’s your opinion, but more of an explanation would be nice, considering I found MITB to be the best PPV this year while BFG to be an epic failure.

Blair: Well, I don’t know what I can tell you that I already haven’t. I considered both to be good shows, but MITB had only two matches that worked for me on any level. Orton / Christian and Punk / Cena. Everything else was just like watching paint dry for me. So I guess I’d consider about 1/3 of that PPV to be good. Still not bad for a WWE PPV, all things considered. The TNA PPV, I thought, had 1/2 a show, or just slightly less, of good stuff. That is a fucking miracle that TNA can pull off a show like that in it’s current state. If they’d have had AJ and Daniels do ANYTHING other than what they did, the PPV as a whole would have been almost perfect. That middle part of the PPV was just awkward, but even in it’s awkwardness it still wasn’t as dull as that awful Henry / Shaemus match. BFG had four good matches. MITB had two.

I guess we both consider the MITB PPV to have been good, so where we differ mostly is that you didn’t seem to like BFG. BFG was certainly not a perfect PPV and it had lots of room for improvement, but in terms of a more full and complete show, it worked for me a lot more on that level of MITB’s formula, which was “sit through this first hour and a half of absolutely mindless drivel, and then we’ll give you a match that we really, really hope will be good, and then the match that’s the reason that everyone is actually here or watching.” Again, I’d rate both as the best two PPV’s of the year, and I’d vote each the best PPV of the year for the respective company. But BFG comes out ahead for me. Man, Ken Anderson and Bully Ray managed a decent match, and Hogan and Sting actually pulled off what they set out to do. WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR?!?!

Short term memory. Whatever was the last ppv was the best one huh? The best PPV this year was whatever one was after Wrestlemania. You had Cody finally doing some cool stuff with Rey. You had Christian vs Del Rio ladder match. There was other cool stuff too. Those other two don’t compare to that one. Sorry I don’t remember all the names. It’s just that, you know, I don’t care that much.

 

Swayze: ASGurl…thank you but this site will never let me write for it. That’s the real conspiracy. We need to get to the bottom of this.

Blair: It’s because you’re “immature”. Me and Jack are “immature” too. It’s code for “people actually read and comment on our articles.”

 

Joseph Hargrove: @CB: Gail’s got history with the Jarrett Family because of her first stint with TNA when she managed Jeff so it’s not that big of a problem for me that she is with Karen now.

Blair: But if they had put her AGAINST Jarrett, she could have gotten involved in the Beer Money split again, which would be cool because she used to manage them. That could have made it more interesting.

Oh she ‘managed’ him eh? Is that what they call it now? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Say no more, friend. Say no more.

 

Owangotang: TNA, and your review of BFG, drove me to a lot of senseless hyperbole. I’m man enough to admit it. I just wish TNA pushed WWE like WCW did. They like to say Wrestling Matters yet how much wrestling was on their last Impact show? Truth is TNA Doesn’t Matter.

Blair: Hey, last week TNA actually pulled off their highest rating since that awful January 4th show in 2011. And, they didn’t heavily promote that episode of Impact, at least not that much more than usual that I’m aware of. Honestly, good for them – I didn’t think they’d have that left in them after the last couple years. Now, time will tell whether or not they were able to keep any of that audience that they pulled in. I don’t think anyone that they pulled in, who actually DOES tune in again this week, will be incredibly enthralled with an angle involving Eric Bischoff’s son, but if they are able to keep it going, and have some patience in their changes, then a year down the road, they could be in a lot better of a position.

Yeah, TNA doesn’t matter. At all. No disagreement there.

 

Owangotang: You’re right about the audience going batshit no matter when Cena, if he ever does, turns. Maybe Vince is saving that as an ace in the hole in case TNA ever DOES matter. This time WWE would be the company turning a long time super-face, not the competition. I will say this though, I DO NOT want to see a Cena turn at WM versus the Rock. All that match needs is a bunch of false finishes and the insane crowd heat that will come naturally. Turn him before, turn him after, whatever.

Blair: I doubt Vince has a contingency plan for TNA. I agree with you about Rock / Cena – they should wait until JUST after WrestleMania. Maybe the following night on RAW, because that always pulls in a huge rating on it’s own. And, the last thing you want is something as huge as a Cena heel turn to be overshadowed by a company-encompassing angle like what they’ve got going on right now. Anyone can say what they want about how long Cena has been doing this routine, but WWE was smart enough not to waste it. That’s not to say I think they couldn’t have done it before now, they could have… but the longer they wait, the more it will mean. Cena’s a young man. I’m sure they’re not in any rush.

Personally, I don’t care if he is a heel or a face. He’s horrible. He’s had ten years plus to not be horrible. He hasn’t overcome his horribleness. And it’s a shame. Because he deserves more than anyone else on Earth to be really good at wrestling. But sometimes “deserve” has got nothing to do with it. The only option now is to hire New Jack and have him beat up Cena for a year or so.

 

Owangotang: Finally I’m not acquainted with Swayze’s writing but hey the more the merrier. Pulse is posting articles that boil down to “Hey watch me make fun of some other shitty wrestling site”, plus I’m sure we’ll get another Penny Candy soon since we’re overdue. I’m confident Swayze can do better than that.

Blair: Swayze’s writing is awesome, and it seems a few of you are misconstruing the point of Jack’s Bleacher Report article from last week. A lot of people seemed to get the point of it, but some people seemed to miss it. I can’t speak for Jack because I’m not him, but from speaking WITH him, and from reading his similar articles in the past, the idea isn’t to make fun of anyone. It’s supposed to point out that a lot of people have some really funny ideas about wrestling, and it’s supposed to illustrate his views to the contrary. He uses humor to get his points across, because he’s a funny guy, it makes the articles better, and honestly, a lot of what’s said on Bleacher Report IS hilarious. As he said, a lot of those opinions, you’ll find on this exact site. So what if me or Jack or whoever has a different point of view? So what if someone makes light of that opposing point of view? Is anyone’s feelings really getting hurt? I really, seriously, hope not.

But, even if you didn’t like Jack’s article – you’re right. The more the merrier. See guys, Owangotang gets it. He understands that even if he doesn’t like anyone’s articles per se, that he has the ability deep within himself, to just not click on them if he doesn’t want to.

They won’t let me write here, Owangotang. I’m like the voice of the voiceless. And they are going to censor my column bombs. They just don’t want to give the people what they want, man. They don’t care at all, and I care too much. That’s the problem.

I bet you a ton of people won’t realize he’s just quoting CM Punk for fun.

 

Mark (via flamingwombat’s computer): @Owangotang: Don’t tempt fate. Blair and this new Jack guy have filled in Penny’s niche nicely. Swayze would be more of the same, and if Penny Candy returned this site would tempt heavily in the favor of the teen crowd. We don’t have enough mature CBs, Alsops, Gepps, and Gojiras to counterbalance their name calling and schoolyard writing.

Blair: Oh, boo fucking hoo.

Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!!!

Also, this is, like, the 6th or 7th “Penny” reference that I’ve seen on my articles after this one and Owangotang’s comment above. I have no idea what that means. Someone has gotta fill me in.

 

James Alsop: Blair, Do you think that Joseph Hargrove is real, or is he some sort of shared hallucination?

Blair: At first, I’d have thought he was fake. But I’ve been following that white rabbit for about a year now. He’s real. CB threatened me that I had to link to his interview with Hargrove if I answered this comment, but the interview is quite good, so I got no problem with that.

People, Hargrove is the biggest wrestling fan ever. How can you not see that yet? He’s king fan #1. Honestly, Vince McMahon should leave WWE to Hargrove in his will.

 

James Alsop: Also, would you ever consider writing an in-depth study of the Wiccan lifestyle? A “Blair’s Witch Project,” if you will?

Blair: You guys already put me through Shaemus / Henry. So, yeah, why not. What you’re suggesting does sound significantly less painful.

Awesome. Wiccan chicks are easy. Are wiccan chicks easy?

 

Jericho Fanboy: You lay off Hargrove. He’s smarter than the average Blair.

Blair: … kay.

We love Hargrove. YOU LAY OFF!!!

 

Sideshowbob: Why did the first boom happen? It was the 80s when everything was in excess. Also, there was direct cross promotion and support with that new fangled EMM TEA VEE channel on the new nationwide cable television, along with a cartoon show, on one of 3 channels that had weekend cartoons.

Blair: Except there’s more cross-promotion now with wrestling than ever. Those RAW guest hosts are the worst thing ever.

The first boom happened because people thought it was funny as hell to watch a grown man pretending to turn into The Incredible Hulk and win pretend fights. And people really liked Mr. T.

Oh, and the Muppets are guest-hosting this Monday. So, yeah, don’t watch RAW on Monday.

 

Sideshowbob: People talk about the genie out of the bottle on kayfabe, but it’s really out of the bottle on choices. People used to have 9 channels, and wrestling was on every sat & sunday. Then cable & it rode the coattails of MTV, who in turn got a boost from the family audience of WWF.

Blair: Right. But what about the boom in the late 90’s – early 2000’s? Still lots of channels and choices out there then. Not as many as now, I grant you, but way more than in the 80’s.

Also keep in mind…no Mr. T.

 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s about it for this week. As always, thanks again for the comments, make sure to keep them coming. What I wouldn’t mind hearing in particular is what you guys think the WWE should do at Survivor series with Rock / Cena, Punk / Del Rio, and Triple H / Nash, since all those storylines sort of feed into each other. I’ll also be happy to respond to anything else you feel like addressing. Korey, let’s try to do a little better this week, no?

FIST FUCKING PUMP!

Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend. (Mark, tell flamingwombat I said to have a good weekend too.)

I’ll be in my trailer.

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