Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final edition of The Stomping Ground.
FOR 2011!
Oh man, you should’ve seen the look on your faces! “ZOMG! NO MOOR STOMPIN GROWND!”
I’ll never leave you illiterate bastards. You need me too much, what with Blair’s lovable brand of cynicism, Hargrove’s Diva storylines that will never see the light of day, and Kelly Floyd’s estrogen-fueled rants.
I promised all seven of my loyal followers/acolytes the results of my poll to determine the Biggest Wrestling Hiccup of 2011, and by God I’ll be damned if I don’t deliver! But first, here are the nominees once again (to take up space and make this column seem longer than it really is):
1. Kharma Debuts a Baby Bump and the Divas Division Goes to Shit
2. Alberto del Rio’s Destiny: To Become a Transitional Champion
3. Sin Cara: The Most Lackluster Debut in WWE History
4. The “Re-energized” Tag Team Division Goes Up in Smoke
5. Christian’s Dreams Are Realized…as a Main Event Jobber
6. The Hardy Twist of Fate
7. The Anonymous Raw GM Remains Anonymous
8. Kevin Nash vs CM Punk…I Mean, Triple H
9. Winter Date Rapes Angelina Love
10. Michael Cole Defeats Jerry Lawler and We Never Hear the End of It
11. John Morrison Misses His Chance
12. Drew McIntyre’s Wife Beats Him
That’s a LOT of crap to think about over the past year. The results have been tabulated, retabulated, sent down to Florida, sent back up to New York (some sort of “hanging chad” problem), and counted by yours truly. Drum roll, please?
I’m still waiting.
Sigh.
Forget the drum roll. I’ve just been notified that Inside Pulse doesn’t have the budget for that.
Anywho, the winner and Biggest Hiccup of 2011 is……
THE ANONYMOUS RAW GENERAL MANAGER!
With a whopping 50% of the votes (2 votes), our infamous computer-based non-entity wins the award. It was evident from the start that the company had ZERO direction for this angle and when it was quietly put down after Triple H took over, it was a slap in the face to people looking for a pay-off.
Next year, I’d like it if more of you chimed in with your two cents. That’s not much to ask, is it?
For now, I’ll leave you with a set of hopes and expectations for the new year. Hell, if many fucking idiots truly believe it’s the last year we’ll be in existence, we should go out happy.
Mike Gojira’s Hopes and Expectations for 2012
1. CM Punk truly establishes himself as the WWE’s go-to guy.
2. John Cena turns heel…and we totally regret it (think Triple H’s heel run a decade ago).
3. Kharma returns and women’s wrestling gets interesting again.
4. TNA realizes they don’t need established talent from the WWE in order to succeed.
5. Kelly Floyd returns my phone calls (she said something about it being long distance, but Arizona and New York are neighboring states, right?).
6. Joseph Hargrove writes a book entitled, “Wrestling Road Trips and How to Book a Women’s Match.”
7. Blair Douglas decides to actually watch the product he regularly spews insults at more often (no, Youtube doesn’t count).
8. As an addendum, Blair also decides to cut back on the newborn souls he devours (gotta stay in shape).
9. Other columnists will become as awesome as I am and post one column per week instead of “when I feel like it.”
10. Zack Ryder’s push doesn’t stop because “Creative has nothing for him.”
11. Daniel Bryan doesn’t look like a total chump.
12. Every Friday night, Pulse Glazer serenades us with his Facebook poetic styling.
13. Jonah Kue gets off his lazy, newlywed ass to send us a weekly dose of Kue’s ReKall.
14. AJ Lee gets more air time. I hear this one’s on Floyd’s list, too!
15. Dolph Ziggler becomes WWE Champion.
16. Chris Jericho is the big reveal for January 2nd and NOT the Undertaker.
17. Joel Leonard finally reveals what the fuck he’s pointing at in his column’s logo.
Ah, well. That about wraps it up for me here. In case you choose to not join me for my Not-So-Live Smackdown Report this Saturday morning, have a Happy and Healthy New Year!
P.S. – Vote in our readers year end awards polls and check out some cool stuff here on the site this week:
An awesome guest column from Sideshowbob!
The Statler and Waldorf of Pulse (Blair and FDSwayze) hold their Year-End Awards!
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
