WWE is back with live Raw after a HUGE Extreme Rules PPV the night before. What shall happen? Come along for the ride and find out!
Raw begins with video of John Cena’s post-match promo after cleanly pinning Brock Lesnar last night in Lesnar’s redebut with the company.
Justin Roberts introduces the show as Monday Night Raw starring Brock Lesnar, then introduces John Laurinaitis. People Power! Johnny comes out and cuts a promo putting over Brock Lesnar. He gushes about how Brock delivered last night, almost oblivious to the fact that Brock jobbed. Laurinaitis introduces Brock, who comes out to his music. Brock said last night everyone saw him bring the pain. Before he gets too far into his promo, Triple H’s music starts and the crowd erupts. Triple H comes down in a suit. Triple H takes away all the perks Brock negotiated for last week, and the crowd cheers for the corporation! Hooray! No more private jet, limo, or special name for the show. Apparently John Laurinaitis did not have the authority to approve these perks. Triple H is not approving them. Aw man, let’s talk more about expense reports. Laurinaitis and Triple H argue about the corporate policies of WWE approvals. Triple H goes on and on about the approval process of contracts. Despite this, Triple H says the WWE universe wants Brock here. For a rematch with Cena, or a match with CM Punk, Randy Orton or Sheamus. However, he will honor his original contract. Brock has said nothing. Triple H talks a few more minutes about which contract Brock should have to honor. Laurinaitis interrupts but Triple H tells him to shut up, which wakes up the dead crowd with a small pop. Laurinaitis protests, and Triple H argues with him and turns his back on Brock, who pounces. Brock goes on the attack on Triple H and beats him down. Triple H briefly makes his own comeback, but Brock locks in a Kimura and Triple H sells huge. Brock lets it go and Kofi, Truth, Sheamus and Big Show come down for the save (too late). Brock messes up the STEEEEEEEL steps at ringside to display his ferocity and anger. H sells like his arm is broken in the ring. This was the longest segment in wrestling history about the corporate approval process of contract perks for wrestlers. The face wrestlers help Triple H to the back.
Video recap of what just occurred between Brock Lesnar and Triple H. Cole and Lawler wonder if Brock just got himself fired. I’m guessing not.
Backstage the trainers attend to Hunter’s arm as Sheamus stays with him looking worried.
Eve Torres comes out on the ramp (no music) and announces a Beat the Clock Challenge tonight for a WWE Title shot against CM Punk at the next PPV. The first match is… NOW!
Beat The Clock Challenge Match
The Miz vs. Santino Marella
This is a return bout from a pre-PPV match that aired on YouTube last night. They go back and forth and trade some near falls. Miz takes control, then slows it down with a chinlock for about 30 seconds. Cole and Lawler wonder why he is “wasting time” and drawing this out so long. Santino escapes and the action picks up. Santino whips out the cobra sock at around the 4 minute mark but Miz dodges. Finally Miz hits the Skull Crunching Finale at 4:18 which is now YOUR time to beat.
Winner: The Miz
Still shots of Extreme Rules when Layla defeated the Bella Twins for the Divas Title.
Diva’s Title Match
Nikka Bella vs. Brie Bella vs. Layla (c)
This is billed as a triple threat match. Bella Twins have their music playing but standing in the ring. Layla gets a full entrance. Bellas are bickering over something. Match starts and Layla rolls up one of them right away for the pin. I don’t think this counts as Layla beating the clock but if it did, she’d be the fastest FER SURE.
Lights go out, and here comes Chris Jericho.
Beat The Clock Challenge
Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show
After the break Jericho’s opponent is the Big Show. The clock counts down from 4:18. These are former tag team champions together! Show dominates to start but Jericho clips the leg and takes control. Show rebounds and goes to the top rope for a Vader Bomb but Jericho moves. Weak Lionsault attempt. Goes for the Walls of Jericho but Show rolls on top of Jericho with a small package for 2. Show grabs Jericho by the throat but Jericho kicks him and hits a DDT for 2. Back and forth. Jericho goes for the codebreaker but Show holds on. Jericho pulls Show over the top rope and they brawl on the floor. The ref is counting both out. Show charges at Jericho and topples over the guard rail. Jericho dashed back into the ring as the Beat the Clock buzzer sound. Confusion. Ref says Jericho got back in time.
Everyone is super confused and looking around so we take a
Cole notes how things have been worked out over the break, and Jericho did NOT beat the clock, so it is still The Miz for 4:18.
The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay w/Funkasaurusettes vs. JTG
JTG just shakes his head as he watches Brodus’ entrance from the floor. He didn’t get an entrance at all. This is what the kids call a SQUASH.
After the match, some LITTLE KIDS are brought into the ring to dance with Brodus and the ladies. Adorable.
Still shots of Brock vs. Cena from Extreme Rules last night.
The Cole and Lawler introduce footage of earlier tonight when Lesnar tangled with Triple H. Interesting choice to show recaps as the 10PM hour starts.
Backstage Eve Torres gives John Laurinaitis a pep talk about the whole Brock Lesnar situation. She urges him to choose John Cena’s next opponent.
Randy Orton comes out to his music as we take a
Beat The Clock Challenge
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Vickie comes out and does some EXCUSE MEs and Swagger makes his entrance. Quick pin attempts in the beginning as the clock ticks down. Back and forth action. Swagger actually controls much of the match. He has Orton in the ankle lock with about 20 seconds to go. Orton rolls out of it, then sends Swagger face first into the corner turnbuckle at about the :10 mark. RKO and quick cover and with :03 to go, Orton beats the clock.
Winner: Randy Orton
Miz is watching on a screen backstage and he’s upset he was just ousted.
New time to beat is 4:16
WWE Tag Team Titles
Primo & Epico (c) w/Rosa Mendes vs. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston
The champs come out first. R-Truth and Kofi get separate entrances. Before the match start, Cole announces that WWE.com broke the story – the Bella Twins have been “fired”. More details pending? Running and bouncing around to start by Truth and Primo. Truth clears Primo out and the champs regroup on the floor for a very quick
Epico controls on Truth as the show returns. Update: Triple H has a broken arm stemming from the attack by Brock Lesnar. LIL JIMMY is trending, and why not. Finally Truth with a desperation and both are down. Building and YES it’s a hot tag to Kofi. He is a HOUSE AFIRE and takes out both champs. Boom drop on Epico. Sets up for Trouble in Paradise but Rosa gets on the apron and distracts Kofi. Epico sizes up Kofi from behind, but Kofi turns around and hits Trouble in Paradise for the pin and the titles.
Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth
Great Khali and Kane are split screen WALKING and they grapple in a Beat The Clock Challenge match NEXT
Primo, Epico and Rosa are upset backstage and they are approached by AW. He begins his promo and it immediately cuts away to The Great Khali, already in the ring.
Beat The Clock Challenge
The Great Khali vs. Kane
Randy Orton’s 4:16 is the time to beat and he watches intensely on a monitor in the back. BIG MAN ACTION to start things out. This is a rematch of a return bout of one of the worst matches ever. Brawling continues. Kane falls out of the ring with :40 to remain on the clock. Khali follows in a dubious strategy. Khali tosses Kane back in at :17. He follows with less than 10 seconds to go. They lock in a double GOOZLE but the time runs out.
After the match Kane re-goozles Khali and hits a chokeslam. Neither beats the clock so Randy Orton is still in the driver’s seat, notes Cole.
John Cena vs ??? is your MAIN EVENT but apparently not involved in the Beat the Clock Challenge.
Daniel Bryan is WALKING backstage and he will be in the final Beat The Clock Challenge match NEXT.
WWE Smackdown promo where the main event will be Randy Orton & Sheamus vs. Kane & Daniel Bryan
Beat The Clock Challenge
Daniel Bryan vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Lawler is introduced as a surprise when his music hits, and gets a very mild reaction. Orton’s time to beat is 4:16. Bryan goes right to work aggressively on Lawler in the corner, then tosses King to the opposite corner and hits a dropkick. Cover for 2. Lawler blocks a punch and makes a comeback. Lawler controls and goes to the middle rope. And actually connects with a middle rope elbow drop. Covers but Bryan kicks out. Lawler goes for a piledriver, but Bryan dodges and kicks Lawler in the head. Bryan locks in the Yes Lock with plenty of time to spare and Lawler taps. Bryan is YOUR #1 contender.
It will be CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan in 3 weeks at the next PPV.
CM Punk’s music hits and he comes out. Punk holds up the title on the Raw entrance ramp and Bryan makes the “title around my waist” hand motion while saying YES repeatedly.
Up next: Who will John Cena face tonight? Oh wait we’re just finding out his WWE Over The Limit opponent.
Footage of the Brock/H fight from earlier is shown.
Cole solemnly updates us again that Triple H has a broken arm, and Brock Lesnar might be fired.
John Cena comes out to his music and a mostly positive reaction. He has a sling on, and sympathizes with Triple H. Cena had himself checked out and he has no breaks or sprains. However many muscles are strained. But – He’s here! Cena makes a distinction between being injured and hurt. Injured gets you sent home, but hurt means you continue to work. John Laurinaitis’ music plays and he comes out. Cena does a wacky Harry Carey-esque intro for Laurinaitis. Cena goes right into zany comedy and suggests ZEUS as his opponent. Laurinaitis claims he was trying to motivate Cena by hiring Lesnar. Cena disagrees. Laurinaitis believes he brought out the best John Cena possible. More Cena comedy about toilet paper. They bicker for a bit, this builds to LORD TENSAI coming down, presumably as the PPV opponent. Yikes. Tensai and Sakamoto come down and surround Cena, but Laurinaitis attacks Cena first from behind with the mic. Cena is knocked out. Laurinaitis announces HIMSELF as Cena’s opponent at Over The Limit. Sakamoto, Tensai and Laurinatis attack Cena’s bad arm. They pull Cena to the corner and use a combination of the STEEEEEEEL ringpost and STEEEEEEEEEL steps to administer more punishment to the arm. Laurinaitis grabs a STEEEEEEEL chair. Even Cole is outraged at what is going on. Chairshot to the bad arm on the steps and Cena is selling the arm huge. Laurinaitis gets in the ring and does a you can’t see me hand motion over a fallen Cena.
Tags: Brock Lesnar, chris jericho, cm punk, john cena, monday night raw, Raw, WWE