The SmarKdown Rant – 05.04.12

The SmarKdown Rant – 05.04.12

Taped from Toledo, OH

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Booker T and Josh Matthews.

Sheamus v. Daniel Bryan

Sheamus clarifies in his pre-match promo that he likes to fight.  Good to know.  Bryan’s graphic is now getting weird, as it uses the Smackdown graphic but with RAW’s red background.  I guess that’s what passes for a trade now.  Sheamus puts him down with a shoulderblock, and he’s still selling the arm from Sunday in a nice touch.  Bryan goes right to the arm and stomps on it in the corner before dropping knees on it in impressive fashion.  Sheamus fights up, but Bryan throws kicks to the arm again, prompting Sheamus to get pissed and unleash the CLUBBING FOREARMS in the corner.  ADR and Roberto run in for the DQ at 2:50, however, and ADR applies the armbar to really do some damage to the arm.  No decision is announced, but logically it’s a DQ win for Sheamus.  Nothing to the match.  *

R-Truth & Kofi Kingston v. Hunico & Camacho

Hunico attacks Little Jimmy to start, which earns him a beatdown from the champs.  I should point out that Josh Matthews called Hunico & Camacho “a formidable tag team” at the start of the match, and then later clarified that they’ve never actually teamed up before.  WWE, ladies and gentlemen.  The Barrios work Kofi over in the corner and Camacho drops a leg for two.  Hunico slingshots in with a mule kick in the corner, which Booker clarifies as “two feet to the mush.”  Booker T, ladies and gentlemen.  The heels cut off the ring, but Kofi monkey-flips Hunico and makes the hot tag to Truth.  Truth throws Kofi at Hunico for the rana, and finishes Camacho with the downward spiral at 4:04.  AW and his new clients watch from the ramp, but take no action yet.  That’s what PPV pre-shows on YouTube are for!  **

Brodus Clay v. Jack Swagger

The overdubbed crowd noise is really noticeable and obnoxious tonight.  Brodus with a belly to belly, but he chases Ziggler and Swagger gets a cheapshot to take over.  Ziggler comes off the stairs and takes the headbutt bump in a match he’s not even wrestling in, which is probably why he’s gonna have a short career, sadly.  Back in the ring, Brodus wants the big splash, but Swagger rolls away and takes the countout at 1:40.  If this was the re-taped version I’d hate to see the original.  DUD

Meanwhile, Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio DEMAND to Eve that one of them deserves another shot at Sheamus tonight.

Damien Sandow v. Derrick Bateman

Sandow is using the Hallelujah Chorus as his theme music, marking a much welcome return to classical music for an entrance.  Sadly, Sandow CANNOT and WILL NOT engage a miscreant.  We just wouldn’t get any benefit out of it.  But Bateman wants a MATCH, dammit.  Bad move.

Ryback v. Derrick Bateman

You know how this one goes.  Lariat and muscle buster at 1:10.  Moving up to in-house jobbers now, I see.

Kane & Cody Rhodes v. Big Show & Randy Orton

One guess who jobs here.  Orton blocks a Cody hiptoss with a clothesline for two, and it’s over to Show.  He pounds on Cody in the corner, and Orton drops the knee for two.  Dropkick gets two.  Kane comes in and slugs it out with Orton, which I guess means we’re getting this AGAIN at the next PPV, and probably Cody v. Show as well.  Orton quickly tags out to Show, who spears Kane and tosses Cody.  Kane comes back with a DDT and we take a break.  Back with Cody beating on Show, and Kane comes in for the headlock (EMBRACE THE HEAD!), but Show escapes with a backdrop suplex and it’s hot tag Orton.  Kane breaks up the draping DDT, but ends up taking it himself.  EMBRACE THE IRONY!  Kane and Orton fight outside, and Kane gets a big boot on the floor.  Back in, that gets two.  Cody takes over with a dropkick for two.  Kane pounds him in the corner, but Orton gets the backbreaker, and Cody sneaks in and gets two on him.  This feels like the world’s longest heat segment.  Orton finally gets the hot tag to Show, and it’s RKO for Kane and knockout punch to finish Cody at 15:00.  Nothing was said about the PPV, so I don’t really know what the point of this was.   **

Layla v. Natalya

So is Natalya a heel again now?  They trade holds on the mat, but Nattie gets a spinning lariat for two.  She goes to the EVIL ABDOMINAL STRETCH, but Layla rolls her up for one.  Neckbreaker finishes clean at 1:54.  ½*

Meanwhile, Aksana and Antonio are doing a photoshoot backstage, and Antonio just isn’t oiled up enough for Eve’s tastes.  So Eve orders Teddy to do it.

Meanwhile, AJ and Kaitlyn get into another confrontation.

Sheamus v. Daniel Bryan

Bryan attacks the heavily-taped arm of course, but walks into a backbreaker.  Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick and bumps to the floor, and we take a break.  Back with Bryan working on the arm some more and getting a diving headbutt onto the shoulder, but Sheamus fights him off and sends him into the post.  Sheamus with the forearms to come back, and a suplex into the ring gets two.  Blind charge hits knee, but Sheamus gets the backbreaker for two.  Bryan goes back to the arm again and goes up with the missile dropkick for two.  Bryan pounds the shoulder again, but walks into an axehandle, which draws ADR into the match again.  The heels collide and Bryan goes up again, but he lands in a Brogue Kick at 12:00.  Yeah, this still doesn’t make me want to pay money to see Sheamus v. Del Rio, but it’s not like they care anyway.  **1/2  Not sure why we needed two matches when they could have made the same point with one.

The Pulse

A throwaway show, as usual.  I got nothing else, really.

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