Kyle’s Files: Analyzing The Rock’s Raw Promo on the Road to WrestleMania 28 (The Rock, John Cena, Kung Pao Bitch, Chris Jericho, CM Punk…)

After the Chris Jericho and CM Punk verbal exchange, Raw was in complete filler mode. It felt as if they didn’t want to do anything too interesting before The Rock delivered his promo so that nothing could possibly overshadow him. Needless to say, the entire show was in The Rock’s hands.

The Rock’s music hit and the fans went nuts chanting his name. He came into the ring and soaked up the adulation. The Rock showed his goose bumps proving that he still cares about being at his home: the WWE. He responded to John Cena mimicking him for never being at shows by saying he didn’t mean he would be on every Raw, SmackDown or PPV. Rock proceeded to say that, while he had previously thought that John Cena was a phony, on Raw last week Cena showed The Great One something that he hadn’t seen from him before…

Just when the promo was going in the right direction, Rock proceeded to call John Cena something less creative than an 11-year-old would come up with: a Kung Pao Bitch. The Rock did, however, make a good point by bringing up that real wrestlers don’t fight for the others in the back; they fight for themselves.

However, just a minute later The Rock sounded like a hypocrite when he said that he fights for the fans, because they are  sick of seeing John Cena “shoved down our throats” on Raw every single week (even though John Cena’s going to be wrestling full-time and Rocky will be making movies after WrestleMania).

The Rock mentioned which of his new phrases are trending on Twitter (as if that has anything to do with their match) and then proceeded to immaturely bash Cena by saying he’s going to stick his boot up John’s lady parts. This led to half the crowd chanting “lady parts” and half chanting “Rocky.” The Rock played along with everyone and led the fans in alternating between the two: first “lady parts!” and then “Rocky!” The Rock then said that having fun and playing with the crowd demonstrated that he’s an innovator, whereas the only innovative thing Cena has ever done is change his shorts. The Rock then talked about Cena lacking balls, and about what’s “trending worldwide” on Twitter.

Cena came out and added more immature jokes, but very quickly got serious. Cena agreed that he runs The Rock down when The Great One isn’t around, but added that he also runs The Rock down when he is around. He used to like the Rock… until he met Dwayne Johnson. Johnson, Cena argued, is an egotistical, self-centered son-of-a-bitch and said Rock wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if this company closed down tomorrow. He said he doesn’t need to trend worldwide or write notes on his wrist. Finally, Cena reminded The Rock about their match at WrestleMania, and said that while The Cenation Leader might not have balls, he’s going to beat the hell out of Dwayne Johnson on April 1st. Cena then left, but not before turning back and telling Rock to carry on and “continue trending”.

Rock had the last word of the segment, stating that Dwayne Johnson and The Rock are the same man and he’s going to kick Cena’s ass at WrestleMania.

The Rock’s promo started off well. He showed that he cared to be back in the WWE by electrifying the crowd as usual, and he made a good point by saying that John Cena shouldn’t be wrestling for the people in the back. It was all downhill after that, though, as he became too involved in pleasing the crowd with immature jokes about Cena rather than telling us why the match with Cena was so important to him. And he was far too obsessed with what was trending on Twitter…

In short, the promo showed that Rock has become a parody of himself. His jokes are less witty and doesn’t seem as electrifying as he once was. The Rock has either lost a step, needs to start writing his own promos again (but just not on his wrist), or the WWE is allegedly holding him down for Cena to appear at his level.

As the Rock would say: It doesn’t matter which one it is; the old Rock needs to come back to hold up his end of the bargain.

That’s going to do it for this week. This upcoming Monday I will be at Raw so I should have my live in-depth report up by Tuesday. Also, a reunion show for NOBS Wrestling Radio is in the works with Michael Brennan and me. We’re aiming for a pre-WrestleMania show and review. There will be more details on the times and dates later on. Be sure to call in. We would love to hear your opinions.


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