Let’s take a look at the card –
1. John Cena vs. Kane *Ambulance Match
2. CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. R-Truth *Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Championship
3. Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes vs. The Great Khali vs. Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett *Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
4. Beth Phoenix vs. Tamina Snuka *Divas Championship Match
We’re live from Milwaukee! Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are on commentary.
MATCH #1: Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Championship – CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz vs. R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston
Punk has been the champion since 11.20.11 and this is his fifth defense. This is Punk’s fourth time in the Chamber, Jericho’s seventh time (with one win), Kofi’s second time, Truth’s third time, and the first time for both Miz and Ziggler. Punk and Kofi are starting the match. Kofi flies all over the ring, and he’s wrestling like he’s got something to prove. They fight to the chamber floor and Kofi drops Punk hard and then tries to catapult him into the wall but Punk reverses it and sends Kofi into Jericho’s pod. Punk follows up with a suplex, and I love the sounds the chamber makes. Back in the ring Punk gets a two-count. Punk continues to control as the first pod opens up and Ziggler joins the match. Ziggler goes right after the champion and uses the chamber for an offensive advantage. Kofi and Punk then try to work together but end up colliding on a double springboard move. That’s a cool spot. The next man out of the pod is R-Truth, and he goes right after Ziggler. Punk recovers and hits Truth with a superplex. Kofi misses a Trouble in Paradise and Punk dumps him to the floor. Punk takes Truth down and hits the flying elbow off the top rope to eliminate him about 12 minutes in. Ziggler tries to capitalize with an O’Connor Roll and Kofi drills Punk with the Trouble in Paradise. Kofi throws Ziggler to the floor and covers Punk but only gets two. Bodies are strewn all over the place as Miz makes his way out of the pod. Miz obviously has a pretty distinct advantage and he controls all of his opponents. He goes after Punk, hitting the short DDT for a near-fall. Punk comes back and hits a snap powerslam for two and then turns it right into the Anaconda Vise as Jericho comes out of his pod. Jericho and Punk stare each other down and then start slugging away. They go back and forth a bit but neither can put the other away. Ziggler tries to sneak up on Jericho with a schoolboy for two, but then Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker to eliminate him about 20 minutes in.
Punk catapults Jericho over the ropes to the chamber floor. He follows him out and whips him repeatedly into the pods, so Jericho pokes him in the eye and then takes a respite back inside his pod. Punk forces his way in and they continue to brawl. Jericho traps Punk’s arm in the pod door and viciously attacks it. He then turns his attention to Kofi and starts working his back. Kofi comes back and hits the SOS, which looked painful for both of them. Miz recovers and goes after Kofi. They battle on the top rope and Punk joins them and powerbombs Miz down to the mat. Kofi goes up to the top of the pod and wipes both of them out with a cross body block. He covers Miz but only gets two. Jericho traps Kofi in the Walls of Jericho and Kofi taps out around 26 minutes in. He continues to abuse Kofi after eliminating him, just to be a jerk. Punk then catches Jericho with a big kick to the head to send him toppling out of the open chamber door. Referees decide that Jericho is unfit to continue as the doctor comes over to check on him. The cameraman took a bit of a spill too but not as bad as Jericho. Meanwhile Miz had time to recover so we’re down to two men. Punk unleashes a flurry of offense but Miz catches him in the Skull Crushing Finale and Punk kicks out at two! Miz is angry and talks a load of trash to the Champ. He charges into the corner but Punk moves and Miz hits the pod. Punk then hits Go 2 Sleep and Miz is eliminated at about 33 minutes.
WINNER – CM Punk, ***¾
The commentators recap the events of last Monday on Raw in which Randy Orton got a concussion and had to be taken out of tonight’s Smackdown main event. Santino Marella then won a battle royal to earn the right to replace him. Backstage Marella is training for tonight by drinking raw eggs.
Next up is a special video package on John Cena, hyping his main event match with The Rock coming up in six weeks at WrestleMania XXVIII. Seth Rollins (Tyler Black) makes an appearance! A bunch of other FCW guys are training with him too.
MATCH #2: Divas Championship Match – Beth Phoenix vs. Tamina Snuka
Beth has been the Champion since 10.2.11 and this is her sixth defense. The champ trash talks the challenger to start and pays for it. Tamina takes Beth down and looks to climb the top rope but Beth knocks her to the floor. Back in the ring Beth goes to work, wearing Tamina down. Tamina comes back with a Samoan Drop out of nowhere and tries to go up top again but Beth knocks her down once more. Beth hits a superplex. Back on their feet they trade strikes and Tamina wins that battle. Tamina hits a nice superkick and goes up top for the third time and hits the Superfly Splash but Beth kicks out! She goes up for another one and Beth rolls to the floor. Tamina throws Beth back in the ring but gets shoved into the turnbuckles. Beth is then able to grab the Glam Slam to get the pin in about 7 minutes.
WINNER – Beth Phoenix, **
Backstage – Santino Marella continues his Rocky-esque training for the Elimination Chamber match later on. This is funny stuff.
Elsewhere – Josh Mathews was hoping to get a word with Chris Jericho, but he’s not ready to talk yet.
Big Announcement
Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manger of Raw, John Laurinaitis comes out with David Otunga to make a big announcement. Alberto Del Rio comes out to interrupt him. Both Laurinaitis and Del Rio talk trash about Smackdown GM Teddy Long. Mark Henry comes out to join the party. Then Christian makes his surprise return! They all say Laurinaitis should be the permanent GM of Raw and Smackdown, but nothing else happens. That was a big disappointment.
WrestleMania XXVIII is 42 days away!
Backstage – Santino continues his training set to Eugene’s old music. They’re really going all out with Santino, so he might just be competing in the match after all.
Elsewhere – Josh Mathews gets a word with the Big Show, who is anxious to fight World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan and go to WrestleMania as the champion.
MATCH #3: Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship – Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes vs. The Great Khali vs. Wade Barrett vs. Santino Marella
Show is making his fourth appearance in the Chamber, Khali his second, Barrett his second, and Bryan, Cody, and Santino are all making their debuts. They go back and forth as the crowd goes mild. After what seems like a good long while the first pod opens and Cody Rhodes enters the match. Show continues to be dominant, throwing Rhodes and Barrett all over the Chamber. Wisely Rhodes and Barrett start working together to take the big man down. That alliance is short lived as they start attacking each other. The next man out is Santino, and the crowd finally wakes up. Show throws Santino around and Cody attacks Show from behind. This is powerfully dull. Barrett and Cody team up to suplex Show on the chamber floor. Cody hits Barrett with a nice moonsault for two. Next up is the Great Khali, and he starts striking everything that moves. Show hits Khali with a Spear and Khali is the first main eliminated in about 16 minutes. The angry Show so badly wants to get his hands on Bryan that he tries to get at him through the ceiling of his pod. Show is actually able to rip the chain on the ceiling open and get into the pod! That’s an awesome spot and pretty much redeems this match entirely. The pod officially opens but Show has already been beating on the World Champion. They make it to the ring and Show continues his dominance. Show hits the Chokeslam but Barrett cuts him off with a big boot. Santino and Cody make their way back in too and Santino almost eliminates Barrett with a schoolboy rollup. Cody hits Show with two Beautiful Disaster kicks and a DDT. Barrett follows with an elbow drop off the second rope and Cody steals the pin around 22 minutes in. Santino then rolls Cody up for a shocking elimination and we’re down to three!
Cody is a poor sport, hitting Santino with the Crossroads before leaving the ring. Barrett is in the best shape of the competitors left. He covers Santino but only gets two! Barrett continues to abuse Santino as Bryan recovers. Bryan goes after Barrett and almost pins him with a crucifix. Barrett comes back and sets Bryan on the top rope for a Nigel McGuinness-style lariat. He powerbombs Bryan into the chamber wall and then squeezes his head in one of the pod doors and then slams it! Amazingly Bryan kicks out of that. Barrett goes to work on Santino and Bryan recovers, hitting Barrett with a flying knee off the top rope and then whipping him into the pod repeatedly. They fight on the top rope and Bryan gets knocked to the floor. Santino joins the party but gets shoved back to the mat. Barrett goes for a flying elbow drop but misses. Bryan follows with a diving headbutt on Barrett and Santino gets the pin about 30 minutes in. We’re down to two men and Bryan looks confident. The crowd is rabid for Santino. Bryan tries to put him away early but Santino perseveres and hits the Cobra for a close near-fall! Bryan then grabs the LeBell Lock and Santino is forced to tap out after about 33 minutes.
WINNER – Daniel Bryan, ***½
Sheamus comes out and hits Bryan with the Air Raid Crash, likely signifying his desire to challenge Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania.
Backstage – Natalya farts, Hornswoggle eats cheese, and Jack Swagger and Justin Gabriel get into an argument. Teddy Long steps in and makes an impromptu match.
The Rock’s new DVD is out, by the way. Who wants to buy it for me?
MATCH #4: U.S. Title Match – Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel
This match is totally out of nowhere but I like both guys. Gabriel uses his high-flying prowess to keep the champion off-guard in the early going. He hits a springboard cross body block for two. Gabriel knocks Swagger to the floor and follows him out with a dive. Swagger catches a kick and rams Gabriel’s leg into the ring post. Back in the ring Swagger quickly locks on the Ankle Lock and Gabriel taps out after about three minutes. What was the point of that?
WINNER – Jack Swagger, *
MATCH #5: Ambulance Match – John Cena vs. Kane
They start brawling right away and quickly fight back toward the ambulance. Cena is getting a decidedly mixed reaction from Milwaukee. They make it back to the ring and Kane is in control, keeping Cena grounded. Eventually Cena fires up and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena tries the Attitude Adjustment but Kane slips out of it and holds his hand over Cena’s mouth to suffocate him. Kane takes it to the floor and finds a wheelchair. He puts Cena in the chair and starts wheeling him toward the ambulance. Cena wakes up so Kane suffocates him again, but Cena fights him off. They fight back by the ambulance and Cena throws Kane into it and then hits him with the wheelchair. Cena puts Kane in the chair and wheels him into an equipment table. They continue fighting around the equipment before making their way back to ringside. Cena takes control and uses the steel steps to abuse Kane. He goes for an Attitude Adjustment off the steps but Kane reverses to a Chokeslam through the Spanish Announce Table. Kane puts Cena on a gurney and wheels him back to the ambulance and almost shuts him in but Cena fights out. They fight to the top of the ambulance and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment through some padding off to the side. That’s enough for Cena to put Kane in the ambulance and slam the door to win after about 20 minutes.
WINNER – John Cena, *½
