WWE Monday Night Raw begins in minutes! We’ll have full segment to segment live coverage, but while you wait check out The Common Denominator – The Place and Prestige of Championships (Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ultimate Warrior, Honkytonk Man, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan)
Video recap of last week’s John Cena/John Laurinaitis storyline developments with Lord Tensai.
People Power kicks off Raw as John Laurinaitis comes down to the ring to his music. He will allow no one to challenges his authority. I wonder who’s idea it is to have Laurinaitis start the show like this. Cena challenged his authority last week. At Over The Limit he will continue where Brock Lesnar stopped. To allow time for Cena’s injury to heal, Laurinaitis instructed Cena not to come to the show tonight. Rather, later in the show Michael Cole will conduct an interview with Cena via satellite. Laurinaitis complains that Cena mocked his voice, and explains his voice was damaged by Dr. Death Steve Williams in Japan. But that didn’t stop him from being the biggest star in Japan – then he shows a slideshow of images of himself wrestling in Japan. He claims he was the Hulk Hogan of Japan. He was Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock all rolled into one. Finally after about 10 minutes, CM Punk comes out to “Cult Of Personality”, his theme song. Punk says Johnny went to Japan because he couldn’t draw a dome in the US in “any territory”. They bicker and Laurinaitis books Punk vs. Lord Tensai tonight.
The Big Show is WALKING. He gets a rematch with Cody Rhodes…. NEXT
Commercial Break
John Laurinaitis bumps into the Big Show backstage, and is agitated. Show makes fun of his voice. Eve is watching this happen.
Intercontinental Title
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. The Big Show
Cody comes out first. Match lasts about 2 minutes of mostly Big Show on offense, when Cody goes to the floor, grabs the title and walks out.
Winner: Show (by CO)
After the match, Big Show gets on the mic and wants Cody to return to the ring. He does not return, but Eve’e music plays and she comes to the ring. She wants Show to apologize for making fun of John Laurinaitis’ voice. He at first resists, but Eve runs him down and threatens to fire him, and Show relents and apologizes to mild boos.
Commercial Break
Video of Kofi & Truth defeating Primo & Epico for the tag titles last week.
Kofi Kingston w/R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger
Kofi comes out to his music, then Vickie introduces Dolph from the ramp. Swagger is wearing a suit. Match starts and backstage the former champs are shown watching this match on the monitor with AW and Rosa Mendes. Dolph controls early. Nice dropkick and slows things down with a half nelson of sorts. Cole says that AW is delaying use of the rematch clause to get his clients ready. Kofi begins a comeback with some chops and a dropkick. Swagger distracts Kofi but it backfires and Kofi hits the SOS on Ziggler for a 2 count. Truth on the apron, Vickie as well and Swagger’s distraction works the second time, allowing Dolph to hit the Zig Zag for the pin.
Winner: Ziggler
John Cena is shown in a sling preparing for his interview, and some guy is advising him and has a water bottle. This stunning interview is NEXT.
Commercial Break
As you wait for the next update, why not read The Wrestling Backfire: True or False, Edition #4 – Not-So-Great Khali, CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan, John Cena Staying on TV, More
Michael Cole in the ring introduces Cena on the Titantron. Cena begins without addressing Cole in a clearly pre-recorded interview. Cena says the doctors advised him to take a few months off, but he isn’t going to do that. Not much to it.
Kelly Kelly and Layla giggle, smile and WALK backstage, looking a very bright orange color. They are in some diva’s tag match… NEXT
Commercial Break
Kelly Kelly & Layla vs. Natalya & Maxine
Faces get separate entrances. Beth Phoenix is doing commentary. A short squash. Eve hits Maxine with a neckbreaker for the pin.
Winners: Layla & Kelly
Commercial Break
Randy Orton & Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho
Each gets his own entrance. Orton comes out third, positioning Sheamus as the “top star” coming out last, although I’m not sure the pops matched that placement. Orton and Del Rio to start. Orton controls a bit and Del Rio tags to Jericho. More offense from Orton, who tags to Sheamus. He controls Jericho, including hitting him with 10 consecutive forearms with Jericho stretched out on the ropes. Sheamus goes to clothesline Jericho who ducks, Sheamus hits Del Rio instead, which allows Jericho to pounce. Sheamus scoops him up, Jericho floats back and rams Sheamus’ bad shoulder into the corner turnbuckle and the heels take control. This allows us to take a
Commercial Break
When action returns the heels are in control but the faces get on offense quickly. Back and forth action. Jericho and Orton now both down in the ring. Jericho gets up first goes to work on Orton. Belly to back. Jericho continues in control, but Orton gets a random roll up for 2. Jericho is angered and hits an enziguri. Tag to Del Rio and he works on Orton’s arm to setup the crossarm breaker. Orton hits a desperation backbreaker. Both are down. HOT tag to Sheamus and he is YOUR house afire. Beats down Jericho and covers but Del Rio breaks it up. Orton jumps into the ring and hits the RKO on Del Rio. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick on Jericho, who ducks, and the kick connects with Orton instead. In the confusion, Jericho hits Sheamus with the codebreaker for the pin.
Winners: Jericho & Del Rio
Jericho goes to the announce table and brags about pinning the champion. Sheamus tries to reason with Orton in the ring after the match but he hits an RKO on Sheamus. Lawler and Cole debate whether the kick was accidental (clearly was). Play Orton’s music!
Coming up, a status on Brock Lesnar and the COO Triple H’s “injury”
Commercial Break
Backstage Eve and Johnny agree that Big Show’s apology was insincere. Jericho enters, then Del Rio, then Orton and they all want title shots. Jericho taunts Orton so Orton decks him and a brawl ensues. Sheamus appears and helps to beat down the heels then asks Orton what the RKO was about. Then they argue and Orton exits. Laurinaitis tells Sheamus that the title match will be a Fatal 4-Way at the PPV.
The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay w/The Funkadactyls (Cameron & Naomi) vs. The Miz
Before the Miz is introduced, Brodus does an old school in-set promo reminding us all of Mother’s Day this Sunday. Miz comes out and has a mic. Really? Instead of a WWE Championship match, he has a match with… this (referring to Brodus). If he wanted to see King Hippo dance, he’d play Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. Awesome. Miz comes to the ring still cutting his promo, cutting down Brodus. Miz gets in the ring and Clay knocks him to the floor quickly. Brodus follows, Miz goes back in first and attacks as Brodus returns. Miz in control and Brodus sells. DDT on a kneeling Funkasaurus gets 2. Crowd claps to support Brodus who is in a side headlock. He powers out and hits a side suplex on Miz. The Funkadactyls are shown many times cheering him on. Brodus charges Miz in the corner, who gets a big boot up. Miz to the middle rope, caught by Brodus with a throw. Hits the Big Splash for the clean pin.
Winner: Clay
I couldn’t tell for sure but the crowd might have booed and turned on Brodus in the finish/comeback at the end.
Footage of a B-A-Star event in the Bronx.
Commercial Break
Video recap of last week’s HHH/Brock Lesnar incident.
Cole and Lawler discuss H’s “complicated” injury. Photos are shown of Triple H in meetings wearing his arm brace. Lawler mention’s the Mayweather appearance. HHH will be here next week. Brock Lesnar was invited to be here tonight but he declined. Brock’s music plays but instead he has sent his “representative”. After a long delay out comes PAUL HEYMAN!!! Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. Tonight he is here as a representative for Brrrrrock Lesnar. Heyman puts Lesnar over. Then says Brock is always booed – even by WWE management. Heyman talks about the corporate changes in the 10 years since he first represented Lesnar. After he signed a legitimate contract on national TV, Brock feels he has been disrespected. He is the only man to be NCAA champion, WWE champion and UFC champion in history. Brock asked Paul to come to Raw and read a personal statement:
I came back to bring legitimacy to WWE. That’s exactly what I did. And how was I rewarded? With the same corporate BS and politics that led me to leave 8 years ago. I don’t regret what i did to John Cena – I embarrassed him. Another guy i embarrassed was HHH. He’s always been jealous of me. HHH lasted nearly 1 hour in a Cell with the Undertaker but he couldn’t last 1 minute in a fight with me. HHH tried to push his weight around because now he has an office job. I had an agreement with the company and he broke it – so I broke his arm. I don’t care about HHH. I don’t care about you people. And I don’t care about the corporate suits at WWE because I, Brock Lesnar, am NEVER COMING BACK. Because I, Brock Lesnar, quit
Heyman tosses the mic and then leaves.
Cole and Lawler are surprised, but believe that if Lesnar came to Raw that he would have been fired anyway. They segue into what happened to start Raw tonight between Punk and Laurinaitis.
Commercial Break
Backstage, the two stars of USA Network’s new show COMMON LAW get on the Big Show’s case for apologizing. They came here to have fun! Show says that it’s different here now. They all lament how corporate John Laurinaitis is. However, then they claim to be detectives, changing from actors to their actual in-show personas, and think they should start an investigation of… something. They exit, Eve comes in and Big Show is in trouble apparently.
CM Punk comes out to his music for his match, but John Laurinaitis announces it will now be a handicap match.
Commercial Break
CM Punk vs. Lord Tensai w/Sakamoto & Daniel Bryan
Bell rings as the match begins, no heel entrances. Punk and Tensai to start and Punk is powered down quickly. Match also starts at around 11pm or the beginning of the overrun. Tensai tosses Punk out of the ring. Brawling a bit with Tensai controlling, and sends Punk into the ring. More slow power moves and grunting from Tensai. Tag to Bryan, who goes up to the top rope and raises his arms and says YES to boos. He flies at Punk, who moves, and both are knocked down. Punk up first, grabs Bryan’s legs and catapults him (of sorts) into the corner. Punk in control. Neckbreaker. Bulldog. Signals for Go To Sleep and crowd pops. Sets up but Bryan floats back and makes the tag. Punk doesn’t realize it and Tensai attacks. Punk then tries to lift Tensai for a GTS but can’t do it, and Tensai powers Punk into the corner. Roundkick by Punk knocks down Tensai. Punk goes to the top rope. Sakamoto distracts the ref and Bryan knocks the ropes, crotching Punk. Tensai grabs him and hits the Baldo Bomb in the most sloppy manner possible and the crowd doesn’t like it. Tensai then sets up for the CLAW OF DOOM. He grabs Punk’s head, then Claw Slams Punk’s head down and pins him. Blech.
Winners: Tensai & Bryan
Heels attack Punk after the match and Bryan locks in the Yes Lock on Punk while screaming YES over and over.
Yikes. It’s as if the writers asked “Hey do you think we can ruin a match between the company’s two best workers just by adding Lord Tensai???” on Raw tonight. They could have saved time and just asked me. The answer is yes. This show was brutal.
