The Bachelorette – Episode 8-4 Review – “Bermuda Love Triangles”

This week on The Bachelorette, Emily and the guys (and Ricki) headed off to Bermuda to carry on with the farce dating.

 

Doug Angry, Doug Smash, Doug Sad

The first date in Bermuda went to Doug, who was butting heads with Arie right before Emily picked him up. Man, there is something weird about Doug.

During dinner, Emily was getting frustrated because Doug was giving her job interview answers to all her questions. When she asked what his ex-girlfriend would consider his faults, he said that he spends too much time with his kid and didn’t wash her car often enough. Hey Doug -I have one for you! Only jerks talk about themselves in the third person. “If Emily wants a kiss from Doug, she’ll let Doug know she wants a kiss”? That is both gross and stupid. This guy is never getting a kiss with that mantra.

But really, what did Emily expect? Honesty? On this show? It’s one long job interview! No one is going to be honest! Let’s get real, do we think Emily’s biggest faults are being stubborn and leaving the house in pajamas? Despite the lack of honest answers and the lack of a goodnight kiss, Emily gave Doug a rose.

Ahoy, Mateys!

Time for the group date! Charlie, Ryan, Chris, Jef, Sean, Arie, Travis and Kalon were split into two groups to compete in a boat race. The winning team would get to spend extra time with Emily. That winning team? Team Yellow, which was Arie, Jef, Ryan and Kalon.

Ryan kicked the cocktail party off on an obnoxious note when he toasted “To a fun day of racing and a beautiful trophy possible-wife.” What? Are you kidding? To quote Erinn of Survivor fame, “Who is this jackass?”

Then Ryan got even more obnoxious when he basically chastised Emily for kissing Arie. It was unbelievable – he made a big deal over how she should be a role model for other girls. “As the Bachelorette, she’s been given a great responsibility, and I want to see her do a lot with it,” he said. Um, dude. She’s the bachelorette, not Spiderman. I was glad Emily said she felt like there was a double standard, but I wish she’d said those things to his face. Instead, she actually apologized to him. Whaaaa? Dude. Speak. Your. Mind. I would have kicked that guy to the curb immediately.

The group date rose went to Jef, because he didn’t kiss Emily. OK then.

Mano vs. Mano

Time for the dreaded two-on-one date! And for such an occasion, what better location than the Bermuda Triangle! If nothing else, it provides ample opportunity for making “left out at sea” jokes.

John and Nate were the two unlucky fellows who had to suffer through awkward silences and small talk about quinoa salad. After two dull one-on-one conversations, Emily decided to send Nate home because he’s only 25 years old and probably because he cried. Personally, I  would have sent them both home. This was a dull date.

Cocktail Cockamamie

Is it Ryan’s job to be the most obnoxious person in the room at all times? Is he earning a salary for accomplishing that task? Because he does it like someone is paying him twenty bucks every time he sounds like an even bigger asshole. I hate the way he talks to Emily almost as much as I hate the way he talks when she’s not around. What crap was he saying about the media? Whatever buddy, your future on Bachelor Pad is so bright that I have to wear sunglasses. What. An. Idiot.

Rivaling Ryan for the Idiocy Award were Chris and Doug, who had some kind of sorority girl fight over who’s more fake, who’s more immature, and who’s better for Emily. Oh boys. I don’t care if you’re 25 or 33, if you’re arguing by the pool over something that stupid then you’re both acting like children. Later, when Emily was talking to Harrison, she mentioned that the two guys who keep coming up as being disliked by everyone else are Ryan and Doug. Gee, what a surprise! Send ‘em home, Em.(Except that Doug already had a rose.)

First to receive a rose was blond, blond Sean, followed by Arie (Hi, frontrunners), Travis, Chris, Ryan, Kalon and Alejandro. Really, Emily? Kalon and Ryan? What, were those the producers’ picks? Charlie and Michael were sent packing. Or “long-haired guy” and “other guy”.

Next week, the gang heads to London, Blondie gets a date, and Emily tells someone (obviously, we know who) to get the f— out.

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