The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 12.26.11
Live from Chicago, IL.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.
Johnny Ace (using CM Punk’s music and shirt in a funny fakeout) starts us out, promising a new golden age now that he’s a believer in Punk. This naturally brings out the real Punk, who feels antagonized by this treatment. John, however, has taken several management classes, and wants to empower his talent. He’s growing on me, I’ll give him that. So tonight, it’s a gauntlet for Punk, and if any of Ace’s three guys beat him, they get a title shot next week. Punk thinks that there needs to be a stipulation if HE wins, so he suggests Punk v. Ace should he win all three matches. The crowd chants “You can’t wrestle” and Punk notes that they must have been watching All Japan tapes. That’s a pretty inside reference.
Next week: The End Begins. I’ll be sure to set my DVR.
Did You Know? Twitter twitter twitter twitter twitter TWITTER!
Cody Rhodes v. Booker T
Booker hammers away in the corner to start and adds a slam for one. Apparently “Laurinaitis” is trending, which I find hard to believe because I doubt that many people can even spell it properly. God knows I avoid doing it as much as I can. Booker with a suplex for two, but the axe kick misses and Cody gets a neckbreaker and stomps him down in the corner. Nothing in particular going on, but we take a break anyway. That’s one aspect of the product that’s really getting formulaic and stale – ad breaks in seemingly any match longer than 2 or 3 minutes. Back with Cody working the arm and going to a bodyscissors. Clothesline gets two and Cody goes to a chinlock as this match is REALLY dragging. Rhodes finally misses a blind charge and Booker makes the comeback with a sideslam for two. Sunset flip out of the corner gets two, but Cody reverses it for two. Axe kick misses again and Cody rolls him up for two. Cody gets the springboard kick for two. Booker reverses the Crossroads into a sidekick, and hits the axe kick for the pin at 11:46. Dull match that picked up with the near-falls at the end, although Booker seemed noticeably rusty. **1/2 I don’t get Rhodes losing here, unless they’re doing a super-blowoff at the PPV where he gets to retire Booker for good or something.
Meanwhile, Zack Ryder and John Cena share some bonding time.
Jerry Lawler announces that the gauntlet will be Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and then Mark Henry.
Meanwhile, Johnny Ace calls out Big Show for sucker-punching David Bowtunga on Smackdown. Show says that he can beat Otunga with one arm tied behind his back, so Ace makes that match tonight.
Zack Ryder & Eve v. Tyson Kidd & Natalya
Glad to see Kidd on RAW again, but this does nothing for Ryder. According to Cole, this stems from an angle that was shot for WWE.com. Kidd gets some offense on Ryder, and then it’s over to the women as Eve gets the standing moonsault for two. Things they are now pimping during the match: Skits on WWE.com, and the 1000th episode of RAW seven months from now. Ryder gets a tag and hits Kidd with a short powerbomb for two, then adds a Broski boot and finishes with the Rough Rider at 3:00. Total squash by the faces. *
John Cena comes out to his usual round of boos and once again does his wishy-washy “You all have the right to boo me because it’s just swell that people are free to say what they want” stuff. He promises Cena v. Kane tonight, but Miz comes out instead complaining about how he beat Cena at Wrestlemania and still doesn’t get any respect for it. Cena notes that Miz should shut up and wash the tan off his body, and they get it on.
John Cena v. The Miz
Cena works a headlock while Cole explains that trending on Twitter means that John Cena is among the hottest topics on Twitter. That’s not actually how it works or what it means. Miz gets tired of the chants for Cena and bails to cut a promo on the crowd, which gets him counted out at 2:00 or so. Apparently 30 days is up, though, because now R-Truth comes out and brawls with him. Does anyone really want to see babyface R-Truth again? John Cena just kind of disappears while Truth beats the hell out of Miz and promises to take his time beating him up. That makes Cena look like kind of a dick – Miz was clearly getting beaten by a maniac who sneak-attacked him, why not step in and help him out? This whole thing fell totally flat for me.
Big Show v. David Otunga
Show paws away with his one free arm and tosses Otunga, and this brings out Mark Henry for the DQ as the parade of shit finishes continues tonight. Henry lays Show out, but Daniel Bryan comes out for the distraction, allowing Show to come back and clean house. So I guess this means that it’s MORE Show v. Henry.
Alberto Del Rio, in a wheelchair and with Ricardo in a bow-tie enhanced neck brace, is out to complain about his year ending badly. As in a torn groin. The Bellas come out and argue about him, but he sends them away and promises to return better than ever. OK then.
Did You Know that more people attended an entire year’s worth of WWE live events than attended a few limited sporting events COMBINED? Wow, that’s amazing. Especially since the Stanley Cup finals don’t run two shows a night like WWE does.
Gauntlet match #1: CM Punk v. Jack Swagger
Swagger fails to overpower Punk with a test of strength and tries a headlock instead, but Punk gets a leg lariat for two. Swagger drops elbows and a legdrop gets two. Blind charge hits boot, but Swagger keeps coming with a gutbuster for two. Pump splash is caught by Punk, and the high kick finishes at 3:22.
Gauntlet match #2: CM Punk v. Dolph Ziggler
Swagger the sore loser attacks Punk’s leg, allowing Ziggler to work on it after the break. Punk gets a small package for two, but Ziggler keeps on the leg and gets two. Punk fights up and tries a neckbreaker, but Ziggler sends him into the corner for two. Ziggler with a long half-crab, but Punk makes the ropes and fights back with the high kick for two. Punk dodges the fameasser and hits the running knee in the corner, but Vickie trips him up and Dolph gets an awkward fameasser for two. This brings out Johnny Ace, complaining about injustice and throwing Vickie and Swagger out of the match. This of course prevents Punk from making the cover, and Ziggler gets the Zig-Zag for the pin at 7:39 to earn the title shot next week. Good, should be a hell of a match next week. This was more angle than match, but it was fine for what it was. **1/2 Ziggler’s over-the-top celebration with the WWE title is tremendous.
Kane gets the main event interview slot, as he blows up pyro to keep John Cena from heading down to the ring. He lectures us on HATE and how Cena should embrace his dark side like he’s Anakin Skywalker or something. Kane tries to get a “Cena Sucks” chant going to prove his point, but the crowd won’t bite. And that’s the show. Hey, at least it’s a coherent feud with actual an heel and babyface leading to a match.
The Pulse:
An OK show that didn’t particularly tell us anything we didn’t know already. Looking forward to Punk v. Ziggler and the debut of Chris Jericho next week. Merry Christmas!
