Ring of Honor Wrestling TV Report for 3.3.12 (plus Retorting Blair A. Douglas on John Cena vs. The Rock)

Man, that Blair dude is all sorts of bent out of shape over The Rock, ain’t he? The lad seems to be taking it personal that The Rock sucked this past week, no? Blair, here’s the thing…this John Cena guy? He’s building to what’s known as a wrestling match. So, when he says he’s not leaving for Hollywood, don’t get all bent out of shape with this “if he could, he would” nonsense. Next thing you know Blair’s going to be all, “Yeah, it was cool that the Cold War basically died when Rocky Balboa gave the ‘if I can change, then you change’ speech after defeating Ivan Drago, but, I think it was silly because really, those aren’t proper diplomatic channels.”

 Ring of Honor Wrestling

March 3rd, 2012

Hello, folks. Jack Newbury back up in this motherfucker with a Ring of Honor Television Review. It’s been a long time for one of these ROH reviews. I found out my town was getting the ROH show, so I stopped watching it on the internet. Does that make sense? No, probably not. Plus, it was sometimes a chore to watch. I’m also writing for a new blog, now, spinebuster.com, as well.

We open with The Prodigy Mike Bennett…cutting a promo for March 30th’s iPPV against Lance Storm. Awesome. Hey, iPPV to sell tomorrow, let’s hype an iPPV in four weeks. TJ Perkins then talks, apparently these dudes are in a match. Some guy is in the audience dressed as Jushin Liger. You know, Shinjiro Ootani got hired by New Japan Wrestling because he dressed up as Liger to attend shows. I learned that watching Ohtani against Eddie Guerrero from Starrcade ’95 yesterday. Maybe this guy will get a job that way as well?

Unless, of course, that is actually Jushin Liger just kicking it at an ROH TV Taping…

TJ Perkins vs. Mike Bennett

Perkins has a new submission hold that Kelly and Nigel are on the look out for. Dudes in ROH bust out new submissions like 18 times a minute. They just don’t make coherent matches with the new submissions all the time.

Perkins takes a crafty advantage by hanging in the ropes and some such, until Bennett and company work the numbers game with Maria Kanellis and Brutal Bob to work some distraction on Perkins. Bennett takes an advantage…and Kelly says this show has major implications for the Showdown in the Sun iPPVs…in four weeks. Fortunately, a TJP dive to Bennett and Bob seems to work Kelly’s memory as he finally mentions that you can actually purchase an iPPV tomorrow.

TJP’s new submission was something like an STF. Maria distraction, and Bennett hits some move and gets the win. Bennett is pretty lousy, eh? Solid gimmick, but, I’m not necessarily sure he’s the guy to make it work as he just seems so bland and does nothing to stand out.

Jay Lethal rolls in to speak with Kevin Kelly after a commercial break to talk about The Embassy and how he is adding notches to his belt. I guess he’s losing weight. The Embassy gets some face time, and they’re actually promoting the iPPV now.

Tomasso Ciampa apparently has an undefeated streak. Who’s Next?!?!

I definitely wouldn’t mind a drunken Scott Hall picking up a payday to taser Ciampa at the iPPV, though.

Some dude named “GUY ALEXANDER” is in the ring…and the poodle sounding undefeated mini-Goldberg is coming to the ring. I wonder who is going to win?!

At least toss in a spear, my man.

But, this was a fine squash, actually. Alexander got no offense in…which seems like it doesn’t need to get mentioned…but, ROH hasn’t exactly shown an ability to let sqaushes be squashes. Ciampa had a nice series of ramming Guy’s back from ring apron to guardrail. He targeted the back in this one, apparently Guy was fresh off back surgery. Either that, or the Saints coach put a bounty on it.

Ciampa wins this with a series of knees in the corner instead of a finishing move, which was also good.

“It’s the Weekend of Young Wolves Rising!” Kevin Kelly says, immediately making me regret that I’ve already purchased the iPPV. Who the fuck approved that subtitle?

They give the CHIKARA feud some dap, saying they’ll be at Showdown in the Sun or some such. They then call Final Battle 2011 the biggest show in ROH history. Even Tony Schiavone just said, c’mon man!

Roderick Strong against Eddie Edwards, apparently in a match to determine who goes against Davey Richards. Uh, can we get someone else in the match who is not either of these guys?

There’s a lot of time left in the show, so, I’m rather nervous.

Nick Cannon is going to be on Good Morning America, Monday. Just in case ya’ll wanted that info, as we get our first commercial break. Not spectacular, not as terrible as it could be. Strong looked like he may turn up an advantage working Eddie’s left leg, but, that didn’t seem sustained.

Davey Richards interview to hype the Wrestlemania iPPVs during the break. Looks like his interview quality dipped a bit because he had to struggle between finding the right Affliction shirt to rock.

Kelly says there was tremendous action during the break. I KNOW…Jushin Liger dude is ON. HIS. FEET.

Strong’s moved on to work the midsection, backbreaker on the apron, some kind of submission by the turnbuckle, seated abdominal stretch, of Eddie as well as posing. Rest assured, Eddie Edwards fires back quickly.

Dudes throw out mad offense. Eventually Martini tries to get involved, Adam Cole comes out. Elgin comes out. Edwards with a dive onto Elgin. Strong puts something on his boot, sick kick and thankfully we’re not getting Edwards-Richards again…

BUT WAIT, another ref is coming out and says not so fast my friend. He saw the cheating. Edwards with a superkick and some move. The other ref counts as 3…without the match being re-started. So, the officials start barking at each other.

Kevin Kelly and Jim Cornette get in the mix. Cornette will get to the bottom of this!

The one thing we know for sure is that this is NOT doing a damn thing to sell TOMORROW’S (tonight’s) internet PPV…

Cornette just made the World Title match in Ft. Lauderdale a Triple Threat.

Davey Richards comes out and points at the end. His pointing suffered a bit because he couldn’t find the proper Affliction T-Shirt to rock and just had to wear some generic wrestling shirt.

And, we’re done.

Feel free to check out my Preview of tonight’s iPPV here. Hopefully The Rock will do better so Blair can get some sleep.

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