The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 11.07.11

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 11.06.11

Live (on tape) from Liverpool, England.

Your hosts are Michael Cole& Jerry Lawler

John Cena (with an epic heel reaction from the crowd) comes out for the opening promo and lets us know that Rock can’t make it tonight, but he’ll of course be at Survivor Series to team up with him.  This brings out Awesome Truth.  It’s a tag match tonight, with Cena & Zack Ryder against Miz & Truth, and the heels are pretty upset about a lot of stuff.  They go to take it out on Cena, but Ryder makes the save and goes Woo Woo Woo.  Good enough.

Dolph Ziggler v. John Morrison

Good thing PPVs are only two weeks apart, because otherwise Ziggler would probably never defend the US title.  The announcers play up the huge losing streak that Morrison is on, and that’s always a great way to get someone over.  Why not book him to catch herpes and listen to Rebecca Black on his Zune while they’re at it?  They trade holds on the mat to start and Morrison flapjacks Ziggler for two.  Ziggler takes him down and drops an elbow for two, while the announcers now start talking about how Zack Ryder’s petition for a title shot is the biggest social media petition in history or some nonsense.  Jesus, not everything has to be the BIGGEST OF ALL TIME.  We take a break and return with Ziggler working on the arm.  Standing dropkick gets two.  Morrison comes back and hammers away in the corner, but Ziggler pounds him back down for two.  We get some resting and Morrison gets a rollup for two, and now the crowd is actually cheering for Ziggler.  Morrison catapults him into the corner and makes the comeback, and a hurricane DDT gets two.  Starship Pain misses and Ziggler gets a sunset flip for two.  Rollup gets two, and the fameasser gets two.  At least Cole didn’t call that the Zig Zag.  Morrison blocks the Zig Zag and hits the flash kick, but the ref is distracted by Vickie, allowing Ziggler to get a rollup for two, but Morrison reverses to a crucifix for the pin at 11:28.  So now Ziggler’s the one on the losing streak.  RAW is filled with losers, apparently.  Good match, apart from the slow spots, but of course they wrestled a million times on Smackdown so it should be.  ***1/4

Mason Ryan v. JTG

I don’t know what the T stands for, but J and G stand for “Job guy” now.  Ryan overpowers JTG and destroys him with a clothesline, then works him over with a backbreaker.  JTG tries a sad comeback, but Ryan boots him down and finishes with Uncle Slam at 2:18.  Had this been 30 seconds it would have been an awesome squash, but Ryan somehow managed to get worse as the match went on.  DUD

Alberto Del Rio v. Kofi Kingston

Kofi tosses ADR to start, but misses a dive and gets beaten down.  Back in, Del Rio works the arm, but Kofi gets a high cross for two.  He misses the wacky kick and ADR sends him into the post, and finishes with the armbreaker at 2:00.  Eh, Kofi’s in a holding pattern for 30 days anyway, so might as well squash him.  *  CM Punk prevents any further beatdown, and we get a promo from them.  Del Rio argues that he was coerced into agreeing to the title match, but apparently Johnny Ace has given Punk the opportunity to be the bigger man and cancel the match.  Punk has now changed his tune, by the way, using the “You beat me at Summerslam when I was already injured” argument now after weeks of saying he didn’t hold that against Del Rio.  He promises to make the WWE championship interesting again and halt weeks of people fast-forwarding on the DVR when ADR appears.  Hopefully he starts by getting a new belt.  They tussle and Punk reverses the armbreaker into the Anaconda Vice, and then he kicks Ricardo’s ass for the millionth time too.  Punk’s got no chance, but they did a better job of making the title match seem important here than they have as of late.

The Muppets reflect on RAW last week and plug their movie.

Jack Swagger v. Santino

I sense some 50/50 booking coming.  Swagger takes him down and works him over on the mat, despite the threat of the cobra, and powerslams him out of the corner for two.  Backdrop suplex and Swagger chokes him out on the ropes, but he misses a legdrop while Cole won’t shut the fuck up about Jim Ross.  He sends Santino into the post and finishes with the anklelock at 3:00.  Total squash.  ½*

Kelly Kelly comes out to reveal her Maxim cover, but the DIVAS OF DOOM interrupt because this feud can never, ever, end.  They’re now back to the “Kelly is a Barbie doll” thing that they forgot about months ago.  Sadly, the bullying is stopped by Eve and Alicia.

Kevin Nash returns, relating the story of how he first met HHH in 1995, and he bitches about HHH not calling him back after Royal Rumble and then offending him by giving him a Legends contract instead of real money.  So now he’s taking matters into his own hands by booking his own main event program instead of depending on his friend to bring him back.  THANK YOU, finally an explanation as to what he was doing there the whole time.

Meanwhile, Johnny Ace and Bowtunga brush off the Brodus Clay debut that was supposed to happen this week and was advertised as happening, and Bowtunga mouths off at CM Punk in between sips of coffee.  This leads to a brawl between Punk and ADR, and as usual it’s the craft services table that suffers.  So for those keeping track, that’s two advertised matches that are not happening this week.  I know that JR not being able to catch a flight is hardly their fault, but it just reeks of disorganization when you announce something one week and then glibly mention it’s not happening the next.

The Miz & R-Truth v. John Cena & Zack Ryder

Cena chases off the heels and the fans want Ryder, so he comes in against Truth.  Flapjack and he tosses Truth, and we take a break.  Back with Ryder hitting a Buff blockbuster for two.  The faces double-team Miz, but Cena gets caught in the heel corner and plays face in peril.  Truth misses a charge, however, and it’s hot tag Ryder.  I’ll say he looks totally comfortable in this kind of position, and hopefully they don’t screw it up.  Cena and Ryder get stereo broski boots on Miz, but the Rough Rider misses and the heels take over in the corner again.  This triggers another “Let’s go Ryder, Woo woo woo” chant, and that’s a major piece of the main event puzzle for someone.  Miz cuts off the ring and Ryder gets a small package for two, but Miz hits him with a corner clothesline to put him down again.  Truth comes in and hits the chinlock, but Ryder makes the hot tag to Cena, and it’s a TEN KNUCKLE SHUFFLE.  Man, they’re really trying to give Ryder the rub here.  Miz escapes the FU and boots Cena down, getting the pin while Truth holds Cena’s foot down at 17:00. **1/2  What a lame fucking finish that was.  Cena is so upset that he laughs it off, and Michael Cole is like “Maybe Miz and Truth can steal one at Survivor Series!”  Aim gun at foot, pull trigger.

At least they’ve progressed from “actively offensive” to “just kind of dull” this week, so there might be hope yet.  I could not possibly care less about the PPV at this point though.

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