Helloooooooo TNA Impact Wrestling Fans! My name is Owangotang and it’s about to get all stupid up in here! That’s right, I’m your new Impact Wrestling recapper. I am a lifelong professional wrestling fan who, admittedly, has watched very little TNA in the past. I am not here to annihilate this show with criticism, you are in good hands here, TNA fans. I want to see what makes this show move, what draws you into watching week in and week out. If something is irredeemably silly or lame I will call it out, however I want those of you who are true TNA fans to know that I’m coming at this with an open mind and I really, truly want to enjoy this show. Finally, I would really like to craft a recap that everyone can enjoy.
OK enough blabbering…WRESTLING MATTERS!
The show starts off with a video package highlighting the situation between TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode, Jeff Hardy, and James Storm. I especially like the way it ended with strong, driving music playing. I’m impressed! Immediately after the package we go backstage to see Bully Ray getting beaten DOWN by Jeff Hardy. Hardy chokes Ray with a mop, with Ray fighting back occasionally, but Hardy just continues to pummel Ray out to the parking lot. Roode shows up in a white pickup, sprints out and assaults Hardy, allowing Ray to beat Hardy down with some sort of piece of wood. They load Hardy into a truck until James Storm shows up but Ray and Roode get the upper hand on him as well, until STING shows up with the bat, assaulting Roode and Ray. Roode and Ray run off.
TNA Impact Wrestling opening credits roll!
Velvet Sky, Tara, and Mickie James 3 Way for the #1 contendership for the TNA Knockouts title:
Mutual respect by all 3 to begin turns into Mickie trying to clothesline Tara but Tara bridges backwards and Mickie hits Velvet. Rollup by Tara broken up by Velvet. Velvet tosses Mickie and tries for a pin on Tara but no go. Tara takes Velvet to the corner and shoulderblocks away, then picks Velvet up for a Widows peak broken up by Mickie. Mickie with a rollup on Tara for 2. Tara beats up Mickie in the corner and grabs a brief camel clutch. Mickie whipped to the corner but elbows a charging Tara and we go to commercials.
PREVIEW: The Grey, in theaters Friday. A movie where Liam Neeson appears to fasten sharp objects to his fists in order to FIGHT WOLVES WITH HIS FISTS. I am struck by the fact that this would be silly if it was anyone BUT Liam Neeson doing this. I’m so in!
We’re back with Mickie hitting a neckbreaker on Velvet and the pin broken up by Tara. Mickie rolls out of a Tara standing moonsault attempt and Velvet attacks both Knockouts. Velvet with headscissor swings takes Mickie out. Velvet charges Mickie but Tara clotheslines Velvet. Mickie hits Tara with a flapjack, KIPS UP, and Mickie stands tall! Mickie to the top and leaps over Tara to Thesz press Velvet for 2. Tara tosses Velvet to the floor and Mickie with a spinning high kick to Tara for 2 as Tara grabs the ropes. Mickie for the hollaring DDT on Tara but it’s broken up by Velvet. Tara lifts Velvet across her shoulders and spins Velvet 360 and down on top of Mickie in an impactful looking move. Tara covers Mickie for 3! Tara is the #1 contender!
‘Tang’s Thoughts: I LOVE Velvet Sky, she is amazing and I’d like to see her be a featured Knockout but I can’t be mad about Tara winning. Match was a little sloppy at times but not embarrassingly so and the finish looked really painful with Velvet’s back landing on Mickie’s chest. OK, totally passable match.
Gail Kim in the back congratulates Tara but Gail professes that she will prove that she is the dominant Knockout!
Sting is walking to the ring as we go to commercials…
Another preview for The Grey…still want to see it.
We’re back with a replay of the backstage shenanigans to begin the show. Now to the ring and STING, Jeff Hardy, and James Storm go to the ring. STING calls out Roode and Ray who arrive to the ring from the crowd and immediately begin brawling with Storm and Hardy. STING tries to take control with the bat and eventually gets each man into a corner. STING next gets Hardy and Storm into one corner and Ray and Roode into the opposite corner but the four men brawl again until STING gets them into their own corners again. STING then calls them all wild animals and makes a tag match Storm/Hardy vs. Roode/Ray. The four then brawl again as Storm get the mic and asks STING to make this a tables match. STING asks the crowd and they crowd cheers (slightly) and STING makes it a tables match. Taz and Tenay are all for the idea.
Next we go back to a man, I believe it’s Alex Shelley, claiming that this is the longest stretch he has ever been out of the ring but he’s back to face Zema Ion tonight. Shelley is calm and calls Ion “not X Division champion material”. Off-screen voice then asks if Austin Aries is next and Shelley confirms this for Against All Odds. Shelley says the odds are in HIS favor.
Commericals.
Back to the show with Eric Young talking to a backstage worker who EY mistakes as Sammy David Jr. Angelina Love and Winter arrive and apologize to Young and make him uncomfortable as he says “you’re gonna turn me to stone aren’t ya?”. Love goes to knee Young in the pills but he has a cup on and Love and Winter sulk away. ODB shows up and says she and Young have a match as they walk off.
Christy Hemme introduces Zema Ion, who really LOVES hair spray apparently. Of course he sprays it at everything but his hair but it’s professional wrestling, it doesn’t need to make sense. Alex Shelly to the ring and I’m impressed, he has a good look and energy. Crowd chants AL-EX SHEL-LEY briefly. Lockup and Ion takes Alex to the ropes. Alex to a headlock and wrenches it. Ion tosses Alex to the ropes and Shelly rolls up Ion with a pin combo almost like a side-backslide with the leg hooked for 2. Ion pushed Alex and Alex with chops, a snapmare, roundkick to the back and takes Ion to the corner. Ion screaming “not the face” as I struggle not to take this recap to dirty levels. Shelly kicked back by Ion but ion leaps to evade, hits the second rope with a back spinning bodypress for 2. Ion hammers away but Shelly catches Ion and
drops him stomach first to the floor. Ion clotheslined to the floor, Alex with a baseball slide chases, Ion back in as Shelly follows. Ion attempts to drop an elbow but Alex just goes back outside, ion misses. Alex in and Ion with a really weak Hotshot and then a neckbreaker to Alex for two. Shelly with forearms to Ion but Ion rakes the eyes and Shelley is blinded temporarily. Shelley swings wildly as Ion evades. Ion with a poor dropkick and Shelley to the floor briefly. Shelley back in with running knee to the gut, clotheslines, and a kick to the back of the head of Ion. Shelley charges Ion in the corner but Ion moves. Ion charges Shelly but Alex catches him and drops Ion face first to the second turnbuckle with a flatliner. Shelley to the top and jumps but ion moves as Alex lands on his feet and rolls. ion with a quick DDT and to the top but misses a 450. Shelley with Sliced Bread #2 in the corner and rolls up Ion for the 3! Shelley wins and he’s facing Austin Aries at Against All Odds for the X-Division title!
‘Tang’s Thoughts: Shelley has the look and the moves to be a potential star. Ion reminds me of a slightly sloppier John Morrison. The crowd seemed into everything Shelley did so it makes sense to put him into a title program. Match was just OK though.
Backstage to AJ Styles asking if the business has really changed us all that much. He calls Kaz Daniel’s puppet but Styles says we’ll get to the bottom of it tonight.
Tara now backstage is excited to fight Gail Kim for the Knockouts title and she’ll play dirty if kim does! Says the belt will look great around her size 28 waist.
Next we’re going to be at a random gym with Eric Bischoff finding Garrett Bischoff and asking “Where’s the big trainer?”
Commercials
We’re back and LOCKDOWN ticket are on sale tomorrow! Tenay and Taz go over the issues of Eric and Garrett Bischoff as I wonder why Taz has sunglasses on indoors. Now taped footage with Eric Bischoff outside of a gym, running down the idea of Garrett training to wrestle. He goes inside to find Garrett in a ring and asks where Garrett’s trainer is. We don’t get to see who the trainer is but Eric does and he freaks, telling the camera man to get out of here. Taz really wants to know who the trainer is as I think it is likely Hogan.
Now to the ring as Winter and Angelina Love are introduced. Next here comes Eric Young and ODB as we go to…
Commercials.
Back as the match starts with Young and Love in the ring but Young hops to his corner, smacks the comically oversized turnbuckle, then is “tagged in” by Hebner so Young proceeds to lockup with Hebner. The crowd counts to the breakup at 5 but Young encourages them and they keep going to 20. Young tries to lockup with Hebner again as Winter is in the ring now. Taz compares an Eric Young match to seeing the Harlem Globetrotters and I now want to see Meadowlark Lemon sink in the Tazmission on Taz for ever saying that. Young still stalling and does a cartwheel as Taz LOVES this. I hope Taz is in an altered state. Young now takes his short off to display his trunks and still nothing has really happened. Finally ODB tags herself in and charges Love with a clothesline. Charges and splashes Love into the corner and then gives her a bronco buster. Knocks Winter down off of the apron as Taz wonders if he can say “her junk”. He can but he shouldn’t. Young now in his first entertaining but lying in the corner awaiting his own bronco buster but it does not happen. ODB with forearms to Love as Young locks up with Hebner AGAIN. Winter on the outside trips ODB and Love covers for 2. Winter tagged in now as Love whips ODB to the corner and then whips Winter to splash ODB. Backbreaker by Winter for 2. Winter hang ODB in the tree of woe and puts her boot on ODB’s throat. Love chokes ODB from the outside now and Winter kicks ODB low and covers for two. Winter with a rear chinlock but ODB elbows out and drops Winter with Winter’s chin on ODB’s head (chinbreaker?). ODB then drinks from a flask (WTF?) as Tenay and Taz cheer her and her liquid courage on. Angelina Love in now but ODB comes back with forearms and shoulderblocks. ODB fallaway slam on Love and kips up and slaps her own boobs. Young with Winter and ODB with love in an airplane spin. ODB then with the fallaway/samoa slam for 3 on Love! ODB and Young kiss to celebrate.
‘Tang’s Thoughts: I don’t see how anyone could enjoy watching Eric Young. Winter is smoking hot and a great wrestler. Angelina Love still has moments where she reminds me of the female Gremlin from Gremlins 2 but she is utterly passable as a Knockout. ODB…is she supposed to be an alcoholic hot mess? I gotta admit that’s unique. I dig her. Terrible match though.
Ray and Roode now in the back wondering who Storm is for calling them out in a tables match. Ray wonders why Roode is worried since he is the TNA World Heavyweight champion, for now. Roode says “what?” but Ray glosses over it and these is simmering dissension among these two as we go to…
commercials.
We’re back with Crimson and Magnus talking trash in a recap of their singles match. Video package goes on to recap the issue between Samoa Joe/Magnus and Crimson/Matt Morgan.
Now to the ring with Samoa Joe to the ring for singles action! Next comes Matt Morgan as Joe and Morgan are accompanied by Magnus and Crimson respectively. I dig Morgan’s music. Match begins as Joe hammers away on Matt in the corner but Matt then reverses things and pounds Joe. Joe to the ropes as Morgan leaped over Joe driving Joe’s throat into the top rope. Back in Morgan drops the leg on Joe on the outside apron. Morgan backs Joe to the corner and turns his back to Joe but Joe chokes. Morgan breaks it by dropping Joe onto the corner and elbows Joe in the corner. Kicks by Morgan now and a clothesline for 2. Morgan charges Joe in the corner twice, eating an elbow and a boot. Joe then from the second rope with a flying leg lariat. Joe then head butts Morgan, backsplash in corner and enziguri to Morgan for two. Joe spits at Crimson and Morgan fights back, dueling punches for both as Joe then rakes the eyes. Joe charges but Morgan drops with a back elbow and then clotheslines. Morgan splashes Joe in two opposite corners then with a sideslam for two. Morgan looked at his wrist for something as he had Joe in a front facelock but Joe gets out. Joe with inverted atomic drop, kick and jumping senton for two. Joe for a stepover toehold and Morgan kicks Joe to the corner to break and then pins Joe with a clothesline for 3? Wow that seemed sudden. Joe and Magnus attack Crimson and Morgan and leave the tag champs lying.
‘Tang’s Thoughts: I have not watched much Samoa Joe, admittedly, but I don’t really get his appeal. Match was OK but the finish was a complete headscratcher just seemed to exist to lead to Joe/Magnus laying out Crimson/Morgan.
Backstage now we get Styles walking to the ring! Answers? We’ll see but first…
commercials.
Storm and Hardy as we come back and they’re pumped up for the tables match!
Now to the arena as Styles comes out in street clothes. Styles with a mic asking why Kaz is turning his back on him. AJ says he sees someone telling Kaz what to do like Kaz is a dog. Styles wants to know why it was happening and why Kaz allowed it. Here comes Daniels and Kaz, also in street clothes, to the ring. Kaz says “AJ” from the rampway but then Daniels snaps his fingers and makes Kaz give him the mic. Daniels now outside the ring saying AJ is complaining again like he always does. Daniels says if the golden boy does not get his way that Styles throws tantrums. Daniels and Kaz aren’t playing that game and Daniels says Kaz doesn’t owe AJ a damn thing. AJ tries to go out to confront them but Daniels says that’s what they do in Gainesville GA, throw fists and calls Styles a thug. Styles says he will turn his back to Kaz and allow Kaz to take Styles’ head off. Daniels tells Kaz to do it. Kaz to the ring at Daniels’ urging but then turns away. Daniels says what are you doing, goes in the ring, and AJ dispatches him with an enziguri. Styles asks Kaz to come in and shake his hand and it will all be bygones. The fans count to 17 on the outside as I wonder why but immediately stop caring. Kaz inside the ring now but Daniels says Kaz knows exactly why he won’t shake AJ’s hand and orders Kaz out of the ring. Kaz obeys and Daniels says he is fed up and he wants a match at Against All Odds to settle this once and for all and will ask STING for Styles vs Kaz! No answers as we go to another…
commercial break
Back for the main event as Hardy is out first, then James Storm comes out. I like James Storm’s look and modern cowboy thing. Next Bully Ray is out and I dig his whole attitude and look these days too, he’s really an effective antagonist. Finally Roode comes out with the…WAIT, that cannot be the actual TNA World Heavyweight Title, is it? I appreciate the fact that Storm is wearing the belt but that thing is a monstrosity. Jeremy Borash with the introductions and Roode/Ray are both outside, then Storm and Hardy attack Roode and Ray respectively on the outside. Ray pummeling Hardy but Storm striking Roode still on the outside. Roode fights back on Storm but Storm slams Roode’s head into the table. Ray was going to vertical suplex Hardy through the table but Hardy locked his legs in the ropes. Storm beating Roode up the ramp and spits beer in roode’s face as Hardy controls Ray. Roode suplex Storm on the ramp and Ray blocks Hardy’s suplex attempt then slams Jeff. Roode beating Storm towards the ring and Ray with the chain on Storm. Storm set on the table but moves out of Ray’s swinging chain. Hardy now on Roode as we go to…
commercial break
Back with Ray controlling Storm while Hardy is down on the ramp. Storm fights back and is punching Ray. Hardy catapults Roode now into the ringpost. Storm hifives a fan at ringside to really sell the intensity of this contest. Storm, Hardy, Roode, and a table now into the ring and a double suplex by Storm and Hardy hits but Ray pulls the table out of the way. Ray knocks both Hardy and Storm down and then sets up the table in the center of the ring. Ray with a back bodydrop but Storm moves the table. Storm knocks Ray to the outside and Roode stomps Storm to the outside. Roode sets the table in the corner and whips Hardy towards it but Hardy turns around and clotheslines Roode. Ray in now clotheslines Hardy and then puts his own boot through the table as Hardy moves out of the way. Taz explains that the whole body has to go through the table and Storm hits a codebreaker on Ray. Roode gets another table in as Ray holds Hardy’s head against the steel post and punches it. Roode drives Storm’s head into the ringsteps and Ray/Roode are both in the ring with Hardy. Hardy on a table as Ray goes up but Storm kicks Ray down. Hardy
off the table as a superplex by Roode to Storm is blocked. twist of fate by Hardy to Roode, places Roode on the table and Storm is on the top! Storm drives a flying elbow onto Roode and puts him through the table for the win!!! Bully Ray now in with a chair wearing out both Storm and Roode. Ray brings in a new table, goes to the second rope and Roode lifts Hardy to Ray…Ray with a flying power bomb to Hardy through the table! Hardy lies broken as Storm clutches his title. Medic out to check on Hardy now as the show ends…
‘Tang’s Thoughts: For all of the bitterness between these two teams this match just seemed to lack intensity. Taz, I think, sensed this when he said “these four have been beating each other down for 2 hours, they’re worn down!”. It was an OK match but without that intensity it didn’t come off as well as it could have. Ray is an absolute revelation though, he is doing some great work with his current character. He comes across to me the way it seems people want Samoa Joe to exist, a strong, big, physical bully. Again, OK match.
Well that was quite the experience! I’ve never recapped before so let me just thank whomever invented DVR’s. Overall the show held my interest and left me wanting to tune in next week to see ODB, VELVET SKY(‘s ass), Storm, Bully Ray, Winter, Alex Shelley, and the Styles/Kaz/Daniels dynamic….and of course, The Grey since they ran umpteen commercials for it. I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this recap and until next time…
Smell ya later!
