ROH Wrestling TV Report 1.14.12

ROH TV 1/14/12

No more 10 Thoughts. Just a recap.

And, oh boy, this should be an interesting first recap as ROH is hyping the EIGHTY minute 8man tag they had. Now, hey, WWE TV having those terrible 10 minute 6-8man tags is really bad. But, an eighty man match? Not sure I’m ready to handle that. How long was the 8man tag ROH did at Generation Next in 2004? I liked that bad boy, but, with current ROH?

This could be trouble.

Cornette tells me they scrapped the current program to show as much of this eighty minute nighmare as possible, but, yet, they open up by interviewing…

…the television station General Manager for the local Greensboro, North Carolina channel that ROH airs on?


And, all he does is says to watch ROH at 8pm and midnight Saturday Nights…in Greensboro. Which definitely doesn’t make sense for everyone not in Greensboro. Which is pretty much damn near everyone.

They run interviews with the teams. Haas, Benjamin, Eddie Edwards, Generico, El Generico says, “no unbreakable” amongst some other Generico spanglish. Probably the best moment on ROH TV in weeks.

Then, Roderick Strong, Michael Elgin and the Briscoes. The Briscoes at least entertain. Truth Martini is unfortunately there. Truth says how the winning team gets $10,000 and the Briscoes start wondering about how to split the loot. Truth says 10% goes to the “House of Truth Foundation” and Jay calls him on that bullshit, shit is like the Human Fund from Seinfeld.

We’ve got highlights of an 80 minute match on a 50 minute show, and we’re wasting time with introductions in the ring after we just were introduced to the teams?

Wait, why am I complaining about 40 minutes of a match I completely fear getting chopped off?

Charlie Haas is growling EARLY…

…so they edit on ahead to when Eddie Edwards and Roderick Strong are in the ring. Alright…

The editing of this match for TV is way too jumpy in the early going. But, the idea is that the Briscoes are fuckin’ with Haas and Benjamin and trying to hit and run with them.

Cornette is barking about how there hasn’t been a two hour wrestling match, “but, we’re going to give them a chance.” Don’t worry, Jim, by minute 119 dudes would still sell like this thing just got underway. What cardio!

They go 15 minutes into the match with about 4 minutes of TV time.

I’m not sure why I felt like mentioning that.

Cornette talks about coming to live events so you can, “smell the popcorn, eat the hotdogs and see the sweat fly.”

I’m not sure why Cornette felt like mentioning that.

By the way, I don’t have a fucking clue what is happening with the match. Generico just made a double tag at the 24 minute mark to get Haas/Benjamin and the Briscoes to start brawling. The crowd seems crazy into this. Most noticeable that I’ve felt an ROH crowd on a TV episode, at least.

Haha, just when it was getting good, they decided to make an announcement that Jay and Generico were the legal men and had to get back into the ring. But, yeah, this has been surprisingly solid. They do a commercial break and Benjamin and one of the Briscoes are slugging it out in the ring. Benjamin got caught in the midsection, which is injured, and has been for several weeks. So, the bad dudes isolate Benjamin. Benjamin splash, can’t get to his corner since that hurt himself. So, of course they flash ahead to the hot tag instead of showing Benjamin getting worked over.

But…we wind up brawling ringside AGAIN at the 38 minute mark.

They brawl again for a bit, and then we’re told Haas and Benjamin need to get back into the ring. Awww, C’mon Man! I feel like once they get back in the ring they’re just gonna ROH-it-up with a bunch of moves and not selling. Outside of the ring has been pretty damn fun.

We come back with 25 minutes left on TV and 38 minutes left in the match. Haas and Briscoe get into the ring…

…then the six others get in the ring and shit breaks down inside of the ring as well. The good dudes wind up getting the bad dudes in each corner, the ten punches bit, then they toss the bad dudes into each other in the enter of the ring.

Jay eventually slaps Shelton with a chair on the ribs, Mark with a froggy elbow and Shelton is the first one eliminated from this one.

Charlie then gets isolated. Without Shelton there, who is Charlie going to tag after he starts his growling comeback?!

No one. He just hits an Olympic Slam on Mark and he’s gone. Roderick then attacks Haas from behind, rolls him up and Charlie is gone. Cornette starts bitching about Haas having his chair. Haas hits the other Briscoe with a chair, Generico eliminates him. 2 Fast 2 Furious with the eliminations now, ya’ll.

Still, 30 minutes left.

Roddy and Eddie are still left as well, folks. Don’t worry, we’ll get your vapid move sequences in yet.

And, some nearfalls.

I mean, my god, did we just have four eliminations without a series of ridiculous nearfalls?! They must not have done any yet, because I’d be shocked if ROH would edit those out.

Check that. Shocked they would edit those out without saying, “BUY THE DVD TO CATCH ALL THE AWESOME GENERIC NEARFALLS!” So, don’t worry, they didn’t happen yet.

Generico gets a dive in at the 58 minute mark. 17 minutes of TV time left, as well.

Generico dropping big moves on Elgin, with “the nearest of nearfalls.” Except for the nearer nearest nearfall that just happened after Elgin caught Generico in some kind of slam after he came off the top.

Roddy also slammed Eddie’s back into the ring apron. What were the odds on that happening coming into the match? 100% right?

Nearest of the nearer nearest nearfall on Generico. Wait, no, he lost to some Elgin power. Elgin is somehow still kicking it around in this one. It’s Eddie against Roddy and Elgin with 17 minutes left. How do you like your babyface Eddie?

Cornette says Roddy has Eddie up for one of his patented top rope manuevers. Roddy goes for a superplex and then Eddie headbutts him like ten times. Whenever Roddy walks into the patent office to explain that paperwork…I want the cameras to be there.

Patent Office Employee: Wait, you’re trying to patent a superplex?

Roderick Strong: Mr. Cornette said I could do it.

Patent Office Employee: Is it at least like a top turnbuckle Perfect Plex?

Roderick Strong: A what now?

Patent Office Employee: Wait, so, this guy just headbutts you ten times and doesn’t give a shit about pretending his head is hurt after?

Roderick Strong: Yeah, ain’t it cool?

And, then, Apple iPhone sues Roderick Strong for Patent Infringement.

Of course Truth Martini gets unnecessarily involved in a pretty good time. Eddie anklelocks him and Roddy takes advantage. Cornette says no one can get disqualified because Truth didn’t touch anybody. Cornette clearly not looking to come up with wrestling’s version of the felony-murder rule.

Elgin gets eliminated. Strong and Eddie left. Oh boy. Five minutes left? The over/under on nearfalls is 15.5. The over/under for forearm strikes is 92.

Cornette asks, “Can they feel any pain?”

Touche, Mr. Cornette, way to set up the no selling that is about to be inevitable.

Roddy throws Eddie from the top through a table ringside. Eddie squeezes back in at the 19 minute mark of the count, of course for a nearfall. Then Strong-Hold spot. Nearfall. Forarms. Forearms. Spinning forearm.

Some other shit.

And, then, it ends. I won’t spoil that, I kind of had to spoil finishes with the elimination set up, but, I definitely recommend that you check out this episode. The episode is probably the best I’ve seen from ROH and worth watching. It’s obviously tough to really get a feel for how good the match was with half of it being clipped out, and a lot of it was doing what current ROH fuckin’ does, but, I think the jumpy nature of it help conceal some of the flaws ROH currently has.

It just felt much better paced…and just plain fun…than a lot of other ROH TV stuff.

Also, as we end, I want to give a plug for THEDDT X. It’s a bit of a survey of the top ten guys going in wrestling today over at Head on over to the forum, post a list, discuss a list, all that good stuff. It should be a good time.

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