My Pinterest Is Piledrivers: WWE-vamping The Industry VIII (Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler)

Hello, and welcome to My Pinterest Is Piledrivers. I am your host, James A. Carter, and right now, I am a real life Jim Halpert circa late season two-early season three of The Office. Albeit one that unironically likes to watch grown men in their underwear beat each other up and insult one other in public with microphones. And with that ambiguous auto-biographical intro, we’re off!

So apparently sometime this week, “The Second City Saint,” aka “The Straight-Edge Superstar” or “Stop Calling My Sister Hot in YouTube Comments” CM Punk talked about being burned out and needing some time off. This is something I’m going to go into detail more in my last edition of the series, otherwise known as the semi-serious one, but it does raise a good point about what I’m going to talk about this week.

Time to elevate the new class.

Earlier this season, Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton were suspended for 60 days each for Wellness Policy violations. I can only guess that they were both using some form of chemical enhancement to stitch broken bodies back together, and not something as
innocent as marijuana or as evil as yayo. That leaves, in CM Punk’s words… him and John Cena. John Cena that’s been featured prominently on the roster for seven years.  Sigh.

Now there’s also Daniel Bryan, who so far is hugely over, but as much as I personally love the guy, time will have to tell as to whether he is a permanent fixture at the top, or someone that will eventually slide back down to the nether regions, a la Mr. Kennedy, John Morrison or the Miz. Now don’t get me wrong, Daniel Bryan is a wrestler’s wrestler, not to mention surprisingly awesome on the mic now. But the audience can be fickle, or just flat-out dumb.

Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus are the top guys feuding over on Smackdown, but they’re both fairly new themselves. Of the two, I think Del Rio has more “it” than Sheamus, but I don’t necessarily mind either. The Big Show and Kane are still limping around,
impressing no one. Oh, and Jericho is suspended for pissing off a bunch of Brazilians.  Hey Brazil… I saw City of God. Worry more about children dealing drugs, less about what entertainers do to your flag. You can keep cutting them bikinis, though.

Over the course of the past five or six years just about, the WWE has lost HBK, Batista, Edge, Kurt Angle, Ric Flair, Eddie Guerrero, JBL, supposed future next big things Bobby Lashley, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy and MVP, and the aforementioned Jericho, Undertaker
and Triple H as full-time roster talents. That is a huge talent vacuum, likely not seen since the exodus of superstars to WCW in the mid-‘90s, the period of time that, as Blair A. Douglas predicts, will have cost McMahon a decade off his life.

This is not an easy time for the WWE. This is what other sports might refer to as a “rebuilding” period. Basically the onus is on the company to tighten their belts, prepare for the worst, and build up some new stars. Frankly, it’s too late to expect major changes
right away. In all likelihood, ratings are going to stay stagnant for a while. There’s up and down periods… and we might be headed for a down one.

They have sown the seeds of apathy with pushing Cena and Orton like packmules for the past seven years. Now those mules are broken down or not as fun to ride anymore. It’s time to start off some new attractions, which may not immediately result in a bigtime ratings bonanza… but in years to come, will pay off huge.

Zack Ryder got himself over with nothing more than a Flip video his parents bought him and a self-deprecating sense of humor. He’s barely 27 years old. He loves professional wrestling like a true nerd. Give him a ball, let him run with it.

Kofi Kingston had been floating near the top years ago when he feuded with Orton.  Thanks to some “stupid, stupid” moves he is now a permanent member of the job squad (at least when he’s solo). The guy is good in the ring, has more range in his character
than they let him show, and the audience loves him. Give him a ball.

Dolph Ziggler is probably the most underrated guy on the roster. He can work with almost anyone, and more importantly not expose some of the lesser talents on the roster.  He sells like he’s fighting for his life, and his “Ask The Heel” segments on Ryder’s
YouTube show revealed that he’s also vastly underutilized on the mic. In fact, he could ditch Vicki and get heat on his own if he wanted to. This guy needs to win King of the Ring, the next Money In The Bank, or just flat out win a world title before 2012 is up.
That’s all there is to it. He could easily be the Rock or Dude Love to CM Punk’s Stone Cold.

Build up the midcard, make people care what’s going on for the secondary belts (or preferably, the belt after an Intercontinental-US unification match). Stop hiding Drew McIntyre and Tyson Kidd. Repackage Ted DiBiase when he recovers from his injury.  Go ahead and break Ryback and Clay’s winning streaks so they can start having actual matches. Introduce Tyler Black, Chris Hero and Jon Moxley already. Hire Colt Cabana.  Steal away Samoa Joe and AJ Styles.

For God’s sake get some new blood in there. Because there’s only so much blood you can squeeze from a stone that’s shaped like a thirtysomething B-Boy in jean shorts.

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