Here’s what Shad Gaspard had to say about me in a recent interview:
“Mike is Mike…you know? Mike, you know what I mean, that’s just the short end of the answer. Mike Gojira is Mike Gojira. And he’s not going to stop being Mike Gojira today, he’s not going to stop being Mike Gojira tomorrow. You know, Gojira is Gojira. And Gojira is the best Gojira he can be, you know what I’m saying? Whether that’s good for your business or my business, or anybody else’s, that’s something, that’s something you’ll see in the future. But you know Mike is Mike, some people hate him, some people like him, you know. Me? I accept everybody for who they are. You know, so…”
Uh, thank you?
Nah, just kidding. He didn’t really say that about me…but that really should become a new Internet meme based on the sheer ridiculousness of his “non-comment.”
Anywho….welcome back to the latest edition of The Stomping Ground! Last week there was a big ol’ dispute between Pulse Glazer and Blair A. Douglas concerning Sheamus’s current position in the WWE which quickly devolved into name-calling from both camps. I’m not recapping it all; search through last week’s news posts for the war of words. Suffice it to say, during the brawl CB invited both teams to take part in a Survivor Series challenge/questionnaire but that whole idea fell apart.
One question did stand out in my mind: How would you book the WWE from Survivor Series through Wrestlemania?
That’s a tough call to make. We all have great ideas about who should hold what title, and who should be feuding with whom, but in all honesty it takes a lot of work and it’s not something to be taken lightly.
What better place to throw my shit upon the wall and see what sticks than here at my Stomping Ground?
A word of caution: you will probably NOT enjoy my booking decisions and won’t give two shits about what I think. You should probably quit reading this now.
Seriously.
I’m gonna start now.
Last chance.
Your funeral.
Post-Survivor Series through Royal Rumble
1. WWE Championship
With CM Punk currently chasing del Rio for the gold, it’s important to establish Punk as the savior of the people and del Rio as the smarmy, obnoxious, calculating heel. I think the only way for us to proceed with this is to have del Rio beat Punk at Survivor Series and TLC via shenanigans. Johnny Ace obviously does not want Punk to represent the company and will do anything to stop him. He has an army of heels at his disposal and I can definitely see him using sleazy tactics to keep the belt on Alberto for as long as he can. Besides, the chase for the title is what brings in the most interest, so Punk needs to chase for as long as possible. This further establishes del Rio as a powerful heel with powerful allies, and along the way he can beat other challengers clean to keep his heat. When the Rumble comes around, Punk will go the distance and win a title shot at Wrestlemania.
2. World Heavyweight Championship
What bothers me about Mark Henry’s current run is not that he’s the champ; it’s that his challengers lack credibility. The only over faces on the Blue Show are Randy Orton, Sheamus, and to a lesser extent Big Show and Daniel Bryan. DB has been treated like garbage since Summerslam and Big Show is no fun to watch in the ring. Sheamus is STILL in a feud with Christian (damn holding pattern!) and Orton lost to Mark twice already. I would venture to guess that Show takes the title from Mark at Survivor Series (a “thank you” gesture) but lose it back to him at TLC in a gimmick match. They can then feud until the Royal Rumble. What would make things more interesting would be the return of Kane, eager for revenge on Henry. He can get involved in the title scene and make it a Triple Threat for the Royal Rumble, which Henry should come out of as the victor.
Post-Royal Rumble through Wrestlemania
1. WWE Championship
Through the machinations of Johnny Ace, CM Punk should lose his title shot and have to earn it again at Elimination Chamber against The Miz, R-Truth, Kevin Nash, Triple H, and Zack Ryder (as the guy who doesn’t stand a chance). Punk can win the Chamber and then head to Wrestlemania, with the deck stacked against him, and win the WWE Championship to begin a new era in the WWE.
2. World Heavyweight Championship
The Smackdown Elimination Chamber will be for the World Heavyweight Championship, and will involve Mark Henry, Big Show, Kane, Cody Rhodes, Sheamus, and Christian. Henry should eke out a victory to continue his dominance…but all the while Daniel Bryan has been improving since his battle with Mark in November. He finds the courage to challenge Henry just as he planned at Wrestlemania and in the most amazing underdog match ever, DB fells the behemoth to become World Heavyweight Champion.
Other Storylines Leading to Wrestlemania
Focusing on the midcard is tough when it comes to all the possibilities that can happen between now and April, so I’ve condensed this to my fantasy match-ups for Wrestlemania XXVIII.
1. Randy Orton vs Undertaker
Short of Jericho returning to challenge Taker, or Sting jumping ship between now and then, this is the only match I can think of that deserves to be Taker’s swan song. The last time Orton fought Taker at Mania, he was not at the top of his game. Now that the crowd is behind him AND he’s built to be more dangerous than ever, there’s no reason why the Viper should be overlooked as the guy that could end the streak. He won’t end it, of course; but the “What If?” factor is certainly there.
2. Sheamus and Triple H vs Wade Barrett and Kevin Nash
Sheamus is at an odd position at this point. He’s been built to be Face # 2 on Smackdown, but Daniel Bryan has the spotlight on him as Mr. Money in the Bank. Had DB not announced he’d cash in at Mania, I’d definitely see Sheamus in the title picture. Since that’s not the case, I envision some sort of team-up between Sheamus and Triple H against Barrett and Nash at the behest of Johnny Ace.
3. Intercontinental Championship: Cody Rhodes vs Justin Gabriel
Keep the belt on Cody for the foreseeable future and build up Gabriel in the midcard. When the time is right, he’ll take the gold from Rhodes and look like a million bucks in the process.
4. Money in the Bank:
Christian vs Jack Swagger vs Dolph Ziggler vs Zack Ryder vs Big Show vs Kane vs Sin Cara vs John Morrison
Put Money in the Bank back on the biggest show of the year and give Ziggler the win.
5. Tag Team Championship: Air Boom vs Awesome Truth
Awesome Truth should dominate the tag scene after their inevitable loss to Rock/Cena in a couple of weeks. Air Boom can then chase them until Mania for the big payoff where they win the gold back.
6. Divas’ Championship: AJ Lee vs Beth Phoenix
AJ can win the title from Beth in a huge upset and then declare her love for me. Kelly Floyd will get in the ring and celebrate with her.
7. John Cena vs The Rock
I guess if there’s room on the card they can throw this match on here. I don’t see how anybody would think this would be a draw.
And there you have it. My Road to Wrestlemania is complete, and there’s nine matches on the card for the Showcase of the Immortals.
Rhett Davis’s Fave Five
This is the part where I remind people that I’m looking for your FAVE Five, and you send me a list. Leave it to Rhett Davis to send me a list that involves his “Worst Five.” Sigh. This is what you get when you ask for quality from a college freshman.
Welcome to The O’Really Report aspect of this dreary column. Gojira practically begged me to do a Fave Five for him so here ya go! Throughout the years, we’ve had some crazy PPV names, but what’s the epitome of horrible? What just made you roll your eyes when you heard it? Well let’s see… what’s the Fave Five… WORST WWE/F PPV names.
5- In Your House- Yes there are many different titles scattered throughout this series that are cringe-worthy, but they all were ‘In Your House’ so I just included them here.
4- Hell In A Cell- Honestly you could have entered Money In The Bank, TLC, Elimination Chamber, Fatal-4-Way, or Extreme Rules here. All of those PPVs are horribly named just for the mere fact that they are so blunt. For instance, they replaced One Night Stand with Extreme Rules which was a less unique PPV name with the exact same consequences for the match styles. Elimination Chamber replaced No Way Out which is a much more menacing title than the blunt Elimination Chamber. Etc, etc. The names role on, but the worst among these bluntly named PPVs to me is Hell in a Cell. With HIAC, they could’ve kept SO MANY of the already existing or previously used titles. No Mercy, Unforgiven, and No Way Out are perfect examples of PPV names that aren’t so cookie-cutter that would fit the theme just perfectly.
3- Over the Limit- C’mon… Over the Limit? What’s that even supposed to mean? The wrestlers are so quick through their matches that they are exceeding some kind of speed limit? The Star-Power exceeds the limit of being able to fit on one card? Or how about the price is far too great for the quality of the title and the show? Over the Limit is a really illogical name and really makes you wonder how this PPV replaced Judgement Day.
2- Capitol Punishment- As for the number 1 & 2 worst named PPVs, the award goes to Capitol Punishment and Taboo Tuesday. The choice as to which is worse is up to you. Taboo Tuesday is a worse PPV/concept to me, but, before we get there, let’s discuss why Capitol Punishment is worse. First off, this PPV replaced Fatal-4-Way so maybe the creativity at this point in the summer is just out the window, but the main apeal to this PPv was that it was in Washington D.C. and all the political figures were invited. Who did we get? I believe all that turned out was an Obama impersonator… so yeah. Next year will we have Battle on the Bayou with a Drew Brees impersonator?
1- Taboo Tuesday- The fact that it was on Tuesday by itself makes it a terrible concept for the show. Later it was turned into Cyber Sunday with the same ‘unbiased’ voting scheme. The main problem with this PPV is that it hyped its self up very nicely and then backfired. Hmmm… do I want to see Batista vs The Coach in a Street Fight, a Verbal Debate, or an Arm Wrestling Match? The choices were terrible and really the PPV suffered from the lack of creativity. Give me a choice of a Steel Cage/Last Man Standing/Best of 3 Falls or anything that really seems like a difficult choice. The epitome of it was when the vote was proved to be ‘broken’ on the special edition of Raw when Sin Cara didn’t win the vote to challenge Evan Bourne and they recompensed it the following week. So that makes you wonder… was it rigged? Well of course it was. But why do a PPV where the voting is based off the audience… and it’s rigged? Seems to me, it would just be an easy way to anger some more wrestling fans.
Thanks for that lovely list, Rhett. Perhaps one day you’ll grow a set and write your columns again so I can use you as a measuring stick for how NOT to write professionally.
Once again I’ll be back for the Smackdown Report this week. Check out last week’s report as well as Kelly Floyd’s Top Ten Thoughts on the same show. You’ll love ’em both!
We’ve also got the latest Interinactivity and Morning Backlash if you’re interested.
That’s all from me. See you this weekend for another Not-So-Live Smackdown Report.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
