That’s right, I’m back and better than ever as Eric Bischoff would say, except unlike Easy E and Rex Ryan I says what I mean and I means what I say.
Ten Years in the IWC
For those of you who don’t know, I just hit my ten-year anniversary as a member of the IWC. I started out emailing articles to the folks at 1Wrestling and became a regular contributor there for a year, then moved on to 411 and have been a member of Inside Pulse since day one.
I can’t believe I’ve been writing about pro wrestling for over a decade now, and yet I feel like there’s so much more to say and so much more to accomplish as I move forward.
In fact, I can’t thank YOU — the Pulse Wrestling readers — enough for helping 2011 become a sort of creative resurgence for me. While WWE and TNA have tried their best to temper my love of pro wrestling, it’s each and every one of you who have rekindled my passion for writing about this wacky world of scripted wrestling / sports entertainment.
Specifically, my “Wrestling Hours” and “Taking YOUR Wrestling Pulse” series have helped me discover that part of me that is still dying to mark out every once in awhile, and having the chance to personally revisit special wrestling moments and interview true fans and amazing people like Sideshowbob and flamingwombat (along with everyone else who has participated to this point) has been the most rewarding time of my career as a pro wrestling pontificator.
So, with all of that said, I am looking forward to another great year right here at Pulse Wrestling, and pretty soon I will also have some great news to share on a personal front as well.
John Cena’s New Year’s Resolution
I thought it would be fun to share what I believe would be an apropos New Year’s Resolution for the one wrestler we all know and love and/or hate, John Cena.
(Looks down, pumps up REEBOK Pumps)
WORD LIFE, it’s rap time for ‘yo’ boy, John Cena!
Kane wants me to embrace the hate
that is the question he asked
but BRO you are a little too late
I already hate your new red mask
I liked you better when you were bald, son
poking people’s eye balls out in movies
remember that time when you were called fun?
Neither do I, something something boobies!
You once played Hungry Hungry Hippos backstage with RVD
it is still your best promo to date
but now you step to me, Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD
and you have just sealed your fate
That’s right Kane, I’m not scared of your fire
because I make all my fan’s wishes come true
and now your time is about to expire
Yabba Dabba Fruity Licious doo!
I hope you enjoyed these words and this rhyme
let me say WORD TO YOUR MOTHER you big red prick
I’ll now let you go until next time
since it’s time for me to tag in and bang Katie Vick……….
(drops mic, says to self, OH SNAP!)
With that piece of business out of the way, it’s time for my 1.2.12 predictions. That’s right, tonight is THE NIGHT we will find out who is behind promos such as the following:
So, who could it POSSIBLY be that emerges as the man or woman behind the curtain? Here are five quick predictions in order of likelihood:
1. The Undertaker – If Mark Calloway can walk, then the most obvious choice as we hit Royal Rumble season and the Road to WrestleMania would be the return of The Undertaker. Triple H did plant the seeds a few weeks ago when he referenced his match with the Deadman from last year’s granddaddy of them all, and one rumor is that WWE may run with Taker-HHH III with HBK as special referee down in Miami.
2. Chris Jericho – Chris Jericho has repeatedly denied he is coming back to WWE right now, and he’s even clearly stated that he might not ever wrestle again. However, it would be just like Jericho to work an angle like this on Twitter and show up anyway. Y2J ultimately loves to be unpredictable, so I just can’t rule it out and outside of Taker I think this would be the most likely candidate given Jericho’s history of interesting ways of being packaged before arriving at / returning to WWE.
3. Batista – Batista recently blasted Daniel Bryan and has been pretty verbal about WWE lately, and since he hasn’t really been doing much I can see him coming back for some money and increased re-exposure to the mainstream audience. To his credit, Batista was doing some of the best work of his career just before he left, so I would have no problem welcoming Big Dave back:
4. Kharma – On May 30th, Kharma announced her pregnancy in a very stirring promo on Raw:
Now, it’s only been seven or eight months since Kharma made this announcement, so unless she was pregnant for a few weeks before making her announcement to the public, then it’s likely not her. But who knows, maybe tonight is just the beginning of a longer reveal, and if that was the case, that would be some kind of actual swerve that would still be interesting to me (and Joe Hargrove) at least.
5. Brock Lesnar – Now wouldn’t that be something? Not saying this will actually happen, but as reported right here earlier today, Brock Lesnar is now retired from UFC, so maybe WWE has rearranged a few things and lured Brock back for a short-term stint. Highly doubtful at this point, but it’s fun to speculate and you really just never know.
That’s all from me, and again, happy New Year! – CB.