No Chance – There are Giants in the Ring

There are a few different basic types of wrestlers. You’ve got your little guys (who are more or less normal sized people but quite small compared to other wrestlers) such as Evan Bourne and Rey Mysterio who would be called high flyers. Then you have the body builder physique that Vince seems to love and push beyond any reasonable measure. (See Batista for a perfect example of this.) Then we have guys like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan who I’m going to classify as skinny fat-ass thanks to Triple H’s sad, sad attempts and insults. And then we have the giants.

Right now we have three main giants (Big Show, Kahli, and Mark Henry) with Kane as a kind of “almost there” guy. We could also have Brodus Clay fit here once he finally starts getting real matches and storylines, and have longer than five-minute squash matches. Now I’ll be the first guy to stand up for the Hall of Pain storyline from the end of 2011. Mark Henry made an entertaining and compelling heel, and his match against Big Show at Vengeance (though a copy of the collapsing ring from years earlier) was probably the best thing either of those guys had been a part of all year. So yes that was a good storyline. But I also have to point out that Mark Henry having a good character and story was something that I never would have expected to have happen before the draft last year. And why is that? Because, for the most part things just don’t seem to work when these giant characters are involved.

Lets take a look at the most relevant example, Big Show’s recent heel turn and current feud with John Cena. Putting aside the fact that heel Big Show is much duller than face Big Show, and the fact that we had to listen to Big Show talk uninterrupted for a quarter of an hour at the top of Raw this week, I can still say that there is nothing compelling about the idea of Cena fighting Big Show. Before that Big Show had a feud with Cody that also felt alarmingly uninteresting. Add that to the fact that it ruined any chance for a Cody vs. Goldust match and it was the worst part of WrestleMania this year. Go back to the previous WrestleMania and Show was a part of a tag team match against the Corre, which I’m assuming you had forgotten about until you read that just now.

And Kahli, if anything is in a worse state. Since returning at the Royal Rumble, Kahli has…um…been a part of… hang on a second… *checking Wikipedia*… That’s right! He was in the Elimination Chamber match this year! Must have blocked that out of my memory. I don’t want to unjustly hate on the guy just in case there is a Kahli fan or two out there, but never have I been excited to see Kahli begin his lumber towards the ring.

But my biggest problem in all of this is the fact that the supposed skill level of these giant characters seems to be so inconsistent. First we get (insert tiny wrestler here) to stand toe to toe with (insert giant wrestler here) just so the audience can say, “There’s no way that (giant wrestler) can lose. And the announcers tell us again and again about how these giants are unbeatable monsters of the ring. Then we get things like Big Show’s knockout punch, a single punch that can literally knockout anyone on the roster even if they are completely fresh. The only thing is that we can’t have a Big Show champion so we have to find losses in there anyway.

And when any one of these guys isn’t in a title feud, they drop down to the mid card or worse, to alternate between cheap squash matches and lumbering around unable to catch heels looking for some cheap heat. We get matches such as putting Big Show and Mark Henry in a steel cage match where Daniel Bryan is supposed to look doomed. Only we all know that this all but guarantees Bryan a victory since there is no way that either one of those giants can come close to making it out of that cage.

It’s not that I want to put a blanket ban on these guys. And really huge dudes, it would seem that WWE wrestling would be an ideal career path for them. So what to do? Well take a look at when the giants have looked their best and you will most likely find that it is when they are fighting other giants (see the Hall of Pain storyline as mentioned above) so maybe we focus a little more on that. Create a division for the biggest guys to go head to head with one another. You can even throw in Kane, and maybe Mason Ryan, anybody who can actually put on a real worthwhile match with these guys. And give these giants their own title to compete for. They can have the Heavyweight Championship. It felt stupid to call Rey Mysterio a Heavyweight Championship anyway.

Unrelated Thought: So who is planning on picking up WWE 13? Did you also pick up WWE 12? And all the previous games as well? If so what makes it worth it to you to drop sixty bucks a year on what is for the most part the same game. If you buy the games but not ever year, what makes it worth buying a new game? When you get a new system? When the Roster becomes unrecognizable from the current lineup?

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