Need some colorful commentary while watching the Oscars? Away from your television and want to know what’s happening live? Then join Scott “Kubryk” Sawitz, Inside Pulse Movies Content Editor, as he gives a blow by blow account of this year’s 84th annual Academy Awards. I’ll be sporadically joined by various members of the Inside Pulse Movies Staff and the various wacky friends of mine who have the urge to comment.
You can go directly to the winner’s list by clicking here. If you want to see my list of predictions to who will win, click here.
Morgan Freeman is out to touch off the ceremony with some class and grace. And our montage is about to start. And it’s a spoof with Billy Crystal as he inserts himself into scenes from various films that were nominated. This is an ominous sign.
The CGI technology to put this together is great but this montage is horrible. And now it’s time for the opening monologue. Let’s see if Billy Crystal will appeal to anyone under the age of 50 with this one.
From IP Staffer Mike Noyes: “Really? Field of Dreams reference?”
Me, I tend to think that Billy Crystal singing but neither of the songs nominated gets performed is a bit off. I think my Twitter feed is more amusing that this monologue.
And Tom Hanks is up to present and immediately become more entertaining than Billy Crystal. And we’re up for Best Cinematography.
And the winner is … Hugo
And now we’re up to Art Direction
And the winner is … Hugo, again. Man, are we looking at another Aviator for a Scorsese film where it wins a ton of lesser awards but misses out on the big ones.
It’s another montage … man, they really must be out of ideas. And apparently no film has been made before 1970. And now it’s Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. They’re presenting for Best Costume Design as Diaz looks to have a wardrobe malfunction.
And the winner is … The Artist
Makeup is next.
And the winner is …. The Iron Lady
Ben Stiller and various actors of note discuss the effect of film on their lives.
Jenny Sherman, Movies Staffer: “Man this is boring. I’m slitting my wrists in an hour.”
Noyes: I really liked Brad Pitt talking about the Gargantuas. I’ve seen that film. Great B Sci-fi.
Sandra Bullock is to present Foreign Language film. And she’s speaking Chinese with a German accent; impressive in an odd way.
And the winner is … A Separation from Iran. I actually missed his speech due to Jenny Sherman’s great impression of the director as Borat.
And Christian Bale is up. I wish he would’ve used his Batman voice. Best Supporting actress i up.
And the winner is …Octavia Spencer in The Help. And my entire line of jokes involving Melissa McCarthy winning because they wanted a fatter girl than Mo’Nique to win the award is off the table.
Apparently the cast of Best in Show had some free time for this latest montage about focus groups.
Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper, who looks like he’s getting ready to star in a ’70s porn film, present for Best Editing.
And the winner is … The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Sound Editing is next.
And the winner is … Hugo
Sound Mixing.
And the winner is … Hugo
I’m genuinely shocked by the love this film is getting. I think that perhaps an upset in either Best Director or Best Picture might be happening.
Miss Piggy and Kermit are on screen, immediately becoming far more entertaining by introducing Cirque de Solei. And man, when I think of going to to the movies I think of crazy dance numbers. Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr. Tebows before presenting. They’re up to present Best Documentary.
And the winner is … Undefeated
Chris Rock is up to present Best Animated Feature. And right before he immediately busts out perhaps the best moment of the night.
And the winner is … Rango
Nick the Standup – Can we fire Billy Crystal right now and replace him with Chris Rock?
And Melissa McCarthy recreates a Bridesmaids moment with Billy Crystal. Classic. Best Visual Effects is up by Emma Stone and Ben Stiller.
And the winner is … Hugo
Melissa Leo is up and out to present for Best Supporting Actor.
And the winner is … Christopher Plummer in “Beginners”
Is it just me or is Nick Nolte tripping balls right now?
Billy Crystal is back. And with a Tyler Perry joke to boot. And now it’s time, after a brief self congratulatory speech, for Owen Wilson and Penelope Cruz. Best Original Score is up.
And the winner is .. The Artist
Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakis are up. Best Original Song is up.
And the winner is … “Man or Muppet”from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie
Angelina Jolie is up next to present for Adapted Screenplay.
And the winner is … “The Descendants” Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash.
Now up is Original Screenplay
And the winner is … Midnight in Paris”Written by Woody Allen. He’s not there and Angelina accepts it on his behalf. Now it’s time for a MONTAGE!
Now it’s a brief technical awards montage.
The cast of Bridesmaids is up to present for Shorts. And they interject some dick jokes. Stay classy, Oscars.
Best Short Live Action Film winner is The Shore. Best Short Film Documentary winner is Saving Face. Best Animated Short winner is The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore.
Michael Douglas is out to present Best Director.
And the winner is … “The Artist” Michel Hazanavicius
Meryl Streep, 17 time nominee, is out to present the Governor’s Awards.
Now it’s time for the dead guy montage!
After another montage about why Hollywood is so awesome we get Natalie Portman presenting for Best Actor.
And the winner is … Jean Dujardin in “The Artist”
Now up is Best Actress to be presented by Colin Firth.
And the winner is … Meryl Streep in “The Iron Lady”
Wow … what a shock. The Academy very rarely awards a third Oscar and they did. Very surprising.
Next up is Best Picture. Tom Cruise will be presenting it.
And the winner is …”The Artist.”
Thank you and good night. Make sure to check out my Top 10 thoughts at 11pm CST Sunday evening.
