THE RAGER! – CM Punk and John Laurinaitis: A Slow-Burn Love Story

Welcome to THE RAGER, where I reach into my brain, extract my wrestling thoughts and spill them out for each and every one of you. I’m pretty sure it would be easier to just simply type my thoughts but what can I say? I’m a method writer (take that, Daniel Day Lewis).

Don’t be fooled by the title, I’m not saying there’s a secret love connection betwixt Punk and Ace. I just really couldn’t think of a title and/or I couldn’t figure out a good buddy cop title that fit (I challenge YOU to come up with one). But a couple weeks ago, I commented on the similarities of Punk/Ace and Stone Cold/McMahon and, in many ways, WWE is taking pages out of that book. One of those pages is the slow progression leading up to the anticipated physical confrontation where the cheated wrestler finally gets his hands on the power figure. Of course, the build up for McMahon/Stone Cold was way more anticipated and the reason for that could either be Laurinaitis is just not that interesting of a character or because things that happened in the “good ol’ days” are exaggerated to mythical levels that nothing after could ever come close to or, God forbid, surpass.

I just find it to be interesting how WWE was so quick to pull the proverbial trigger on the initial CM Punk story line last summer and creating a huge ripple effect and branching out into other story lines and eventually leading into Punk and Laurinaitis crossing paths. For the first little while, it was just Punk making fun of Johnny Ace’s wrestling career and with each week since (I would say it really picked up momentum after Punk’s Slammy presentation) more and more animosity built up in Punk. I would say that Laurinaitis showed more and more animosity with each week but he just kinda stood their, looking like Corporate Woody (which I’m trademarking right here and now) and looking slightly upward as if he was on the 40 Year Old Virgin poster.

That was until last Monday night.

This growing feud between the two seemed quite tame and, for the most part, just a series of verbal jabs here and there but nothing threatening. And then after Ace reversed the decision of Punk and Mick Foley winning, Punk snaps and breaks us off a great hate-filled promo that we all love him for. The promo was refreshing because we haven’t really gotten one of those since the Punk/HHH/Kevin Nash triangle of love months ago. And I believe it was a promo well-saved because you never wanna get complacent with something like that (not that I’m saying any of us would).

But then something much more surprising happened.


Ace went off after Punk left the ring and actually raised his raspy, old-man voice to a level above his usual baby-town frolic tone. It gave us (well, me at least) some sort of payoff for enduring this abomination of a character for what felt like an eternity.

And that leaves us to this most recent Raw where the revelation is made that Laurinaitis is under review for his recent actions and, seemingly, WWE has begun the exit strategy for this rivalry and good on ’em. I wouldn’t call this story stale bu,t unlike McMahon/Stone Cold, I’d rather not have to watch this week after week for years. The timing is perfect because it’ll free up Punk for ‘mania which is also refreshing because Laurinaitis has less charisma than the wall presented in A Mid Summer Night’s Dream (Shakespeare burn). Laurinaitis did his job by giving Punk something to do til Road to Wrestlemania and for that, I give you a “Way to give it your al…most” thumbs up!

Other Thoughts From the Week:
– So can we just go ahead and accept Daniel Bryan as a heel? He gets boo’s and he’s great at it. Its time to get off the fence.
– Speaking of new heels, hey there John Cena…I’m starting to like you now but please leave the “shaking with rage” schtick alone, its creepy and looks like a painful deuce. If you would like step by step instructions on how to excrete your rage, you can email me at
– Jericho finally spoke AND acknowledged the message of those creepy videos and did so all in one sentence. Who wins? He wins.
– The Wrestlemania is Christmas then Royal Rumble has to be birthdays because I’m actually giddy that the time draweth uber nigh. I don’t know why but I enjoy Royal Rumble matches more than anything else WWE does (other than suspend Evan Bourne…dope is for dopes, buddy).
– I’m sure I’ll take part in the roundtable column later in the week so I’ll make my predictions short and expand on them there: Punk retains, Cena wins, Daniel Bryan squeaks out and Sheamus wins the Rumble.

Last thought: I’m not watching the Super Bowl because I hate rematches and besides we already know Tom Brady is gonna go all “Tom Brady” on the Giants. But the problem is Eli “Big Head, Tiny Arms” Manning is gonna run wild over that baby-town frolics defense. I hate both teams, I hate Billy Cundiff, I hate Kyle Williams. The End.

That does it for me this week. You know the drill. Comment Below. Follow me on twitter (@cwsanders39) for #liverager during raw and my moments of hilarity as I tweet while at work (the tweet I’m most proud of is “I like my women like I like my paper: white, stacked, informs you of eviction/death/overdrafts #isthisthingon”).

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,

The Answer: Baby-Town Frolics

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