The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 05.28.12
So 16 years ago today, Scott Hall debuted in WCW and kicked off the New World Order. Man, don’t we all feel old now.
Live from New Orleans, LA
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
Corporate Big Show joins us to start, as Michael Cole notes that many people called his turn “one of the darkest days in WWE history.” I dunno, I’d say that Owen Hart dying in the ring or Chris Benoit murdering his family were pretty dark, but I suppose Big Show turning for the 16th time was pretty bad. I’d say you could order it 1, 2, 3. Maybe one of the wrestlers dying of painkiller addictions at number 4. So we’ll say Owen Hart first, Chris Benoit second, Big Show joining with Johnny Ace third, and Eddie Guerrero’s heart exploding fourth. Oh, hell, let’s just go ahead and move Big Show up to #2. So anyway, Show is now full on heel, talking about how no one is in his league and he’s a giant and not an entertainer. And it pisses him off that Brodus Clay was dancing mere MINUTES after he was begging for his job. They should have stopped the show! Or least that’s what I wished would have happened. Show is also angry at John Cena for being a huge clown instead of standing up for his friend. I appreciate them trying to tie together all the ridiculous plot elements here, actually. So yeah, Show is gonna knock Cena out at the PPV.
Santino Marella v. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio attacks, but Santino quickly evades and gets the Cobra out, only to fall victim to the armbar at 0:48. What is the point of squashing your US champion in less than a minute like that? Del Rio’s got no interest in the title, and if they need a jobber there’s tons of them on NXT.
Meanwhile, Big Show takes out his bad mood on Alex Riley.
WWE tag titles: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler
The champs double-team Swagger in the corner and Truth gets two. The champs clean house and we take a break. Back with Kofi playing face-in-peril, but he quickly the hot tag to Truth, who goes wild on Swagger with a rollup for two. Kofi with a high cross on Ziggler, but Swagger rolls up Truth for two. Truth with the downward spiral to retain at 5:50. Dolph, tired of losing all the time, walks out on the team afterwards. Smart man. Fun little match. **
Meanwhile, Brodus Clay saves Santino from a Big Show beating, and that gives him a match with Big Show later tonight.
Big Johnny, with scooter and entourage of flunkies, is out for some announcements. Big Show v. John Cena is now a steel cage match, and he’s the most popular WWE superstar in history. Apparently he’s on the cover of WWE ’13, and has the poster to prove it. It’ll be bigger than Pac-Man! Sadly, CM Punk interrupts his celebration and unveils the actual cover, featuring him.
CM Punk v. Daniel Bryan
So this is now a match for Bryan to “perhaps put himself back in contention” for the title. Wasn’t that match already announced for the PPV in some form? They trade wristlock reversals and Punk gets an atomic drop and drops knees on Bryan for two. He goes to a bow-and-arrow, but Bryan falls on top for two. They fight for a bridge and Punk gets a backbreaker for two. Bryan takes over on the arm and dumps Punk, but misses a baseball slide and Punk gets the springboard crossbody to the floor. AJ joins us at ringside as we take a break. Back with Punk missing a bodypress, as Bryan goes back to the arm. That goes on for a while, but Punk makes the comeback with kicks and a neckbreaker for two. Punk with the knee into the corner into a rollup for two. Springboard clothesline gets two. Punk goes up for the elbow, but Bryan brings him down with the superplex for two. Bryan removes a turnbuckle as AJ distracts the ref, but Punk gets a high kick for two. He charges, however, and Bryan hotshots him onto the EXPOSED STEEL for the pin at 16:29. Good TV match, albeit a bit slow around the break, but the finish was pretty flat. ***1/4 And that brings out Kane for another destruction of both guys, but Punk chases him off with a chair. Why do we need Kane in this feud?
Christian v. The Miz
Christian gets a sunset flip, but Miz rolls out and kicks him down for two. Corner clothesline and Miz hits the chinlock, and a neckbreaker gets two. Back to the chinlock, but Christian comes back with a missile dropkick for two and sets up for the spear, but Miz boots him down for two. Christian goes up with a back elbow, but gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, and Miz rolls him up for two. Christian finishes with the Killswitch and frog splash at 4:10. Sucks to be Miz. **
Meanwhile, Big Johnny chews out his flunkies, because he might retire in 10 or 20 years and he needs people he can COUNT on!
The Miz is still bitching in the ring, but Randy Orton comes out and gives him the RKO. Back in the territory days, this would be the point when you’d leave for somewhere else to freshen up the character, because obviously Orton has got nothing going on. Miz would probably go somewhere else under a mask at this point.
Sheamus v. David Otunga
Otunga gets a cheapshot on the apron to take control and gets a shoulderblock for two. Once again he stops to pose, and Sheamus destroys him with the White Noise and brogue kick at 2:42. Just a squash.
Brodus Clay v. Big Show
I want to also point out that having Clay introduce his own valets is really stupid. So suddenly they’re playing up Clay’s 22-0 record after never mentioning it, so he’s jobbing here. Nope, instead it’s no match, as Show Tells It Like It Is and talks about what a talentless clown Clay is turning into, then spears him on the floor and beats the hell out of him. And Kofi & Truth try to save, so Show beats the hell out of them, too. I normally approve of this sort of thing, but I just have no interest in seeing Big Show getting the push.
The Pulse
Not a terrible outing, but as noted it’s just building to a match that I have zero interest in seeing in any form. And it’s a match that we’re getting for the next few months, I’d bet.
UFC was a hell of a show on Saturday, though. I’d recommend ordering the replay instead of watching this.
