I had the perfect idea for an article.
Seriously, it was in my head this past Monday night and I was anxious to get it to the site as quickly as possible.
And then the Smackdown tapings threw in a curveball.
As my loyal peons are no doubt aware, I avoid SmackDown spoilers. I detest them because it tends to ruin the experience as I watch and recap the show every week with my muse, the lovely and talented Kelly Floyd. I was all set to cover the chances each participant in the Elimination Chamber matches had in winning their brand’s respective title when all of a sudden I was hit with some shocking news about the status of the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. I will go on record and say that I still have not looked at any spoilers, but I was informed that there is apparently a new sixth man in the Chamber and it’s NOT Randy Orton. One site that I regularly visit promised to reveal the new participant if I clicked on a link, but I flat-out refused.
So I thought to myself, Self, should I give up on this topic and move on to something else, or break down and read the spoilers?
Fuck that noise. I’m going to write this damn column to the best of my ability despite the lack of information I have, because THAT’S the kind of journalist I am.
Raw Elimination Chamber for the WWE Championship
6. R-Truth: Let’s be honest here. R-Truth is Raw’s comedy gimmick, similar to Santino Marella over on Smackdown. There is ZERO chance that Truth will walk out of the Chamber with the WWE title, ESPECIALLY this close to Wrestlemania. I mean, as with everything, there’s always the off chance that the company will give him a less-than-24-hours title reign just to get people talking, but come on. At most he’ll probably eliminate The Miz.
5. Kofi Kingston: Kofi has been too generic for my liking lately. Other than his spot at the Royal Rumble, he has done nothing of note to prove that he is anything other than an “after thought.” With CM Punk as the top face and destined to headline Mania, Kofi’s just in the right place at the wrong time. I expect a couple of high impact spots from him, which is probably why he’s in the match in the first place.
4. The Miz: Mizanin is allegedly in the doghouse now with upper management and is lucky he’s in this match at all, what with del Rio being the only other capable heel dealing with a torn groin. He’ll probably get revenge on Truth or eliminate Kingston to gain some heat with the audience.
3. Dolph Ziggler: Of the three heels in the Chamber match, Dolph would have been my choice for the winner…..had the last heel not been Chris Jericho. Sorry, Dolph. You’ll last for awhile but will eventually succumb to the Anaconda Vise or GTS.
2. CM Punk: If the old adage, “the money’s in the chase,” is true then the WWE needs to have Punk lose here so he can have a reason to face Jericho at Wrestlemania. I’m not a fan of heel chase storylines heading into Mania because it always feels anticlimactic. Look at what happened with Edge a couple of years ago, and Randy Orton before that. Punk needs a reason to battle Y2J, and a title chase is the perfect catalyst.
1. Chris Jericho: Other than his big mouth, currently Jericho doesn’t have much of an edge on Punk. However, winning the Chamber would help cement his claim that he is the best in the world and allow for a great “passing of the torch” on April 1st. I wouldn’t mind a short reign from Y2J because there’s really no reason for him to be the star attraction any more, as much as I love the guy.
Smackdown Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Championship
6. The Great Khali
5. Big Show: That wasn’t a typo up there, or missing print. There’s nothing I have to say about the Great Khali. It should be expected that he’s not winning. As for Big Show, he’s rumored to have some sort of issue with Shaq at Wrestlemania, and I still feel like Daniel Bryan is not going to be the champ for much longer thanks to Shownanigans. Yeah, I said it. I’m not proud of it, but I said it nonetheless.
4. Cody Rhodes: I think it would be awesome for Cody to be both the Intercontinental and World Heavyweight Champion at the same time, but he’s not ready for that just yet. I still expect a strong showing.
3. Daniel Bryan: Like I said before, I don’t think Daniel Bryan has been built up to be a credible threat to any hoss that’s come his way, and a match against Sheamus at Wrestlemania just isn’t gonna cut the mustard for me. I expect the ridiculousness between him and Show to spill over into Wrestlemania (with Shaq involved somehow).
2. Mystery Opponent: Based on what allegedly transpired this past Tuesday night, if Orton is out of the match then who will take his place? Traditionally the Chamber has three heels and three faces, so I don’t expect Mark Henry, Jinder Mahal, or Hunico. Sheamus is a huge possibility, but if they’re going to stick to the promise that he’ll reveal his opponent after the PPV, which Smackdown face would take Orton’s spot? If I go down the roster list, you’ve got Ted DiBiase, Justin Gabriel, and Santino Marella. Ted seems like a good fit. Gabriel hasn’t been pushed too well lately. Santino? I doubt they’d give him a spot in the Chamber. It would be a fun little segment if the WWE did consider that, though……
1. Wade Barrett: Change his music, I BEG OF YOU, WWE! The company continues to tease a Barrett/Sheamus confrontation and I jokingly referenced in last week’s Smackdown collaboration the belief that the two of them could main event Wrestlemania in a couple of years. I might have to eat my words if the ‘E decides to speed things up and have them meet at Mania in Miami, but I think it would be a better fit than Sheamus/Bryan.
Random Thoughts
*There’s been a lot of talk lately about possible opponents for the Undertaker (courtesy of CB). While all of the names thrown in would be a good fit, there’s just no way that any of them are going to happen. With Lesnar, he just retired from the UFC and looked like a punk in his last fight. Do you really think he’d agree to return to the WWE just to job to the Undertaker? Batista would be an interesting opponent, especially after his awesome run as a heel before he left, but I think the perfect end to Taker’s career would still be a match with Foley; something I claimed would be excellent months ago, I might add. As for having a young guy end the streak, you have to think of the long-term effects. For some young blood to defeat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, that would mean you’ve essentially shat all over everybody who tried and failed before. Plus, there’s no guarantee that the upstart would bring in the kind of cash flow the company would need in the future. The WWE tried that with The Miz last year. Now look at where he stands on the totem pole.
*Jonah Kue. I’ve got to say, your writing has improved since you gave up the alliteration gimmick, but you’ve got to get over this whole “pancake ass” thing with Rosa Mendes. It’s unhealthy. I guess it all stems from jealousy over the fact that you’re not on the Featured Writers sidebar. Maybe if you stick around for longer than a month this time, you’ll get that big promotion. Chin up.
Ah, you know I’m just kidding.
We all know you haven’t really given up the alliteration.
*As usual, check back this weekend for the greatness that is the Obnoxious WWE Smackdown Breakdown with myself and Kelly. Everyone thinks it’s great; hell, Blair Douglas recently claimed he masturbates to it. I guess it’s a Canadian thing.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
